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Race advice needed (self.askgaybros)

ElmoJake が 投稿

As a skinny indian dude I feel completely alienated toward the lgbt community. Am I even a twink? Can twinks be indian? Any time things seem to be going well online, I bring up being indian and get instantly rejected. At gay clubs and bars I literally get noone approaching me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I was thinking of just trying to grow my hair and pass myself as a girl just to get some attention and not feel completely unnattractive and worthless. It just seems like what's the point in trying to do anything when this will always hold me back from any dating?

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[–]awolfintdotloves twinks 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (2子コメント)

lol u/_Norm_ is fucked up, everyone needs to go to the mental institution according to him.

[–]bvelvety 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

He's just desperate for interaction and the only way he can see that little orange notification is to hate on people so that other people respond to him.

[–]UniqueUsernameWoo 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

He's filth

[–]yoyo2016 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (18子コメント)

Indian guys can be hot! Just sell yourself in your profile, you got this. wink

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (17子コメント)

How do I sell myself? "Worthless, short, skinny indian dude with deep-seated insecurities who hopefully doesn't seem like a complete creep" doesn't sound particularly appealing

[–]yoyo2016 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (16子コメント)

Hot guy here. Suck my dick white boys. Submissive a plus.

Try that and see what you get. Play around with it.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (15子コメント)

I'm not much of a dom top

[–]yoyo2016 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (14子コメント)

Hot guy here. Suck my dick white boys. 😎

There ya go bro.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (13子コメント)

But I don't really want my dick sucked and I'm really self concsious about my penis because of phimosis which I need surgery to get rid of.

[–]yoyo2016 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (11子コメント)

Hot guy here. Give me your 🍑 white boys. 😈😈😈

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (10子コメント)

I feel like you're missing the points I'm making. I'd prefer to be the sub, but that's pretty much not going to happen.

[–]yoyo2016 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (9子コメント)

Then:

Sub4Dom 😎

Taking 🍆loads 🍆 😈

Just be safe.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (8子コメント)

I doubt it will make much difference. I've tried putting stuff like that in the past. I can't think of anything more undesirable than a twinkish indian sub

[–]_Norm_ -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

not attention-seeking

[–]TattooSadness 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Work on your confidence. Go to the gym. To me only skinny tiny hairless white femmes are twinks, but who gives a fuck what others think. Work with what you have, learn to love yourself and you'll become happier and more confident

[–]ElmoJake[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (5子コメント)

I am going to the gym but it's not helping my confidence. Well I can ignore what others think for a time but afterwards it gets to me when I feel down. Those just sounds like cliches, but thanks for the words.

[–]agbthrowawayg -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Follow a proper diet and workout routine. You'll start making gains. You'll get more responses from guys. They may not be your type still (don't want to give you a false hope), but you'll get more responses.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I don't feel like getting gains will solve any issues

[–]DollarADave 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Honestly, I recommend counseling/therapy. I had self-esteem issues, too. It only resolved through working through it with a qualified professional. There's no shame in seeking counseling. In fact, I wish more gay guys would do so. It would seriously help us be more functional, stable, and kind as a community. A lot of the toxic behavior you see in the gay community (like that stuff... lower in the thread) is the result of poor mental health.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I've considered it but when I've booked an appointment in the past I just can't make myself go

[–]Vin_soap 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (8子コメント)

Don't listen to the trolls on here. I know in the gay community there can be a lot of negative attitudes towards middle eastern and Asian races. I'm sorry you've come across this, but just be yourself and love yourself. People love confidence and where I'm from I know a lot of guys are attracted to middle eastern guys. My point is there's people out there that won't be such jerks and you are going to be exactly their type.. but more importantly, it sounds like you have some Confidence issues and it's understandable why with lots of rejection. I promise you, just learn to love yourself and everything else will fall into place. You are enough and don't forget that..

[–]ElmoJake[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

It's easy to say "love yourself" but that comes from validation you receive from positive interactions with other people which you internalise. If you don't receive that you can't love yourself. Yes there is A LOT of rejection and bias against asian guys and still even women here in the UK at least, yet nobody will address or bring it up because it's easier to ignore.

[–]Vin_soap 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I met a guy in a similar situation to you once. He isn't Indian, but he was rejected a lot. He didn't have a lot of self confidence.. his biggest thing was he needed to love himself. I loved him and we dated for a couple years and he got a lot better. We are still good friends to this day and it does get better. He sees a therapist which does help. Maybe you should look into that as an option?

