Chapter 5: Our first Florida Rainbow Gathering

Chapter 5: Our first Florida Rainbow Gathering

              We were all packed and ready to go a few days later. Mom told us we had around a 15 hour drive ahead of us. I was both excited and scared to be going back to the Rainbow Gathering. I was excited to see my friends and I feared the violence that occurs in Kiddie Village. However, our mom had explained that the Florida Rainbow Gathering is going to be smaller than the National Rainbow Gathering. Where the national Rainbow Gatherings has anywhere from 5,000 to 15,000 people attend, the Florida Rainbow Gathering has anywhere from 2,000 to 5,000 people attend. In turn, this makes the Florida Rainbow Gathering considerably smaller. 
                I had heard that the smaller Rainbow Gatherings are more intimate because everyone knows one another. This aspect got be a little bit more excited to go to the Florida Rainbow Gathering because I assumed there would be less fighting with the more intimate setting.

            About 16 hours later, I found myself once again looking out the window while mom drove down the endless dirt roads that lead into the Rainbow Gathering. It became very clear straight away that these roads were different from the one we encountered in Michigan when our van got stuck in the sugar sand. It was pretty terrifying. All the suddenly the van the stopped moving. It did not matter how hard our mom pushed on the gas peddle, the van did not move. The more she pushed, the further embedded the tires became in the sand. We tried putting sticks and ferns under the tires to help give them traction, however it was no help. We had been at it for hours and I was beginning to think we would never get the van unstuck. That was until a van of people heading into the Rainbow Gathering stopped to help us. We gathered more vegetation and put it under the tires before we all went to the back of the van and began to push as though our lives depended on it. The tire began to spin and the sand shot back into our faces, but then the van began to move. An amazing serge of relief shot through me when I saw that the van was finally freed. I had not realized how stressed out I was about the van being stuck until I felt the relief.

            We thanked the group of people for the help and hopped back into the van to continue our journey into the Rainbow Gathering. Mom was not as calm about driving after getting stuck in the sugar sand. Now when she saw a patch of road that looked as though it could be sugar sand, she would push her foot down on the gas pedal causing the van to surge forward through the sugar sand. It was a quite fun experience.

            Five minutes later, we were parked alongside the dirt road behind a huge bus. Mom was out of the van and ready to explore the second she turned off the ignition to the van. My other siblings were not as eager to explore as mom was, so only I ended up going with her because I wanted to get out of the van. As soon as I stepped out from behind the van, I saw that the huge bus in front of our van was not the only bus around. Everywhere I looked, I saw buses. These were not regular school buses. Most of the buses had cool paintings on them and the interior of the buses had a setup like an RV. The solid area above the windshield of the buses either had a weird name or the name of a kitchen. It was pretty neat to see so many different buses.

            My mom and I walked around admiring the artwork on all the different buses until we came across some people sitting outside their bus around a fire. We approached the group of people. They looked like they were getting ready to head into the woods. They had a bunch of kitchen gear and tents nicely packed outside their bus.

            The ground of people looked up at us and said, “Hey sisters! You want to smoke a bowl with us?” as soon as we approached them. People had asked me this same question at the Michigan Rainbow Gathering. I was not sure what “smoke a bowl” meant back then because my nine year old brain could not comprehend the concept of drugs. I did not know what it meant until last year when my mom explained to me what "smoking a bow" meant. As it turned out, it did not literally mean that people were smoking bowls as I had thought; it was a code word people used for smoking weed. No matter, I still did not really understand why these people would ask a twelve year old girl and her mother, holding her baby, if they wanted to smoke weed. I was about to give these douche bags a lesson on encouraging children to do drugs because they thought it was cool when my mom but her hand up. She simply said to them, “Sorry sisters and brothers, we are not into that kind of stuff. Instead could you tell us the best way to get to Kiddie Village? I have a lot of kids in the car that are eager to see their friends again.” The group of people gave us the best directions they could. It was really word-of-mouth because they had not been into the woods yet. As I said before, they were just getting ready to leave for their first hike into the woods.

            My mom and I got back to the van about an hour later. Mom was exhausted from carrying Bubblegum around for so long, so she decided to take a nap after instructing us to get our camping stuff out of the van and packed and ready to go. We got everything backed pretty quickly. We put the tent into the wagon because it was the heaviest item. Of course we all also wanted to bring our own personal bags into the woods, so we also had our backpacks on top of the essential stuff we needed for camping. However, this time we had more personal things because we had all brought stuff for Trade Circle in our personal belongings. While we were home in Jim Thorpe, my siblings and I begged our dad for money to go down to the crystal shop to get some shiny rocks to trade. We had learned in Michigan that the item that the people at Rainbow Gatherings were most interested was shiny rocks. They seem to believe that the rocks possess some kind of energy. My siblings and I really did not care about energy. In fact, we looked at the whole situation like a market; we brought the most desirable items in order to get what we wanted from everyone at Trade Circle. In the end, we knew our load into the woods was going to be incredibly heavy due to all our extra stuff.

            My siblings and I were debating the ethics of Trade Circle when our mom finally arose from her nap and said, “Are you guys ready to rock and roll?” We are screamed, “YES!” We were all excited to get into the woods after talking about Trade Circle for so long.

            Deciding who was going to carry what was rather difficult because as I said before, we had a lot of stuff. We eventually figured it out. My siblings and I each had a backpack hanging off our backs as well as one hanging off our fronts. For those of us who had an equal amount of weight on our back and front, it was quiet comfortable. For everyone else who had a hiking bag on their backs and a small backpack on their front, it was rather difficult to walk because the weight was not equally distributed. My oldest Brother Jacob, who was fourteen, decided to pull the wagon since he was considered to be the strongest in our family. My mom had the easiest load into the woods; all she carried was Bubblegum in her back carrier.

            We all got situated and headed into the woods. The walk down the trail we pretty easy for the first half-an-hour. The path was pretty much dirt with a few exceptional root every once in a while. We were beginning to wonder where the sugar sand was that we had been forewarned about. That was until the path went from dirt to sugar sand without any warning what-so-ever. It was not like it was a patch of sugar sand that we could just drive the wagon over and continue walking; no the whole path turned completely into sugar sand. The easy ride into the woods got a whole lot harder once we got to the sugar sand. Jacob could barely even pull the wagon through the sand. It just kept getting stuck. People kept offering us help, but we would just refuse. It was not like my siblings and I did not want the help, it was because my mom thought if she excepted the help it would make her look weak in some way or another. As a result, she would rather have her children suffer than let down her facade that she help so dearly. However, after spending about an hour struggling through the sand and getting nowhere my mom finally related and let someone else help us get the rest of the way to Kiddie Village. As an added perk, this person knew exactly how to get to Kiddie Village.

            After trenching our way through sugar sand we had finally made it to Kiddie Village. We plopped all of our crap on the ground besides the kitchen and our mom went to ask some people where to camp. All my siblings and I just sat there staring into space. We were exhausted from the hike. We would never doubt the treacherous sugar sand ever again. It was a force not to be reckoned with. On the other hand, our mom look quite peppy roaming around the kitchen. I guess that was because all she carried into the woods was Bubblegum on her back. My mom dillydallied around the kitchen for a while before she returned back to us to announce the good news that she found us somewhere to camp.

            My siblings and I reluctantly got up and began to move toward what would become our new home for the next couple of weeks. We were moving at a sluggish pace down the nonexistent trail. Apparently, we had to blaze our own trail. We walked about quarter of a mile into the woods when our mom stopped abruptly and said, “This is it! It is our new home. Now set up camp before it gets dark.” We all responded with an “UGGGGGGGG.” None of us were sharing our mom’s enthusiasm for the vegetation she had declared as our new campsite. It was hopeless. The whole area who covered it plants that needed to be torn down so that we could setup camp. It was not a pretty sight for a bunch of exhausted children. We all kind of just sat there. I got lost in my head trying to figure out how all this greenery could possibly grow in sugar sand. That was until my mom started shouting, “GET A MOVE ON. WE NEED TO GET CAMP SETUP ASAP!” That was the end of my daydream. Back to the reality that was my life. My mom got us all up and working in no time.

