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I am a trans Air Force member and I think I'm about to have to refuse an order to cut my hair. My request to move to female standards was denied at the highest levels, and I'm out of options. (self.AirForce)

encryptedcharms が 投稿

I have been begging for hormones since November when I came out, and even though my transition plan was approved in December, it took months and months of fighting and waiting to get an 'official' endo appointment - which still won't happen until April.

So I have been on DIY hormones for three months, and I'm not ashamed of that. I'm sorry the Air Force wasn't able to meet my medical needs in a timely fashion, but I don't think I would be in a good place right now if I wasn't on hormones.

Instead, in my early transition I have been happier than I have ever been in my life, feeling emotions and having adventures that I never thought were possible. I am smarter, more capable, and a better leader than I have ever been before. Except one problem.

The Air Force still doesn't officially recognize me as female, and not only that: refuses to let me move to female dress and appearance standards.

I followed all the rules. I did what I was supposed to do. My request was approved by every doctor and commander in the chain.... but a single person at the Pentagon apparently reviewed the case and decided that I didn't qualify. In his words "such an exception was a late transition tool for people whose desired gender characteristics have become too noticeable to hide." 😦

So the Air Force's and Department of Defense's judgement was that I had to keep a super short male haircut, unpierced ears, and remain in male uniforms for nearly the entire duration of my transition.

A month ago when my command ordered me to cut my hair, I cried on my floor for nearly a full day. I've never faced anything so painful before. It wasn't just about my hair - they were denying something so crucial to my being.... it was some of the worst emotional pain I've ever been in.

I have been at normal female hormone levels for months! I have developing breasts! I do not feel or think like a man in any way at this point but still I must pretend to be a man..... why? What practical purpose does it serve the military other than to make bigoted old men more comfortable with the fact that I'm trans.... as if I need to be 'pretty enough' for their tastes before I can actually look feminine?

No.

No more! I'm not going to take this anymore.

I just got ordered again to cut my hair, as it's gotten too long to qualify as male regs, and I'm not going to do it. I don't care what they do to me - this has to stop.

The source of my distress is not that I am trans - I am happier and love myself more than I ever have before. The source of my pain and turmoil is insane resistance and transphobia exactly like these policies right here. Everyone in my life is begging me to please just stay quiet and cut my hair, and please not stir up trouble.... 😑. But I can't do that anymore.

I'm not going to lay down and take it anymore. I am a woman. I don't need someone at the Pentagon to dictate or make a judgement on that. And I refuse to recognize their authority to regulate my gender any longer.

I'm have the ACLU intake number and am gonna try to call them tomorrow morning, but I don't know what else to do. I'm really scared right now, crying my eyes out, and I know my military career is about to probably be totally wrecked, but I don't care anymore. This absurd and offensive nonsense had to stop. I'm going to fight this with everything I got, even if it's the last thing I do as a member of the military.

How much paperwork and government approval does a lesbian or gay service member need to fill out in order to be their true selves? That's how much paperwork a trans person should be required to fill out.

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[–]CommonSenseAF 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The Air Force doesn't work for you...

[–]Darmstadter 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I'll preface this by saying this is 100% non-judgemental of your transitioning status.

How do you plan on furthering your transition if/when the AF kicks out? Right now the AF is paying for everything right?

I empathize that you're emotional over this, but the end result of you choosing to die on this hill (haircut) will result in you being unemployed and medically uninsured. Transitions are incredibly expensive so if you can afford to continue it without Tricare then fight this fight. If not, you're really risking a lot for a fight that I think even you will admit you have a comical chance of winning.

For the sake of your health, I would get the haircut and adhere to standards until an appeal is squared away. But this is my opinion from the outside looking in with no real grasp on the emotional toll it's taking on you. Good luck.

[–]icemanabkActive Duty 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (8子コメント)

So, dose of reality.

Ok, you claim about.. a 1/3rd of the way into it you followed all the rules, this is after you said you didn't do your endo which is in April (month out), and you been DIY with hormones, which I'm guessing meaning, no guidance from a medical professional.

The Pentagon told you that female standards were a "late transition tool", meaning, they have a guideline of at what point you can do what, and since you haven't been to this endo appointment and on paper to the air force administered the hormones, you've pretty much jumped the gun and they do not officially recognize your progress, therefor, tot he pentagon it probably came up as "Amn whateveryournameis who hasn't been to any treatment yet, wants to do female standards". So I can totally understand why they told you no, because "You DID NOT follow the rules.

