I [20F] got involved with a couple (to make it simpler I’ll call them J [27M] and T [23F]) almost a month ago who was looking for a third member (female) to form a poly triad. I’m not going to go into how we met but basically I wasn’t actively seeking a poly relationship but it sounded interesting so I figured I would give it a go.

Some background: I’m very inexperienced. I’ve had only one partner before who I was with for several years who was also inexperienced. I’m bisexual but I had never been with a girl before this relationship and I’d certainly never had sex with more than one person at the same time. I hadn’t even seriously thought about doing it before.

My partners, J and T, are very sexually experienced. They’ve been in poly relationships with each other many times and are basically very good at sex. In the triad we’re all in a relationship with each other equally.

They’re very nice and they like me a lot but here’s the problem: I’m really shy. I have overall social anxiety but I never thought it’d be such a problem sexually as well. We had sex pretty early on and even though I wanted to do it it was really not enjoyable because of how awkward and uncomfortable I was.

I think I have a problem with being watched when I’m having sex. It gets to the point where J is concerned that I’m not attracted to him because I don’t get really touchy feely when all three of us are together because I know T can see (vice versa is also true). I really don’t want to make him feel bad about himself or make it seem like I don’t want to be with them sexually.

Basically I want to know what I can do to open up more during sex and just get comfortable and have fun with it. I don’t want to feel like I’m embarrassing myself every time due to being so tense and I don’t want my partners to feel like I’m not attracted to them. I just hesitate and end up not doing anything like during public speaking when you clam up and stop talking.

I've talked to them about this problem and they seem willing to wait for me to get comfortable but at the same time they could be seeing someone who has more experience/confidence with this sort of thing and could have an easier time jumping right into it rather than having to hold back for me.