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SupportEx-partner got an emergency injunction stopping me feeding baby solid foods (self.Parenting)

NycLegalHelp が 投稿

My infant son and I (I'm the father) were the victim of domestic assault over the summer. My ex-partner is facing serious criminal and ACS charges as a result.

However, temporary custody of my child has been assigned to the mother, because she is still breast feeding. She has used her extensive wealth (she has spent over $85,000 on lawyers in 3 months) to reduce my visitation with the child to just 7 hours a week.

Secondly, last week while I was on a work trip (which she knew about), she sought and received an emergency order from family court banning me from feeding solids to the baby. He is a perfectly healthy 6 1/2 month old baby, and she is denying him basic nutrition. Just before I left, I consulted with his pediatrician, and started his solids -- he loved it, and was eating everything offered.

We're back to court on this issue in mid-February with my lawyer, but until then I'm stuck.

Urgh.

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[–]OkieME 45 ポイント46 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sorry to hear this man. Best of luck to you and your child on your fight.

[–]arahzel 94 ポイント95 ポイント  (21子コメント)

She is grasping at straws for leverage. If she's still breastfeeding, you giving solids means she might lose ground holding custody because you can then argue it isn't necessary for him to stay with her.

Be patient. Hopefully the criminal and ACS outcome will work in your favor.

Be prepared for the whole extended breastfeeding argument, too.

[–]NatskuLovester 45 ポイント46 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Eating solids shouldn't affect custody at 6 months, breastfeeding will still be his son's main source of nutrition until a year old so it doesn't make sense to try and stop the solids for that - is she planning on preventing him feeding solids until baby is a year old?!

[–]littlespaceparty 31 ポイント32 ポイント  (19子コメント)

just because a baby starts solids doesn't mean they don't need breast milk as well. babies need breast milk or formula as their main source of nutrition until at least one.

[–]Sjb1985 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I feel like she's grasping at straws though still. You are correct that it will serve as main source, but being solid food ready at one year would be hard without trying solids beforehand. Let her waste her money, but please have your ped print out files stating the importance of starting solids when baby is ready.

[–]TheNoteTaker 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (8子コメント)

I don't think this person is saying that it's not necessary to BF, just that any hint of the dad trying to recieve more custody is making her combatitive.

[–]DirtyPiss 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (4子コメント)

just because a baby starts solids doesn't mean they don't need breast milk as well. babies need breast milk or formula as their main source of nutrition until at least one.

You're correct, but I don't think /u/arahzel was arguing for an immediate transition. He was simply pointing out that starting the baby on solid foods is the beginning of the shift away from breastfeeding exclusively. The longer that point is put-off the longer the mom has critical leverage.

[–]castille360 190 ポイント191 ポイント  (7子コメント)

You're only seeing the baby 7 hours a week. You don't need to feed the baby any solids. Don't spend anymore emotional energy on this battle and focus on increasing the amount of time you're able to spend parenting. If no solids, fine, formula, it's not going to hurt the baby, he doesn't require solid foods from you right now, it would just be nice - don't get bogged down in these more trivial disagreements, just concede it and stay focused on the big one.

[–]erinprime 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (5子コメント)

I feel like you're not really giving the entire picture. Is the child not to be fed any solids by anyone at this point, or just not you and/or not at the specific time that you are with him?

My 6 month old eats solids like a champ, but by this age we live and die by a schedule. Bottle at 8, breakfast of oatmeal and fruit or yogurt at 10:30 immediately followed by a nap, bottle at 12:30, etc. I am happy to have my husband feed the baby whatever he wants, so long as it goes along with the schedule. If he were to say fill her up with some banana purée at noon I would not be happy. It would throw the whole day off. Maybe the blocks of time that you see your son don't coincide with when he normally gets solids.

If she is saying he shouldn't be given solids by anyone at all (including her) then that is messed up, but your post doesn't really give enough information.

[–]MCRemix 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Honestly, as an attorney...this appears to be exactly the kind of true story I'm used to hearing from my family law friends.

Maybe you're right, maybe it's a legit dispute over timing, etc. However, more often than not, angry parents will find any issue they can to attack and undermine the other parent, no matter how petty it sounds.

Given the rest of the details, army of lawyers, cut down to 7 hours a week, etc...this sounds like exactly that kind of scenario.

