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That’s a digital officer, right?

Shocking news for the already-understaffed Trump administration, which on top of firing its own people for ideological impurity, also saw six members of the White House staff escorted off the grounds by security last week after they failed their FBI background checks. Among those deemed too risky to be allowed to work at the White House was Gerrit Lansing, the “Chief Digital Officer,” who was forced to walk out of the building in shame carrying a cardboard box filled with stuff from his desk, as well as his personal collection of ones and zeroes. Says Politico in an explanation that explains almost nothing,

A source close to Lansing said the issue with the background check was over investments.

What the hell kinds of “investments” would get you booted from the Trump White House? Did they find out he didn’t own shares in any Trump holdings? Maybe he had stock in a competitor to Alex Jones? Federal News Radio, which we’ll admit sounds like a made-up site but appears real enough, said Lansing has

a business interest in an online fundraising platform called Revv. Multiple media outlets report Lansing is a CEO and co-founder of Revv, however his LinkedIn profile does not include the company.

So we’ll assume it was a disclosure problem, then. Or maybe they caught him auctioning off ambassadorships that had already been promised to Trump friends. Lansing had previously worked as the chief digital officer for the Republican National Committee, although the most effective digital asset in last year’s election, Pepe the Frog, was actually made up by somebody else. Politico says Lansing left his job of his own accord February 9, which doesn’t seem to jibe with their lede saying he was among staffers escorted from the building last week. Maybe he was just one of those people who hangs around even after they’re no longer working somewhere, until they’re made to leave. Sad. Like Bartleby the Scrivener.

Another person who couldn’t pass the background check was Trump’s director of scheduling Caroline Wiles, who is presumably now free to go find a job working for someone who actually follows a schedule. Wiles was the daughter of Trump’s Florida campaign director, Susan Wiles, but we’re sure her personal connection had nothing to do with getting a White House job — she was just that good at the federal civil service scheduling test. The younger Ms. Wiles resigned Friday before the completion of the background check; Politico had no hints as to what was screwy with her security. We can at least assume she wasn’t booted for having connections to Russia, since that’s actually a prerequisite for working in the Trump White House. Sources say she will get a job in the Treasury department.

Between the people who’ve failed background checks, the ones canned for not loving Trump enough, and the Trump administration’s astonishing incompetence at actually appointing people to jobs requiring Senate confirmation — with 515 of 549 jobs still lacking even a named candidate — it is believed the Trump White House is mostly staffed by holdovers from the Obama administration, ill-tempered robots, and temps from an agency in Sevastopol, Crimea.

[Politico / Federal News Radio]

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  • alwayspunkindrublic

    Anyone else thinking Josh Duggar would be the perfect choice for “Chief Digital Officer” in the Trump White House?

  • dslindc

    How odd. Surely all that swamp draining would result in just tremendous candidates. The best, really. You’ll get tired of how upstanding they are, believe me.

  • dslindc

    And to think we could be in our second month of hearings about one of Hillary’s nominees not brewing a new pot after finishing the last of the coffee once ten years ago.

  • Oblios_Cap

    his personal collection of ones and zeroes

    And he was the biggest zero of them all…

  • Maybe I should apply.

    I could use a comfy 100 K job with gov’mint benefits.

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Place your soul in escrow first. That way you can get around the pledging-your-soul-to-Der Gropenfuhrer requirement.

  • wide_stance_hubby

    Make America Eat Shit Sandwiches Again!

  • JohnBull

    Finally, someone at least got an interview through LinkedIn.

    • “Donald J. Trump just added a connection you may know. Please submit $50 or we’ll tell everybody you’re somehow connected to Donald J. Trump.”

  • Nounverb911

    So at the rate he’s going, he’ll fill all his vacancies three years after being impeached.

    • Oblios_Cap

      Hope springs eternal…

      • PubOption

        Ms. Hicks seems to have been out of the public eye for some time. Did she realize that she would never get paid, or will Trump make her the replacement Kellyanne?

  • Bebecca

    How many times did he tell us he hires the best people?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Please don’t tell me that was bullshit, like everything else that comes out of his mouth. I’ll be sooooo disappointed to find out the rednecks in red states hired a pathological liar to lead the free world.

