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How Can I Stop My Roommate's Inappropriate Interactions w/My Child?? (self.legaladvice)

MrsWingo が 投稿

Throwaway, roommate knows my Reddit. This is happening in Texas:

I've been living in the same apartment for several years. A month into this year long lease, my old roommate got married and found someone else to take over the remainder of the lease. This was between her and the landlord, I had no input. I have an 11 month old daughter who we will call Patty. Every single time I put Patty down, my current roommate picks her up. Every. Single. Time. It's gotten to the point that I cannot so much as go to the bathroom w/o taking her w/me because he will scoop her right up, asleep or not. At first it was nice to have someone take an interest in my child, as she has no other male role model, but it's gotten to be too much and I'm pretty sure he's trying to convince her that he's her father. I tell him not to touch my daughter ever, but the only way I can prevent him from doing so is by holding her myself. As a side note, his parents come over and also want to hold my daughter, it has become evident to me that they think they're her grandparents and I have no idea how to address that (I haven't had the opportunity yet. They are kind, not creepy like their son, and dote on my daughter). It was my babysitter that clued me in on this, as they came over while my roommate was out of town to check on the baby. My sitter didn't know he wasn't actually the child's father until recently. She thought we were platonically co-parenting our shared offspring.

I'm stuck in a lease w/someone who will not respect boundaries yet isn't doing anything illegal. I have nowhere else that I can go and he isn't doing anything blatantly illegal. What can I do here??

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[–]kittykattkay 177 ポイント178 ポイント  (10子コメント)

Wow what the fuck. I think your best option is to move out. OP, what did he say when you told him not to touch your daughter??

[–]MrsWingo[S] 123 ポイント124 ポイント  (9子コメント)

He once said that I can't sit around on my ass and let my daughter cry all day. Patty absolutely is not going off the handles every time I put her down --and true to form she is fine to fly off the handles whether she is being held or not. Even when she is crying, you of course still have to put babies down sometimes because it helps them learn to self soothe; sometimes you simply have to get stuff done and cannot do that while holding onto your child.

He has also said that I can't let the swing or TV or those little dissolving food puffs raise Patty. In his opinion, those things are a substitute that I have to fall back on due to Patty's father being out of the picture.

[–]Gorilla1969 204 ポイント205 ポイント  (2子コメント)

None of this is his decision to make. Please tell him to fuck right off and take his unsolicited advice with him.

[–]RDay 102 ポイント103 ポイント  (0子コメント)

seriously, this is some kidnapping level bullshit. They may be trying to gaslight you into thinking this is your fault.

Your daughter is in a toxic environment, IF he won't take no for an answer. Get out.

[–]otistoole 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I second this. The nerve of this prick.

[–]redwoodrunaway 60 ポイント61 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And he is an expert...why??? HE doesn't get to decide how little Patty is raised, and it reeks of blatant narcissism that he would try to inform you on how to parent.

If your landlord is a parent, maybe a chat would gain you some sympathy in breaking this idiot out of his lease.

[–]stephyt 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's not his call. I have two little sons. My husband is very much in the picture but they both used swings and puffs. They are fine. They also used all sorts of toys to learn how to independently play because that is important.

[–]SeaStarSeeStar 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You ask him why he thinks he gets to make parenting decisions on a child that's not his?

[–]newginger 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I have had to give my older kids holy hell when they pick up the baby. He never would have learned to walk if I didn't. Plus I want the little guy to be independent, not be a suck that needs to be picked up. It spoils their curiosity and exploration in my opinion to pick them up all the time. I get where my 11 and 13 year old are coming from. Babies are cute and fairly irresistible. But dammit put the kid down, he was playing!

[–]Hydrangeas0813 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (1子コメント)

OP if he escalates please go to a woman's shelter. They have more resources and options than you and I. They could have a lawyer who would help you get out of the lease with this dangerous man. He's bunny boiling scary. Check your state laws and record yourself telling him not to pick up your child or touch her anymore. Get some nanny cams if you can. Talk to the police about your options.

[–]Aml2012 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is really good advice--- social service organizations often have a lot of programs and resources they don't advertise and many people wouldn't think are out there. There is one in my area that will pay for you to change your locks if you are a victim of assault/violence.

