I knew that HRT changes the brain as well as the body. I knew this, and feared what it might mean for my consciousness and existence, and yet stayed the course.
And it's true. The brain changes rapidly in the first six months on estrogen (or testosterone if that's your thing). Certain regions grow rapidly and others shrink. For me, transitioning to female, total brain volume decreases while density of parts increases.
For a practical and rational atheist like myself it was terrifying: will I still exist after this transition?
Who will I be?
And I can still remember looking at this subreddit a year ago, brain running on the wrong hormones, and rolling my eyes at who I perceived to be easily offended nosy drama queens (that's the polite version). I remember having so much bitter sarcasm and apathy towards the most of the world. After all, there were
actual
problems to be solved, and only a fool would waste their time worrying and crying over the delicate sensibilities of other humans.
But that was then.
And here I am now, three months into six months of rapid brain and body changes.
And I get it now.
I see this subreddit and I realize that all this fabled human progress that needs to happen, depending on your interpretation of what that entails... well, it needs to be accomplished
by humans. People who feel loved and accepted and supported by their society and world. People who are celebrated and lifted up so that they can leverage all 100% of their talent and potential towards building the wonders of the coming decades.
It all makes so much sense to me now, and in such a blissful swirl of emotion, math, destiny, and acceptance... it seems such a plain truth that hatred and intolerance isn't just poisonous to the individuals engaged and suffering from it - its cancerous to our entire global civilization.
Hatred and intolerance are the problem. Believing that someone else is invalid, even though their existence isn't directly hurting you, simply because they are what they are... that is the cancer ravaging our species and budding global super organism right now.
I now look at this subreddit and realize that not only do I agree with you, but the truth revealed by the black mirror you shine on this bile should be apparent to everyone.
Maybe the old me is gone. And if so, good riddance. Whereas that fool saw only the emptiness and cold logical heartbeat of the world, this fool sees a world filled with color, magic, happiness, and an energy that is larger than the sum of its parts.
This fool that I have become is a much better person than that creature could have ever been. And though I may lament his former ignorance at times, I must give respect where it is due.
He was the one that made the ultimate decision, and the necessary sacrifice, so that I could be brought into this world. He was the one that toiled through a dysphoric nightmare so that the world I emerged into was one where I might succeed. He was the one that believed in me when no one else ever knew I existed.
And for that, I will forever be thankful.