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I'm a trans active-duty military member, whose request to move to female appearance standards has been denied at the highest levels. And I'm about to refuse a direct order to cut my hair. This is really scary but it needs to be done. (self.lgbt)

encryptedcharms が 14時間前 * 投稿

I have been begging for hormones since November when I came out, and even though my transition plan was approved in December, it took months and months of fighting and waiting to get an 'official' endo appointment - which still won't happen until April.

So I have been on DIY hormones for three months, and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm sorry the Air Force wasn't able to meet my medical needs in a timely fashion, but I don't think I would be in a good place right now if I wasn't on hormones.

Instead, in my early transition I have been happier than I have ever been in my life, feeling emotions and having adventures that I never thought were possible. Except one problem.

The Air Force still doesn't officially recognize me as female, and not only that: refuses to let me move to female dress and appearance standards.

I followed all the rules. I did what I was supposed to do. My request was approved by every doctor and commander in the chain (https://i.imgur.com/QKbczUT.jpg).... but a single person at the Pentagon apparently reviewed the case and decided that I didn't qualify. In his words "such an exception was a late transition tool for people whose desired gender characteristics have become too noticeable to hide." 😦

So the Air Force's and Department of Defense's judgement was that I had to keep a super short male haircut, unpierced ears, and remain in male uniforms for nearly the entire duration of my transition.

A month ago when my command ordered me to cut my hair, I cried on my floor for nearly a full day. I've never faced anything so painful before. It wasn't just about my hair - they were denying something so crucial to my being.... it was some of the worst emotional pain I've ever been in.

I have been at normal female levels for months! I have tiny developing breasts! I do not feel or think like a man in any way at this point but still I must pretend to be a man..... why? What practical purpose does it serve the military other than to make bigoted old men more comfortable with the fact that I'm trans.... as if I need to be 'pretty enough' for their tastes before I can actually look feminine?

No.

No more! I'm not going to take this anymore.

I just got ordered again to cut my hair, as it's gotten too long for their tastes, and I'm not going to do it. I don't care what they do to me - this has to stop.

The source of my distress is not that I am trans - I am happier and love myself more than I ever have before. The source of my pain and turmoil is insane resistance and transphobia exactly like these policies right here. Everyone in my life is begging me to please just stay quiet and cut my hair, and please not stir up trouble.... 😑. But I can't do that anymore.

I'm not going to lay down and take it anymore. I am a woman. I don't need someone at the Pentagon to dictate or make a judgement on that. And I refuse to recognize their authority to regulate my gender any longer.

I'm have the ACLU intake number and am gonna try to call them tomorrow morning, but I don't know what else to do. I'm really scared right now, crying my eyes out, and I know my military career is about to probably be totally wrecked, but I don't care anymore. This absurd and offensive nonsense had to stop. I'm going to fight this with everything I got, even if it's the last thing I do as a member of the military.

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トップ新着論争中古い順 Q&A

[–]encryptedcharms[S] 20 ポイント21 ポイント22 ポイント 14時間前 (3子コメント)

[–]pinkchips 14 ポイント15 ポイント16 ポイント 14時間前 (0子コメント)

[–]americanpegasus[🍰] 9 ポイント10 ポイント11 ポイント 14時間前 (0子コメント)

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[–]JoJoRumblesUpvotes because they're free and plentiful. 39 ポイント40 ポイント41 ポイント 13時間前 (48子コメント)

[–]encryptedcharms[S] -2 ポイント-1 ポイント0 ポイント 13時間前 (47子コメント)

The order is a direct violation of my civil rights. I refuse to obey it, and laying down and taking it isn't on the menu.

I refuse to let someone at the Pentagon who has never met me decide my gender any longer.

(http://www.counterpunch.org/2003/02/27/a-duty-to-disobey-all-unlawful-orders/).

The Uniform Code of Military Justice (UCMJ) 809.ART.90 (20), makes it clear that military personnel need to obey the “lawful command of his superior officer,” 891.ART.91 (2), the “lawful order of a warrant officer”, 892.ART.92 (1) the “lawful general order”, 892.ART.92 (2) “lawful order”. In each case, military personnel have an obligation and a duty to only obey Lawful orders and indeed have an obligation to disobey Unlawful orders, including orders by the president that do not comply with the UCMJ. The moral and legal obligation is to the U.S. Constitution and not to those who would issue unlawful orders, especially if those orders are in direct violation of the Constitution and the UCMJ.