[–]TheNoteTaker -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Yea, to me it seems like a big piece of the picture is missing here. No matter how much one spends on a lawyer, family court judges are familiar with attempts on either side to manipulate and gain power, regardless of the interest of the child.

Its really hard to believe that all she had to do was go ask without anything else to go on for a judge to be cool with it.

[–]MCRemix 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Hate to break bad news, but this is exactly the kind of thing a judge might do. They have a great deal of discretion and whether we want it to be true or not, investing in an army of lawyers can pay off.

While you're right that judges are familiar with attempts to manipulate the system, they also tend to take the side of the status quo...and Dad here was trying to introduce a change to the state of affairs by starting the baby on solids. It's easy to see how a judge might rule in favor of the status quo, which in this case means an all liquid diet, and let the issue sit until February when a full hearing can be had on the issue.

[–]sugarsnapsail 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's likely that her legal team presented it to the judge as him feeding solids to deprive the baby of breast milk and reduce dependence on mom. Maybe even suggest that the baby is struggling to gain weight because he's refusing to provide breast milk out of spite. Being an emergency order, his "legal team" was probably ill-prepared to defend the need for solids.

[–]bonestamp 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dad here was trying to introduce a change to the state of affairs by starting the baby on solids.

But the dad did that on advice from the pediatrician. I have a 7 month old and our pediatrician suggested we start giving him solids at the same time. So it's possible the Dad is maintaining the medical status quo -- to start giving babies solids at this time in their life.

[–]Kcarp6380 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (9子コメント)

There has to be more to this story. She assaulted you and is in legal trouble yet you only have 7 hours a week?

[–]MCRemix 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (2子コメント)

It sounds crazy if you don't deal with family law, but you have no idea just how much discretion the courts have with regards to the "best interests of the child" and how little they want to be involved in this pre-trial disputes.

Now, if she's convicted, that's something else...but right now the family court is going to say "it's he said-she said, I'll let the criminal court sort that one out". And there is a very deep favor given towards the mother of newborns/infants by the courts, especially if she can get some very articulate lawyers to argue that breastfeeding is necessary and therefore, she is necessary.

[–]Hestia79 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

This. There could be more than what the OP is telling us, but I also don't doubt a family court would make this decision based on literally nothing.

[–]MCRemix 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's exactly it...it's Reddit so anyone could be lying, but it's not implausible either.

[–]softnmushy 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (2子コメント)

If she's willing to lie and is spending lots of money on lawyers who are also willing to lie, the courts are not fast at sorting these things out.

[–]Flewtea 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This could definitely be the case. I had a friend go through this and really, I don't think her lawyers cared whether or not it was true. It was what she said was true and there weren't any other witnesses, so they went with it. Basically, each was accusing the other of domestic violence with themselves as the victim. It did eventually get sorted out because she couldn't give a good answer to things like "if he's so dangerous, why did you go over late at night by yourself," but was a looong time coming and she had primary custody in the mean time.

[–]jhigg 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not to mention women have a big upper hand in infant custody battles... =*(

[–]ifallalot 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

There is more, she's a woman, he's a man. Family courts are skewed towards women, and skew even more the younger the baby is.

Facts

[–]Abiogeneralization 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Money buys justice, logic, and truth.

[–]minischankie -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

From the way he phrased it, I assumed that his ex and the mother were two different people

[–]agawl81 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Aren't the benefits of breast milk kinda small next to the damage done by domestic abuse? Like, how's that work.

YOu beat the crap outta your partner in front of the kiddo so you aren't going to be allowed to keep the child. Oh, breast feeding. Right. Because there's no perfectly good alternatives to nursing.

Like formula feedings. Or pumping and bottle feeds.

[–]fuck_sal_hard 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (4子コメント)

At what point will the temporary custody end? Children can be breast fed for 12 months (or longer...) so if she allegedly assualted you and your son, then why can't she pump and send the milk to you to feed him?

I don't understand how a court can ban someone from feeding solid foods to a 6 month old. I could see something regarding SPECIFIC foods, but foods in general? Seems awfully Draconian.

Sorry you are having to deal with this, it sounds stressful. Best of luck to you and your son.