            Once everyone got moving, we had the camp set up in no time. Our mom was kind enough to let us out of blazing a trail because it was pitch black by the time we were done setting up camp. We had no energy left to explore once camp was setup, so we all just set up our beds and fell right asleep from out exhausting day.

            I woke up bright and early the next morning to someone yelling “FREE FOOD IN THE WOODS.” Those were the best words in the world for me to hear this morning because I was starving! I had not eaten anything since breakfast yesterday.

            I hurried to wake up the rest of my siblings because I did not want to venture into the Kiddie Village alone. I managed to get the rest of my siblings up in less than ten minutes. They were all groggy from being woken up so early, but they managed to hike the quarter mile back out to the kitchen with me without falling over any of the roots that covered our makeshift trail.

            We knew the drill by now, so as soon as we got to the kitchen we scurried to the front of the line with the rest of kids waiting to be served breakfast. To our surprise they served us fried potatoes and eggs instead of the disgusting oatmeal that was served at the Michigan Rainbow Gathering.

            As soon as we were served, we all walked over to eat with the rest of the kids that were all sitting around a huge tree. Once we are all seated at the tree next to one another, we look around for our friends and were suddenly disappointed because we don’t see anyone familiar to us. The children around us were mostly younger kids that only seemed interested in throwing dirt at one another.

            I left the tree to go and look around instead of sulk in my disappointment that my friends I was so excited to see again are not here. I noticed that a lot of the assortments in the kitchen said Iris Kitchen instead if Kiddie Village. I wondered for a second if were are in the wrong place, so I walked up to the kitchen counter and asked, “Is this Kiddie Village or Iris Kitchen?” A man with long brown hair and kind brown eyes said, “Why are you on the other side of the counter? This is not a prison. You are allowed to come into the kitchen.” I stutter, “Well, I….I thought kids were not allowed in the kitchen.” The man just starts laughing and I begin to walk away feeling rather embarrassed with my foolishness. I was almost back to my siblings when the man said, “Hey come back here. I did not mean to embarrass you. I just thought you knew you were allowed into the kitchen. I am sorry. I should not make assumptions.” I started walking back toward the man when he apologized. Once he saw I am walking back, he began to speak again. He said, “Kiddie Village could not make it to the Florida Rainbow Gathering this year, so instead of being Iris Kitchen I decided to take on the responsibility of being Kiddie Village. That is why all of my kitchen gear says Iris Kitchen instead of Kiddie Village.” He had answered my question without me even asking it. I guess he had seen me looking at the kitchen gear with curiosity in my eyes. I just stared at him for a second unsure what I should say. He seemed really nice. I was glad that he was in charge of the kitchen instead of that crazy lunatic Payes. I did not realize I had not said anything until he said, “By the way, my name is Vin. I met your mom yesterday. She said her name was Bob. I told her where to camp. I heard you were blazing a trail today. Do you want to barrow some machetes?” I excitedly said, “Sure. It would make our lives a whole lot easier. Thanks.” Vin Said you’re welcome and I was off. I was excited to tell my siblings about the nice man that was in charge of Kiddie Village.

            I walked back over to the huge tree that I had left my siblings at but they were not there. The panic started to set in right away. My heart started to race and I felt like I could not breathe. I could not keep my thoughts straight. I just kept thinking maybe the kid from the other Rainbow Gathering came here and killed them because I told everyone about him! What if they are terribly lost in the woods? What if they left me here? How am I ever going to find my way home? I made it to our makeshift trail before I started sobbing. I could not help it. I felt like I was going to die. I wanted the feeling to go away. I wanted to stop worrying. I kept telling myself I had to check back at camp before I jumped to any conclusion. That was the only thing that kept my feet moving; the hope that everyone was back at camp playing.

I kept walking until I heard my sister Brittany, who was fifteen, say, “Come guys let’s go back to the kitchen.” It was such a relief to hear her voice. That is all it took. The anxiety just stopped right then. I felt a million time better.

            A few minutes later, my siblings found me on the path. They saw my tear stained face and immediately asked, “What is wrong, Savannah?” I just brushed it off and told them I was fine. I did not want to try and explain to them that I had a panic attack because I did not know where they were. It was embarrassing. Plus, it is hard to explain something I did't even understand myself. I mean I knew I have anxiety which lead to panic attacks. I knew that my triggers were stressful environments and not being surrounded by either my older siblings or parents. However, I had no idea what anxiety was. I would love to figure it out, but I could not read, write, or spell, which makes things rather difficult. As a result, I have just learned to live with my disorder that I know almost nothing about. 

            My siblings let me slide because they all already knew why I was upset anyway. I was glad they just let it go because I didn't really feel like facing my mom who refuses to accept that I have a problem.

            I walked back to the kitchen with my siblings and began to tell them about Vin and how nice he was. The more I told them, the more excited they get to meet him. As soon as we got back to the kitchen, I saw Vin sitting in a hammock chair that is strong from a branch of a tree that overlooks the kitchen. As soon as he sees me and my siblings he invites us over to the kitchen. We all hesitantly walk into the kitchen still afraid we might get scolded for walking into the kitchen. 
            The kitchen area is very welcoming. There are a bunch of logs around the cooking grate that sits in the middle of the kitchen. Off to the side, there is a huge mound of mud with a fire beneath it. Vin sees me looking at it and explains that it is an oven used for cooking. I continue to look around and see that there are tarps covering the whole of the kitchen. They are uniquely strung from the trees so that every inch of the kitchen is covered. We are all still looking around the kitchen when a young man approaches us. He looks no older than nineteen. He has shabby looking dreadlocks that are no longer than an inch. His eyes and brown and he has impeccably straight teeth. He looks directly at Brittany and says, “Hi, I am Saab.” Brittany just looks at him and Says, “Hello, I am Brittany and these are my siblings.” I can’t help thinking how cute it is to see Brittany interacting with someone close to her own age because we don’t get to interact with people close to our own age much living on the road. After introducing himself, Saab let us know that he will be around the kitchen if we want to hangout anytime soon. We leave the kitchen soon after meeting Saab. Before we go, Vin let us know that we can help with the cooking anytime we want.

            As are walking back to camp on our makeshift path, I can’t help thinking how much nicer everyone is at the Florida Rainbow Gathering than were at the Michigan Rainbow Gathering. I feel like my thoughts are spoken out loud when my younger brother Forest, who is ten, says, “Don’t you guys think everyone is nicer at this Rainbow Gathering?” Everyone just nods in agreement because we are all so lost in our own thoughts.

***

            It has been about a week at the Rainbow Gathering now. I have been to Trade Circle a couple of times. I actually don’t like it nearly as much as my brothers do. Jakob takes all my younger siblings with him to Trade Circle and sets up a blanket with their things they are willing to trade on it. It is a lot of fun for them. Jacob send my little siblings off to trade for him while he stays at the blanket. He has learned that people go easier on the little kids due to their cuteness, so he sends them off to trade for him. I rarely go with them to Trade Circle. I prefer to be in the kitchen where I can help everyone cook. My siblings and I have grown rather close to Saab and Vin. They are now like family friends to us. However, I have noticed that Saab pays extra attention to Brittany. I think she notices, but I don’t really think that she cares. We also made another friend in the Kitchen. We met him one night while Brittany, mom, and I were all helping to cook dinner. His name is Mack. He has the most well kept blond dread I have ever seen. His eye color makes him seem like he belongs in the forest because they are almost the exact same color of the tree bark that surround us. It is nice to see so many nice people. However, I sort of feel uncomfortable with the way Saab looks at Brittany and the way Mack looks at my mom. There is something in their eyes that I just do not recognize. It is like they want something from them that only they possess.

            I stopped trying to figure out what I was seeing days ago because whatever it is, they have not acted on it. I guess that has to count for something.

