[Oregon] My dad has not been in my life for 14 years. He want's to see if I am a successful applicant for something for one of his kids. He told me I'm legally obligated. Is this true?

rhapsodyknit · 5時間前

Nope. He's trying to manipulate you. Depending on what he wants from you it could be potentially very detrimental to your own health to go along with him. Tell him to pound sand and find someone else to provide spare parts.

Edit since I just saw the second question. I do t think there is much you can do beyond blocking his number/social media to prevent contact. He hasn't threatened you so you can't get a restraining order.

tallyrand · 3時間前

Physician here.

Your are under no obligation of any kind to provide any sort of medical information or laboratory evaluation to anybody, unless a court should you compel you to do so. Your father is not an officer of the court.

Napalmenator · 5時間前

No. Tell him goodbye and not to contact you again. You have zero obligation to do anything (voluntary) medically that you don't want to.

Race4TheGalaxy · 6時間前

Just to be clear, your father is requesting that you take medical tests to see if you're a match for a transplant or similar procedure, correct?

OhMyTruth · 3時間前

OP this is very important. This comes from my perspective as a doctor. If somehow you end up in a position where your "father" has forced you to go to get testing or any procedure, keep repeating the following to every medical professional you encounter from front desk staff, to nurses, to doctors, to whoever else:

I do NOT want this test/procedure/medical attention. I do NOT consent to this. Please don't perform any tests or procedures on me.

The specific wording doesn't matter. Just make it clear that you do not want this done.

roastbrief · 3時間前

Goddamn. Your father is plumbing the very deepest depths of human shitholery. Do you think he'd even answer the phone if you were the one who needed bone marrow or whatever? Tell him to source his spare body parts somewhere else, and tell him I said he can go fuck himself.

one-eye-deer · 5時間前

IANAL. I've read the additional context in the comments.

But, I believe you are legally obligated to tell your dad to fuck off.

jamesmichael34 · 5時間前

Block him. You are not required to be tested for anything. In fact, any doctor would probably require you to have counseling before donation to ensure you understand the risks and are doing it willing since it sounds like he is black mailing you emotionally.

Tell your mom too. This is vital she knows he is threatening you.

Donations always have risks to the donor. They would not force someone aho is a teenager to donate something. It is sad that the kid is sick but you are not a car they can use for spare parts. Some tissues or organs will replenish themselves like bone marrow but as a young teenager, they would have to talk to you extensively about whether you really want to do it and understand the risks and side effects.

Edit: medical journal article on the topic: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/125/2/392

It would be really unethical to make you donate as a minor without a close family relationship (emotional one, not biologically).

Birdiefortheworld · 3時間前

You own the rights to your own body. Forcing you to be tested is not ethical and no medical professional or facility can do so without your consent. He has absolutely no rights here

rexlibris · 5時間前

No. Tell him to pound sand.

bbhr · 5時間前

Don't block him yet. Get his contact information so your mother can go after support.

When you mother wakes up you should have a long talk with her. You have no legal obligation to help, but this kid is a half-sibling, and generally a sick kid, and you should at least talk about the risks and if it's worth doing anything. (this is just my two cents as someone with a friend who is alive thanks to a sibling bone marrow donation).

Still, your father is a lying ass, and you have no obligation to do shit.

GueroBear · 3時間前

If both of your parents attempt to coherence you into doing this, and if they take you to the hospital for the test, ask to be alone during the exam with the doctor.

Once you are alone with the doctor you need to tell him you're not here in your own free will. That you are being forced to do this thing and you want help to stop it from happening.

Good luck with this. I know he's your bio father, he planted a seed and gave you life, and all you owe him is a thank you for giving you life, but beyond a thank you, you don't owe him anything else.

testiclelice · 3時間前

You don't have to do anything.

You may decide you want to see if you are a match and want to help this kid just because. It's a pretty amazing thing to save someone's life like this. But do it because YOU want to help somebody, not because HE thinks you are obligated.

sheath2 · 2時間前

I just want to reiterate what the others have said here -- you have NO obligation to go through with this, and every right to block your father. You need to tell your mother ASAP if you haven't already. If he starts harassing you or threatens you in any way, tell your mother you want a restraining order.

Don't let yourself feel guilty about this either -- his tactics are clearly manipulative. He groomed you for a month before making this request, so he was calculated. He approached you instead of going through your mother, which is what he should have done. Why? He assumed you would be weaker and more easy to manipulate.

I'm sorry you had to go through this. My father left when I was 4 and we met for the first time when I was 25. Things have not gone well, but the most they've ever asked for was money. I haven't seen anyone else here mention it, but this may be a good thing to bring up to your school counselor or to ask your mother for counseling for help dealing with it. From personal experience, I could see this leading to a lot of heavy emotions, and I wish I'd asked for help when it all started for me.

