Donald Trump likes to win, and he now wants to share his winning ways with the country he has been elected to lead. His passion for, and promise of, “winning” was often repeated on the campaign trail.
Trump: “You May Get Bored With Winning”
At a September 2016 campaign rally on Capitol Hill, for instance, the then-candidate stirred the crowd by stating:
“We will have so much winning if I get elected that you may get bored with winning. Believe me, I agree, you’ll never get bored with winning. We never get bored. We are going to turn this country around. We are going to start winning bigly on trade, militarily…”
The Department of Winning will be the first new executive department since the Department of Homeland Security was established in 2003. Congress must approve of any new cabinet-level department, but Trump says he feels confident about its passage.
“There are two kinds of people in Congress,” Trump said, “winners and losers. The winners want to keep on winning because they know how sweet it is. And it is sweet, believe me. The losers are probably tired of losing and want to taste the sweet nectar of winning for a change. So almost everyone will be for it. It’s going to be tremendous. Just tremendous.”
The only thing more odd than the previous statement is the president’s choice to head up the new department. Actor Charlie Sheen — known for such films as Platoon and Wall Street, and the TV show Two and a Half Men — has been handpicked by the president to serve as United States Secretary of Winning.
The Sweet Nectar of the Win
When asked about his selection, Trump explained that Charlie Sheen was a logical choice, citing the actor’s fondness for winning.
“Here’s a guy who likes winning,” Trump said. “I mean, have you seen those interviews he did? He’s all about the winning. He has tasted the sweet nectar of the win. We’re going to win bigly with this guy running my new department. And I mean bigly. Believe me. There will be so much winning to go around, we won’t know what to do with ourselves. We’ll be able to export winning to other countries that are full of losers, and there’s no shortage of those. It’s going to be tremendous.”
The actor has not yet accepted the president’s appointment or, for that matter, been notified of his selection. But Trump seems confident that Sheen will eventually accept.
“He loves winning,” the president said. “Bigly. The sweet nectar of it. Tremendous, just tremendous. Believe me. He’ll say yes.”
In a series of past interviews, actor Charlie Sheen repeatedly told interviewers that he was “winning.” Sheen’s winning comments echoed across the internet and led to the creation of memes, t-shirts, hats and more.
The scope and purpose of the new cabinet department is not yet clear, though an unnamed source close to the matter told The Washington Probe that “loser lists” are currently being created. The source suggested that all identified losers could be required to undergo some form of training and “indoctrination,” in order to become winning members of society.
We will bring you more of this story as it unfolds.