***

            Somehow time has flown by rather quickly and it is already time for us to leave the Rainbow Gathering. It was so nice being at the Florida Rainbow Gathering. It has a completely different vibe from the Michigan National Rainbow Gathering that we went to earlier. I learned that everything is much calmer at the Florida Rainbow Gathering or maybe it is just better because we did not have to camp with Payes and his Bratty kids. Either way, Vin has invited us to camp with Iris from now on. I guess he really enjoyed our company. Saab and Mack are also really enthusiastic for us to camp with them again. Despite the odd looks, I have really taken a liking to both of them. They have taught me a lot in the short period I stayed at the Florida Rainbow Gathering. I feel like I have a renewed hope in the Rainbow Gatherings. I think maybe it is a place where my family and I can really learn and grow. I am so glad that for this one year Iris decided to take over Kiddie Village. I think it was the best thing that could have possibly happened. It completely changed my prospective on the Rainbow Gathering.

Chapter 4: The Past Three Years

Chapter 4: The Past Three Years

            I have been on and off the road for three whole years now. In that time I have welcomed my new little sister Bubblegum. She is the cutest little girl in the world. She was born at a rental house in the Poconos in Pennsylvania. Bubblegum was born safely at the rental house with no midwife or doctors present. It was a very magical experience to see yet another one of my siblings being brought into this world. My mother is extremely good at having children. She is not good at raising them, but she is an expert at making them.  

            After Bubblegum was born on November 5^th, 2003, we spent a lot of time in South Carolina living in rental houses by the ocean. It was very relaxing living by the ocean. I loved waking up to the ocean breeze everyday. However, unlike Florida South Carolina was cold during the winter. The cold weather was annoying because it never seemed to be warm enough to go in the ocean. In turn this caused us to spend most days hanging out around the house instead of playing in the ocean. What sucked worst of all, was that we left right as it got warm enough to swim in the ocean comfortably.

            After living in South Carolina, we went home for a little while because it was time to make up our homeschooling portfolio. Thank god this year the state of Pennsylvania did not send us the test booklets. They had sent it when I was eight and I could not read, so my mother had to read the questions for me and I did not understand them, which caused me to answer them incorrectly. Instead of trying to explain them to me, she just had all my siblings tell me how retarded I was for answering the questions wrong. She then ripped the test out of my hands and told me I was too retarded to take the test and that she would take it for me. I really had no idea why she was even trying to make me take my test. In all honesty, she had taken most of Brittany’s and Jacob’s tests for them when they had to take them. It did not matter because the whole test taking situation had traumatized me so badly that I now counted down the days until the next time we had to take the awful tests again.

            That summer my mom got so frustrated with the state of Pennsylvania for making her report to them what she was doing with her children’s education that she decided we were moving. She looked up homeschool friendly states and found that North Carolina was one of them. This worked out because my dad was looking at work that he might possibly get in North Carolina.          

            Soon after making her decision, my mom found a rental house in the middle of nowhere in North Carolina. She signed the lease and we were ready to go once again. Neither I nor my siblings really wanted to go, but we did not have a choice. My mom was unwilling to let us stay with our father in Pennsylvania where we wanted to be. In fact, my younger brother Katsura said to my mother, “I am staying her with dad. Have fun with your stupidity.” We all knew that this comment would get Katsura in loads of trouble, later. I loved Katsura for saying this. He was always brave enough to speak up against our mom when she was being irrational. He always said what every one of us was thinking but too afraid to say ourselves. It was one of the things that made Katsura so special to me. However, it got him into a lot of trouble. Mom would beat him and have me and my siblings pick on him until he started to cry out of fear. It really was not nice what my mother had us do to him. We all learned from what Katsura went through, on a daily basis, to never speak out against mom unless you wanted to be tortured.

***

            A months weeks later, we had everything loaded up in the van ready to go. We were beginning the year of 2004 with a new residence. Our mom had explained to us that this was not going to be like all the other rental house we stayed at where we were only there for a month; we were actually going to live in this house for over a year while our dad stayed in Pennsylvania and maintained our house in Jim Thorpe. She said, “Your dad will visit as much as he can.” She also let us know that we were now all officially registered as being homeschooled in North Carolina, which meant we no longer had to take those silly tests ever again. This news sent my heart soaring. I was so excited I would have screamed if I wasn't crammed into a van with all my siblings. I would never be tortured over those tests ever again in my life! I was really sad to leave Pennsylvania, but it was almost worth it for me to never have to set eyes on one of those tests ever again. I could stop counting down the days because the agony was over. The sense of relief I felt after hearing my mom say I would never have to take those tests again is indescribable.

***

            We made it to North Carolina in one piece. The drive wasn't that bad. It was about an eleven hours trip to our rental house in North Carolina from our home in Pennsylvania. However, it still felt good to get out of the car when our mom finally announced that we had reached our destination.

            Our mom was not kidding when she said the house was in the middle of nowhere! We drove down a gravel road for about a mile before the road reared off into the driveway to our new home. There was a gravel hill that we drove up before we reached our new home. The outside of the house was covered in wood siding. In order to get into the house, we had to walk up a set of stairs to the second floor of the house, which lead huge porch that wrapped around the whole front side of the house. The porch also had an amazing view. Looking off the porch, I could see the beautiful green mountains all around me. I could also see a huge river that that about 1000 yards away from our house. I knew by looking at the river that we were going to have a lot of fun in it once it got warm.

            The inside of the house was very cozy. It was an open floor plan for kitchen and dining room with extremely high ceilings. Despite the open floor plan, the kitchen was still very small, which is going to create problems later on when we are trying to cook. The rest of the house was bedrooms. There were two small bedrooms on the second floor with a small bathroom. There was a finished basement that acted as an entertainment room. The largest bedroom was on the third floor. It had an attached bathroom and a porch that overlooked the mountains. The view from the third bedroom was even more beautiful than that of the wrap around porch. Lastly, there was a loft outside the bedroom on the third floor.

            Brittany and Jake got the bedrooms on the second floor while I got the loft on the third floor. The rest of the kids all shared the bedroom on the third floor with our mom. Sharing bedrooms was normal for us because our parents both practiced attachment parenting where we all slept with our mom. In our house in Pennsylvania, we all slept in the same bed even though we all had our own rooms. We were allowed to stay in the family bed until we were ready to leave and sleep on our own. Unless our mom decided to have one of her crazy moments where she would kick all the older kids out of her bed for a night or two. Otherwise, we all slept with our mom and dad in the big bed.

***

            The house was a lot smaller than we were used to. This caused lots of problems because we were always on top of one another. That was until it got warm out. We started to play outside a lot more after weather got nicer. We had also made some friends. There was a woman who lived about a three quarters of a mile down the street from us in her trailer with her three sons and husband. We became acquainted with her through our rental house agreement because she was in charge of caring for the house when it was vacant. My mom grew close to her because she also homeschooled her kids. Through our mom’s relationship, we became good friends with her sons. They were more friends with Brittany and Jake because they were older. However, they did come over to play games with us in the field that was at the bottom of our driveway.

            Most of the time we only played with Mick, the youngest of the three boys, because all the other boys thought they were too old to play games anymore. It was still fun playing with him. He showed us a lot of cool places around the forest where we lived. He told us that if we wanted to get into town all we had to do was hop on the trains that pass on the tracks across the river. However, by far the most amazing place he showed us was the jumping rocks. It was this huge that was about 200 yards high that you jumped off of into the river. I jumped off the rock a couple of times into the water. It was so exhilarating to jump off the rock. It was also a little dangerous because I was jumping into water in which I did not know the depth of. In the end, the thrill of jumping outweighed the rational part of my brain told when that I should not be jumping into the water. Luckily, we all made it home safely that night. We told our mom what we had been doing all day, and of course she forbade us from doing it ever again. We continued to play with Mick over the summer doing less dangerous activities.

***

            Over the next year, we all grew really comfortable in our new home. We began to feel like we had a home once again. Our dad was able to visit us once a month. We started to spend more time with our friends. We actually started to feel like we had some normalcy back into our live. That we short lived. In the beginning of February of 2005, our mom decide it was time to go back on the road. More specifically, it was time to go back to the Rainbow Gathering.