[–]dinosaur_boots 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I agree! She should be pumping and sending you the milk, otherwise use formula. If she assaulted you and your son, then she should be the one with limited custody. This doesn't make sense!

[–]Geo678 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Pumping isn't possible for everyone. I would take 45 minutes to pump half a bottle (60ml) and less in afternoons but could do a full feed from the boob in 20. I agree she is being manipulative but to play devil's advocate...

[–]dinosaur_boots 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I know what you mean about pumping. However, if SHE is the abuser, and it was towards the child and OP, then why does SHE have the baby and why is HIS contact limited? That is not right. He can feed the child formula then - the child needs nutrition. The child goes where it is safer, not where it gets breast milk straight from the boob vs. pumped milk / formula.

[–]CocoonReady 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Then formula is the way to go. It's the choice between breastmilk from an alleged abuser and formula.

[–]twistedfork 113 ポイント114 ポイント  (54子コメント)

Not feeding a 6 month old solids is not denying the child nutrition. At most it is denying the child experiencing new foods at the earliest recommended age to start solids.

[–]groundhogcakeday 39 ポイント40 ポイント  (5子コメント)

She's not denying him solids, since the pediatrician has confirmed that the baby has started solids. She's denying the father the right to feed him solids. There must have been something claimed for the court to issue an emergency injunction.

[–]NatskuLovester 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Wonder what that could be. It seems an odd thing for a Court to get involved in.

[–]groundhogcakeday 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Agreed. Was dad accused of feeding the baby unsliced hotdogs and grapes with a side of popcorn?

[–]NatskuLovester 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If that was the case then I would understand the Court's decision. Strange situation.

[–]Sjb1985 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Family court is a very prosperous thing tho... So, I can definitely see this happening.

[–]NatskuLovester 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I suppose it must be (my own experiences have been that its not worth much at all for the lawyers but I'm in another country and have a legal aid lawyer, who is brilliant though)

[–]NycLegalHelp[S] 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (14子コメント)

you raise a fair point. i still think it's pretty bad from a court view (in that they shouldn't be deciding this) and allergies etc.

I'd love to see some concrete research though.

[–]tercereroOne girl preschooler 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, the courts shouldn't be deciding this, of course not. It's a personal decision parents make in conjunction with medical advice. But, your child will still be provided adequate nutrition even without solids if he's still breastfeeding, so that's something positive! I'm very sorry you're having to endure limited visitation and an inability to parent your child as you normally would.

[–]MCRemix 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's a personal decision parents make in conjunction with medical advice.

This is truth and yet...when the parents divorce and they can't agree, guess who gets to decide? This kind of petty dispute is not uncommon in family law, one of the many reasons I don't practice that kind of law.

[–]Helen-B 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (11子コメント)

Fortunately at least, the latest research shows that when we introduce food has less to do with allergies than previously thought.

I have multiple friends who have made the choice to exclusively breastfeed to 12 months (or some time between 6-12) with no ill effects on the child. While it does sound like your son did well with food, 6 months is simply a recommendation - not all babies need or are ready at that time. He wont be harmed by delaying this.

[–]Rare_Aphid 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (9子コメント)

There was news pretty recently that you should start peanuts ASAP to avoid peanut allergies.

[–]Helen-B 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (8子コメント)

The study I read looked specifically at children with high risk of peanut allergies and that they might see a benefit from early introduction, along with debunking the delayed introduction "benefit", but didn't go so far as to recommend early introduction for all children.

But the other studies I've read say that for an otherwise healthy baby, when you start solids matters less than other factors such as continuing breastfeeding and environmental exposure to germs, etc.

[–]NatskuLovester 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (7子コメント)

That's interesting, can you link to the study? I'm hoping to eventually have another child with my bloke (not the dad of my kid) but he has nut allergies (mild though, if that makes a difference) so I really want to do what's best for reducing the chances of a potential child developing his allergies.

Wish there would be a study to show how to reduce chances of passing on Coeliac Disease - already doomed one kid, don't want to doom more.

[–]groundhogcakeday 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (4子コメント)

There are studies on this - google "celiac epidemic in Sweden" for info on how the country brought rates back down after a rapid tripling of celiac disease incidence.

[–]NatskuLovester 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Cheers, will have a search for that.

[–]CocoonReady 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

And then post a tl;dr? Pretty please?