      • Bebecca

        maybe his definition of “best” and ours is different. Best could mean “those that give him unadulterated adoration”.

        • Alternative Pony Ron

          ‘Could’?

    • Mr. Blobfish

      Every fucking day.

    • JohnBull

      They’re so the best we’re going to be sick of them. Guess he was right.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Maybe he was just one of those people who hangs around even after they’re no longer working somewhere, until they’re made to leave.

    I’ll bet tRump stole his red Swingline stapler before he got the boot.

    • Sardonicuss

      It’s all in the TPS report.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “I’m gonna hafta ask you to come in Saturday so we can invade Crimea, okay?”

  • Sardonicuss
    • Oblios_Cap

      Great minds, etc.

  • Alan

    So is the SCROTUS exempt from background checks?

    • Nounverb911

      Only if they are the founders of their local “Future Fascists of America” club.

  • Nounverb911
    • bupkus23

      Amateurz libelz!

  • Me not sure
    • Lance Thrustwell

      Holy Schnikes, that’s a blast from the past.

      • Me not sure

        My wife says the same thing during intercourse.

  • Lizzietish81

    Wait, they do background checks? Did no one check Trump himself?

    • Vagenda and Pee-ara

      Haven’t you heard? If you’re the president, there are no rules that apply to you.

    • anon_the_great

      Uh, a whole bunch of people did

    • Vincent Ricola

      Emails.

    • Lara

      The President can’t break the law, remember? Trump said so.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        “Here, hold my beer.”

      • PubOption

        And Nixon before him.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Quis custodiet ipsum bunglecuntum hoofwankicum?

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      This is a definite bug in the system. Unlike appointees, elected officials don’t need to pass background checks. We just trust them to do the right thing. And mostly it’s worked, and then when it hasn’t, our strong institutions and/or reasonable electorate corrects it.

      tl:dr- we’re all gonna die.

  • Lizzietish81
  • Reality Kills

    Kellyanne’s advice to women:

    “When in doubt, I am going to have what he is having”.

    Sound advice! LMAO!!

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Pussy it is!

  • Vagenda and Pee-ara

    So I’ve started tracking Trump’s Gallup poll approval ratings almost every day, and he’s up two points today. Blergh…are the protests working against us? I don’t care, I still want to protest him every day until he’s out of office.

    • Vincent Ricola

      The protests are working. His approval ratings are only up because SNL took a week off.

      • Vagenda and Pee-ara

        It’s a rolling three day poll, so the fact that Trump hasn’t REALLY outraged anyone in a day or two, might also be helping him.

        • BadKitty904

          But it’s only 10AM EST, sooo…

    • Michael Smith

      One thing that Trump has going for him is he sets the bar really low, not only for his popularity but for his behavior. So when Pence comes out and says “Man, this anti-semitism is bad!” people are like “wow, that’s a shockingly reasonable thing to come out of this administration. They must be growing up!”

    • Msgr_MΩment

      What’s the Marge N. Overror?

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Marge Innovera?

      • Mary Sandoras

        +/- 3. Depending on how Marge performs.

        • Notreelyhelping

          Ask Marge about her over-under.

    • Mary Sandoras

      I have been too, waiting for the impact of this, that, and the other thing to register in their polling data. Nada, I can only assume that’s his staunch base of 38-42%.I find those numbers frightening.

      • Biel_ze_Bubba

        Same idjits that put him in office. They won’t change their opinion, because they simply don’t care. Not until he hurts them personally, which will come soon enough.

    • Resistance Fighter Astraea

      Maybe the anti-trans EO made some Republicans feel all warm and fuzzy.

    • Claire

      What’s the margin of error? Unless it’s really damn small, two points is probably just random variability. Trends over time are a better marker of what’s actually happening.

  • Nounverb911
  • Warned_and_Persistent

    If these WH unemployables can just hang on until Donald brings all the coal miner jobs back.

  • schmannity

    So we’ll assume it was a disclosure problem, then. Or maybe they caught him auctioning off ambassadorships that had already been promised to Trump friends.

    Ambassadorships are fucking valuable things.

    • mardam422

      You just don’t give them away for nothing.

    • bupkus23

      That you, Blagojevich?

  • Michael Smith

    They could make a reality show out of this.