[–]duck_diver 87 ポイント88 ポイント  (17子コメント)

A month into this year long lease, my old roommate got married and found someone else to take over the remainder of the lease. This was between her and the landlord, I had no input.

So you and the old roommate were on separate leases?

[–]MrsWingo[S] 58 ポイント59 ポイント  (16子コメント)

Same lease. Should I have had input?? Like by law?

[–]duck_diver 110 ポイント111 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Yes, that's an invalid lease change. If you didn't sign the new lease then it's not valid, you're still technically on the old lease with the old roommate. Edit: Did you sign this new lease, with the new roommate?

[–]ughhghghghugh 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (6子コメント)

If she did not sign a lease with the new roommate, could this new man possibly be removed from the apartment? Would he still have to be evicted if he stayed long enough, or would the invalidity of the lease take that hurdle away?

[–]JerryLupus 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (5子コメント)

He doesn't, and likely couldn't, have a valid lease so he would have to be evicted.

[–]MrsWingo[S] 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Can they even evict him w/out evicting me if we are on the same lease? Which we are because he replaced my old roommate.

[–]WarKittyKat 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think what people are saying is that it's more complicated than "you are on the same lease." The old lease was a contract between you, your roommate, and the landlord. Generally a contract cannot be changed without the consent of all parties.

What all the implications of that are I'm not sure. I would see if you qualify for legal aid or find some other way to consult a lawyer.

[–]mrsbond007 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (0子コメント)

IANAL but if you and the old roommate were on the same lease, you should have been able to have input since you were a signer on the original lease. So to sum it up, In my non professional opinion, yes you definitely should have been able to have input on who your new roommate would be, or if you even wanted one.

[–]Cypher_BlueQuality Contributor 452 ポイント453 ポイント  (25子コメント)

You can have a second adult there at all times.

You can move out.

You can contact the police and file a report.

You can move out.

You can seek a restraining order.

You can move out.

I know which option I would undertake.

[–]bubblestring 116 ポイント117 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I know which option I would undertake.

All of them?

[–]realjackryan 45 ポイント46 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Hint, he said one of them 3 times.

[–]CoolingtonBeans 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

But that sweet security deposit tho

[–]MrsWingo[S] 66 ポイント67 ポイント  (17子コメント)

Thank you for responding. I will file a police report. I thought it would not be helpful because tending to my child isn't illegal. I thought I could not get a restraining order because this situation does not rise to a high enough level for one to be granted. I guess I'm just going to have to take this hit I'll get after leaving this apartment complex w/out terminating my lease. I will move out ASAP and try to find someone else to take over my lease, and if I can't then oh well, at least this guy will be out of my hair and away from my daughter.

[–]bubblestring 87 ポイント88 ポイント  (13子コメント)

I strongly suspect this guy will claim he is your daughter's father when the police come knocking.

[–]MrsWingo[S] 64 ポイント65 ポイント  (12子コメント)

Me too! I have always thought he will say exactly that!

[–]Punishtube 88 ポイント89 ポイント  (7子コメント)

I'd just keep a copy of her birth certificate and all records in an easy to get to but SECURE place just in case he does try anything

[–]drinkingcognac 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (6子コメント)

There is DNA testing, it's not that easy to just claim a child as yours.

[–]TychaBrahe 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (5子コメント)

DNA testing takes time. Hopefully someone else is on the birth certificate as the father.

[–]MrsWingo[S] 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (4子コメント)

DNA testing takes time. Hopefully someone else is on the birth certificate as the father.

Yes, it does. No, there isn't. :( I do know who her father is, he is in Leavenworth for doing several very stupid things.

[–]Minchialino 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Shits going to probably get scary after that restraining order.

[–]cassodragon 19 ポイント20 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Agree - this sounds quite scary. I'll bet anything he told his parents she's his daughter. Get away from this guy, OP. You daughter's safety is worth breaking the lease.

[–]-izzle 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Trust your gut please

[–]sonofaresiii 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well that's pretty easy to disprove... It really seems like you haven't thought this through or even consider it that big a deal.

