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Narcissistic STBXW consumed with hate & spite. (self.Divorce)

iTorontoOntario, Canada が 投稿

My STBXW fled with our children and is currently hiding out in a women's shelter for abused women. NOTE: She is NOT an abused woman.

She filed a police report against me on Jan 14, just complaining about me arguing with her about money and custody. She made zero claims of any abuse. No verbal abuse. No psychological abuse. No physical abuse. No threats of harm. No violence. No drugs. No alcohol. Nothing!

A week later she takes off with our kids, is hiding out, and in her court documents she "did her best to describe to the police officer on Jan 14 the level of abuse" I subject her too. Well, I got a copy of that police report, and there are zero such claims.

I'm trying to get our kids back into our home. The matter is before the court. Ruling coming down Monday afternoon. She is now claiming all sorts of verbal and psychological abuse, as well as fear of the potential of physical violence. She is doing all of this in an effort to play the victim.

All that aside, what really pisses me off is her indifference to our children. She's using them to punish me. She has already admitted that our children are in no danger with me! She has given me unsupervised access since she took them. I have them sleeping here this weekend!

Yet, she won't let them live here with me. She won't let them go to their regular school. She won't let them have their everyday, regular lives, because she is more interested in getting things her way, no matter the cost.

Argh!

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[–]ccgg2214 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm really starting to think that parents who lie to police and the court about abuse and uproot the children's lives in doing so, should automatically lose custody for 6 months, and be required to attend 6 months of parenting classes in order to understand what this type of actual abuse and manipulation does to children in the long run. It's so wrong.

[–]clown-penisdotfart 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Boy do I fucking wish this, too. My stbxw kidnapped my kids, too, and they let her get away with it. Divorce is one thing - fine. Destroying my life, ok fine, I'm an adult, I will cope. But what is this going to do to my kids when they get older and realize the truth? What will she say to them when they ask? Even my kids' old friends here at HOME are distraught at suddenly losing good friends. There's so much collateral damage, but my narcissist ex, her narcissist mother, and her pathetic enabling father (dogshit,
all of them) don't care because they got what they want, my sons in her hometown.

[–]JonathanApple 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good luck on Monday. I'm facing a STBXW who is pulling similar move. She has gone above and beyond to make me look awful. I am a loving father who wants time with his child. If she wanted divorce that is one thing. To turn this into a fight over whether or not I get to see my child is something entirely different and it is incredibly wrong. I just spent yet another night tossing and turning and wondering how anyone could be this awful. Good luck. It is unfortunate that being a man in this situation automatically puts you in a bad spot. If your ex really wants to stick it to you it is very possible she may get away with it. It is a messed up world when a loving parent who cares deeply about their child has them taken away from them.

[–]shupackFree sept '15!! 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Sounds like she's afraid if you winning custody, and giving you grounds to win custody..

[–]iTorontoOntario, Canada[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

One of the things I was told early on in this process was "keep track of all the time who is in care/control/supervising/responsible" for the children.

Two months of documentation shows I've been the primary caregiver, over 60% of the time. My STBXW knew I was keeping track of this. Her lawyer knew I was keeping track of this. STBX pretty much abandoned her home responsibilities to enjoy her newfound freedom with her friends.

And then they had the nerve to say in court last week that they reject the validity of my time tracking, all without providing anything to contradict it.

[–]ZA_SDKFiled - 2015/07/10 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Jeez man. That is nuts.

A friend om mine her ex (my wife's AP) did similiar. No shame in using the kids against the other. I have seen it first hand and its insane.

Good luck. Stay strong and kick butt.

[–]Been28years 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Make sure that your lawyer is a shark. She is trying to manipulate the system the old fashioned way, by painting you as an abuser. Make sure he tears her apart in front of the judge. My buddy's wife made a career of lying to judges, until we got him the deadliest shark in our city. When he was done with the ex, she ended up re-paying 5 years worth of child support and ten years of alimony. Her father also had a gigantic fine, as well as the threat of incarceration for uttering false statements and laundering her money. Oh yeah, her kids don't speak to her any longer.

[–]J0127 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

See in Canada at least you get your day in Court soon. Here in the U.S. you wait months to get before a judge when your ex takes off with kids....

[–]iTorontoOntario, Canada[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That sucks. I filed an ex parte emergency motion the day after she took them, but since the kids weren't in any danger (verified by the police), the judge would only hear it as an urgent motion with my STBX and her lawyer there.

[–]WilNotJr 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Women's shelters have all sorts of handouts describing every abuse imaginable that they give to every woman that goes through their doors. They have people to help woman fill out restraining orders. They encourage every woman to allege abuse if they've ever "felt" abused in any way.

Cluster B personalities, of course, thrive in playing the victim role. They get the handouts and the RO help and someone to listen to them and validate their feelings. It's a recipe for disaster and the courts don't take kindly to it.

Make sure you document everything. If you are in a first party state, record her.

My stbxw pulled this same thing. She has borderline personality disorder. My hearing is this Thursday.

Good luck on yours.

[–]iTorontoOntario, Canada[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Here in Ontario, Canada, we are single party consent for recording.

My lawyer though says judges hate recordings. I think I'd rather have audio evidence than not.

[–]SpacemanLost 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sobering read on how false charges are often used as a weapon with little consequence: http://www.realworlddivorce.com/DomesticViolence

[–]ThrownAwayLikeRefuse 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

My STBXW claimed similar abuse, she didn't run off to a shelter, but said a lot of nasty things. I left her with the kids after years of her cheating and running off to party at night. I put up with it for our kids, stuck around as long as I could bare it. Essentially I left to force her to stop her behavior, since she wouldn't have a babysitter in the home anymore. I know now she wanted me to leave her, she wanted to play up being the victim, she thrives on this. She has a large social/family support system, while I have nothing and no one, and am hopelessly alone. She's been keeping the children from me and I don't live in a place (renting a room) where I can have my children with me, even if she would let me. In fact I will be homeless shortly, as I've been asked to leave where I am. She makes more than I do right now, my work is seasonal, she has a lawyer, has all sorts of services, resources, and everything in her favor because she is a woman. I can't afford a lawyer, there are no services for men in my position anywhere that I can find. The only help that exists comes at a high cost of money, which i don't have. I'm alone, depressed, and don't have any reason to go on living at this point. For some sick reason I need to see this divorce through if only to hear the Judge berate me, hear her paint me as monster in court, hear her witnesses confirm what she wants me to be, and hear the final judgement of having my children ripped from my life and having her awarded the majority of what I earn. After this happens I will end my life. I just don't want to be here anymore.

[–]Werewolf35b 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm in exactly the same situation, down to the room renting. I'm not ready to give up on life just yet. You need to find regular work and get back on your feet asap. Good luck.

[–]WilNotJr 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Please don't. Your children will need you.