31 years young. Raised Catholic. I really believed it for a while. Then around the 12-14ish range a lot of bad things started happening all at once. After reading the entire Cathechism of the Catholic Church, I remember thinking: "gee, that's a pretty tall order from a God who clearly doesn't give a rat's ass about me." I proceeded to experiment with alcohol and pot. And masturbation. Girls were not interested in me. They used to drag me around to malls, complaining about their boyfriends and making me hold their purses while they did it. It really doesn't get any more emasculating than that.

Slowly, my drinking became less about having a good time and more about filling some kind of hole in my chest. I turned 18, graduated, stayed at home with mom, and enrolled in the local community college. My folks split when I was 11, and my rat bastard father basically left me to have my soul devoured by 3 violently psychotic females (mom and sisters).

College didn't go well. Hangovers and weed left me with little ambition. I began to suspect I was an alcoholic. I dropped out and enrolled in a factory temp agency. One thing I can say good about myself: when I was 12, I got a paper route, and I've barely stopped working since. My work ethic is the only thing that makes me feel good about myself.

I sat down with a pen and a piece of paper several years ago, and I tried to make a list of the different places I worked my whole life. Back then, there were upwards of 60 different employers on the list. I have a difficult time getting along with others. BUT: I never went more than a week between jobs (aside from a couple jail sentences and a trip to rehab.

I eventually lost my virginity at 26. It's hard to describe how I get laid; I basically pretend to be someone I'm not, go out to the bar, and just move in on some girl. The sex did not make me happy ever. I started to realize women don't love anyone but themselves. They expect us to agree with everything they think. They can't handle a man with actual emotions, so they expect us to be robots. When they want to sound like good Oprah apostles, they pretend to want a "vulnerable emotional man," but when they encounter one in reality they become repulsed. They want us to love them, but they don't want to love us back. And I don't mean most women are like that. EVERY WOMAN IS LIKE THAT.

Fast forward to December 2015: I get in a drunken fight, end up on probation, and I had to move out of my mom's and into the homeless shelter. When this happened I was working part time, so I got another part time job. I had to walk everywhere. I started revisiting my Catholic heritage, and found that praying the Rosary seemed to recharge my batteries. I was so happy.

I stopped believing hardcore neoliberal ideology. It just stopped making sense. Angry fundamentalist Muslims DON'T have a right to blow me up as revenge for something someone else did 10 or 20 or even 40 years ago. You have to work for what you want, the world doesn't owe anyone shit. Life isn't fair most of the time, big fuckin deal. I shit you not: I was happier living in that shelter, walking to two different minimum-wage jobs, than I've ever been.

A former coworker of mine got me a job at a metal grinding shop he works at. At first it was great: we worked 50 hours a week 2nd shift with no supervisor. There were 4 of us there, and we all smoked, so we decided it was okay to smoke inside while we ran our machines. Mind you, I'm like Spongebob still: I hadn't drank in 6 months, and I was grateful for my job.

My co-workers began sabotaging my machines. They threatened to get me fired if I didn't cut back on my production numbers. They had this long list of complaints about the management, my positive attitude clearly pissed them off, and they were determined to break my spirit.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but they eventually succeeded. I still had no life outside of work, and if anyone here has worked 2nd shift, you know there's no time for a life. So, these creeps basically began to define my world. I prayed less and less until I didn't pray at all. For months I dreamt about getting a new job, but since I started drinking again, I couldn't.

Then one day I flipped them all the bird and walked off the shift. I found a new job. I used to lie in interviews, but I sat down and told the interviewer the entire disgusting truth point-blank. She was impressed with my honesty and I start there next week.

I started praying again. I haven't drank in 2 weeks now. I can basically do what I want if I put my mind to it. A gym membership will be the first order of business.

I'm staying away from women. I don't know what it's like where you guys are, but in my town, they ALL are ornery and addicted to heroin, crack, or some pill. I want to grow, I'm going to grow, and I can't do it with a human-sized tapeworm latched to me.

I'm not ashamed anymore.