BlueDrank01 · 1時間前

The fact that he only reached out to you because of this issue should be speaking volumes to you. Tell your mom, she'll call a lawyer.

papasconputo · 4時間前

No, you do not have any obligation. Programs like this would be completely voluntary, and even if you do volunteer you can opt-out whenever you'd like. You are not required to help anyone else medically.

Valendr0s · 2時間前

You.

Have.

Bodily.

Autonomy.

Age doesn't change that. Family doesn't change that. You have the decision whether to help him or your siblings or not. Nobody else can force you into any medical procedure, that is assault.

Zapopa · 2時間前

This is a tough one kiddo. Your sperm donor is a lying piece of shit. You should tell him to blow it out his ass. But this isn't about him it's about you. A stranger needs help and you may be able to help. Ask your father what the medical issue is, what is involved in a donation and then research it yourself. Talk to your mom and doctor. If it's a minimally invasive thing and you are a match consider doing it. Not for the donor or even for yourself but for another sick kid that you can help. If it's very invasive then talk it over with your mom. There is nothing that legally requires you, or even morally requires you to sacrifice your health for another.

Don't play games with this idiot. Just find out the information and make the call with your mom on what you do. We should always show kindness and grace to strangers when we can. That's how we advance individually and as a society. Good luck!

perladdict · 5時間前

I'm not a lawyer, but I sure hope he can't do that. I'd tell him to fuck off. Sounds like he's trying to harvest your organs for the new kid. Talk to your mom and talk to a lawyer if you can. I would imagine they can't force you to undergo elective surgery of some form, possibly shortening your lifespan, to potentially save another kid.

Caffeinexo · 5時間前

Does he have any form of custody or parental rights?

If your mom is timid or not willing to say no, get a children's advocate.

ReggieJ · 3時間前

What a PoS your dad is. I'm so sorry.

also how can I get him to stop talking to me legally?

Tell him or block him. But before you send him any more messages, please talk to your mother. Wake her up. She will want to know about this ASAP.

TheIronMark · 2時間前

Please tell your mother about all of this as soon as she wakes up. Maybe let her have some coffee first.

people_watching · 2時間前

Negative. Even if you were the only person on Earth that could save your half-sibling, no one can force you to. Even if it were the President, no one can force you to.

Tell Mom this morning, because she's going to need to be aware.

yourpaleblueeyes · 1時間前

There are already plenty of good replies here, of course bio Dad cannot force child to do anything, mother should be told immediately and whatever legal remedies are available to keep him from contacting minor again.

Just posting mainly because it's so freakin' sad that there are people who stoop to this level. He could have achieved the same thing HONESTLY, simply talking it over with the minor and the mother, he might have even gotten co-operation! Sad, sad.

WorstAdviceNow · 53分前

This is probably more of an /r/askscience question but:

If the father himself is not a match; what is the likelihood that OP will be a match? For full siblings I understand; maybe the genetic profiles for both kids are more closely linked to mom, so Dad won't be a match to either. But if Dad isn't a match, and he's the only link between the two half siblings; what are the odds OP is a match?

bobby3eb · 3時間前

Your biodad is a piece of trash. if he starts harassing or threatening you get an oder for protection (to answer your question about him not contacting you anymore)

TomTheNurse · 1時間前

I'm a nurse and I used to work pediatric bone marrow transplant. I'm going against the grain in this thread. If there is a step sibling that needs a bone marrow donor I would urge the OP to at least consider it. It is usually an easy, very safe procedure for the donor and you are usually completely back on your feet in less than a week. Your bone marrow grows back completely. You live a normal, healthy life afterwards.

I know the dad is an asshole. But there may be another innocent life at stake here. It's not their fault their shared dad is a selfish prick.

All the advice here is I'm sure legally correct. All of the moral outrage is completely justified. But it seems to me that many here are ignoring the big picture.

somecrazybroad · 3時間前

Stop talking to this person immediately and tell your mom.

gbstills · 3時間前

Talk to your mom.

KingTutenkhamen · 2時間前

Fuck that p.o.s.

smacksaw · 2時間前

He's a bully and a liar or he's an ignoramus. Maybe both. You don't need that in your life. Legally, he's powerless. Morally? I'd give bone marrow to a stranger. I wouldn't give an organ to anyone but my kids.

Have your mom figure this out. Make sure she knows getting a lawyer is an option. Sometimes it's better to hire a proxy for these things.

bithakr · 1時間前

No mentally competent person can be forced to undergo any medical procedure. It would be criminal and a violation of professional ethics. You have no legal duty to be an organ donor for anyone. I wouldn't be suprised in the least if this is just a ruse anyway.