Chapter 3: The Michigan National Rainbow Gathering

Chapter 3: The Michigan National Rainbow Gathering

            We had been traveling around Florida for about five months before we met Ranna and Alfred at one of the campsites we were staying at. The campsites happened to be one of our favorites because it had this free breakfast every morning where all the campers could gather and share a meal together. My siblings and I were at the wicker table in the process of counting our mosquito bites while our mom eat breakfast when Ranna and Alfred approached us. They spoke freely about seeing us around the campsite and wanting to get to know us better. My mom and my siblings and I really kicked it off with Ranna and Alfred. It was so easy to converse with them because they were so laid back.

                                                                                ***

            Over the next month or so, we kept meeting up with Ranna and Alfred in the different places we visited in Florida. During this one particular dinner at a seaside restaurant, Ranna and Alfred suggested to my mom that she should take my siblings and me to a Rainbow Gatherings. Ranna said, “You will find like-minded peaceful people that will understand your way of life.” That sentence pretty much had my mom hooked; she could not wait to experience this new wondrous place called the Rainbow Gathering.

            We parted ways with Ranna and Alfred shortly after our dinner. However, immediately after hearing about Rainbow Gatherings, my mom started researching it like a crazy woman. With a few simple words, Ranna and Alfred had her hooked on Rainbow Gatherings before she even set foot inside of one. Doing all this research, she was able to find a Rainbow Gatherings that was going to take place around July Forth. From what I could gather, the Rainbow Gathering was supposed to take place in Michigan State in one of the National Forests.

            Well, this made it so we no longer had to contemplate where our next destination would be because the Rainbow Gathering made that decision for us. We were on our way from Florida to Michigan. I had no idea where exactly we were going in Michigan, but we were for sure going to Michigan to a National Forest. However, the reality of the situation was, that neither my siblings nor I wanted to go to Michigan. We were all extremely homesick and wanted nothing more than to go home and sleep in our own beds. More than that, we missed our father. Living on the road we never got to see him because he had to stay home in order to earn money to fund the insanity that has become our lives. It did not matter though because my mom wanted to go to Michigan, so that is where we would eventually end up.

                                                                               ***

            On the way to Michigan, my adorable little sister Annaleise turned one. We celebrated her birthday at some random park along the way. My favorite part of Annaleise’s birthday was watching her eat the cake; she stuck her little hands into the cake and rubbed it all over her face in an attempt to get it into her mouth. It was a shame that my father couldn't be there for it because the first birthday is such a big event in my family. This is the pivotal moment in my younger siblings’ lives when they are encouraged to eat more than just breast milk. Our mom told us, “Your father could not make it to Annaleise’s birthday because he cares more about work than seeing you guys.” Of course we all knew this really wasn't true. The reason he was not at Annalise’s first birthday was because she had forbade him from coming. By now, we all knew that our mother liked to paint our dad as the bad guy, so we just pretty much ignored anything that came out of her mouth in regards to our dad. However, Annaleise’s birthday celebration seemed to come to an end to quickly because we all found ourselves seated back in the van after only a few hours.

***

            After days of driving and detours, we were finally almost to the Rainbow Gathering. I felt like we had been driving down dirt roads forever. We just kept driving deeper and deeper into the Michigan National Forest. I felt like if we drove any further, we would run out of gas and never be able to find our way out again. That thought was soon put to rest when I started to see cars along side of the dirt road. Soon after the cars appeared, we were stopped by half naked people running in front of our car screaming, “WELCOME HOME BROTHERS AND SISTERS!” After they had completed the task of welcoming us, the proceeded to give us directions as to where we should park our van.

            We did as instructed and were able to find a space to park along the dirt road among the many other cars. Looking out the window of the van, I could see that there were people camped everywhere. However, my cautious observation was quickly ended by my mom screaming, “GET OUT OF THE VAN!” My siblings and I scurried out of the van as slowly as we possibly could. Getting a better looked around, I saw that everyone seemed to be wearing very different clothing from one another. There were some people that walked around in jeans and a t-shirt while others were not wearing any clothes at all. The whole place made me feel a bit uneasy. I decided I needed to stop being so judgmental and actually give the place a chance.

            Somewhere in my thoughts, I had missed that my mom had runoff to do some exploring. My little brother Forest, who was eight, told me we were not supposed to leave the van until she got back. This news sort of gave me a panic attack because I did not like being left places without my mother. Especially in a new environment with a bunch of strange people in the middle of nowhere. However, this panic attack was quickly subsided when I saw my mother walking back towards my siblings and me from wherever she had gone.

            Our mom informed us she had found us somewhere to camp. Apparently my mom had talked to some hippie looking dude while she was exploring and he gave advice as to where we should camp. Personally, I thought it sounded like the perfect place to camp. I thought to myself, where could you go wrong with a camp named Kiddie Village.

            This news got our butts kicked into gear because our mom literally started throwing our stuff out of the van. We all just stood there and watched the show until our mom started yelling commands at us. This prompted us to put as much of the stuff that would fit into the wagon. Whatever didn't fit, which was a lot, we put onto our backs to carry.

            We followed our mom as she ventured down what seemed to be the largest trail. The trail was littered with all kinds of signs hanging in trees. Each sign seemed to be followed by a trail that lead to a camp. However, we did not venture into any of these camps because we were on a mission to get to Kiddie Village.

            By the time we finally began to see signs for Kiddie Village, we had been walking for about a mile and all my siblings were complaining the wagon kept getting stuck in the dirt and the stuff on our backs kept growing heavier the longer we walked. As a result, we were all pretty happy to see those signs. We made it into Kiddie Village without much trouble despite the trail being a pain in the ass to navigate with the wagon because the trail we so much smaller.

            As soon as the wagon stopped, all my siblings and I simply sat down next to the wagon. We were all exhausted. For the last few days, we had not gotten much sleep because we had spent the nights sleeping at rest areas all crammed into the van. This short hike into the woods carrying all our stuff, had pretty much done us in. We were all exhausted. The only one that seemed eager to explore was our mother, but that probably had to do with the fact that she had not carried anything into the woods. She went right up to what looked like the center of Kiddie Village. Over top, it had a bunch of tarps hung strategically to prevent the water from getting on the makeshift kitchen below. Below the tarp, there were these counters made completely out of wood surrounding what looked like the front of the kitchen. It seem as though the counters were set up to keep everyone else out of the kitchen. However, the counters did not stop my mom. She walked right past them and went up to the people surrounding a fire pit that was placed in the middle of the kitchen. The fire pit had a grate over it and from the looks of it, it seemed like the people my mother approached were cooking.

            She spoke freely with the people surrounding the fire for a couple of minutes before returning to us. To our surprise, the people had told her where the best place to camp was in Kiddie Village. My siblings and I reluctantly got up from our state of rest in order to begin the process of moving our crap again. It would not have been so bad except our mom decided to bring the huge brown tent into the woods with us, which weighted about 250 pounds. It was a good thing it was in the wagon otherwise there would have been no getting that tent into the woods.

            We walked through Kiddie Village on our way to our new camping grounds. There were a lot of kids in Kiddie Village, however I did not see that many parents. That kind of got me curious, but there was no time to investigate because I had to go set up camp. At the back of Kiddie Village there was this small trail that lead into the woods. We walked down it for a while until my mother declared that she had found the perfect place to set up camp. Boy we all excited to hear that declaration. Now all we had to do was set up camp…that is going to take hours. I mean, we are in the National Forests; it is not like campsites where you have nice place already cleared out to put your tent. No, we had to clear a place for our tent by chopping down the plants that are in the way of our mother’s perfect "camping spot."

            By the time we have a decent set up, the sun had set and we are all exhausted from the ordeal. We all have peanut butter and jelly for dinner and then headed to bed. As soon as I laid my head down to rest I heard it, it sound like people playing hundreds of drums all at once. I was curious as to where the sound was coming from, but sleep took me before I could investigate any further.

