
..but you can always return to your previous path….
“Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” ~Cherokee Proverb
Age is a funny thing, isn’t it? It’s both an internal and external measurement by which many of us, consciously or not, judge our successes and failures, and how we are often judged by others: “she’s so young to be CEO;” “he’s too old to be a quarterback now;” “those guys should have stopped touring years ago;” “how old is that woman he’s dating?”
Measurement is part of our culture.
Paradoxically, the paths most of us initially choose for our lives usually happen at times when we are the least prepared to understand the significance of our decisions.
It took me until I reached “mid-life” while, simultaneously, hitting rock bottom to finally change the course of my life and, most importantly, to learn how to let go of the “whys,” “what ifs,” and “if onlys” that had become my everyday mantras for as long as I could remember.
It’s not easy to put your past in perspective and ignore cultural measurements, and it can be unnerving to allow yourself the time and space to evolve, but from my experience the mistakes, bad choices, and seemingly insurmountable challenges you may now be facing are truly fixable.
And once you decide you’re ready, you’ll find that it’s cathartic (and, yes, a little frightening) to give yourself some time to find your true path—however you define that for yourself.
Nowadays, I am in India, having so much time to think, I only focus on my failures (especially as I am desperate to run my life according to my own desires rather than according to what my people around recommend me).
I obsessed about why I trusted so easily, where I thought I should have been “by now,” and why I made the choices I made. Regret, anger, fear, embarrassment and blame encompassed my every moment.
Oddly, here in India, I realize I really need to do what I love and what I am good at—obvious, I know, but I was afraid to feel in same way not ready to do it—which is being a young entrepreneur and working with international creative projects in some way.
When I got in India, I realized about this: I did not want to work in ONG all my life and I was going to spend 6 months working on that… My worry now is if I should leave India as soon as possible and run my business, my dream!!! I have been so much time living other lives and not mine… It is a pity that India helped me to realize, get me back my real dreams (the ones I had since I was a child). I was so happy for changing my life: from business to NGO but now, I am not feeling the same… I do not want to throw away all my effort, my parents and grandparents efforts, my careers and my dreams here. This is not my place, this is not my dream. But I am not extremely sad for coming here because I would have not known what I love and what I want -the same as always- if I would have not came back to my dream.
The quote in the beginning says not to let yesterday take up too much of today, it doesn’t say: “don’t ever look back.”
I believe that while “never” looking back is a noble goal, it is very difficult for many people to do—especially me—without the kind of awareness that comes only from distance. So I chose a quote that, for me, was accessible, allowing me the space to safely pause and reflect, and then inspiring me to act when I was ready. You, too, will find the right words for you, if you haven’t already.
It took only a couple of weeks, another country, and depression for me during the last winter to, essentially, start my life over. And still it is difficult and I am afraid; change is scary regardless of it being “right.” I understood here why I am here, in India, why I chose to come here and why I changed my path….. The circurmstancies in what I was last winter made me change to the wrong way…. But it´s been good to come here and get inspirated again, get known of my thoughts and my beliefs.
The simplest fact of seeing the life here in India, helped me gain clarity and perspective, and then time is giving me again the confidence and courage to act. And remember cultural measurement? I measure myself differently now, and I actively learn from people of all ages.
This is my story so far. I encourage you to find your inspiration and motivation to help you on your journey and then perhaps you’ll share your story.
Most importantly, you need to know—not just “believe”—there is a right time for you to change, no matter how hard, no matter your age, no matter the obstacles. If you feel in your heart that you are not where you want to be it is never too late.
Today I will follow my heart and this time, my really own heart! And with this post I just wanted to say: When the Path You’re On Feels Wrong, change it. Go out form your comfort zone and make yourself feel better! Be your own light; the universe will wait for you.
Varanasi, India 24th of August 2016
– JUST BE AN INTERESTING PERSON –
The people I admire, who inspire and impress me.
The people I love or would like to love. They are all so very interesting.
P.S. Just Be An Interesting Person.
With love,
HannaH