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This guy is the hero we deserve (i.redd.it)

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[–]DisneyBounder 251 ポイント252 ポイント  (6子コメント)

No applause from the whole cinema? No $100% gift card from the manager??

[–]OriginRobot 64 ポイント65 ポイント  (2子コメント)

The asshole's name? Albert Einstein.

[–]Cheese_Burger_Slayer 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Assbert Holestein

[–]__Lucht 31 ポイント32 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The Albert Einstein's name? Albert Einstein.

[–]the_dayman 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

He went to the manager to complain, the manager said "well I guess you shouldn't have been talking" and he threw him and his friends out. He then handed me a year's free pass for movies and whispered "people like you are why I wanted to own a theater". Everyone inside heard and applauded.

[–]karensellscoke 76 ポイント77 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Damn he must have gotten the extra large Icee

Edit : Sorry, ICCEE

[–]Dinadan_The_Humorist 90 ポイント91 ポイント  (5子コメント)

"Do you think the car could still drive after that?" the idiot hisses. "I mean, that's a hell of a lot of bullets."

We're halfway through the movie, and this creep has yet to shut his damn mouth. I'm enveloped by a constant susurrus of perceived plot holes and nitpicking coming from the row behind me -- can't you just enjoy the movie?

One of his companions whispers something back. I can't quite make it out, but it's definitely dumb.

I try to turn my attention back to the screen, where Wolverine's stabbing some prick in the gut. As I watch the blood slowly spread across the prick's shirt, I have an idea. I leave my seat as stealthily as I can -- taking care not to disturb the other patrons, because I'm not a mouthbreathing troglodyte -- and make my way to the concession stand.

An hour later, the theater door opens. People start filing out, doubtless unsatisfied by the deeply marred screening they just experienced. It doesn't matter. The moment of their vengeance -- and mine -- fast approaches.

I'm getting some weird looks, hunched just inside the bathroom, but that doesn't matter either. They don't understand. I am lying in wait, ready to ambush my prey, just like Wolverine.

As I'm thinking that, I hear a familiar voice. "Yeah, I felt like we got faked out, villain-wise," it says pedantically. "Like you thought Lefty was gonna be the big bad, but then he fades out and the bad guy is... Roid-Rage Wolverine? Kind of disappointing."

Ha! I see him and his cretinous friends walk through the door. His stupid white shirt shines like a beacon, inviting me to do as honor demands. I step forth from the bathroom, and throw back my trench coat. I reach into the pocket and grab my weapon of choice.

WHAM! Blueberry ICEE, right to the face! The creep stops, stunned, but I press my advantage. WHAM! Second blueberry ICEE, all over the shirt! WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! His dumbass friends getting the same treatment! Take that!

I unload ICEE after purpose-bought ICEE, for what seems like an eternity. There is shouting, there is confusion, there is glorious purple refreshment all over the goddamn theater-whisperers.

Strong hands clamp down on my arms, and I feel myself being dragged away from my defeated foes. I struggle, trying to reach the last of the eleven ICEEs in my coat, but in the melee it drops out of my pocket and splatters on the floor. I spit on it as I am dragged away by security.

"LONG LIVE LOGAN!" I scream, trying to shake my fist in the security guard's grip. "LONG LIVE LIBERTY!"

I know I may be banned from the theater for this... but frankly, the look on that nerd's ugly, now-purple face makes everything worth it.

[–]JohnCenaLunchbox 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Where's your fucking -spoiler- tag ffs???

/s

[–]JaimeL_ 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ikr, I didn't know we all got an idiot at the cinema! No point in going now

[–]Dinadan_The_Humorist 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't shoot the messenger! Take it up with the asshole theater-talker; he's the one with the spoilers.

[–]PrestonHuxley 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Great job man, keep doing what youre doing.

[–]BaronWombat 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You had my upvote at "Dinadan"... have never seen that name used anywhere outside little known Arthurian stories. Also great novelization of the theatre story. Two thumbs up!

[–]herecomedatboiohshit 19 ポイント20 ポイント  (2子コメント)

This can't be accurate since there are no blueberry ICEE's, just blue raspberry. Checkmate.

[–]shitfacedbaboon 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Can't tell if Halo or Crysis.

[–]QueenCharla 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I thought it was a robotic Mr. T at first.

[–]BurningTongues 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Damn, I thought surely I would be the only person who saw that as Mr. T.

[–]-Badger2- 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I liked when the MJOLNIR armour actually looked like it could be military hardware instead of Power Ranger suits.

[–]GingerNut93 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well everybody knows that the best way to deal with someone talking during a movie is to create and even bigger disruption

[–]Atlas001 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (3子コメント)

i think Halo is a pretty cool guy, Eh trows blueberries and doesn't afraid of anything

[–]TheSexualBrotatoChip 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Now that's a meme blast from the past

[–]Atlas001 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Vintage memes are the best.

[–]Mooseyxhmx 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

SOISOISOISOISOISOI

[–]Chanana_ 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well, people talking in a movie theater is frustrating, but throwing a drink on someone is assault. This isn't exactly being a hero....

[–]call_colorize 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

but throwing a drink on someone is assault

*Battery

[–]Ansatsushya 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

on his face ... stupid white shirt and ... his friends.

How many icees did OP have?

[–]trexroarroar 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Hey man, don't take it out on the shirt. It didn't do anything.

[–]Phinster1965 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yeah - and do we have to insult the shirts intelligence? Maybe it was just having a bad day.

[–]positivelyskewed 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Good on him for conserving ICCEE to make sure everyone got some.

[–]DisneyBounder 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I'm curious about whether he waited till the end of the movie to throw his ICEE and if so a) did he bother to ask the guy to be quiet earlier and b) how was it not completely melted by the end? And how was there any left? Did he just cling on to it waiting for the right moment?

[–]positivelyskewed 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Even with a full ICCEE how was there enough to spread it in all of those people?

[–]howdjadoo 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yep. 2 hours and 21 minutes of letting the ICCEE melt into a sticky sweet blueberry liquid. Better spray that way.

[–]RockinMadRiot 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Am I the only one disappointed that he didn't add a good ending line that is really cringe but he thinks is cool? Something like "That's not cool guys" and he goes "Well you guys are cool now" While he walks off with all the ladies in the cinema following him and Hugh Jackman sends him a tweet telling him to "Fight the power"

[–]sizzletron 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

They act as though this could happen without getting punched in the face.

[–]Devon302 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Either punched in the face or banned from the theater. Or both.

[–]Beowulf891 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Looks like this guy conveniently left out the part where he got his ass kicked for being an asshole.

[–]jspliff1 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's a lot of icee to throw around

[–]artemasad 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Knowing assholes, I think this is one of a more realistic thatHappened story.

[–]FlyestFools 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Some idiot threw a blueberry ICCEE on me and my friends during Logan, damn I don't even know why my commentary was way better than the actual movie....

[–]DustyDGAF 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

REEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! NORMIE GET OUUUUUT!

[–]Trinkets-Baubles -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't know. This is totally possible. When I was 14, some girl was being mean to my friends during a movie (sitting in front of us) so we started throwing candy at her. She got up to dump her soda on us, but I ended up slapping the cup upwards out of her hand towards her face. Uh, we booked ass out of there.