            The next morning we all awoke feeling revitalized. We were all eager to explore our surroundings now. First things first we needed some breakfast! We were starving. The only thing we eat the other day was that peanut butter and jelly. We were happily surprised when we heard people screaming, that sounded like it was coming from Kiddie Village, “FREE FOOD IN THE WOODS!” According to our mother, when a kitchen started yelling free food in the woods it meant that they had cooked a meal and they were inviting anyone who was hungry to come to their kitchen and eat.

            We all grabbed our plates and utensils from the camping gear we had lugged into the woods, and headed back out toward Kiddie Village. Once we were back out into the open space that was Kiddie Village, we found a line of people all waiting to be served food. The man serving yelled to my five siblings and me, “You guys know you can come to the front of the line. Women and Children eat first.” After hearing this, we skedaddled up to the front of the line with all the other children waiting to get served.

            Once it was our time to get food, we put our plates over the pan that was on the makeshifts counters. Before we could be served, a nasty woman from behind us said, “You can’t have your plates over the pan when you are being served. You need to put the plate beside the pan in order to prevent any food from falling off your plate back into the pan.”  We did as she woman said and we were served eggs mixed with vegetables. Once we had our food, we stopped and looked around until we found our mom sitting on a log by a fire with Annaleise in her lab. We all raced over to her and sat beside her. My siblings and I are incredibly shy because we really only spend time around one another. This causes us all to hide behind our mother in new situations like these. On the other hand, our mom is much more social. She was already in deep conversation with someone else sitting by the fire. However, she does not take handouts because she is a very proud woman. That is why she sent my siblings and me up to get food for her. I don’t really understand why we had to do this because in my mind it is still taking handouts, but I don’t ever try and understand the logic behind my mother’s rationality because there usually isn't any.

            While my siblings and I were eating, some of the kids that had been playing came over and invited us to play with them. We asked our mom if we could play and said yes. It was exciting to play a game with children that were not members of my family. However, I could help but see that these children were soiled; there clothes were torn and covered in dirt as well as their bodies. Worse than that, I did not see a parent in sight to claim any of these children. There was no parental guidance in any of these children's lives. My assumption was only confirmed when my brother Katsura asked, “Where are you guy’s parents?” The older boy named Tree said, “We don’t know where our parents are. When we get to Rainbow Gathering they drop us off at Kiddie Village and they do their own thing.” I just stared at Tree with my mouth open for a second. I mean the boy looked to be no older than nine years old. I thought how could parents just abandon their kids with strangers? It was just baffling to be. Low and behold, I found out that Tree wasn't even the youngest of the children to be abandoned at Kiddie Village while the parents “did their thing.” It turns out, that this three year old boy named sky had been left at Kiddie Village for over a week. The worst part about it was that nobody even knew who his parents were. I couldn't help but think to myself what the fuck has our mother gotten us into this time? It didn't matter what I thought because we were here now and all I could do was make the best of the situation, so that is what I did. I ignored the situation that my mother had placed my siblings and me into and just played with our new found friends.

            We ended up playing with a bunch of kids. However, there was no just playing with these kids. Apparently there were these groups you could belong to. There was the group that was mostly older kids and there was the group that were mostly younger kids. Everyone wanted to be part of the older kids group because the Paye’s kids were in this group. Paye is the person who is basically in change of Kiddie Village. According to all the other kids in Kiddie Village, Paye gives all the donated sweets to his kids instead of distributing them to the rest of the children within Kiddie Village. I found this to be incredibly unfair because the food within the Rainbow Gathering is supposed to be shared with everyone. It goes along with the Rainbow Gathering way of life where we are all supposed to be treated as equals. Well at least that is how it was portrayed on the website that our mom read to us.

            Being the stubborn people we are, my siblings and I decided we would not join a group. Instead we would start our own group and try and fight the injustices that were taking place. By the time it was nightfall and we were headed back to our own camp, we had made a lot more enemies than friends. We really didn't care though because we knew we always had each other when everything else failed. I mean there were seven of us, so we were a force to be reckoned with in and of itself.

            We were all chitchatting in the tent when my mother announced it was time for bed. Just when we all had gotten comfortable, my brother Ozawa, who is two, announced he had to go to the bathroom. This would have been an easy fix if he had to pee because he could simply walk outside the tent and go. That was not the case. Somehow I was elected as the one who would take him to the bathroom. The crappy part about this whole situation was that there was no bathroom at the Rainbow Gatherings; just like there was no showers. Instead we had what were called Shitters, which were holes that were about five feet deep and two feet wide. You literally had to squat above a hole while you took a shit. Plus, there was not really that great of sanitation at the Shitter. The toilet paper was usually damp from the night’s condensation or someone would not throw dirt down after that were done shitting causing a massive amount of flies to be all over you while you took a shit. However, the worst part about it was that there was literally no privacy. I mean someone could be shitting and you could walk right up to it. Not only that, there is rumored to be people hide by the Shitter and watch people as they go to the bathroom. This caused the whole bathroom experience to be quiet awful for me, and this was only the first day. Who knows what is still to come with the Shitter. However, I was able to get Ozawa to and from the Shitter without too much trouble.

***

            The next couple of days we went through pretty much the same routine. That was until, Paye’s older kids decided to wage a war against our group. Paye’s sons Ridder, who is fourteen, and Jamaythan, who is twelve, started to get physical with my family and our newly found friends. They would send possy over to push us over. When we confronted our mother about this, she went and spoke with Paye about his children’s behavior. However, this was not much help because he denied his kids had done anything wrong. In fact Paye said, “I think it is your kids who are the problem, not mine. Ever since your kids showed up here, we have had problems.”  After what comment, my mom just walked off. There was really nothing anyone could do about it because Paye was in charge of Kiddie Village, so this gave him everyone’s support who was in Kiddie Village. Our mom just told us to ignore the boys whenever they did something to us. She said, “They just want attention because they are not loved. If you ignore them, they will get tired of harassing you because they will not get any attention for their behavior.” We all agreed with her and decided to ignore Ridder and Jamaythan's possy.

***

            Over the next few days we ignored the Ridder and Jamaythan's possy as much as we could. We focused our time with our friends digging in the dirt around this skeleton of house that stood in the middle of Kiddie Village. It was a kind of odd structure to be in the middle of a National Forest. The wood on the house was fresh and crisp. All the walls had Plywood on them. The only part of the house that did not have Plywood was the roof. However, it was pretty small only being one room. I think it was about five-hundred by five-hundred foot room. Nonetheless, it was made an amazing play area for us to hangout in. That is when Ridder and Jamaythan possy was not in it. This just happened to be one of those times. This made it so we could dig around the house. We weren't digging mindlessly though, we were looking for shiny rocks. A boy earlier showed us a completely silver rock that was jagged around the edges. He had said he had found it around the house. That was the reason for our fervent searching that we were doing.

            By the time we had five of the shiny rocks, there were huge piles of dirt surrounding the whole entire house. We had spent hours with our friends digging and we only got five fucking rocks. It was kind of disappointing, until our friend Channey said, “You know guys, we can probably take these rocks to tTrade Circle and get some really cool stuff for them.” We had no idea what this Trade Circle thing was, but the sound of cooler things had us sold. Channey must have seen the excited but dumbfounded looks on our faces because began to explain what exactly Trade Circle was. He said, “Trade Circle is a place where can exchange objects that they don’t want for ones that they do want. In order to do this, people will either lay out their things on a blanket so people can see what they are willing to trade or a person can simply walk up to someone's blanket and ask what they want for the object. Do you guys understand?” We all looked at each other with excitement in our eyes and nodded our heads. This Trade Circle thing sounded like the most exciting thing at the Rainbow Gathering.