[–]InerasableStain 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

How's your relationship with your landlord? Is he reasonable? Does he have kids? I'd try talking to him and explaining the situation. It's very possible you won't take a hit at all. I'm a landlord and I have kids. If you came to me with this situation and couldn't find a sublet, I'd prorate the time it took to find a new tenant and not touch the deposit.

Even if you forfeit the deposit, just do it. My gut is telling me these are the kind of people who will disappear with a kid one day.

[–]CheckStuffAustin 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The issue is that this person is my tending to your child... You have told them not to touch your child, on multiple occasions, and it's clear this has stepped into the realm of inappropriate touching. This should land him in jail if im not mistaken. This attitude is way too lax.

[–]MaddogOIF 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Filing a police report could help in your favor for trying to dissolve the lease. I don't know enough legally to give you any certainty, but a police report is always a strong recommendation as supporting documentation. It may also help prevent him from going after you legally for leaving him with the bills.

Out of curiosity, what part of Texas are you from? I'm also from Texas and know one or two Texas LEO and I could ask them how they would respond to a situation like this.

[–]fuzeebear 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Followup question: can she move out?

[–]zuesk134 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

A police report for what exactly?

[–]Cypher_BlueQuality Contributor 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (1子コメント)

In Texas, unwanted physical contact is an assault. If a person is continuing to touch the infant against the wishes of the parent, then assault charges could be filed.

[–]ughhghghghugh 47 ポイント48 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So, if I'm understanding you properly, a man in your house feels that he has a right to make decisions for your child and override yours, is clearly implying that you're a bad parent, and has proven that he will not listen to what you tell him to or to not do with your child. He's made it very clear to you that he will not be following anything you say, and is trying to convince people around you two that he is in a rightful situation to make decisions for your daughter.

Seems logical that he is going to escalate into trying to kidnap your daughter, or take some other extreme measure so he can have her for himself.

There is no possible way this will end up well if you keep her with him. You need to remove her immediately from the situation, file a police report, try to get a restraining order, and feel thankful that this man hasn't yet tried to do something that could permanently damage you or your child. Good luck.

[–]Eletal 60 ポイント61 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Op a way to think of this is, what if something happens? What if he crosses the line at some point. The first thing the cops will do is involve CPS/ social services. They will investigate and a big question they will ask is, if you knew/ suspected he might be a threat to your child then 1. why did you not report him? and 2. why did you stay and keep your child there? I would guess that there is a strong possibility that your child could be removed from your care if they believe you purposefully kept your child in his presence to be his victim.

So seriously either move out or give him written notice to stop, document everything and if he doesn't stop you call the police immediately and file for and RO. Also buy a nanny cam and keep that thing on your child 24/7.

[–]apexian 51 ポイント52 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Sit him down and explain to him, in no uncertain terms, that he is not to touch your child in any way without express permission from you. Ask him to sign a letter to that effect. If you do that and he still persists, you have the option of calling the police and filing a report. However, law enforcement will probably get social services involved, which can create complications.

At the end of the day, your best option is to find a way to move out.

[–]JerryLupus 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

She always has the right to call the police, they aren't going to enforce a written agreement so that's a waste of time because she's ready told the guy: HANDS OFF.

[–]ConditionYellow 38 ポイント39 ポイント  (10子コメント)

Something's doesn't smell right. If you signed a new lease with this new tenant, then you had input.

You tell this guy to not touch your child and he keeps touching her? His parents think it's his child?

If someone touched my 11 month old baby after being told not to, they'd be picking up their teeth with broken fingers. But that's me.

I can't understand why you would sleep one more night in a place where someone was laying hands on your child against your wishes.

This whole situation doesn't make sense at all to me.

[–]MrsWingo[S] 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I didn't sign a new lease with him, though. I signed a lease with my old roommate who moved out one month into it. I want to clarify that I do not allow this man to touch my child in any way, but the way I have to prevent him from doing so is by having my child in my arms at all times. I bring her pack and play into the bathroom when I shower. I wear her to cook and clean. If I am not behind a locked door or in constant physical possession of my daughter, who would very much like to so much as walk around her home, he will pick her up.

