My apologies, this is long.

I gave birth two days ago to a baby girl. Her father and I are not together. We dated briefly, she was a surprise. I broke off the relationship for a multitude of reasons. I had hoped we could be civil for the sake of the baby, and be good co-parents, but he has made the entirety of my pregnancy and the birth of my daughter miserable.

For reference, I have two other daughters from when I was married (I am divorced.) Also, I live in Delaware.

Baby's father and I broke up about a month into my pregnancy. In the two months following the breakup, I barely heard from him. Just the occasional "baby doing ok?" He never once asked how I was.

I started seeing someone, and when baby's father found out about my new relationship, everything changed. Now he was suddenly demanding to be involved in everything pregnancy-related, wanting to make custody decisions immediately, etc. Initially, he wanted me to agree to 50/50 shared custody of the baby, starting from birth. He lived in another state, three hours away at the time. So he wanted us to meet in the middle, once a week, to trade off. I assured him that would not happen, and even spoke to a lawyer over the phone, who assured me no judge would grant him 50/50 shared custody of a newborn, especially out of state. He has since then relocated to my state.

Moving on- baby's father has gone through phases of being agreeable, but always temporarily. Anytime he's not gotten his way, he's turned hostile and vicious.

Examples:

Baby's father wanted to start calling every day to read a book to my belly over the phone. I agreed to it. He would typically text me before 7:00 am, every morning, to ask what time he could call. One morning, when my other children were at their fathers, I slept in until 10:00 am, missing his text. Because I did not answer him, I woke up to a barrage of texts about how bad I was at communicating, asking if I'd be this difficult when the baby got here, etc.

Baby's father texted me one day asking if he could stop by to "play with the baby." I told him that if by "play" he meant he wanted to poke and prod at my belly in hopes she'd respond, I said no, I'm not comfortable with that. I told him he could stop by to read a book to my belly if he wanted. While at my house, he relentlessly grabbed, groped, and drummed on my belly, even lifting my shirt up at one point. When I texted him later politely telling him he needed to wait to be invited to touch me in the future, he responded by saying things like "I shouldn't have to ask to touch my own baby" and "it's just too bad she's in your belly and not someone else's."

Baby's father has continuously insisted that he should be entitled to overnight visits from birth. I have told him repeatedly that is not feasible, as it is important to me that she be exclusively breastfed. His response was "she doesn't have to be breastfed, she could have formula or goat's milk." Baby's father is also angered at my unwillingness to use a breast pump and introduce pumped milk in a bottle immediately. I told him why I'm not comfortable with that (pumping can interfere with milk supply, bottles can cause nipple confusion, etc) and that I'm also a human being, not a prized heifer. Baby's father then sent me a link to a website where you can purchase other women's breastmilk, and says "looks like there are plenty of other women willing to be prized heifers, for the right price."

Other relevant occurrences:

Baby's father posted a "funny" anti-Mormon video on Facebook and hashtagged it with our daughter's name. When I asked why it was hashtagged with her name, he responded "gotta inoculate her against all the Mormon influences in her life." My entire family is Mormon.

Baby's father has a very large following of "friends" on social media. He was posting a lot of hateful things that were clearly directed at/about me, but was careful not to name me specifically. This led to several of his followers harassing me anonymously online.

I was hospitalized in December for pulmonary embolisms in my lungs. The cardiologist said it could have been caused by excessive stress. I told baby's father this. His response was "not my fault. Google doesn't say anything about pulmonary embolisms being caused by stress." I have since then had constant issues with my heart rate being excessively high, often in times of stress/anxiety.

On my due date, when I had not yet gone into labor, baby's father started a betting pool, open publicly to his thousands of followers on when I would go into labor. He also included my induction date, so people could pick a date before then to bet on. He never consulted me about giving thousands of strangers the opportunity to make a quick buck off the birth of our daughter. And he publicly announced to his thousands of followers when/where I'd be during a very vulnerable time. I had no choice but to change my induction date.

I have been extremely accommodating to his wishes throughout this pregnancy. I have allowed him to call to read a book to my belly over the phone almost every day. I have allowed him to be present at every OB appointment and ultrasound. I have kept him updated on everything pregnancy related. I allowed him to choose her middle name, and agreed to give her his last name, even after many people advised me to not even put him on the birth certificate. I filled out an "acknowledgement of paternity" after he hounded me relentlessly about it. I allowed him to be present at her birth.

He was terrible to me at the hospital following her birth. He watched me go through the most excruciatingly painful thing I've ever been through, and didn't even say one kind thing to me. I had to have the nurses ask him to leave the night of her birth because he was insisting on staying in the hospital. He was openly hostile to me because I wouldn't let him look through my private, medical paperwork. He and his mother were rude and nasty to my mother, who has never been anything but pleasant to them.

He showed up before 8:00 am the morning after her birth without being invited or even waiting for a text from me. I woke up to a text that said "I'm in the hall whenever you wake up. We need to start filling out the birth certificate paperwork."

His mom purchased the infant car seat I chose personally off my baby registry months ago. I was led to believe I'd be allowed to use it for the baby. Yesterday, I asked him to please bring her car seat to the hospital because they won't discharge us without a car seat. He responded "my mom bought that for me to use, not you." I had to have my mom go out this morning at the last minute to buy an infant car seat just so we could go home.

Finally, this morning, I texted him saying he could come to the hospital to see the baby, and he would need to bring the acknowledgement of paternity so we could file it along with her birth certificate paperwork, which I had already filled out. He responded that he would not sign anything until I allowed him to swab the baby's cheek for a paternity test. He said that if I refused, it didn't matter, because he'd already gone yesterday and filed a paternity suit against me. I have nothing to hide, I know without a doubt that she is his, but I feel like he planned to do this all along but didn't tell me so that I'd agree to all his demands (being present at the birth, giving her his last name, etc). He totally blindsided me with this ultimatum at the last minute. I told him I wasn't agreeing to anything until I'd spoken to someone myself. I had no choice but to file the birth certificate paperwork without his name on it. I ended up giving her my maiden name.

We just got home from the hospital, and he's texting me asking to call to talk to the baby, and he thinks he's still going to be going with us to her first pediatric appointment tomorrow. I have not answered any of his texts.

I spoke to a friend of my parents, who is a retired attorney. He recommends that I file for a PFA for psychological abuse. The nurses on staff today all agreed.

I know his paternity suit is going to go through, and she'll be tested, which is fine. I know she is his. He says that he knows she's his too, but that his parents are insisting he get one, and that "everyone he's spoken to in the last six months has said the same thing."

I was going to commit to 3 hour visits, 3 times a week in my home with him before all this. Now I am at the point where I don't feel comfortable around him, and don't want my daughters around him. I do not trust him or his ability to parent. I do not trust him to ever put her needs before his own ego.

What should I do now? What is my next step? I am so overwhelmed. (Not to mention, in excruciating pain from labor/delivery still!) Should I go ahead with the PFA? Do I have a leg to stand on? At what point should I file for custody? What are my options? Please help me.

TL;DR: My newborn baby's father has been emotionally abusive toward me throughout my pregnancy. I have tried to play nice and include him in my life/her birth, but he's become unbearable. Should I file for a PFA? What should my next step be for obtaining/ensuring custody of our daughter?