            My siblings and I left our friend to hurry and find our mother to see if we were allowed to go to this Trade Circle thing. We spotted her in the kitchen helping prep for tonight’s dinner. We ran up to the railing surrounding the kitchen and screamed her name over it until she saw us. In Kiddie Village the kids are not allowed in the kitchen so we had to wait behind the railing. Only the adults were able to volunteer and help cook, which I found odd because my siblings and I have been cooking for years. Anyway, because my siblings and I found this rule to be so absurd we always tried to be obnoxious as possible whenever we had to wait on the other side of the railing instead of just going into the kitchen to get our mother. She came over to us right away in order to stop the screaming. We were all so excited, everyone started talking at once. This made it so our mom could not understand a single thing we were saying. After a few minutes of this, she finally said, “One at a time!” After this Brittany explained by saying, “We found these really cool rocks and Channey told us about trade circle and we were wondering if we could go today.” My mom simply said, “Not today. It is really late, but I promise you I will take you tomorrow when we have more time for exploring.” We were all disappointed, but for once we all agreed that mom was right. Plus, the idea of exploring got us really excited because we had not left Kiddie Village in the seven days we had been at the Rainbow Gathering. From what my friends had told me, there were hundreds more kitchens and camp at the Rainbow Gathering that I had not even seen.

            We were all so excited for exploring, we all got up before the sun the next day. That is all my siblings and I did. Mom refused to get up that early. In our excitement we did not really think about what we would do this early. Breakfast wasn't going to be done for hours and our friends were still sleeping. So, we all just sat in bed while we dwindled our thumps waiting for the sun to rise.

            Somewhere, we all had fallen back asleep. By the time I opened my eyes and peered around the tent, the only thing I saw were bunches of blankets thrown all over the place with no one in sight. I immediately started to have a panic attack. I tried to calm myself down but it would not work because the thoughts kept coming. What if they all died? What if mom never comes back for me? I will be alone forever. I will never be able to find my way out of the woods and I will die here alone.This is what always happened when my mom and older siblings left. I could not help the feelings. My mom never ever acknowledged my problem. She said I was just pretending when I told her I felt like I could not breathe or that I felt like I was going to die. I was pacing the tent sweating profusely when my brother Jacob entered the tent. As soon as I saw his face, I felt relief instantly. I did not really understand why this happened to me, it just did and there was nothing I could do about it. Jake walked up to me and asked, “Aren't you getting ready? We are leaving to eat breakfast and then go exploring in a couple of minutes.” I had completely forgotten about our adventure due to my panic attack. That always tended to happen when I had a panic attack. It seemed like my world would close in on itself and nothing else existed outside of my thoughts going on in my head. It became my life when it happened. However, I would not let the worry get to be today. I wanted to have fun and go exploring. So I plastered a smile on my face and said, “Yeah. Just let me get dressed. I will be out in a jiffy.”

            By the time I joined my siblings, they had already eaten breakfast and they were ready to get going. They had brought some oatmeal for me to eat. It did not look go. The oatmeal a bunch of fruit and nuts all mixed together. It was not a good combination. In fact, I had no idea why they fed us this kind of stuff. The people who cooked the meals had a "no sugar policy," so they generally ended up making really disgusting food that no one really liked. While on the other hand, the adults made themselves special meals in which sugar was an integral ingredient. It did not really matter. We learned in order to survive, you had to eat the food while paying as little attention to the taste as possible. I had forgotten that principle today in my panic attack and my hastiness to get ready.

            As soon as I finished eating, we left camp to go and find our friends in Kiddie Village. We found our friends waiting outside the skeleton of a house that we had claimed as our hangout place. Our friends Channey, Tree, and Weedling were coming with us. Weedling was out newest friend. He was the oldest of our ground being fourteen. We had our mother going exploring with us. None of our other friends even had to ask their parents if they were allowed to go exploring. Their parents did not care that they were doing as long as they eventually made it back to Kiddie Village before the Rainbow Gathering ended. This kind of pissed my mom off because she felt responsible for feeding and watching our friends as well as us for the day. That meant she was responsible for ten children for the day. However, my siblings and I were pretty responsible for ourselves. We knew our mom just liked the image of being super mom. The reality really was, that she did whatever she wanted and my siblings and I looked out for each other.

            Outside of Kiddies Village the Rainbow Gathering looked different. There seemed to be tents and kitchens everywhere we looked. It looked as though someone had taken what was once a pristine beautiful forest and destroyed it with mankind’s ugliness. I could see the ugliness when I looked at the kitchens that we erratically placed along the path we were walking on; the kitchens had random holes dug into the ground for compost and grey water. There was also trash and food items scattered on the ground and on the makeshift counter-tops. It disgusted me the filth that we brought into this forest. I did not understand how we could preach about peace, love, and being one with nature when we could not even keep the forest clean and untouched by mankind’s ugliness. From looking around, I discovered that it didn't matter what your group preaches about; the actions of the group speak much louder than words they supposedly live by.

            I had gotten so lost in my hand, I did not realize that we had made it to the cusps of Trade Circle. Out of nowhere, we started to see people lining the dirt trail we had been walking on. Each person that we past had a blanket set out in the dirt in front of them with many different assorted items. We continued to walk until the blankets that lined the path were so closed to one another they were touching. I felt like I had stepped into one of my medieval shows where there was no currency. Instead the people traded for what they needed. It was amazing. I could not wait to haggle.

            Most of us were all given a shiny rock to go and trade. Our mother sent us off and told us to meet back next to the sign that said, “Shitter This Way” in twenty minutes. Having my anxiety, I decided to stay with Brittany and Jacob. We walked over to a blanket that was beautifully decorated with many different crystals on it. The woman at the blanket was young. She had blonde dreadlocks in her hair and beautiful blue eyes the color of sky. I could see a kindness in this woman’s eyes. However, even with this kindness in her eyes I felt uncomfortable with fact that she was not wearing a shirt. I had not fully adjusted to seeing so many naked people at the Rainbow Gathering, yet. I had learned that it was widely accepted for people to take off their clothe. Apparently, it helped people to feel more freedom. I quickly got out of my head when the woman asked, “Do you have anything to trade, sister?” I immediately looked down at her blanket and spotted a beautiful pink stone that I had to have. I gave the woman my shiny rock to look at. She examined for a second before saying, “It looks like you have found some Fool’s Gold!” It was so exciting to finally find out what my mysterious rock was. After the woman informed me what my rock was, she told me she would trade me any one of her smaller stones for my Fool’s Gold. I was happy because my pink rock happened to be in that pile of small rocks. I quickly picked up my pink rock and left her with the Fool’s Gold.

            After I finished trading, I followed my older brother and sister around until our twenty minutes were up. They did not trade with anyone because they were too shy to approach anyone at their blanket. We found our mom exactly where she said she would be. My other siblings and friends had traded their Fool’s Gold for sweets and little pocket knives. It was a blast trading with people. I only wished I had known about Trade Circle before the Rainbow Gathering because I could have bought some of my stuff to trade. I thought to myself, there is always next time. I had started making a list of the things I would need to bring to the Next Rainbow Gathering for Trade Circle when my mother said, “You guys want to go to Main Circle? I have heard a lot of about it and I think it could be fun. Plus, we can get dinner there.” I was kind of hungry, but I was hungrier with curiosity to learn more about Main Circle. I heard so much about it from my friends already. From what I gathered from my friends, it seemed like Main Circle was a very central piece to the Rainbow Gathering. This was the place where everyone gathered in order to prey and have their last meal of the day. It seemed like a really magical place and I could not wait to be one of the participants in the Main Circle Ceremony.

            As we continued down the dirt trail on our way to Main Circle, the trail started to become more crowded with people that were also going to Main Circle. Everyone on the path looked as though they had not showered in weeks. There was a toddler walking with her mother with absolutely no clothes on. The mom did not seem to notice when the toddler told he that she was cold. I really could not understand the lack of parenting that went on at the Rainbow Gathering. It seemed like everyone lived in their own world at Rainbow Gatherings where the laws and rules of the outside world did not apply. We lost the toddler and mother as soon as we came to an open field; the field was huge. It had to be over five football fields all combine into one. The field was rocky and on a slight slant that made it uncomfortable to stand. We walked into the field and sat next to some people in an open spot where we would all fit. Most of the people had already taken their seats and formed a circle with their sitting patterns. The longer we sat, the more filled the circle became. It seemed like everyone in the Rainbow Gathering had come out to enjoy their last meal together. It seemed very harmonious to me.