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Well most of the time people say you have to love yourself before other people can love you, but I think that's pretty ironic, as in your case where the guy you dated did it the other way round

[–]Vin_soap 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I do think it's true that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. I think I just helped him do that somewhat.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well of course if I had someone to help me and be in a relationship with it would be much easier. The whole point i'm making is that being an indian dude makes this impossible

[–]agbthrowawayg 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Try not to define your self-worth by how attractive other people find you.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I know I shouldn't but it your mind goes to those places when you're completely out of options

[–]agbthrowawayg 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

towards middle eastern and Asian races.

where I'm from I know a lot of guys are attracted to middle eastern guys.

Middle Eastern usually refers to Arabs, which are generally considered pretty hot in the gay community. Indians are considered South Asian, at least on grindr.

[–]nw5haz 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Firstly....Get a picture up on your apps.... If your getting rejected once you tell them your Indian makes me think you havent... that way guys will know what you look like from the go...and therefore will stop the rejection you mention half way into a conversation! Everyone should see who their chatting too!

And yes you can be a twink.. an Indian twink to be specific but still a twink.

And finally, there will be someone for you, there will definately be someone who fancies what you've got?. What's your type?

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (6子コメント)

If I put a pic of my face on grindr, I will only get replies from old guys who will have sex with anyone, if that. Are you suggesting I have sex with them? Yes I have a type but it's not worth considering: beggers can't be choosers

[–]flyingfishy24 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Good lord. What is the point of this post if you reject all help? If it's a pity party just say that and save people the trouble of trying to give you constructive criticism

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I've tried putting a face pic several times. I don't get people interested apart from those kind of guys. I'm just being realistic

[–]flyingfishy24 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

As someone who travels a lot for work I can tell you this. I have an OkCupid profile and I have gotten maybe three likes where I live. When I go to other cities I get lots of likes. I'm not saying it's how I look, but you have to be aware of the gay demographic in your area as well. There aren't as many as you think there are and lots of gay people tend to concentrate in certain cities. You have an image of yourself that no amount of messages on here will change so I guess what I'm trying to say is maybe you need to put all of this in perspective and realize that you will move eventually or find a new job. Something will happen and you will meet new people. Be funny, be smart and kind. All of that turns people on. Hot people can be awful people and no one wants them long term either. I don't know if this helps at all, but there you go.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm here for at least 2 and a half more years. Am I just supposed to be completely miserable that whole time? I guess I could do that, I'm pretty used to it by now

[–]nw5haz 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Ridiculous - so What are you proposing... tricking people into thinking your white? Its not going to happen, People WILL want a pic before meeting - and if they don't - then THEY probably are the Creepy old men you talk of! You need to be upfront with you pictures and truth from the outset... just ignore the old men! you have no obligation to chat to anyone you don't want to!

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well I just have a pic of my body up right now so I assume people can infer my race from that?

[–]Ekstedt 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

One question. Do you have any racial preferences? Or are you open to any races?

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Race doesn't bother me as long as I find the person attractive. I don't recall being attracted to a black guy before but it could happen if I like the person.

[–]savage_kingdom -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (23子コメント)

It's not that common for guys to approach each other at bars tbh, guys tend more to leer and be near you than to say hi unless they're a bit more tipsy.

Maybe you live in the wrong area, in some other areas you'd be treated like this exotic wonder and coveted by others. Sometimes it's all geography.

[–]_Norm_ 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (15子コメント)

It's not that common for guys to approach each other at bars tbh

lol

lol

lol

You realize lying to him isn't going to help, right?

[–]savage_kingdom 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

You realize that if guys were that ballsy then gay bars would empty out after 15 minutes. You give men too much credit.

[–]_Norm_ 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Shut the fuck up, dude. People aren't fucking sitting on their hands in bars, afraid to approach anyone. All anyone has to do to know your post is flat out bullshit is spend 15 minutes in one. Are you like, 19, not old enough to drink so you've never had the opportunity to be in one? that would make the stupidity of your post more forgivable, I guess.

[–]savage_kingdom -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I'm in my 30s lol. I've been to plenty of bars and what I normally see is little bitches too scared to approach and so they play on Grindr hoping the other dude will be on there.