[–]Helen-B 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Even if they're mild, I'd probably introduce early personally - the biggest take away I got is that early introduction doesn't hurt, and for some kids might help. I'll see if I can find the study - my husband's allergist gave us a booklet with a collection of research/recommendations when he inquired about it for our son since he has pretty severe allergies and we wanted to do what we could to prevent our son from getting them too since he has eczema which can be an indicator. We're going through allergy shots for my husband now after years of suffering, and I don't want to have to do it with a child if we can avoid it!

I actually just saw a thing about celiac from TEDDY that was looking at the befits of early vs. delayed introduction of gluten and they found that it didn't seem to be a factor. I didn't read the whole study since this isn't a big concern for us. But this is it if you're interested: http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2015/01/13/peds.2014-1787

[–]NatskuLovester 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Cheers. My kid had/has(possibly) eczema too and was allergic to dairy, soya, eggs and citrus as a baby so reckon there's quite a few allergy/intolerance genes coming through from me so hope to avoid them with the next baby.

[–]groundhogcakeday 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Actually the latest research says timing does matter, and to introduce very small amounts potentially allergenic foods early. Some studies indicate that the optimal window is between 4 and 6 months, but it is not yet clear whether before 6 months is better than after. It's still very much a developing story.

[–]quantum-mechanic 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

But seriously - wtf would a judge grant such an order when its absolutely no problem for a 6mo to eat appropriate solids? Seems like there's something else going on here.

[–]grey24 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Iron and zinc stores are depleted by 4-6 months in breastfed babies, so they need an alternative source and solid food is great for that.

[–]thatiwouldbegood 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Supplements are available since not all babies take to solids right away.

[–]allyanonymouse 68 ポイント69 ポイント  (28子コメント)

That's false. The earliest recommendation is 4 months, 6 months is the latest you should start. Additionally, it sounds like you still believe the "food before one is just for fun" nonsense that we now know is entirely false. By 6 months a baby's iron stores are depleted and they do start to need food, as secondary nutrition, but nutrition all the same.

[–]NycLegalHelp[S] 75 ポイント76 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Even La Leche League International (who are the biggest pro-breast feeding people out there) say that a baby needs food from 6 months: http://www.lalecheleague.org/faq/solids.html

[–]mcsharp 19 ポイント20 ポイント  (0子コメント)

For those that don't know: La Leche League is an EXCELLENT source for breastfeeding tips and guidelines. PLEASE VISIT AND SUPPORT!

If you're only seeing the kid 8 hours a week this will have basically zero impact on breastfeeding. It's basically a power play by the mom - plus maybe some natural insecurity about the prospect of losing or weakening the breast feeding bond.

Anyway, best advice, keep your cool about it. Be prepared with documentation. No injunction will last against overwhelming reasonable evidence. When people do shitty things like this the trap is becoming angry because it's so wrong. But the answer is to remain the "not crazy" one and present information in a way the legal system can understand.

Also, obvious main goal, keep things as mellow as possible as it will benefit the baby and that's of course the most important. Good luck. <3

[–]crack_a_toe_ah 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yes. "Food before one is just for fun" is an example of a falsehood perpetuated by the rhyme-as-reason effect.

[–]not_just_amwac 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's the same here in Australia. 4-6mo is the time to start feeding them solids. 9mo is apparently the time they start switching to solids being the primary source of caloric intake.

Sorry I can't help you, OP, but don't stop fighting for your son.

[–]Dulceniaa -4 ポイント-3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

They do not say the baby NEEDS to start at 6 months, they do say listen to your child!

[–]PandoraWraith 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

They may not say it, but the WHO (World Health Organization) do.

[–]Dulceniaa 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thats not what he said. I was commenting on what he said.

[–]reviliver 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Yep, and there is new research showing kids are more likely to develop food allergies if they are not introduced to those foods until late (peanuts, strawberries, etc).

[–]figgypie 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I'm hoping that my consumption of PB&J sandwiches during pregnancy will help prevent this allergy as well in my LO. It really really makes sense that early exposure helps prevent allergies. Parents keeping their kids in a bubble doesn't help prevent allergies. It can make it worse.

[–]ReddenedEarth 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I ate PB throughout my pregnancy and introduced it early and she still has a peanut allergy, first in the family! Just dumb luck.

