In what many members of the media are describing as the turning point in his presidency, Donald Trump ate five brussels sprouts last night at dinner and only threatened to set everything on fire twice.

“Incredible. He just became the President of the United States,” said CNN’s Van Jones. “The courage, the fortitude it took to eat those five brussels sprouts even though he said they were yucky…I’ve truly never seen anything like it.”

Trump didn’t eat all his brussels sprouts, but he did eat a few of them and that’s good enough.


“What President Trump just showed everyone is that he is a big boy who will eat his vegetables once a month as long as everybody stands and claps the whole time,” said press secretary Sean Spicer. “So, if you’re able to criticize him after that, I really don’t know what to tell you.”

The media largely agreed, anointing Trump as “the most grownup president ever,” and “now definitely one hundred percent healthy.” The New York Times went with the front page headline, “Trump Commits To Nutritious Future.”

Trump reportedly returned to his residence after dinner to chug chocolate fudge from the bottle and smear it all over the walls.

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