If you don't want to be contacted, first off don't reply at all, then block the number, block on social media, etc. Hopefully that will be enough, if you are threatened you can get a restraining order. Go ahead and save screenshots of all his texts.

propelleteer · 1時間前

Parents(I am one) take note, kids have all the info they need to call bs so be aware if you try and pull some crap like this kids is going through. F your dad, he sounds like a douche. If he was honest and upfront in the first place, that would be one thing, but to try to scare you into it is shameful.

ThisFreaknGuy · 1時間前

Congratulations on reaching out for help! I know it can be scary, so good on you for going and getting information rather than just worrying about it while doing nothing.

And yeah, like the rest of this thread says: screw him. He just wants to harvest something from you to help the kid he actually cares about. You might need whatever he wants to take in the future. No matter the sob story, life sucks, and so does he. Who thinks manipulating a 14 year old is okay?

snickerdandy · 1時間前

He's not your legal guardian so he doesn't have any jurisdiction over you.

PooperScooper1987 · 1時間前

Tell him to fuck off and that you aren't spare parts he abandoned for his new family.

urfaceisa · 1時間前

Tell him that you won't consider it at all unless he donates his eyes to you. And then if he does, tell him that you are using them to enact Pan's Labyrinth in it's entirety. You don't actually have to, since he won't know the difference.

jhenry922 · 1時間前

If he is asking you to check blood type/bone marrow, this is completely VOLUNTARY.

fireice2929 · 1時間前

You aren't under any legal obligation to do this. He's manipulating you, and honestly I'd reccomend you tell him to go shove it.

ZoloftTheImpaler · 1時間前

He wants to harvest one of your livers kid. Cut him out of your life.

coryg231 · 1時間前

if I am correct you need to 18 y/o to even give and organ or blood. I'm not sure about Oregon. but in most states that is the law. at 14 most of your organs are not even developed.

AlienVoid · 51分前

My dad left me for over 20 years. Then suddenly tried to make contact to get something. Here is what i did..

Tell him to: FUCK OFF!, then move on and enjoy YOUR life.

feedmewierdthing · 42分前

Don't talk to him at all. Tell your mom and let her make him go through her. Being 14 is hard and being faced with your estranged father can be a very difficult situation. Your probably not ready for that alone. Trust your mom here. PM me if you want to talk about the non legal side of this. I've had similar experiences.

This man is manipulating you and lying to you, don't trust him.

recipriversexcluson · 14分前

Not a legal opinion: If this is something like a bone marrow transplant, please consider it.

It's uncomfortable, but could save a life.

OTOH, don't give up any organs that don't grow back.

FlannanLight · 2時間前

I'm kinda torn on this one. Yes, your dad is a manipulative asshole and deserves nothing. But apparently there's an innocent kid out there who's pretty ill, sick enough to need this kind of medical treatment. Speaking solely for myself, I wouldn't want my dad in my life, but I'm not sure I'd want the kid to suffer or maybe die either.

My suggestions: Tell your mom what's going on, and explain what you want (your dad out of your life). Then talk things over with your mom and figure out what you're going to do. Then send your dad a text explaining what you're going to do and tell him not to contract you again. Then block his number.

If - and only if - you're possibly interested in helping the child, your mom should tell him that all future communication needs to go through her, and that contacting you directly at any time will result in the immediate withdrawal of any possible cooperation. After he agrees (get it in writing), find out exactly what the kid's disease is and exactly what type of donation they need. I mean, yeah, you probably don't want to give up a kidney, but doing a blood donation so they can grab some stem cells might be do-able (depends on how you feel about needles). And then there's a range of donations between "blood" and "kidney", which you'd have to determine if you might be willing to consider.

Again, that last paragraph is only if there's a possibility you might consider a donation, depending on what it is.

Miscellaneous other thoughts: As someone else pointed out, make sure you get his contact information so you can sue him for back child support. If you might consider the donation, don't be afraid to ask for the relevant medical records, as there's a possibility that the kid doesn't exist and he wants a donation for himself. And if there is a kid that you might consider helping, then FFS do NOT agree to meet your dad in person; I can guarantee that he'll try to bring the kid with him to try to manipulate you more.

But start with telling your mom what's going on and that you want him out of your life, then go from there.

BeanBunnyWasFramed · 2時間前

Nope. No laws can make you help him.

blackblots-rorschach · 2時間前

To reiterate what a lot of others have said in this thread: OP you are not legally obligated to medically help your siblings. Your father is manipulating you and he seems evil. It would be one thing if he said "could you consider getting tested to save your half-sibling" but to manipulate you with lies just shows how evil he is.

Concerning getting him to legally stop talking to you, tell your mother what he has done. She'll probably rip him a new one and tell him not to speak to you. She may also be able to have a family lawyer sort out a custody arrangement that cuts your father out of your life. I don't see any judge treating your father with any leniency based on his actions.