    • Lara

      Why not? Trump’s treating it like it’s The Apprentice.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Please God, no.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Time to call Bob from Accountemps.

    • Lara

      You know, I don’t think there’s amount of money they could pay me to work in the White House or in this administration.

      • Alternative Pony Ron

        That’s okay, they were only going to be paying in ‘exposure dollars’ anyway.

    • Courser_Resistance

      Yeah, I’m a ‘Bob’ from an agency. Couldn’t pay me enough to work with that pack of shitgibbons.

  • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

    I’d prefer not to live under Fanta Hitler’s reign anymore

    • rocktonsam

      Fanta Hitler , INSTANT CLASSIC.
      EXCEPT I LOVED A COLD ORANGE FANTA IN A GLASS BOTTLE AFTER A LONG DAY OF THROWING ROCKS AT PEOPLE AS A KID…

      • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

        So many orange things have been tainted by Herr Drumpf, unfortunately.

  • anon_the_great

    Dear God. With Comey running the FBI just how can anyone fail a backround check? Cannibalism? Help me out here.

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Clearly Hillary would NOT.

    • Rick Hill

      Fail background check in trump administration=said something negative/in opposition to trump?

    • BadKitty904

      Liberalism and/or Sanity.

    • Martini Ambassador

      – Are you currently, or have you ever, knitted hats in pink yarn?
      – Is Trump the greatest president, or the absolute greatest president ever? Please explain your answer, using small words and fawning adjectives.
      – If you did not answer “Trump” to the above question, did you answer “Obama?” Please pack your bags immediately.

      • alwayspunkindrublic

        -Have you ever allowed a transgender person to pee in the restroom of their choice?

        • House0fTheBlueLights

          What is the correct translation of

          что вы говорите, г-на Путина

    • Mary Sandoras

      I think if you have Russian ties your safe with Comey.

      • Msgr_MΩment

        But Trump ties are made in China.

    • bupkus23

      Contractors do the background checks ( really! ) – but who checks the backgrounds of the contractors?

      • RC

        Like Edward just to name one

    • Vengaza Verde

      I know that this site is supposed to be all about snark, but it’s actually not that hard to pass an FBI background check. I suspect that these all failed rule #1: Don’t lie to the FBI. They really don’t care about your affair, or that you used to smoke pot. But if you lie about it, that means you are succeptible to blackmail, and they don’t like that. An abysmal credit rating will also fail you – so take that into consideration.

      Also disclose any foreign nationals that you do business with/ are friends with. I was a foreign national (naw back in Canada), and was interviewed twice by the FBI as they did background checks on a couple friends – the second time I asked how the process worked and the agent was realy forthcoming.

    • Doug Langley

      That’s easy.
      “Who did you vote for?”
      “Hillary.”
      “OUT!!!”

  • TheGrandWazoo2

    They do background checks with reckless a Bannon.

  • BadKitty904

    Donald Judas Trump couldn’t pass a background check himself, so why would he care?

    • therblig

      mr. trump, uh, there are only 29 pieces of silver here. can you please check your pockets again?

      • BadKitty904

        “But it wasn’t nailed down or anything!”

        • Shucky Ducky

          Corporal Nobby Nobbs for President! He has a signed certificate attesting that he is indeed a human being!

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Apparently the only bridge too far for conservatards is gay child molesting. It would be irresponsible not to speculate.

    • dshwa

      Isn’t it comforting to know that they do have a line somewhere?

    • bupkus23

      They don’t have a problem with gay child molesting. They have a problem with getting caught ignoring it…

  • RC

    Trump’s shrinking the government stating with White House staff

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      God his remarks yesterday about rooting out unnecessary spending. Did he talk about that before or after his 6th unnecessary trip in 5 weeks to Florida?

  • Biel_ze_Bubba

    Running like a well-oiled dumpster fire.

  • with 515 of 549 jobs still lacking even a named candidate

    It’s hard to tell if this is incompetence, disinterest, or because these assholes really don’t want a functional Federal government.

    • Martini Ambassador

      AOT, K, natch.

      • TJ Barke

        Fer sure.

