I won't bore you with my past but I have been taking prozac, anti anxiety meds. I have invested a lot in my friendships but people walk all over me. Example- I helped my friend for 5 hours before an exam and when I asked for help as I had missed a semester, he said sorry I had used up all the help. I haven't asked for any of his help before this anyways. I have burn marks all over my hand from a time I was suicidal which doesn't help. My gf left me too and befriended all my best friends and invites them for parties to which I am never invited.

I read trp everyday, go for a jog in the morning as soon as I wake up, exercise and lift a bit to feel confident about myself and then go to class. I literally have the lowest self confidence in a guy you have ever seen and this has been the case for some years now. When I go to class, I feel awkward around my friends as they ignore me and never take mr seriously. Dejected, I come back home, smoke 10 cigarettes, feel sorry for myself, overeat and sleep. I literally look at other people and can't help but feel that people are being repulsed by me and my looks hence I try to hide my face and never be in the limelight. I have zero true friends at 21 and whenever I message them I am always put down unless I am ready to drink with them and party. My dad who is funding my education has been repressed by his dad who used to mentally abuse me as well. My mom has never let me stand up for myself and has asked me to say sorry instead of fighting the bullies at school.

Even I'm group projects when I have good ideas up my sleeve, girls don't pay any attention to my ideas and act as if I'm a beggar. I dress fine, save and buy my clothing from Ralph Lauren, smell good, have great personal hygiene. I am also lean and fit though not muscular but I'm just tired of it all. I am trying to give uni my best shot but have been lagging behind due to the first year as I was drinking alcohol everyday. Now, I don't drink anymore. I don't think I'm carved out to do anything in life. I'm just a pathetic loser and my parents don't understand it. They have forced me into one of the best unis in econ in the world and say that if I can't graduate, they will disown me and live in a monastery. I am really depressed too. Due to the fact that I am from a shittyy country, I just can't take up physical jobs as they won't be respected and I wouldn't even be able to lI've above the poverty line.