            Once dawn approached, everyone began to stand up and hold with the person to their left and their right. I man then proceeded to go around the circle and bless everyone with what looked like a smoking stick. The smoke smelled like burning sage to me. Personally, I did not find the act of getting smoke shoved into my face very relaxing or peaceful. In fact, I started to cough when the man put the smoke in my face. When my coughing fit ended I looked back up at the circle to see everyone glaring at me with disgust in their faces. I just ignored because I really did not care what they thought of me.

            Once the terrible smoke blessing was done, everyone began om in sequence. My siblings and I looked at each for a second giving each a look of confusion before we too began to om along with everyone else. It was rather odd to watch. It seemed like no one in the circle had a brain of their own; they just did what the ground did. We all continued to om until someone decided it was over and then proceeded to scream a celebratory scream. After that everyone in the circle joined in with one final scream while lifting their hands into the air and letting go of their partner’s hand to their left and their right. That was my favorite part of the whole ceremony. Someone then screamed, “WOMEN AND CHILDREN FIRST” Our mom pulled plates out of nowhere and then handed them to us. My siblings, my friends, and I walked to the center of the circle where the screaming was coming from to find a huge line of pots and pans filled with food. There was a line that had formed at the last pot with a bunch of children and woman. We waited in line until it was our turn to be served. We just held out our plates as one after another the people behind the pots serving the food began to plop food into our plates. Some of the food looked really nasty. It looked like the people had just taken a bunch of stuff and put it into a put and added some water.

            We finished getting food and headed back to our mother to sit down and eat. Despite looking so gross, I thought some of the food was actually quite good. However, most of my siblings thought the food was absolutely disgusting and refused to eat any of it.

            We continued to sit in the circle after we were done eating. The people that were once in the center of the circle proceeded to go around the circle and serve everyone else once the women and children had been served. It was a pretty messy process from what I could see of it. People around the circle would hold out their dishes so that they were just beside the pot and the majority of the food would miss that plate. My favorites were the people who had people serve them their burning hot foot into their hands. I really did not get it. From the steam coming off the pots anyone with a brain could tell the food was hot. It did matter though because these people were insisted in having the food served into their hands.

            The food was done being served to everyone shortly after the sun set in the sky. Most of the people began to leave the Main Circle while other started to make their way to Main Circle carrying all kinds of instruments. However, the most common instrument was the Conga Drum. A circle of instrument players began to form in the Center of Main Circle. It was very calming to listen to people make music in harmony. That was until the naked people showed up to dance to the music being made. It seemed a bit erotic for little children to be watching, so my mother told us it was time to go. It seemed odd for our mother to be taking us away because there were some children who were also dancing with their grownups. No matter, we still left anyway. It really was not a place for children after all.

            Getting back to Kiddie Village was tricky to do in the dark because it was hard to see the trail. We had to use our lights to guide us. Every so often we would come across someone on the trail and shine our lights at them to see who they were and they would scream, “HIPPIE MACE!” We found it to be very entertaining, so we shinned our lights at everyone who past us on the trail until we finally saw the entrance for Kiddie Village. Once we were inside the kitchen, we said bye to our friends and we proceeded back to our camp.

            We were spent. The day was exhausting with so many different things we did. It was the latest we had stayed up since coming to the Rainbow Gathering. My siblings and I were so tired we voluntarily went to bed without a fight.

            We woke up to people screaming, “FREE FOOD IN THE WOODS.” That meant it was breakfast time. I had no idea how we had spent so long sleeping. We usually woke up before breakfast. I guess we were up later than I thought last night. Our mom handed us our plates and we went over to Kiddie Village to find they had made plain oatmeal with nuts and berries, again. It really tasted like crap because they had not put into any sugar into the oatmeal at all. As a result, most of my siblings refused to eat for the second time. This caused my mom to make us a meal that we actually liked to eat. She made us chili and we eat our food outside our camp with our friends. Some of the grownups asked us where we got our food and we told them our mom made it. This caused trouble in the kitchen. A couple of the people in Kiddie Village went back to our camp. I followed them. Once they approached my mom they proceeded to lecture her on how it was the Rainbow way to share all food in the woods with everyone. My angrily replied with, “I was feeding my children because they were hungry. I did not know it was my obligation to also feed the adults who stockpile food and refuse to give it to the children! Why don’t you focus on your own demons instead of picking on a mother simply feeding her children?” That left the group of people speechless and they left our camp in a huff mumbling to amongst themselves. I left the camp excitedly to tell my siblings how mom had told the group off.

***

            After that incident, we started to get picked on even more my Ridder and Jamaythan. They sent some really big kid over who would shove us around even more so then before. It really was not very nice. On top of that, Ridder and Jamaythan also had their other group members call us all sorts of names. This really upset us because we were not used to being physically abused by others. However being the smart children that we were, we found a way to get the big kid who was hurting us to be on our side. It turned out that this kid absolutely loved sweet things, so we gave him anything sweet that we had. More than that, we gave him a name. We started to call him Eddy. He was now on our side and we would tell him what to do. We did not tell him to hurt anyone like Ridder and Jamaythan had done. Instead we made him feel like a welcome part of our group. Just having Eddy on our side made Ridder and Jamaythan stay away from us.

 ***

            We enjoyed the next couple of days with our friends just playing around. That was until one of my siblings saw a boy from Ridder and Jamaythan’s group hold up a knife to another boy’s throat and threaten to kill him.  My siblings and I immediately went and told our mother what we saw. Our mother came out of the camp furious that this had happened in Kiddie Village and no one had stopped it. She went up to Paye and told him what had happened. He stood up and walked into the center of Kiddie Village and said, “Who has a knife.” All the children just stopped and looked at one another. Everyone was afraid to speak because they did not want to be killed. Ridder and Jamaythan just stood there looking at all the kids with smug little smiles on their faces. However, the fear did not stop my siblings and I from speaking up. I said, “It was one of the older boys who hangs out with Ridder and Jamaythan. He ran off after he saw that we were watching him. I don’t know his name. You will have to ask your sons if you want to know his name.” After I was done speaking Paye looked at all of us and said, “We will deal with this situation later.” That was the end of the conversation. He did not ask his sons who this mystery boy was. In fact, I don’t really think he cared as long as no one had died in his pristine Kiddie Village.

            No one made any effort to find this boy after Paye gave his little speech in Kiddie Village. It was like it did not matter. I could not figure out why no seemed to be taking this incident seriously. I mean a boy tried to kill another boy in an area that is designated for children within the Rainbow Gathering. To me, it should have been taken a lot more seriously. In all honesty, if someone would have called the police or Forest Rangers the boy would be charged with attempted murder and would be facing jail time. I did't understand the Rainbow Gathering version of justice. It did not seem like there was one. I thought to myself, there is nothing I can do about it now. I am only nine years old. The police will not believe me. Hopefully we will never have to come back to this dreamful place, ever again.

***

            We spent the next couple of days hanging out with our friend until it was time to leave. We gave all our friends hugs and we promised to keep in touch and try to visit them as often as possible. We then proceeded to lug everything out to our van. It was finally time to load everything back into the van and begin our next adventure.

            As we drove down the dirt road, I could not help but look out the window as the Rainbow Gathering disappeared from view. It did not feel like I was saying goodbye. It felt more like my adventure was just beginning. Somehow I knew that this would not be our last Rainbow Gathering; it would just become the first of many more to come. 

Chapter 2: Being Molested

Chapter 2: Being Molested

  

            After our stay at Disney was up, we began traveling. By moving into the van, my mom had found this new freedom within herself; she no longer had to respond to anyone. On the road, she could be her own person without worrying about what people thought about her. It became an addiction for her that could never truly be satisfied.