I don't have anyone else in my life to stay with, and I know that I can't just get out of my lease unscathed. I'd like to be able to make him leave. I don't know how I can do that, not quickly. It also occurs to me that filling a police report about a situation I now go to all lengths to prevent may not be effective. Or provable. Same with getting a restraining order. I feel very defeated about that so if anyone can provide more insight there I will appreciate it.

If I can't make him leave, I am going to move out as soon as I can. I'm not going to sit on this problem if there is no other solution. But now I'm going to wind up with an eviction on my record and owing money that I don't really have. I will try to find a sublet. I don't have friends in the area and I feel a certain amount of guilt about trying to put someone else in this position. I'll have to inform them about him if I want to live with my self and I know that will be counterproductive.

[–]valleyvictorian 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Why can't you start eviction procedures on the roommate? Tell your landlord, give him the proper notice, tell him it's not working out, and get the guy out of there.

[–]lizardjustice 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Because the landlord would have to evict the roommate, not OP.

[–]haileybop 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not necessarily. If he's not on the lease, then she would be able to evict him. (At least in my state, GA, where I'm a property manager. IANAL, nor am I in Op's state.)

[–]sobedog 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Agreed, there has to be a whole lot more she's not disclosing here.

[–]MrsWingo[S] 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (4子コメント)

The only thing that I haven't put out there is that I very much do not think he's a pedophile that's trying to groom my daughter. I think he thinks I'm not a competent parent because I'm single. He might think we are his premade family at this point, and I do think his parents are probably pushing him toward this. I think he thinks he can wear me down. He gives off no creepo-pedo vibe at all, and people who know him would find him charming and intelligent.

[–]jbaughb 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not to stand up for pedos or anything, but this isn't the movies. Charming and intelligent people can be criminals and pedophiles too.

[–]iHasABaseball 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not saying he is or isn't, but criminals are very often charming and intelligent. Especially lunatic criminals. Few pedophiles give off some obvious, public sign of their behavior. Otherwise people wouldn't be so surprised when they discover the act has occurred.

[–]apprehensiveabtthis 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I was thinking he was in love with you and wanted to raise your daughter together.

[–]shethensaid -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do not let your daughter be alone with him for even a second. With that thought process he already has you groomed so he can begin the grooming process on your daughter. As a victim of sexual abuse when I was just a child this is how it started for me.

[–]jb537 34 ポイント35 ポイント  (7子コメント)

It is a crime - assault and battery.

Sec. 22.01. ASSAULT. (a) A person commits an offense if the person: (3) intentionally or knowingly causes physical contact with another when the person knows or should reasonably believe that the other will regard the contact as offensive or provocative.

I am not a lawyer, but a police officer. I think you should do the following:

1) Explain to him (again) that he is not to touch your child unless there is an extreme circumstance that requires intervention. Be sure to tell him that you WILL call the police if he touches your child again. 2) If that doesn't work, call the police when he touches your child again. The police may charge him or they may try to mediate the dispute first. If they try to mediate and you want to give him a last chance, ask the officers to explain to him that he WILL be charged if it happens again.

At the same time you are doing what I recommend above, tell your landlord (in writing) that your roommate is inappropriately touching your infant child if you are out of sight. Ask to break the lease and move, or have the other roommate evicted ASAP. There may be other angles to use when approaching the landlord that other posters are more qualified to give advice about, but be sure to use the police and landlord concurrently to solve your problem.

Your roommates behavior is odd. He's either dense or malicious, but it's tough to judge from the outside. I have never seen anything like this before and it raises some red flags about his mental health. What sane, rational person touches another person's child after being told not to?

[–]cacille 28 ポイント29 ポイント  (5子コメント)

I'd love to know if you asked him the question "Why do you think it's your right to pick up my daughter?" Just let him answer the question himself. Look for clues in his answer.

It may be he's just playing dad.

It may be he's starting to groom her for other reasons.

It could be his parents are goading him to give them grandkids so he's kinda soothing their baby fever as best as he can.