Your insubordination is showing from the beginning that you seem to think you can pretty much do as you please in the military, and if anyone raises question, you'll run to the ACLU or another group and put out a sob story about how you were wronged. Sorry to tell you, that you basically did this to yourself by not following the process, which, yes, will take a while, especially since it's military medical. We got Airmen missing arms and legs that are in years of recovery and patiently waiting for just their physical scars to be healed, let alone a lifetime of mental circus they're dealing with. You complain about a few months, to get medical which costs next to nothing?

Seriously, unfuck yourself, cut your hair, go to your endo, OFFICALLY get on hormones, follow the steps, get approval to do female standards, move on with your life.

[–]Stankycakes 33 ポイント34 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Nothing left to do but man up, I guess.

[–]IXBojanglesII 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I dunno, you signed the dotted line like the rest of us. Someone up the chain saw fit to say no, the reason doesn't matter.

You going on DIY hormones and expecting to force the AF's hand doesn't change the answer in any way. If you don't cut it just know they're going to charge you. Don't expect anyone to be on your side.

For the record, my super is trans, and idgaf. You do you, dude.

[–]Not_A_GreenhouseReserves awaiting training 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. Is your hair worth fighting for? If yes. Then do it. But there will be consequences... Hopefully you can be who you want to be someday

Good luck.

[–]islaminmyintel 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Have you tried mental health?

[–]lowspeedlowdrag 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (7子コメント)

So wait, you're on hormones when you aren't supposed to be, and that has forced a physical transition, and because of that physical transition that wasn't supposed to happen you want to be in female standards?

I feel for your situation, but it sounds a lot like you aren't playing by the accepted rules here. It's the military, there's a process. You didn't respect that process and are now demanding that the military respect your initiative? Do you see the disconnect there?

[–]Mr_BOOOMPretty Darn Good Morale 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

That's a moot point. You signed the dotted line. You joined the military and you HAVE to adhere to its standards or you will be removed. No one forced you to join so you can't expect the military to bend to your will when you see fit.

[–]lowspeedlowdrag 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think you replied to the wrong comment.

[–]AlethilMechanical Surgeon 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You got two options. You either deny a lawful order and get charged accordingly. Article 92 I think. And go through the motions of possibly losing a stripe and basically being fucked.

Or you cut your hair and keep fighting for your transitioning status.

[–]IEDestroyer 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Although I find this very aggravating that this is even a thing, what you do with your body is up to you without judgment. I'll leave my personal opinions out of this. The experience I can share, is standards put forth on transgender Airmen for the PT test (an example of standards). It depends on what's in DEERS. If it says you're male, regardless what you classify yourself as, you will at all times adhere to the male standards. If it says female, then obviously the female standards.

[–]Twitchingeagle 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (3子コメント)

If trans (cough Gender Dysphoria) wasn't a documented mental illness then maybe they wouldn't have such a problem with it. You also knew going in that there would be rules. The military loves rules, there are a lot of them, the good ol' UCMJ doesn't care about your feelings.

[–]encryptedcharms[S] -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

It isn't a mental illness. Go read and educate yourself a bit. I am a valid person, just as valid as you.

And who, pray, approved you to be you?

[–]Twitchingeagle 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (1子コメント)

You're the one looking for approval, I'm happy with myself the way I am. Go see mental health if you don't believe me, ask them about gender dysphoria.

[–]encryptedcharms[S] -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You should go see mental health and ask them about being an ignorant asshole.

[–]JQPsWeatherGuyMake Air Force Weather Great Again 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (5子コメント)

I'm sure the ensuing discussion will be nothing other than level-headed and respectful.

Especially if this post gets linked to Facebook.

[–]Cyber_SargeI was in cyber, before it was cool. 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I may catch a bit of heat for saying this, but disobeying a direct order that would put you into good standing with regulations pretty much says to me that you're not a good fit with the military. Taking away the emotional aspects of your post, and applying your rationale more broadly, you can see that you're going to fight a losing fight.

Instead of having the correct amount of patience to allow the system that you don't have to pay into work for you, you're crying out in a Reddit thread about something you are forced to do. That's life. Does everyone deploying want to get shot at? Get Anthrax boosters? Drag 30, 60, 90 pounds of gear on their backs?

