I'm a 21 year old male from a small, appalachian town In the southeast who recently moved to a city. I know I might not get much sympathy here but I haven't been so good. I've had bitterness towards women since high school. I didn't do so well with girls and the two girlfriends I had cheated on me. Most of the guys in my social circle were doing a lot better than me and still are and it's made me sad. I lost my virginity later than all of them and used to get teased about it all the time.

I've had anger and resentment towards my mother that I've been going to therapy for, feeling like she emasculated me from a young age and taught me normal masculine things like showing interest in girls or asserting myself was wrong and made me a creep or a douche. I feel like she basically taught me to be a wimp and a sweet little boy but not a man. Dad was working all the time and then just wanted to drink, relax and watch TV when he got home and I never got as close to him.

I had very strong "nice guy sydrome." Looking back I had a lot of crushes I tried to just hang around as friends hoping they'd eventually like me and thinking I wasn't like other guys who were actually taught to be healthy men and go for what they want and that there was something wrong with that. Eventually I learned how shitty and manipulative I was being and how much this was holding me back. One thing I will give TRP credit for is telling me to read "No More Mr. Nice Guy."

I discovered TRP about a year ago and of course I ate it up. I felt like a lot of it resonated with my own experiences. The more I read of it, the more it made me depressed though. I started to see it for what it was after a while, a bunch of bitter young men like me venting all their anger towards women on some online forum. Most of the "field reports" are obviously exaggerated if not totally made up. The little positive that comes from it isn't unique to it. I feel like I even scared a girl off within this last year trying g to use this stuff.

After realizing how depressed I'd been I told a childhood friend who's a feminist that I think Im a depressed, angry misogynist and need help. She's always been there for me, even as far back as girls the girls cheating. She helped me out a lot and helped me realize a lot of this was my own ego and I've hurt girls too. She also helped me realize I probably don't really hate women so much and just use them as a scapegoat for the emptiness and anger I feel inside.

Sorry for all my anger and bitterness. If you have advice I'd appreciate it. I just wanna do well with girls, be happy and be content with life. I promise you I'm not a bad person just because I got drawn towards some bad things.