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submitted by hypocriticalfatty
I'm not a catch. I'm obese with poor mental health and no job.
He isn't a catch either. He's older, divorced, bitter, and also unemployed. But he wants to have sex with me and he's tolerable. So long as we keep conversations light and away from religion/politics. Which is fine as I'm pretty sure his interest in me is purely sexual. I'm pretty sure thats where his interest in any woman would end.
I don't know what I'm asking. Should I even get into this situation at all? He calls my breasts udders and can't call my ass just my ass. It has to be my fat ass. While I enjoy some bedroom bdsm, being referred to as livestock and constantly reminded of my weight doesn't do anything for me. But I'm lonely and he's for now, not forever. I don't know.
tldr, Not attracted to him, but lonely. What to do?
all 50 comments
[–]TerribleEverything [score hidden]  (0 children)
There's lonely, and there's self-loathing.
You know the answer to this question.
[–]Qazerowl [score hidden]  (0 children)
Should I even get into this situation at all?
No.
[–]honeyimsorry [score hidden]  (0 children)
Don't have sex with someone who is mean to you.
[–]pipeuptopipedown [score hidden]  (0 children)
When you're alone and lonely, you can at least make yourself feel better. This situation is actually worse than being alone.
[–]crystycritter [score hidden]  (0 children)
I just want to give you a hug. You deserve better, and you deserve to think more highly of yourself.
[–]Flingler [score hidden]  (0 children)
Don't try to force yourself to be attracted to someone who degrades you in ways you don't enjoy. You will just end up with rock-bottom self-esteem and only blame yourself for this vile man's involvement in your life. Better to be lonely and be able to build good self-esteem than slightly less lonely (though I bet not by much) and hating yourself.
[–]trashbagman [score hidden]  (0 children)
Aw man this made me really sad. Come on girl, you're better than this. Please don't settle for someone horrible who you don't even like. You deserve someone nice. If you can't find that, well, being alone is much better than this.
[–]Beferoni [score hidden]  (0 children)
Absolutely not. Take care of yourself. Allowing people to be mean to you is not going to help you in any of the areas you said make you "not a catch". That will only make your mental health worse, which will make it harder to make healthy choices and establish a career.
[–]littlewolfgirlll [score hidden]  (0 children)
Hit the gym, work on your mental health & take steps to find a job. Absolutely don't have nasty sex because you are lonely. That's only going to make you feel worse about yourself which in turn will make all of your current issues even worse.
[–]ofthrees [score hidden]  (0 children)
I'm obese with poor mental health and no job.
plenty of people fit this description, yet find relationships where they aren't used for sex and insulted in the process.
i'd suggest working on liking yourself, and ditching this guy. i'm not going to tell you to hit the gym and start posting in r/progresspics (though that's worth a look, it's a super awesome sub) if you aren't inclined to do such a thing, but i will say that the working on yourself part is very mental, and you don't have to be a size 4, or 14, or even 24, to be worthwhile as a human being.
are you good at anything? passionate about something? if so, explore those things. grow them. respect yourself for them. are you kind to children and animals and old people? are you gracious with strangers? are you good at listening to people's problems? there are a million ways to find value in yourself and explore that value that have fuckall to do with how your body looks and whether or not you have a job. grow those things, nurture them, realize you're worth something, and when you do, you'll realize he's the one who isn't a catch here - not you.
in short, though, no, you shouldn't settle for this shit. some guy who calls you 'fat ass,' no. only mouthbreathing fucksticks use that as a term of endearment, and no one with a sense of self would view it as anything other than the belittling insult it is.
so work on yourself. mentally, not physically. do the latter too, if inclined, but the former is the important part.
[–][deleted]  (1 child)
[deleted]
    [–]crystalgerms [score hidden]  (0 children)
    You're gonna end up hating yourself (probably temporarily) if you bang this nasty old man.
    [–]AggressiveLabia [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Nope! Please dont! You will resent yourself even more if you do.
    You can't make yourself attracted to someone. If your brain, heart and genitals say no, it's a no.
    [–]Sassasian [score hidden]  (0 children)
    What to do? Please don't. Don't get into a situation where a man de-humanizes you.
    [–]BladesEyeZ [score hidden]  (0 children)
    If you have any respect left for yourself tell him to gtfo and start making small changes to improve your life
    [–]lcfparty15 [score hidden]  (0 children)
    You're still young. Start slow with some healthy habit changing, and as you start to feel better about yourself, see if you can't find a nice fella to hang out with.
    Stay away from the man you've described in this post. He's clearly toxic and it isn't worth the companionship if he talks about your body that way. It just isn't.
    [–]dump_cake [score hidden]  (0 children)
    This would be different if this guy was nice to you (IMO), but he's not ... I get that you are lonely, but this situation is terrible for your self-esteem and it's time for it to end!
    [–]elithewho [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Getting with this guy will only make you more lonely and make your self-esteem worse. It's not worth it, he's a sack of shit. Consider getting some serious therapy.
    [–]greeneyedwench [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Saddle up your nopetopus and ride into the sunset.