Honestly, you're being a bit petulant and childish over something that only revolves around you and yours, and doesn't really serve anything higher than that. When you're in the military, you sacrifice, and in this case, a little bit of time and hair is all that's being requested of you, April is only a few weeks away.

[–]jerkstore1973 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Show up at your next blues insp in full women's service dress. And please post pics. I've been waiting for this to happen.

[–]fo13Secret Squirrel 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

*How much paperwork and government approval does a lesbian or gay service member need to fill out in order to be their true selves?

Not much, as they are still being identified by their sex of birth. Nothing changed, except Bob likes Steve. This is forcing a legal change of sexual identity, which has been established for well on 18+ years. There are hundreds of systems and databases that will have to be amended, and hate to say this, you will be referred to as a man for a long time after things have changed. Paper records do not update as fast.

As for the regs, you has to follow them. The ACLU may take your case, but there has also be rulings that give precedent. You need to looking into that, before jumping the gun. There are thresholds that have to be met, and judging from your writing, you have not met those.

Also, did you start the formal process for reclassification before you started? Did you have the approval? Did you attend the mandatory course that explained everything in great detail?

Hope you find your answer before UCMJ procedures start.

[–]Anders1 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

After reading your responses to the other posts, even ones giving you very decent advice, I think you should fight it, lose, and get out. You'll be a martyr to the cause, but I don't think you're very fit for the military lifestyle based on the short amount of words I've been able to read here.

The thing is, people are right, this is NOT a life threatening condition no matter how you twist it. I understand the fact that you've been hiding it. I understand that you're uncomfortable and that you want that to change. The military is SLOW, as proven time and time again, when it comes to non life threatening conditions. I had a hernia in the desert and was told to wait it out. I've been directed to see a neurologist within 24 hours due to the high possibility of a stroke (which it wasn't, but I was fucked up and it wasn't getting better) and the clinic told me to wait up to 2 and a half weeks to get seen. (Group commander stomped that.. but you see my point).

Sometimes, the military isn't well equipped to deal with something, and sometimes they aren't well equipped to deal with something YET. You have two options here. You stay in. You cut your hair, hell, style your hair to where you're pushing every millimeter of that hair and regs to where you find yourself attractive, and you further push the issues at hand to help both yourself and fellow airmen.

Or you fight this tooth and nail by treating your fellow airmen regardless of how they have treated you in a disrespectful manner. You gain absolutely no ground and actually DAMAGE your cause by proving that you can't have a civil argument without assuming everyone is a bigot or against you. 90% of these people have lost to the Air Force, and are simply saying "maybe you should play the game until a later date". That answer sucks, but it is often the best way to get what you want through INFLUENCE, not DEMAND. We've all tried and lost with that method.

Not only that, you HAVE what you wanted. You have the treatment within your grasp. You're upset it's not happening FAST ENOUGH and that is where we till you you're fighting a losing battle. The military is going to be slow but you already have a date ahead of you. I assume it's paid for as well. Your goal is right in front of you, and you're complaining about time.

All in all, I think you should truly think about your actions and methodology of how you're going about this. If you think this is something you want to do. If you want to continue being the better person, a smarter, more capable leader, then play the Air Force game and influence what you can. Get your treatment and continue helping airmen like you. If not, then just get out.

Either way, good luck with your decision. I hope everything works out for you in your future.

[–]Nido_the_King 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Where's the $3.50???

[–]AdminSnuffy 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I am here for you! You are a woman and you should be allowed to comply with female standards. That being said it is a "late stage" process. So please don't give up hope, you will get there. It's just a few more haircuts until you can let your hair be down. If you need to talk PM me.

[–]drmundojrI love AETC 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Man I came here for the 3.50

[–]cebel3Rad Guy 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What is funny is that OP has won the war but is complaining about the fight(time). The Air Force has already said that you won and gave you a guide line on what to do, it's not complicated. Do what the rest of us are doing and wait your turn. Yeah it sucks you have to cut your hair/ do pt/ and buy everything in accordance with the male standards now but you are the one who decided to go around the system and start early. Now you'll just have to wait what feels like longer because you have already been taking hormones before you were supposed to. I don't normally agree with checking boxes but come on this is literally your life and you are fighting over and you have WON, get over yourself and wait for your cake.

[–]Mr_BOOOMPretty Darn Good Morale 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Fuck. I did.

[–]adkljhsdiuahdsuabd 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Gross

[–]Bluesuiter2A3X3 Crew Chief 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Is DIY hormones even allowed?