I must congratulate you for your deep insight into your inclination. The fact that you realize harming children is evil is a very big step from your part. Other pedophiles try to rationalize their behaviors and tell that society just not understand etc. However, I cannot understand the great contradiction between your realization that sexually abusing children is bad on the one hand and your watching of cp on the other. I know that not all of our human behaviors and decisions are rational, but still, don’t you think that by watching that kinds of stuff you are participating in abuse of children? Why should this be acceptable to you? I do know that many of those images have been produced long ago and the perpetrators are behind bars, or that they are being produced in undeveloped areas where children are worthless anyway and you might be feeling different about these areas, but still, by viewing cp, you are contributing to the abuse of children. Many other people like you sure exist, and by only increasing views and downloads, you create more demand, and then producers try to satisfy it. If people viewed less cp, there would be less demand. These contradictions aside, I cannot see you as a danger to society, as other respond here. People are to hyperemotional on those subjects and are quick to stigmatize anyone telling something different to the accepted dogma, in that case, that all pedophiles are dangerous and should be locked behind bars/castrated/executed. Pedophilia is what homosexuality was in the previous ages. People don’t want to talk about it or think that it exists, and try to do as much as they can to dehumanize the perpetrators. However, countries like Germany have started to make a more rational approach to that matter. Although I cannot condone your actions, and acts with children seem repulsive to me, still, according to how you describe yourself, you seem not a danger to society or to any real life child. Just be careful lest one day your urges become more dangerous, although I am sure that you are able to control them. Now I do have some questions for you: 1. How common is cp on the Internet? Is it found in the surface web or in the deep web? And doesn’t downloading it create safety problems with your computer? Isn’t it possible that malicious software can get into your computer and have access to your files? I want to explore the deep web but don’t want to stumble on this kind of stuff. What should I avoid and how can I download everything else without problems? 2. Have you ever thought that your dislike of children could be a subconscious defense mechanism to prevent harm to them? Because your views of children seem too exaggerated to me. Surely there are those who seem like the spawn of Satan and are loud and destructive, but most of them are quite well-behaved. 3. If you say that sex with adults is much more fun than anything with children, then why don’t you focus mainly in adults and neglect your desire of children? If it is something marginal, I don’t think it would interfere much in your life anyway. 4. There are countries with a much lower age of consent. Honestly 18 seems to high to me. Not that I condone or like relationships with much age disparity, but people must be able to make their own choices. People between, say, 16 and 18 aren’t exactly children, and in many countries that is recognized and the age of consent is down to 16 or even lower. And then there are some undeveloped or culturally very different to the West countries where relationships with even younger people are recognized. I cannot agree with that, but on the other hand that is their culture and I should not complain. Have you ever thought of travelling or staying there?