    • Rick Hill

      I tell you, this is trump’s way of saving money, using fewer people to do the job. assides, in his mind, guvernment is useless so those people don’t really do anything important. I look for outside agents to start looking at this and seeing a weakness to exploit.

    • House0fTheBlueLights

      This is the downside of “draining the swamp.” It’s relatively easy to find the top 20 or so high-profile people from your own little mud puddle. But all those down-tier salamanders are part of the party establishment, and you need to know them, and they need to trust you. Can’t just move everyone over from Breitbart and Fox.

      • Notreelyhelping

        Release the salamanders!

        • eggsacklywright

          No noots!

    • DahBoner

      Yes.

  • Jgb979

    If only there was a background check one had to pass for presidency……

    Like say:

    Publically releasing a record of how much federal taxes you’ve never paid

    • Msgr_MΩment

      Like any sane politician would ever release her taxes.

  • goonemeritus

    If the Trump administration is going to exclude the grossly unethical and insane from the pool what hope do they have finding thousands of people to fill these posts.?

  • Msgr_MΩment

    A short documentary on the American electorate.
    https://www.facebook.com/inthenow/videos/767317753418596/

    • Michael R

      Part one preparation for ” Rupauls Drag Race “

  • ImPEECH!

    I’m still waiting for the witch detection tests for screening out White House job candidates to become our next reality show infotainment.
    If the candidate floats in water for greater duration than a duck, it’s a witch and deemed a hazard and a liability in this Administration.
    If the candidate’s head is filled with “very small rocks” it’s qualified and will be asked how soon it can start working, perhaps even that very day if it suits~

  • House0fTheBlueLights

    Not to mention Pruitt’s now-revealed position as a paid shill for oil and gas. Oh right, feature not bug blah blah blah

    • BadKitty904

      I think that was just assumed…

  • WotsAllThisThen

    It wasn’t her connections that got her the job, it was her lifelong love of scheduling. Alas, her passion turned dark and she has things on her calendar she isn’t proud of. Some meetings you just can’t cancel.

    So she’s leaving to schedule more time with her family.

  • shivaskeeper

    Background checks for security clearances can be funny sometimes. I’ve seen someone get denied for less than $30 that was in collections for an unpaid cellphone bill that they didn’t disclose because they didn’t know about it. I’ve also seen someone who tried to get in on the dot com boom and go under to the tune of 800K before declaring bankruptcy get a clearance because it was disclosed.

    • Jennaratrix

      Most people don’t understand how clearances work; it’s not what you’ve DONE, it’s what you try to HIDE (with some exceptions). If the government knows everything about you, no one can use anything in your past against you as leverage to get you to spill secrets. The point of a clearance investigation is to disclose anything and everything so that you’re not blackmailable. That’s the first mistake people make, thinking that their past actions will cost them a clearance; they might, but you will definitely not get a clearance if you fail to disclose something and the investigation turns it up. It really is a situation where it is imperative that you be scrupulously honest.

      Which is probably why Trump appointees are having such a hard time passing.

      • One of my friends in the military (he was in a different service) worked in the intelligence section in his service’s HQ. He had the top clearance in existence, and what always surprised me was he had, as a teen, been charged with murder. It was self-defense, but it was still on his record.

        What got slipshod during the Bush years, was that they outsourced so many of those “investigations.” I remember what it took to get my clearance, so it was a shock to find out Snowden had one, despite lying about his college, his qualifications, and his activities. Yeesh.

      • Juan de Fuca

        it’s not what you’ve DONE, it’s what you try to HIDE (with some exceptions).

        That’s pretty much how it works and I still carry a clearance, I think. It’s what you try to hide for the most part. The best man at my wedding 20 years ago was a young troop who never returned a rental car when he was 17 or 18. Had to go to court over it as a civilian. I know – of course, dipshit, right? Anyway, he was a kid, made a mistake and later joined the military as an intel analyst.

        He received a top secret clearance because he admitted to it, put it down on the form. Became in an intel analyst in the Army and now works in intel as a civilian.

        It’s the lies and what you’re hiding that’ll always catch up with you. For the most part, they want to know if you can be bribed and if you’re trustworthy.

  • Michael R
  • OneYieldRegular

    You must be >this< craven to ride this ride.

  • therblig

    “How was I supposed to know that Teapot Dome was already leased?”

