This week, a very serious story happened in the news. It was that Linwood “Woody” Kaine, son of senator and former veep candidate Tim Kaine, got in big trouble for fucking up a Trump rally, so much that he got arrested on “suspicion of second-degree riot”! UH OH:
It took three cops and a chemical spray to subdue the youngest son of U.S. Sen. Tim Kaine, former presidential candidate Hillary Clinton’s 2016 running mate, Saturday after he was identified as one of the counterprotesters who allegedly used fireworks to disrupt a rally in support of President Donald Trump at the Minnesota State Capitol.
He resisted arrest! He went to jail! They released him! Without charges!
We don’t know why he wasn’t charged, and we don’t care, because this post is not about that. It is about how none of the supposedly “serious” journalism outfits, including the Pioneer Press we linked to above, mentioned the most crucial plot point in the story, which is that Tim Kaine’s son Woody is SMOKIN’ HOT.
We tried to search Bing to find out if Woody does porn — because “Woody Kaine”? REALLY? How is that not a porn name anyway? — and all we found is that he lives in Minnesota, he went to Carleton College, and he keeps a “low profile,” probably because if he raised his profile, he would BLIND PEOPLE WITH HIS SEXINESS. Oh and he takes a bunch of pictures and posts them on his Flickr. And maybe he studied film in college. (Of COURSE he did. He’s probably a bass player in his spare time too, when he’s not making films or fuckin’ shit up at the Trump rally.)
Oh well. LET THIS BE A LESSON for all people out there who think they “do journalism,” just because they “work at a newspaper” or “are Rachel Maddow” or something, that if you neglect to point out when the arrested son of a sitting senator is eminently bone-able, you have committed malpractice and are deserving of any side-eye Wonkette throws at you.
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