TL:DR The myth that mothers, teachers and society teach us about the way to get love from a woman is to respect her is a lie. Women frequently test men to see if their men will stand up to them, to know if these men will stand up to others for them. Nice guys do not fill women's need to be protected. Either stand up to women all the time or go MGTOW.
I recently read a book titled, "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B004C438CW
In it he covers the big reason why nice guys don't get the love they need. This book described how men brought up in female led households have a difficult time in relationships with women. Most of it was based on these mens inability to get their needs met because they did not treat women the way women need to be treated. I was brought up to treat women with respect and to always be a gentleman. The problem is that most women do not respect men who treat them with respect. There is no reciprocity.
This idea that my good guy attitude, and the idea that I could change to conform to a women's needs at first gave me great peace. I thought that there was a solution to my constant loneliness. But upon further thought, I don't think I can or want to change in that way. These ideas have removed my foundation for behavior and thought.
As the book explains, women have an understandable innate need to feel safe and secure. But there is a problem with the way they test their safety and security in relationships. They test the men in their lives to see if the men can stand up to an outside threat by disobeying, berating, mocking, and attacking them. This behavior should cause the men to expel women from their lives, except for the deep need in men for female approval and companionship.
Women are looking for men that will stand up to them. Their weird thinking is, 'if this guy will deal with my misbehavior strongly, then he is strong enough to stand up for me.' We see this in women from the time they are young girls to old age. They act out against their fathers, brothers, lovers, and husbands. It is present in a single woman, and in large groups.
My ex-wife tested me, and for years I pushed back. But then stress at work, and illness wore me down, and I was unable to push back as much. She was always so energetic, and with her job she had plenty of time to take care of herself. She wore me down. Because I no longer had the strength to stand up to her, she lost respect and love for me. The relationship ended there. The rest of our time together was just fighting and hostility.
In our married life I provided for my wife, defended her, and was a loyal husband. But because I did not have the strength to constantly fight her emotionally and in her eyes prove to her that I can provide safety and security, I lost her love.
But how is putting up with her emotional tests a good way for her to test my willingness to provide safety and security? In the past men were able to counter a woman's great ability to inflict emotional harm with a great ability to inflict physical harm. That is illegal, but there has been no equivalent punishment of women inflicting emotional harm on others.
My life has been full of emotional pain inflicted on me by the women in my life. I don't have the emotional tools to deal with these attacks, because my mother set me up for failure, and emotionally attacked my father relentlessly. As a child, my mother also enlisted the help of the medical profession in drugging me so that I would be more controllable and emotionally stunted. My mother pushed several doctors to treat me with a cocaine derivative (Ritalin) even though my symptoms were in most cases opposite of the symptoms Ritalin was normally prescribed to treat. They dulled my emotions and made me even more controllable.
No woman is looking for a man with dulled emotions and is easily controllable. Women are subconsciously looking for a dominant man. Their need for a dominant man in their lives seems to be even greater when their father was not dominant over their mother, or the children. Since the law is clearly in womens favor, they know that there is no way a man can be dominant, they can always make a false claim against him to have him arrested. It is enough for a woman to tell the police that she felt threatened. The police then have to arrest the man.
It is my mother who taught me to be kind to women. I, like many men in the last 40 years, grew up in a female dominated home. My father was not a big influence in my life. My mother taught me that I had to treat women nicely, and that if I did, they would love me. The exact opposite is true. The better men treat women, the more turned off they are. With this set of obstacles, how can a man like me ever have a successful long term relationship?
I don't want to live with a woman that has the need to constantly test my ability to protect her by inflicting emotional pain on me. Does this make me a bad guy. Yes, in the eyes of women.
This situation does not make women happy. And it certainly does not make men happy. If I could only go my own way and avoid women, I would be alright. But I have an emotional need for the approval and company of women. But I am not equipped for dealing with women and their emotional tests. And my mother did everything she could to make sure that I could not cope with these emotional tests.
Some people might think that the best option is to find “the right woman” that will not have a need to test her partner. But this need women have is innate, not cultural. Yes it is exacerbated by cultural trends and media, but it is very unlikely that I will find a woman that does not do this.
All my life I have been taught to seek female approval. That has been my core goal in life. Now that I realize that is not realistic, and a waste of time, my whole foundation of my motivation has crumbled. For several days now I no longer have the desire to do anything but the basics in life.
I like me, the way I am, and I don't want to change. But at the same time I don't want to be alone. When I look at the possibility of having another relationship where the woman in my life, constantly and emotionally tests me, even if I make all the changes necessary, I see no reason to change. Besides that, I have not met any women that give me hope that there is a woman out there worthy of me changing my whole personality for. I am caught between a rock and a hard place. Neither way is good. I just need to decide which path is less bad, and move that direction. MGTOW is the only answer that fits.
ここには何もないようです