[–]JoJoRumblesUpvotes because they're free and plentiful. 44 ポイント45 ポイント46 ポイント 13時間前 (45子コメント)

[+]encryptedcharms[S] スコアが基準値未満のコメント-10 ポイント-9 ポイント-8 ポイント 13時間前 (44子コメント)

[–]isodeslk 27 ポイント28 ポイント29 ポイント 11時間前 (30子コメント)

I'm sure there were people back in Rosa Parks day who wanted her to not rile up trouble too

Rosa Parks was a civilian. Things work very differently for those in the service, and you are going to be required to follow their protocols even if you disagree with them.

What they're trying to tell you with their response is that their system allows you to switch only after you have transitioned nearly-completely. You've just started out, and per their system, that means you're not at the right point along in the process for them to let you switch.

I am not saying this to beat up on you here, I am trying to give you some insight on what their logic is so you can try to use it to your advantage. If I were you, I would look into whether they would consider breast implants to fullfill the requirement they have told you that you need to meet:

whose desired gender characteristics have become too noticeable to hide

It sounds like if you had DDs they would be too noticeable to hide.

Right now, you haven't reached that point as far as their pencil pushers are concerned. A few months HRT + a shaved head + the male uniform, very few (if any) people will know from a casual glance at you that you're trans. They want there to be a completely dead giveaway change to your body first.

[+]encryptedcharms[S] スコアが基準値未満のコメント-6 ポイント-5 ポイント-4 ポイント 11時間前 (29子コメント)

[–]isodeslk 21 ポイント22 ポイント23 ポイント 11時間前 (25子コメント)

[–]encryptedcharms[S] 10 ポイント11 ポイント12 ポイント 11時間前 (24子コメント)

[–]isodeslk 11 ポイント12 ポイント13 ポイント 10時間前 (23子コメント)

Okay, I was just using breast implants as an example because it would be the most obvious thing you wouldn't be able to hide as a MtF (for a FtM a full beard would probably meet their criteria).

What about an orchi? FFS? Is there anything you were thinking of having done anyway?

With the way their policy is worded, I get the impression that what they mean here is that their policy was crafted to deal with trans people who would look like they were in the wrong-sex's uniform if they were put in a uniform that coincides with their birth-sex.

Unfortunately, with MtFs most of the non-surgical changes that HRT accomplishes are SUBTLE (unlike with FtMs which is a whole other ball game). So from the sound of it the only way you're going to meet compliance is if you have part of your body visibly modified via surgery.

I transitioned in 2nd grade and have been on HRT as a teenager, I know I probably would have a hard time passing if someone shaved my hair off and threw me in a male military uniform, so I understand where you're coming from here. Just trying to give you some more options besides being thrown in prison (which is a very real risk for you here if you follow through in what you are saying you want to do).

[–]encryptedcharms[S] 9 ポイント10 ポイント11 ポイント 10時間前 (16子コメント)

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[–]Katket 2 ポイント3 ポイント4 ポイント 4時間前 (5子コメント)

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[–]Eskelsar 1 ポイント2 ポイント3 ポイント 2時間前* (1子コメント)

Pre-everything, not-even-out trans woman here.

You need to learn when to fight your battles and when to collect information and not reveal what you know. This is not a matter of morality or even your own integrity; it's a matter of the best possible situation for you given the circumstances.

You speak of Rosa Parks. Do you realize how many others did the same thing she did and died for it? You are one person and you too must face the statistics. There is a measure of silence and an ability to judge when a situation warrants a fight that must be struck for your ultimate benefit.

I agree with you that you ought to be able to transfer as you please in conjunction with your identity. But we both need to recognize a system that is large and powerful when we see one. Do you know why I'll never join the military? Because I'm trans. You have the option to pursue your fight and get discharged and I'm sure you understand those consequences more than I do. But if you're out, you can go ahead and transition at your pace.

