Theresa May will greet President Trump with a cock grab when they meet in the Oval Office later today, Downing Street has confirmed.

The tough-talking PM will be the first foreign leader to visit the White House Since Mr Trump became president and is said to be in uncompromising, ball-crushing mood.

The hour-long meeting will be dominated by Nigel Farage anecdotes and will briefly touch on trade and national security issues towards the end if they can be bothered.

A Downing Street spokesgender said: “In this grab or be grabbed world we find ourselves in, the Prime Minister wants to make it clear from the outset that British interests will remain firmly in British hands.”

Asked what Donald Trump’s cock had to do with British interests, the spokesgender said: “We’ll know the answer to that once the, er, handshake, has taken place.”

Theresa May told journalists, “I expect a short, hard encounter, but I’m confident I can handle it.”

The ‘special relationship’ refused to become a cheap innuendo, sadly declining the offer to appear in this article.