It could be any number of totally inane or harmful reasons - you need to find out which one it is, and then make your decision, set STRONG boundaries (or move), or whatever. The way I see it, a child should have as many adults who love her as are available in her life. More the merrier. Unless the adult has harmful intentions. Which he probably doesn't, but I'm glad you're being careful.

[–]apprehensiveabtthis 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Uh...he doesn't strike me as a pedophile.

If we switched the gender around and this was a woman doing this, everyone would say she was just baby hungry.

[–]TheAzureAardvark 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (10子コメント)

IANAL but 1) If you ask him not to touch your child, and he touches her, you may be able to get a restraining order from against him for her. 2) If you have a restraining order against him, he may be required to be the one who moves out:-)

[–]Jessie_James 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Landlord here, but not TX.

my old roommate got married and found someone else to take over the remainder of the lease. This was between her and the landlord, I had no input.

If you signed a lease for only the room, with the landlord, then this is legal. In this case, I would give notice and move out. Find another roommate on Craigslist to replace you. Offer to pay $200 - $300 to take over the lease (or leave your security deposit).

If you signed a co-lease for the entire apartment, and you co-signed that with the original roommate, and the two of you did that together with the landlord on one lease only, then the landlord has violated your lease ... in a massive way. In this case, you would be financially liable for the entire rent on the unit. You could make a fuss about the violation of the lease, probably need a lawyer, get him kicked out, and then the unit would be yours and you would have to pay the entire amount.

[–]sportyspice85 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

OP... this is very scary.. please do NOT leave your child anywhere near this creep, I wouldn't look away for a minute. Is there anywhere you can temporarily stay then do a restraining order?. I am worried for y'all please stay safe. You are in my thoughts and prayers

Edit: wording

[–]GodfreyLongbeard 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I believe he did commit a crime. If you told him to never touch your baby, and the wasn't a life threatening emergency, and he touches her, it's battery.

[–]drinkingcognac 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Do you have your own room? Put the baby's crib in the room, and always leave your baby in there and lock the door, even if it's for a minute.

[–]sageberrytree 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I know you mean well, but the point is that this should not be a problem. If she says don't pick up the child, he should respect that. And, kids that age need to explore their surroundings, environment to learn!

[–]drinkingcognac 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

He's clearly not respecting her wishes.. so for now to keep the child away from him, the best thing to do is to put the baby in her room. Obviously it shouldn't be a problem, I wasn't suggesting that as a permanent solution.

[–]hazapez 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

take some fucking initiative and threaten him w legal action or move out, confront him dead on.

[–]i010011010 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

For fuck's sakes, you're a parent. Act like one. If some random person off the street started handling your kid, are you going to pull this same wishy washy shit and post about it to Reddit?

[–]Wildfire9 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

As a father of twins, if someone picked my kids up after i exhaustively put them down im not sure i could contain my anger. This guy is creepy and i would move out immediately.

[–]sonofaresiii 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Of course this is blatantly illegal. He has no right to pick up your child, especially when you've told him not to. This is pretty serious. Record him doing it and you telling him not to once or twice. Then call the cops.

No, you don't need to hide it from him.

Overall, because of how blatantly fucked up this is, I wonder if you were actually very clear about this. I don't see how you don't possibly say "put my baby the fuck down right now." like how does that go down, you ask him not to, he does, and you just say oh okay? Tell him if he touches your baby again you're calling the cops. That'll get the message across.

[–]geth117 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Get a lawyer tell your landlord to get this guy the hell out of the apartment or you will are you will go forward with legal action due to your landlord turning a blind eye to the creep in your apartment and along with some of the shady business practices he seems to have. If he still doesn't comply with you threatening legal action take this to the news I'm sure they would love to hear stories like this.

[–]AdiabaticFriction 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

She is your child. Not his. Period. Personally, I would be very aggressive about maintaining boundaries.

Try to talk to your landlord. You were there first, not him. See if you can find someone to replace him and get him kicked out.

Also, it seems to me that touching a child without permission would be abuse or harassment. Have you talked to law enforcement?

[–]bubblestring 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hey is it definitely not a coincidence that your daughter is "Patty" and you're "Mrs. Wingo?"

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