IANAL in America but I've finished law school in the UK if that's worth anything.

philosoph0r · 1時間前

To your question.

No, you are not legally obligated.

Trump4GodKing · 1時間前

He is your father and you cannot change that but I feel confident saying he will never be your Dad.

Dads don't do that.

dirklejerk · 1時間前

Tell him to fuck off and block him.

High_In_The_Instep · 1時間前

Forget the legal advice for a second. If you go in to be tested and tell the doctor you do not want to be a donor, THE DOCTOR WILL NOT TEST YOU AND WILL TELL YOUR FATHER THAT YOU ARE INCOMPATIBLE. THEY WILL NOT LET YOU BE A DONOR IF YOU SAY YOU ARE BEING FORCED.

beansnap · 1時間前

Please go wake up your mom right now. Let her have a bit of coffee for her brain to wake up so she will immediately see how awful this is and then set about protecting you. No one can legally force you to do squat, I'm just so sorry you got a complete dud for a "father".

wcsmik · 1時間前

Knowing full well what an asshole ur dad is, id fuck with him like people do with telephone scammers. Let him think he's gonna get an organ out of you. Just dangle it in front of his face as his other kid rots away. Revenge is sweet.

CVBrownie · 1時間前

Tell him all you can offer is a middle finger.

SlamsaStark · 1時間前

Yeah, you're not even obligated to help even if he was in your life for those whole 14 years.

Start documenting all your contact with him. The first time he threatens you, get a restraining order. If he starts harassing you (i.e. calling several times a day), try to get a restraining order. Never initiate contact.

BUBBLYSTRING · 1時間前

I honestly think he needs your organs for himself or that this is a really convoluted way to get you to do one of those mail-in paternity tests.

fishingoneuropa · 1時間前

He should be obligated, he is the parent you are not.

Grimsterr · 55分前

So, on a scale of 1 to nuclear inferno, how much madder than nuclear inferno was your mom when you told her about all this?

You've got the answer, you have zero, zilch, nada obligations.

To get him to stop talking to you tell him to stop talking to you and then block his numbers, emails, facebook, whatever he's using.

2-4-6-0-1-1 · 41分前

Not a lawyer, but I know of know law which says you have to help.

That said, it might be a good opportunity to make a quick buck "helping" if the contribution is not too great. I'd give up one of my kidney for 100k for my "time and trouble". And there are other things like bone marrow which you will replace naturally but take a lot of "time and trouble" to extract.

Just sayin'. No reason to get emotional. Think what 100k could do for you at 14 years old. You'd have a car at 16. Most of your college paid (if you are from US). You could afford to travel for a few years and maybe go to school abroad.

sir_brom2 · 36分前

No, you do not consent to any of this thread says screw him.

rawr_ia_dino · 29分前

This is vital she knows getting a lawyer if you are not required to be a match for a restraining order or for the donor wants to take an unwilling participant.

TheBstBster · 26分前

Not sure if it's legal or not but ethically, he cannot force you to do this! And legally, they need consent and it's your right to refuse.

newginger · 22分前

I am just wondering if the dad thinks that because parents are the ones that give permission for surgeries and medical tests, that he can just sign and make the child do it. But he didn't word it that way so maybe not. He certainly could have gone about this in a better way. Sounds like he is using you.

I have a question for the doctors out there? If a 14 year old says he refuses to have cancer treatments, can he be forced to by the parents signing for it? I understand that OP is healthy and not in need of treatment so this doesn't apply to their situation. I am genuinely curious as to how medical treatment of minors is handled?

engineered_academic · 19分前

Nobody, even through litigation, can compel you to undergo medical procedure without your consent. There are very limited exceptions to this rule.

Pulr7 · 15分前

If you haven't talked to him until a month ago, he probably isn't your 'parent' for the purpose of have any authority to tell you what to do. He is wrong, even if he was. I'm sorry, that is pretty sad, to find out that is why he reached out.

Nagger86 · 4分前

Don't talk to internet strangers. Tell your mom what happened and hopefully she gets in contact with a lawyer.

evileine · 3分前

Gosh, has he paid any child support? If not, send him a bill for your support for the past 14 years and tell him that you'll talk to him when he's paid in full. You probably won't hear from him again.

You don't have to talk to this guy at all. This reminds me of that saying that you don't have to set yourself on fire to keep your dad warm.

BrianRostro · 2分前

Can't miss what you never had. I understand how you feel dude (except for the medical procedure thing).

You'll be fine without him, just stay smart and use common sense. This is the age of the internet after all.

murdercraixe · 2分前

You should cut contact with this piece of shit.

thewahlrus · 1時間前

How much is it worth to him?

Race4TheGalaxy · 2時間前

[deleted]

justin_memer · 1時間前

Congratulations! You've successfully given me a stroke with the use of the "word" want's.

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