            We did not leave Florida for a while. We stayed at a lot of campsites along the coastline of the Florida Keys. I loved staying at these campsites. It was so calming to wake up to the ocean breeze every morning. Although, I have to admit the routine of setting up camp and then tearing down camp every two weeks was kind of annoying. I am not sure why the campsites had a rule that you could only camp consecutively for two weeks; they just did and it was annoying.

            By the time it happened, we had been to many of the campsites along the coastline of the Florida Keys and we were making our way back to stay at our favorite campsites, again. My siblings and I were in the process of setting up the enormous brown tent that was literally the size a dining room that would be found in a mansion when this woman, named Patty, with her two sons approached us. Patty chitchatted with my mother while my siblings and I slaved away sitting up camp. This is how things generally worked with my mother; my siblings and I would do all the work and after everything was done, our mother would comment on how she did all the work. We learned to just ignore her comments instead of getting angry for never getting credit for our hard work.

            We had finished setting up camp. I went over to my mother to sit near her and hear what she was talking about with Patty while my other siblings roamed around the campsite mindlessly. From that I could understand, it seemed like Patty was talking about how her son had some problems with touching people. I did not really understand what that meant, but I could tell from how my mother’s facial expression changed from a carefree expression to a concerned one that the matter must be serious.

            I left after that because the conversation became boring. However, it really seemed like Patty and my mother kicked it off because my mom had talked to her for hours and invited her to dinner afterward. I think they got along so well because Patty was living a similar lifestyle to my mother’s; Patty also lived in her car with her children. My mom always got along with people who undoubtedly supported her lifestyle and the way she was raising my siblings and I. This was probably the reason that my mother invited Patty and her two sons, Joshua who was sixteen and Bill who was ten, to dinner with us.

            My mom and Patty continued to converse over dinner while my siblings and I played with the Joshua and Bill. The boys were nice enough. We ran around the campsite playing tag with one another until the sun began to set. My siblings and I raced back to our mother only to find out that our new friends would be spending the night with us in our huge tent. We were really excited to have our new friends stay the night with us. It was hard for us to have any contact with anyone who was not part of our family because we were always moving around. As excited as I was to have Joshua and Bill stay the night, I could not helped but see that Patty was a little apprehensive to letting her sons stay the night in our tent. I was also a little uncomfortable Joshua sleeping with us because he made me feel odd.

In the end, it did not matter because Joshua and Bill ended up in our tent anyway. My siblings and I played around in the tent sharing secrets about each other with the boys until we grew too tired to talk or play anymore. Before drifting off to sleep, I felt like I was too judgmental about the Joshua when I made my initial assessment of him. I mean he was odd, but he seemed nice enough.

I awoke the next morning to a very strange feeling. It felt like someone had their hands in my pants and they were touching my private parts. I began to stir. I thought I might just be dreaming, so I wanted to wake up and make the horrid feeling go away. It was only when I finally opened my eyes that I realized it wasn't a dream at all. Joshua had his hands in my pants and was caressing my vagina. I did know what to do, so I just looked at him and he immediately took his hands out of my pants and moved back over to his sleeping area. The rest of my siblings awoke shortly after the incident. I did not dare tell any of them about what happened. I had watched enough Law and Order Episodes to know that what Joshua did was wrong, but I did not know what to do. I thought to myself, how could this happen to me I just turned nine and this stuff isn't supposed to happened to nine year old, right?

I could not bring myself to get out of bed. I needed time to think about what happened. I had to figure out a way to tell my mother. My thoughts took me back to the conversation my mother had with the woman about her son’s inappropriate touching. The more I thought about it, the more I knew this is what the woman was referring to and that is why she did not want her son sleeping in the same tent as us. I got extremely angry with my mother. I thought to myself, how could she let someone she knew was dangerous around me or my siblings? Then it came to me. This is just who my mother was. It did not matter what people told her, she always had to be right no matter what the cost might be. However this time she was wrong. The boy did have touching problems.

It really hurt the more I thought about it, so I decided I would go join my siblings for breakfast. To my surprise, I found my mother outside conversing with Patty. Apparently Patty had some errands to run and wanted to know if my mother could watch her boys while she was gone. This thought made me gag. I did not know if I could spend a day around Joshua knowing what he had done to me earlier in the day. Even worse, the thought had occurred to me, what if he tried to do it again while I was alone with him? I let that thought drift away because I made a promise to myself that I would let myself be alone with him.

Throughout the day, I watched Joshua like a hawk. I wanted to make sure he did not have a chance to do what he did to me to my other siblings. I felt like it was my obligation to protect them because our mother obviously was unable to take on the task herself. It was odd watching them all play. I felt out of place. They all seemed to get along so well together. I did not want to hurt their blossoming friend with the ugliness of what had happened to me earlier in the day. The more I thought about, the more unsure I became with my decision to disclose what had happened to me to my family. I was afraid no one would believe me in the end because my older siblings Brittany and Jake always pinned all my siblings against me and made me feel unwelcome.

I decided it did not matter what everyone thought. I had to tell my mom what happened in order to prevent what happened to me from happening to anyone else. We were all in the van watching a movie when I decided to tell my mom. I scooted up front of the van where my mother was sitting. At first, I just put my head on my knees are stared at my mother while she wrote in her journal. After what seemed like hours in that position, my mother looked over and asked, “What’s wrong, honey?” I did not know how to answer this question. I thought, how do I tell my mother I woke with a boys hand in my pants? The boy she had trusted enough that she had allowed him to sleep in our tent after just meeting him.

 I just stared at my hands while my mother rubbed my back until I finally looked up at her and saw the concern in her eyes. Seeing the concern so clearly visible in her features, I decided to tell her. I looked at my mother and said, “Mom, this morning when I woke up…your friend Patty’s son Joshua had his hand in my pants and he was rubbing my vagina.” The expression on my mom’s face changed immediately; the concern that once on her face a second ago, changed to anger. At first, I thought she was angry with me for letting the boy touch me inappropriately until she started screaming. She went right up to the older boy and screamed, who was sitting in the back of the van watching a movie with my other siblings, “GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN AND GO BACK TO YOUR CAMP, NOW!” The older boy got up and ran out of our van, almost tripping on his way out of the door.

It felt good to know the boy who had hurt me was no longer allowed to be around my siblings or me. That was until I saw the expressions on my siblings’ faces. They looked at me with such hate and resentment that I almost started to cry. I felt like I had done something wrong. I couldn't explain to them what Joshua had done to me because it felt like an excuse. My mom also did not tell them what happened either. As a result, they just assumed I had told our mom some lie because I was known in the household as the tattletale. I went around the house telling on everyone for any little thing they did. Therefore, my siblings had some basis to assume that I had told my mom something that I wasn't supposed to. However, that wasn't the case and I felt really hurt that they assumed that.

Hours later, Patty returned from her errands and found her boys back at their camp unsupervised. This spurred Patty to come over to our camp in a huff. She approached my mom immediately and started to lecture on how she was a bad person for allowing her kids go all day unsupervised when she had promised to watch them. However, Patty instantly shut up after my mom told her what her son had done to me in a hushed voice. All Patty could say after hearing this was, “Oh... I am so sorry. I warned you that he had problems…Are you going to press charges?” My mother responded by saying, “We are not going to press any charges. Savannah seems to be handling this very well. However, I think you should take your sons and leave in order to avoid any more incidence that might occur.”

I came out of my hiding spot and walked away after hearing my mother say these words. I thought I would escape unseen until I saw my mother out of the corner of my eye giving me a warning glance. I just ignored it. I couldn't believe what she had done. I had told her what the boy had done to me so that she could protect me and future children from him by telling the police. I wanted it to end like it did on the Law and Order Episodes where the bad guy got punished for the bad things that he did. I just could not believe that my mother was letting him get away. I mean he was sixteen, he had to know what he was doing was wrong. However, it did not matter because my mom had already made her final decision. She choose herself over her children. I felt hurt and portrayed by my mother. It had taken a lot for me to tell her what happened to me. All I got out of it in the end, was hate from my siblings for ruining their relationship with their friends. I would later learn, that this would just be the first of many times that my mother would chose herself over me or my siblings.