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relationshipsRelationships

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/r/Relationships is a subreddit for asking specific questions about any aspect related to your relationship.
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[–]Shinbatsu [score hidden]  (17 children)
Your boundary was clearly violated. I don't think violence was warranted (violence is almost never warranted, but if you felt like you were fight or flight and fighting for your safety, it definitely makes sense), but I understand why you'd feel that way after he did that to you.
I don't think you should continue this relationship. He doesn't seem to respect you at all. If I were you I'd look into moving out because there's no way I could live with someone who could do something that they know would make me really upset.
Edit: Yeah I used really soft wording here. IMO you should run fast and far away from this relationship because things are only going to get worse, not better. And if you feel like you could benefit from anger management I would seek that out to make sure you don't repeat this kind of physical lashing out. It's hard to know if that's what you need though because you were reacting to feeling sexually assaulted. As much as I can say "this is not the correct response," I have never been sexually assaulted and don't know how I would respond - I'm a pretty non-violent person but I could envision myself hitting someone.
Edit2: Stated multiple times in other places but re-stating here. this is relationship advice, not legal advice. I was coming at it from the relationship perspective and not trying to get caught up in legal what-ifs. r/legaladvice which would be a better place to start for that, and then hiring an actual lawyer in your state who knows what they're talking about would be the next thing to do if it turns into a legal issue.
[–]nathan19601_deninard [score hidden]  (14 children)
I get she felt demeaned and disrespected but holy cow, couldn't she be charged with assault?
[–]Shinbatsu [score hidden]  (3 children)
Yeah I think he could file a police report against her, that's legitimate. But if the full story is told they'll also know he kinda sexually assaulted her too. Either way this relationship isn't meant to be. And maybe OP could look into anger management or something to prevent from getting violent in the future.
[–]catchitt [score hidden]  (2 children)
He did sexually assault her. No kinda about it.
[–]Shinbatsu [score hidden]  (1 child)
Good point. I have a tendency to use soft wording, but sexual assault is not ok and neither is hitting someone. She was hitting him in defense of herself, but violence is still not the answer.
[–]Birdofhermes69 [score hidden]  (0 children)
Defense? Not really. It was retaliatory. Huge difference.
[–]Dr__Doofenschmirtz [score hidden]  (9 children)
In theory a sexual assault charge could be filed against him for his actions since he went beyond what she consented to. Doesn't mean it will stick but a charge would do a lot of damage.
So she could make the claim that she was sexually assaulted and she defended herself.
Doesn't mean it will hold up in court or during questioning but anything is possible.
[–]dahlialia [score hidden]  (0 children)
If he goes to the police without understanding that what he did was sexual assault, he will probably admit to it in the process of explaining what happened before she hit him.
[–]Good_Advice_Service [score hidden]  (3 children)
Posts like this are why non-lawyers should avoid trying to give legal advice.
Source: lawyer.
[–]NurRauch [score hidden]  (0 children)
"Anything is possible" is the correct answer though. The legal system doesn't always operate intuitively, especially in the context of domestic violence.
In my jurisdiction, whoever files the first police report usually has the advantage in these things. I tell prosecutors about all kinds of abusive backstory, whether immediate to the incident or way worse stuff that happened as a matter of routine. Doesn't phase 'em. They just chug along as if the backstory doesn't even exist and this is a clean case about a victim who called 911 because he was attacked by the defendant. You jump up and down about how this has destroyed only one of their lives when it was a mutual thing, resulting in someone on the lease losing all the rights to their housing and now the "victim" has taken all their property and pawned it off, and the prosecutors shrug and look at you like you're speaking a different language.
[–]doliincapax [score hidden]  (0 children)
r/relationships: where some people come to dispense "legal" advice after they finish their real day job.
Source: also lawyer.
[–]nathan19601_deninard [score hidden]  (0 children)
I looked it up and, depending on area, wiping a booger on someone could be considered battery XD self defense is allowed.
[–]nathan19601_deninard [score hidden]  (2 children)
Just an odd situation. I know for a fact it's technically sexual assault but if a woman wiped a booger on me, could that? It's someone putting their bodily discharge crap on me without consent. I hate boogers and will puke if someone's touches me. Sounds the same for OP with jizz. She's disgusted with it touching her skin.
Personally, if someone tries wiping a booger on me, I will get physical. I won't be after the fact like OP did though. But I will defend myself as stupid as my disgust for boogers is.
I'm just curious and it's purely hypothetical because OP's disgust for jizz sounds like my disgust for boogers... only one is sexual is the other is not. Wiping a booger on someone could be seen as immaturely stupid / funny and jizzing on someone's face is sexual assault.
[–]Esosorum [score hidden]  (1 child)
I mean, semen is a dangerous thing. Put it in the wrong place and you're at risk of pregnancy, HIV, HPV, etc. I think we as a society agree that nobody should have to come in contact with semen if they don't want to.
[–][deleted]  (1 child)
[removed]
    [–]Shinbatsu [score hidden]  (0 children)
    Sexual assault and domestic abuse are both bad. One wrong does not make another wrong right, but you can see how one caused the other. She didn't initiate the domestic abuse first.
    OP's actions are not being given a pass by any of the comments, but given context it's more understandable.
    One or both of them could be in legal trouble, I'm not a lawyer in their state. We're giving relationship advice here, not legal advice.
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