moving my blog to
http://meagolicious.wordpress.com/

I have come back from Animatsuri convention yesterday. Was pretty good, but i back down anyway. I spend all yesterday evening crying, because i realized how pathetic i am :C I was happy that i meet my friends again, and i was always very jelous of people who have many friends. Conventions in polad are very social, many, many people know each others, and if i'd not have a stand, i'd sit in a corner and don't know what to do .__. I'm always alienated, because i'm very asocial what is my and only my fault, but i can't cope with it and it's bothering me too much. I don't know what to do to get more people on my side, or be liked. I totally don't know how to talk with others, i can't put my thoughts into words so i'm incomprehensible or sounds like a dumb. Also i have a strong feeling that people just want nothing to do with me. I know that nature hates me and made a prank when i was born, and that extremaly makes me down. I have really disgusting face, and i totally ashamed to talk with anybody. I even almost hear people's thought "oh god, please, don't come closer :U " Well, if quasimodo would have female equivalent, i'd say hello. It hurts that people are hating me without even know me, and judging by the look. I know it's very important, but i couldn't choose how i look. That's not fair :C
I have only few friends, but i still don't know if they're really like me ;__; Just put away the look for a while, my psyhic is really fucked, i have mood swings all the time and it's hard to bear with me. I want to be helpful and good to everybody, but i see something oposite, that i'm really annoying. Nobody won't tell me it because of kindness, but i strongly feel it. I hate myself so much, so i don't understand how others would like me. I'm experiencing everything 10x more, and it's very depressing for me (i even crying right now, damn it).

I was hurted by many people in the past. Now I'm afraid of people and don't trust anyone. I don't see any solution to feel better. It's pathetic and i feel like i lost my life.
damn it.

so i was at the dentist yesterday morning.
I was very afraid, i also cried there waiting for my turn. You know what? It wasn't very bad O: But i will wait for other visits, cause i had my upper teeth fixed, and bottom ones are always hurts me more.
I've get gel anesthesia for inj anesthesia, so i even didn't feel it XD Also there were two types of drillers. The thin one wasn't bad, but the big one (luckily using it wasn't last long) was ouch D:< tooth didn't hurt, but the vibrations from this driller was on my all face bones, nghh D: Also i lied at the seat about +1h so i started to feel kinda bored >3<
But still, it wasn't that bad i excepted. The doctor and his assistant are kind humane, so the atmosphere was really good :>
I'm very happy that he saved my 27 molar. To be honest i didn't know at first that he's fixing 26 too, i was sure that he's doing 27 all the time, because there was a deep decay (and i didn't feel anything, and which teeth he drilled). Just after he said that 'okay 27 and 26 are ready to fill' i noticed, wow 2 teeth in the one day, sweet :> Also Aishuu who was with me said later, that she thought that he made a mistake and drilled one teeth and next the second one, but there were no mistake XD And in the end my ugly molar teeth with gray and black holes, looks so healthy and has color tone and shape just like the other ones ;u; i hope it won't break or hurt anymore
I have next visit in august - 10th, 12th, 16th, 18th and 19th. There are 11teeth to fix, 36 and 37 molars to remove, and make new 11 filling, i've get it 3 years ago but it's ugly, and there is very visible that there is filling. It shouldn't be on the front teeth :C

Okay i will back to work finally, i've had a hiatus from weekend, cause my eyes were damaged and i had to make a break from the computer to heal them D:
and some doodle. I like cobalt recently XD