    [–]aeithryn [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Please do not sleep with this guy. He's extremely disrespectful. I have no doubt that you'll end up feeling worse if you do have sex with him.
    [–]BannedonRelationship [score hidden]  (0 children)
    I've heard of ending threads....this thread literally ends r/relationships.
    [–]voice_in_the_woods [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Use the time you would be spending on him and hit up a gym or workout instead. I can tell you that it will help both your physical and mental health. I'm a high-anxiety person and nothing helps more than a good workout.
    You're worth more than you're giving yourself credit for.
    [–]Cownuv [score hidden]  (0 children)
    He's 21 years older than you. That should be reason enough to stay away.
    [–]anjithegreat [score hidden]  (0 children)
    He calls my breasts udders and can't call my ass just my ass. It has to be my fat ass.
    There are reasons why we are and aren't attracted to certain people. Generally, they're good reasons. I'd pass on this asswipe.
    [–]HesAMagicMan [score hidden]  (0 children)
    This guy sounds like terrible news. You deserve better than this, even if you don't believe it right now.
    [–]kevintd [score hidden]  (0 children)
    This is rough. Cut and run. You need to spend some serious time working on yourself, not seeking validation through other peopld
    [–]whatthefrelll [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Why don't you just get yourself on fetlife or something and find someone who is into bigger girls as well as bdsm, but doesn't resort to name calling? It's not worth forcing yourself to be sexually attracted to someone who's an asshole.
    [–]anonymouse278 [score hidden]  (0 children)
    This does not sound like a better arrangement than being alone.
    [–]helendestroy [score hidden]  (0 children)
    What to do?
    Pass. To take this means there's more than loneliness going on, you'd have be really self-hating.
    [–]marinaaaa_likescats [score hidden]  (0 children)
    This sounds awful. Don't do it.
    [–]csusboy123 [score hidden]  (0 children)
    He's more than 20 years older than you...
    [–]SaintAradia [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Absolutely do not go down this path. You two are not compatible whatsoever, this will not end well. He is insulting and degrading to you, don't let anyone destroy your self-esteem like that, lonely or not!
    [–]ifuckrats [score hidden]  (0 children)
    I am sorry to hear about what you are going through. Please stay away from anyone who degrades you, he will not make things better for you, dear. You deserve better.
    [–]baltimojane [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Getting involved with him will only make you feel shittier. You know this. Don't do it. If it was gonna be a fun fling, fine. But he's going to make you feel even worse about yourself. Don't do things that make you feel bad about yourself.
    [–]Arvind_Roopun [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Never force yourself to be attracted to someone that deep down, you aren't attracted to. You will feel more sad and upset than you do now. Please respect yourself, most importantly, and find someone you really like and care about.
    [–]Altorrin [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Don't have sex with someone who makes you feel bad. Don't have sex with someone you're not attracted to. Don't have sex with someone who is "tolerable."
    [–]neverbuythesun [score hidden]  (0 children)
    If I could link images I'd send you the picture of Britney Spears wearing a T shirt that simply says "DUMP HIM" on it.
    [–]notasexpert [score hidden]  (0 children)
    A pet would provide you with more affection than this person. You deserve someone who raises you up and motivates you rather than putting you down and making you feel less than human. Don't get involved with him.
    [–]sehols [score hidden]  (0 children)
    I knew what I was going to reply just from reading your post title, never mind the content: you can't make yourself attracted to him and you'll just tie yourself up in more knots if you try. Please, lose him. I'm not going to tell you there's someone else out there for you because I know it's not as easy as that, but there has to be better for YOU than that. Someone who only has a sexual interest in you is not the cure for loneliness.
    [–]tweefilteredfungus [score hidden]  (0 children)
    He calls your breasts udders? EW no this guy is NOT worth it. You deserve better: you deserve respect.
    [–]catalogist [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Sounds like true love
    [–]risenanew [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Are you lonely enough to get into an emotionally abusive relationship with a complete jerk?
    Come on, honey. You'd have a better time with a good book and a vibrator. And if there are things you don't like about yourself, you should work to change it... not make yourself feel worse about it by getting into a relationship with a man who uses your problems and insecurities to batter you.
    If you don't live your life in a way that nourishes and uplifts you, you'll spend all of it being hurt and abused. And is that what you want for yourself?
    [–]stephiej17 [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Do you think being with this man will help your self esteem? If you have ANY doubt.. don't put yourself through this. You deserve someone who will give you love .. not a bitter dicking where he compares you to a cow.
    [–]kidvelociraptor [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Get yourself some fun sex toys, love. A Hitachi magic wand won't demean you, call you names, drip sweat on you, knock you up, or give you a disease. Please don't reward this awful man with access to your wonderful body. He needs to learn to treat people better, regardless of whether he only wants to have sex with them.
    [–]KingLi88 [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Use him for sex but not for anything else. At the same time find a mix of medication and therapist to help. Forger your weight for now, dont go overboard but you are too young to give up.
    Medication for mental issues --> a LITTLE BIT OF EXERCISE (helps mentally) --> lose weight --> get a worthwhile education (cutting hair or anything) --> be proud of yourself.
    You need to start to unravel this cycle somewhere and the problem is not with him.
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