[–]sisterfunkhaus 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

4 months? I have never heard that. My doctor said 6 months at earliest. Our kid wouldn't eat them until closer to 7 months.

[–]trumpetvine 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My doc said we could introduce solids as early as 4 months if he was really really interested, and 6 months at the latest because of the iron-thing.

[–]Jesus_marley 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Babies will indicate when they are ready to start on solid food. It's a simple matter of watching them. When they are ready for solids, they will show interest in the foods you are eating. It's as simple as that. some are ready at 4 months. some at 6, some at 9. just be observant and you will know.

[–]NatskuLovester 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (5子コメント)

I waited until mine was trying to grab food and stick it in her mouth (showing interest, pincer grip, sitting up unsupported etc. etc.), that was at about five and a half months. Although the first thing I gave her was a banana and she rejected the fruit and munched on the peel.

[–]Jesus_marley 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (3子コメント)

when mine was starting on solids, we introduced one new food at a time and spaced new foods out so there was about 4 or 5 days between them. that way, if she had any allergy issues, we would be able to easily identify the culprit.

[–]NatskuLovester 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I did the whole baby led weaning thing that was the fashion at the time so gave her whatever I was eating, which in retrospect, was probably the reason why I didn't realise she was allergic to dairy until she was a year old as I couldn't see her reaction to each individual food.

[–]Jesus_marley 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

To be fair, ours was also a 9 week preemie so we were super paranoid about just about everything. She's 6 years now and too smart for her own good.

[–]NatskuLovester 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Mine is almost 6 now, was nearly two weeks late, and is probably not smarter than the average bear. She's cute though so she'll probably be fine. Poor kid.

[–]qroosra 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

i tried to keep mine off solids until 12 months (this was around 15-20 years ago) as research favored that back then. the first 2 had no sugar, only organics, etc., etc. for the first 5 years and we made them homemade organic baby food. they had whole, healthy food. by the 4th kid, i think her first food was fudge she stole out of the pot it was cooling in... :)

[–]xyzzzzy 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Do you have a source you can cite for this? Not because I disagree (I agree with you), but because our pediatrician disagrees. She says "latest studies say wait until 12 months". Of course she did not cite her source either :)

[–]sarcazm 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (2子コメント)

https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/feeding-nutrition/Pages/Switching-To-Solid-Foods.aspx

[–]xyzzzzy 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thanks, I should've though to look to AAP. I think some confusion might be coming from their own webpage, which has one line that says "Exclusive breastfeeding for the first year​" https://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/HALF-Implementation-Guide/Age-Specific-Content/Pages/Infant-Food-and-Feeding.aspx

But this almost seems like a typo, and I can't find anything else to support that, even on their own website. Their last policy statement I can find is from 2012 (which confirms the 6 month introduction guideline), and things could have changed since then, but I would expect to see a new policy statement.

[–]forwardseat 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Exclusive breastfeeding" in this context simply means no formula or cow's milk, it doesn't mean no solids. At least that's how it's been explained to me in the past.

[–]PandoraWraith 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Here's what the WHO have to say. :)

[–]Geo678 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

From around 6 months a baby may not have enough iron stores and breastmilk is low in iron. While there often are enough iron stores for longer than 6 months, every baby is different. This is why many parents start food around 6 months in tandem with breastfeeding, just to be sure.

[–]NatskuLovester 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sorry you're going through this, it sounds like a very difficult situation. Is custody likely to change when your ex-partner faces the charges? If so I'd focus on that as a main focal point for your energies and lawyer money and forget this solid food issue as its just temporary.

Do you know what sparked her to apply for this order? Was there a disagreement over the food you fed him or something?

[–]pudgethefishpb 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

See if you can get your pediatrician to make a statement of some sort. Check with the lawyer first though as I don't know if that is a thing or not. If it could fall under a neglect issue then maybe you can get court pushed up. Also at 11 months the baby can stop taking breast milk at anytime. It's not a necessity as much as a preference now. I'm praying for you man.

[–]seablueseahorse 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

A six and a half month old doesn't really need solid foods, so she's not denying him. You need to focus on getting your parenting time increased. This is petty bs. Why can't she pump and send milk if you only see him seven hours a week? Or just use formula.

Can you tell me more about this domestic abuse situation? Why isn't she in jail?

