Welp, I guess I'll do an unofficial one! (Go easy, it's my first time)

1':KICK OFF

2': Excellent pass from Herrera to Mhki in the box, but the Armenian can't control and goes out for a throw.

4': Ibra strong-arms the Hull defender into the keeper, causing a knock. Hopefully working in our favor down the line.

7': Markovic, the exiled Scouse, drops like sack of bricks and wins Hull a freekick. The kick is headed wide of goal.

11': Solid attacking move fizzles out with some strong defending near the box.

12': YELLOW CARD: for Niasse. Wreckless foul, shitty name.

14': Ibra takes an excellent shot and is touched just wide by the keeper. Rojo is on the end of the corner and sends it over the net.

17': Blind gets on the end of a deflected Valencia cross, and skies it on the volley.

19': Successive corners are the fruits of some good attacking play, but the boys are having some trouble with the final ball.

23': Hull with their best attack of the match so far, but the final shot ends up in the 44th row. Goal kick.

28': Lots of good balls into attack positions, but nobody can get on the end of them. Like a puppy with a Napoleon complex, lots of bark, no bite.

32': Some indecision from Herrera stops a terrifying counterattack in it's tracks. The boys have looked out of sorts for the past 10-15 minutes.

34': A nice headed pass from Rashford and toe poke from Pogba sets Ibra up for a decent shot on goal, but is saved. A Hull player is doubled over on the pitch, likely because he was reminded that he plays for Hull City.

40': Some incisive passing in the box has us looking dangerous, but Rashford is caught playing pocket pool and misses a clear cut opportunity for a shot.

41': An excellent flicked pass from Ibra sets Paul Pogba up for a clear shot on goal, and is barely saved by the Hull keeper. The corner is cleared easily by Hull.

44': A Hull corner is botched in true Hull City fashion and is saved easily by King David.

45 +2': Hull really goes after during injury time, but their shot ends up with their earlier one in the 44th row.

HALFTIME

46': KICK OFF

UNITED SUBSTITUTION: Rooney takes the pitch in place of Michael Carrick.

48': Valencia gives up a free kick on the edge of the box, and is cleared easily by Jones.

52': An excellent Hull long ball picks out Niasse inside the box, but a pass to Markovic wrecks the Hull attack.

55' UNITED SUBSTITUTION: Chris Smalling on for Phil Jones. Jones seems to have picked up an injury, breaking his double digit match streak without being hurt.

56': A perfect ball to Rashford into the box with nobody around, but Rashford miss-hits, and the shot dribbles wide with no threat.

60': Valenica puts a good cross into the box, where it rattles to Rashford, is whiffed at by Rooney, and struck wide by Ibra. Some very, very sloppy finishing there (like a drunk teenager on prom night.)

61' UNITED SUBSTITUTION: Juan Mata comes on for the Screamin' Armenian, Henrikh Mkhitaryan, and Rashford moves into position as a second striker.

65' HULL CITY SUBSTITUTION: Some guy who's name I can't spell comes on for a guy who I've never heard of.

68' HULL CITY SUBSTITUTION: Niasse comes off, even though he should've been off 25 minutes ago, and Hernandez is on.

69': Rashford wakes up and gets a shot on target, but is easily saved at point blank range.

71': HULL CITY SUBSTITUTION: Evandro off for some other guy who's name I cannot spell.

72': An UNBELIEVABLE ball from Smalling falls to Mata, who's shot is saved by the keeper's inner thigh off the line. Absolutely insane.

76': Corners, corners, corners. That's the name of the game today, and still no goals.

78': YELLOW CARD for Hull's Clucas, who put in a garbage tackle on Rooney.

83': YELLOW CARD for Wayne Rooney, who appears to have said some very mean words to the referee.

85' WOODWORK Markovic, who is too shitty to even play for Liverpool, hits the post, and United is saved from certain defeat by a 3 inch piece of aluminum.

89': YELLOW CARD for Hull's David Meyler. Offensive beard, not very attractive, card was warranted.

90': 5 minutes added on. Multiple Hull players down after Ibra attempts a bicycle kick, and ends up tagging 2 Hull players in the face.

94': Rojo almost makes himself a cult hero with a great header, but is incredibly saved.

95': SAVED AGAIN. Pogba curls in a beauty and is saved by a finger tip! What the fucking fuck is up with these keepers at OT?!

FULL TIME Manchester United: Fucking Nothing. Hull City: Even Fucking Less.