For now, you cannot attempt to be a Rosa Parks and become angry at everyone who asks that you be realistic about your chances with the particular fight that you've chosen. Do not misconstrue people trying to help you by asking you to consider your safety and security with people trying to tell you that you're not a woman.

No one is telling you that you're not a woman. That would indeed be offensive, but that's not what's being said. What you are being told is to weigh the consequences of waiting until you physically become measurably different-looking on a general glance from the male troops versus creating a bold statement now and losing what you've built with the military. No one is trying to offend you. No one here giving you advice is doing anything but trying to help you.

EDIT: Went all the way down the comment chain and regretted having posted this comment but I'll leave it. There ultimately ought to be more fighting, otherwise we'll never be ultimately equal. I understand that. I just don't want to see someone lose something that they might need, and it's easy for me to say it because I'm not in a situation where I have any barriers like that to transition.

[–]encryptedcharms[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント3 ポイント 2時間前 (0子コメント)

[–]tangesq 7 ポイント8 ポイント9 ポイント 5時間前* (0子コメント)

Rosa Parks and many other historical figures that were part of landmark Civil Rights Movement cases were generally trained by civil rights groups and lawyers to engage in proper civil disobedience and sometimes hand-picked to become plaintiffs. These lawsuits were not haphazard and reactionary, but planned to challenge laws and policies as part of an overarching strategy to set up specific legal precedents that would build on one another using the best circumstances, fact patterns, sympathetic plaintiffs, and opportunities that could be found or designed. (Actually, after a setback in Parks's case, the NAACP shifted gears to a civil case in federal court with a different set of plaintiffs, which is why the case that overturned the Alabama and Montgomery bus segregation laws is Browder v Gayle, and not State v Parks.) Notable here, Rosa Parks lost her job for getting arrested defying the law.

If you want civil disobedience to be meaningful and actually possibly lead to change, you should be talking to lawyers before you disobey, not after. Also, I would recommend calling SLDN first, rather than ACLU, since this is military. (Outside of military, I'd also call TLC, NCLR and GLAD before ACLU for trans specific issues.)

You're hurting and angry, which is understandable and natural. But a lot of people on here are taking the time to give you advice that they believe is in your best interest. Getting yourself disciplined or court marshalled without legal advice beforehand leaves you with a high chance of not getting to serve as female presenting, not successfully changing the system for those who come after you, and possibly at great personal cost.

Edit to add: (I'm aware military is a very different context than civil with respect to law and policy, but just working off the Rosa Parks point. Having fewer rights as military makes it all the more important to get competent legal advice first.)

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"There's so many transgender people in the military who are hiding and hurting exactly because of bullshit like this.". Who are these other people and what are they going to do about this? You as a single "victim" means nothing to the military. If you want to enact change, find those other people and help mobilize them for this cause. You will get destroyed by red tape and legalese if you go at this on your own. You also need to market your yourself as a "compassionate victim". One that garners emotion from anyone who hears this story in your favor. By going AWOL, or refusing to cut your hair in protest, you are coming off as a troublemaker, which is playing into their narrative against you.

"A stand must be taken.". True. Do it using the proper channels though. It might take longer for your to prevail, but it's a lasting win if the culture of the military shifts in your direction, rather than against it because of obstinate emotional denial.

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[–]desueht[🍰] -1 ポイント0 ポイント1 ポイント 2時間前 (0子コメント)

Maybe try being in her shoes before telling her to "just cut your hair...it's pretty insignificant." Your hair may seem insignificant to you and your gender expression (although I'd like to bet you would feel differently if you were in her situation), but to OP it seems like a huge source of dysphoria. A quick look through your comment history tells me you're a cis bi man, as am I. These are things we are privileged to not experience, we will never feel dysphoria like trans people do.

As members of the lgbtqia+ community, we need to be supportive of our trans members, and telling them "this is pretty insignificant" is the opposite of being supportive.

Whatever OP decides to do, and however she decides to go about fighting this*, we need to be supportive and united. Especially those of us who are cis.

Offering legal advice is different from telling her this isn't worth the fight, and just because this isn't a problem for some of us, doesn't mean it's not a problem for OP and others in the trans community.

*obviously within reason, as in, without hurting innocent people, etc etc.

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