  • WotsAllThisThen

    Would you like to work for the Trump administration?

    A) No! I have lived my whole life with integrity and I’m not throwing that away now.
    B) Eh, why not. Wouldn’t be the worst thing I’ve ever done.

    • BadKitty904

      C) Why should I be the only person in the Trump Administration who’s actually working?

  • therblig
  • fawkedifiknow

    Christ, they can’t even get the “First Lady” (actually, she’s the third) moved in, say nothing of all those other no-bodies.

  • azeyote

    trump couldn’t pass a background test to get a burger franchise –

    • Alternative Pony Ron

      Not with his financial history.

      • Or his habit of groping female employees.

        DEFENDANT: “Yeah, I shoved Mr. Trump’s face into the deep fryer. Bastard grabbed my pussy!”

        JUDGE: “Case dismissed.”

  • Alternative Pony Ron

    News from the Future:
    With the 2020 election just two weeks away, the Trump administration still has 491 vacancies to fill. Three candidates to fill positions at State were rejected yesterday by the President for ‘being too tall.’

    • BadKitty904

      Therefore, the Republican Congress has decided to postpone the election “until further notice”.

    • Doug Langley

      Taller than Prima Donnie? Just what were they thinking??

  • Hairstrike Alpha

    But, but all the internet Nazis don’t have jobs! Why doesn’t Donnie draw from they, his most loyal supporters?

    • They could probably pass a background check, since they never left their mother’s basement!

  • The Librarian

    Hello, I Must be Going.
    You Say Hello and I Say Goodbye
    The Goodbye Girl

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Sevastopol eh? When Henry Worrall wrote a guitar piece of the same name, in 1860, to evoke the Crimean War, in open D (D A D F# A D), little did he know what Elmore James would do with the “Sevastopol Tuning” around a century later:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aKo80b-QfK0

  • Juan de Fuca

    Remember how in the good ol’ days (pre-2017) when we believed that leadership began at the top? That the entire organizational climate was established by the guy in charge? It’s basic leadership, taught at the recruit level in military boot camp and in most colleges, business schools, etc.

    So if we’re really serious about “making America great again”, shouldn’t we start by getting a person at the top who can pass a background check himself?

  • Anna Rompage

    Speaking of background checks, I heard a great story on NPR yesterday about the 15,000 new border patrol agents Trump wants to hire and send to the hinterlands to patrol our borders.

    The issue at hand is that these agents are considered to be law enforcement, and because of this, have to submit to a polygraph test. The problem is when they expended the force during the Bush years, they couldn’t find enough people wiling to go down and live on the border in Bum Fuck Egypt Texas that could actually pass the polygraph test. They actually found a lot of folks who had lied on their application about previous felony backgrounds, as well as people being connected to Mexican drug cartels.

    You’d think the powers that be would take a go slow approach and make sure all patrol agents are vetted, seeing that we’re doing that to those scary immigrants these days, but this is not the case. The head of DHS is proposing to revamp the poly test so that those folks who are ex-cons, or who are working for drug cartels have a better chance at making it through the test..

    Trump; Making America Bigly Grate Again…

    • BadKitty904

      Being Republicans, perhaps they’ll outsource the jobs to cheap foreign labor…say, to Mexico or some such.

    • Polygraph tests? We don need no steenkin’ polygraph tests!

      • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

        So…if your parrot can write a legible sentence in English or Spanish, he’s in?

    • DahBoner

      Can’t pay me enough to live in Texas.

    • Doug Langley
    • Given the number of incompetents, less-than-stellar people recruited to be TSA agents, that they haven’t learned is … not a shock.

      Getting people to move out to BF Egypt, let alone stay there, is always a problem for law enforcement agencies. I was talking to one of our senior state troopers, and he was bemoaning the high turnover in our area. Apparently, young troopers don’t want to be stuck out in the middle of nowhere, patrolling mile after mile of “nothing here.”

  • DahBoner
  • AnnieGetYerFun

    Word on the street is that Caroline was canned for canned clams.

    • snark-lurker

      Was she a dealer? or just a user?

  • snark-lurker

    I am led to wonder what kind of Obama hold-over staff (outside of culinary) would stoop to serving this OPOS.

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