Maybe we're from different parts of the world and where you are the men are a bit more ballsy but most places I've been they just huddle in their little sheltered groups meekly looking around. The most extreme being the older Germans who wouldn't even look at people, now that was creepy lol.

I'm not saying men don't show interest, men drop a shit ton of cues that are non-verbal, that's super common, less common is the approach. I also know from talking to guys how much you have to psyche them up to talk to anyone, it's kind of annoying.

[–]_Norm_ 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I've been to plenty of bars and what I normally see is little bitches too scared to approach and so they play on Grindr hoping the other dude will be on there

DAE Millennials are terrible?

Stop posting. Everyone knows what you're posting is bullshit.

[–]savage_kingdom 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So I'll just take it you're an old man who doesn't know how to use apps, good to know.

[–]savage_kingdom 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Also, good on you for putting me down without arguing valid points, nothing shows superiority like acting a fool, which you are excelling at.

[–]_Norm_ 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What point is there to be made? You said guys don't approach each other at bars. Anyone who has ever been in one knows you're wrong. You're just stupid, there's nothing much to add to it.

[–]UniqueUsernameWoo 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

True. That was a stupid thing to say

[–]ElmoJake[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (6子コメント)

I realise this site is hugboxxy sometimes. You don't need to tryhard so much

[–]_Norm_ -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

You don't need to tryhard so much

See, this is probably part of the problem. You think I'm trying hard.

Indian guys are, almost all across the board, ugly. You will never, ever, be considered attractive by 98% of the population, other indians included. This guy is telling you two lies, one that you'll be considered an exotic wonder in other places when in all likelihood, and tell me if I'm wrong, you look like a pint-sized dark gargoyle. and that guys don't approach other's in bars. You've been to bars, do you really believe that? It's bullshit, but for some reason the only comment in this thread is one of dissent. You don't want advice or to know what the problem is, you want kind words and to be coddled and to be made to feel hopeful. Which, is stupid because deep down you know there's nothing you can do, but ok whatever. If that's what you wanted you should have called this topic "Please post kind words and don't actually tell me the truth because I'm a fragile pussy and cannot handle it"

I mean, I probably still would have posted, but I would have known that I was being an asshole, then.

[–]ElmoJake[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I do want advice, I'm trying to be as level-headed as I can about this. You don't need to keep saying this stuff, I know myself that indian guys are undesirable to most people, I've experienced all the stigma against us multiple times. I have considered killing myself over this as there seems to be no other options, and no I'm not trying to attention seek, just hear others' views at least. I appreciate you giving your viewpoint

[–]_Norm_ -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (1子コメント)

lol you've considered killing yourself over the fact that no one wants to date you because you're ugly and Indian?

Do you realize what a sad, pathetic bitch you are?

"I-if I can't have sex or a relationship, I'm going to kill myself!" lol would you put that in your suicide note? maybe it would soften the blow to your family to know that you killed yourself because you were a colossal pussy.

"I've considered pretending to be a girl"

You're pathetic, attention-seeking garbage.

[–]ElmoJake[S] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What would be a noble reason to kill yourself? It's not exactly a noble act

[–]awkward_penguin 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, don't even appreciate his viewpoint. Listen to people who have real advice to give, and ignore the haters and trolls.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Haha I'm used to it. It's fine

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Maybe. I really dislike living here in the UK: it's mostly just grim and drug-obsessed in pretty much any non-rural area. There are also a lot of underlying race issues, especially in areas populated by the lower classes, where I'm forced to live

[–]savage_kingdom 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Oh, you live in the UK, that's why lol. If you're an indo-Brit you'll have to deal with the stigma of that, no wonder you complain.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Yes, it's extremely alienating

[–]savage_kingdom 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Have you tried going over to Ireland? I didn't go to any gay bars in Dublin but overall the city had a fair bit of blending because of some high end sectors that bring in foreigners so there your race might be less of an issue because they might assume you're just a tech nerd.

Or come visit certain parts of Canada like Toronto, plenty of indo guys there, you'll blend right in.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I don't have the money since I'm a student. I'm just trying to get through my degree right now but I struggle even leaving the house because I feel so unnappealing

[–]savage_kingdom 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Some of it is in your head, keep in mind that in 10 years you'll look back and admire how cute you were lol, we all do that.

[–]ElmoJake[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's really depressing. That the high point of my cuteness is what I have now