Today i decided to give a chance to jellies. Mostly because 1.i have my fist visit at the dentist next week, so there are last days to eat something like that ;;W;; 2.There are my friend's namesday today C:
luckily the JellyBellies comes to Poland, so i bought 1kg pack for Aishuu's namesday \o/ There were a loot of jellies, but they are so yummy so we ate the half of packet, oh say hello to cariosity (but i have dentist on tuesday so i didn't cared XD ). So we sit in the city centre and ate ;3;
The worst thing was the beggars with childrens (these annoing ones, who are begging "for a bread" and in real they are getting money for alcohol :C ). We gave some jellys to kids, cause the girls was pretty cute, but then the mother appeared and wanted more and more. WTF we didn't get them for free D:< (plus in polland jellybellies are pretty expensive D: ). So we back to home, to share the rest of jellies

jelly leftovers XDD


omnomnom



now i'm dying~
jelly overloaded XD

A lot of people are asking me about "The Reids". Yeah, i'm not updating it for a looong time :<
But I'm working on it, even if new pages are not coming out :)
At this moment, i'm saving for surgery and my treatment, i have some commissions to finish. Also i'm working at one graphic studio now and i have various projects to do with deadlines. I'm drawing there a bit different things that i'm drawing usual, so it needs a little more effort and time. Sometimes i feel not comfortingly with my current skill level, i have to try more things, but i'm happy that they likes me and my work :)

One more about "The Reids". Some storyboards. I will try to draw some pages after finish some most important project work and such stuff :) i want to relase vol #2 so badly ;__; don't think that i neglect it by purpose XD


P.S. Antooonineee~EEeeEE <3 (sorry XD )

After the visit at the orthodontist i'm very experiencing all that things are waiting for me :C
I browse the internet to check and know all of these dentist things, i'm reading about braces, treatment, and of course about Orthognathic surgery.
I found some interesting videos with the 3D visualisations. There were various defects and how the surgery looks in various cases. I checked waht they need to do in my case, there is not very enthusiastic, but now i know more or less how it looks O:

( videosCollapse )

today i was at orthodontist to get know what is the situation with my teeth and what we can do with it.
I'm close to death from fear after what i've heard.

( It's the worst scenario i assumed DDD:>Collapse )

I'm drawing graphics for Animatsuri again :)
Wip of the picture for poster, Animatsuri's mascot Echico



uh in wednesday i'm going to the orthodontist, she will tell me how's exactly my teeth condition. I know it's very bad, but i will know the concretes, or if and how the treatment will look.
I'm scared .3.

I was in shopping mall today, to buy some shoes (lol i had... 1 pair? XD ) I hate it, cause i'm very faddy. But i found Reebok easytone and i totally loved it ;;A;; whooo also i received 2gb USB flash drive in a silicone bracelet as a gift~ (i wanted to buy usb flash drive long time ago, cause i used my sister's. Now i finally got one XD ) *dancedance*
when i was going to the exit i noticed a stand with a cupkakes
and I couldn't resist *A*


Lola's cupcakes
they looks lovely, and they are delicious ;;A;; and not too expensive 8D!


omnomnom ;;;A;;;
I'm finally happy today, now i need to back to work~ The spring is comming, so i have more energy and motivation <3

Also i decided to draw something more decent by my markers.
At first my charas on the stairs 8D - this is draft for bg, i will draw charas later (i don't know when cause i don't have much time to draw "my pictures" now ;3; ). Also there are probably some mistakes, but i'm not pro in perspective and such stuff, so i don't care now XD

I feel busy :C
That's probably one of the most hard-working time in my career (more hardcore was only while making a diploma for my art school, and make 11 of a3 sized detailed thumbelina ilustrations for the book in cmyk, on my old 1,4cpu and radeon 128mb compy LOL )
Now i'm overloaded with work. Mostly because of my own ambitions to make/finish personal projects. There are: "Meago Saga" (my first comic) final, 3rd volume; drawing "The Reids"; and visual book for "The Reids" (because i have already a visual book for my first comic, plus, i improved since publishing, so now i'm gonna make something with better quality ;3; )
Except personal projects, i still have commissions to do, and i will need to open more, cause i need money so badly, for pay for rent, debt and bills :C

oh anywayz.
Now I'm posting a draft of page from The Reids visual book i'm making. I decided to make something like "Character's title pages" with scenes/various expressions in frames (like screenshots XD ) - Sorry for making your page more wide because of horizontal-ness @u@