[–]ihateusedusernames 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Ok, so she should be required to provide you with enough pumped breast milk to satisfy the court mandated 7 hours a week visitstion. Simple.

[–]Geo678 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (2子コメント)

No everyone can pump milk easily. I couldn't.

[–]ihateusedusernames 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm well aware. If she is able to, then great. If not, then she either needs to relax the reatriction on solid food or accept that her infant will be getting formula. Using breastfeeding as a weapon against the father like this should not be accepted without a reasonable countermand.

[–]agawl81 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Then the baby should be formula fed so that both parents can have an equal amount of parenting time and care for their child.

[–]hitsworth 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That sucks, but can't you do formula/pumped milk?

[–]shortsinsnow 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wow, that's a really terrible person who would punish their own son to spite the father. I hope you and yours the best of luck. My 7-month old has been eating solids since they were 5 months, and they've never had a problem. We followed baby-led weaning and it has changed our lives. He can literally eat right off our plate (in baby-sized bites, of course) but it makes going out with him that much more enjoyable..

Again, best of luck!

[–]PorbsWench 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What kind of judge would grant that!? Research recommends waiting till 6 months to start solids but most doctors give the ok at 4. At 6 it starts to be important for at the very least learning fine motor skills and how to swallow solids. Some kids need the extra nutrients at that point too. You also hear food before one is just for fun a lot but I feel like it is rare and unreasonable for a judge to grant such an order. Sorry for your troubles man and best of luck! Hang in there and keep fighting. Took my dad years of court but he got full custody of my brother and I. Thank goodness!

Edit for a question: Does your ex pump?

[–]Octo_poodle 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

A really good friend of mine told me to stop feeding my (then 7mo old daughter) because the "flora in her stomach isn't developed." She doesn't have children of her own, nor does she want them. But she basically demanded I stop feeding her. We're no longer speaking. I'm sorry this is happening. Do what you know is best for your child.

[–]BathtubJim 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

In the state where I practice, the court can order one party to pay for the other party's attorney and costs (or a portion thereof), essentially to better the chances of a fair fight. Google "pendente lite" for more info and then discuss with your lawyer. Where I am, you're much more likely to get it if there's a significant disparity in wealth. Not only will it help level the playing field, but being forced to pay the other side's fees usually gives someone pause before doing harebrained things like pursuing emergency injunctive relief to prevent a parent from making medically appropriate dietary choices...

[–]Fk_th_system -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (9子コメント)

I know a woman who has done this. She got herself pregnant to a married man. The married man and his wife wanted custody of the baby so she kept breastfeeding (she didn't breast feed her other children) so they couldn't take the baby

[–]CharlieChuu 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Damn that guys wife is a saint staying with a cheater who knocked up another chick and wanting to raise that chicks kid.

[–]AgingLolita 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No, she's not a saint, she's a fucking moron.

[–]micls 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (4子コメント)

She got herself pregnant? That's impressive in itself. And she told you guys she's only breastfeeding so they can't have the child? This post doesn't sound like there's any bias in it at all....

[–]crack_a_toe_ah 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Agreed. Although it's possible she lied about birth control thinking he'd leave his wife.

[–]micls 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Possible sure. But again, I doubt his poster knows for certain. And the guy cheating on his wife should have taken his own precautions too.

[–]Fk_th_system 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

She lives in a fantasy world where the guy was going to leave his wife and they were going to live happily ever after. I don't know the father, only the mother so I can only comment on what she said. She said specifically that she was breastfeeding so they couldn't take the baby. I would probably do the same thing if that was going to stop my child being taken away from me

[–]micls 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Not an unusual fantasy unfortunately, I'd imagine most people in affairs have that belief. Sad really.

But yeah, if someone was trying to take my little boy away, there's probably not much I wouldn't do to stop them. Particularly if it was a guy whod chested on his wife and lied about making us a family!

[–]AgingLolita 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

... why were they trying to take the baby in the first place?

[–]Fk_th_system -3 ポイント-2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

She has 3 other children to 3 different men, she's on welfare and uses her children to steal, has a history of fraud, from what the mother has said the father is wealthy and believes he could give the child a better life

[–]crusoe -31 ポイント-30 ポイント  (9子コメント)

Your partner is a dick but the current pediatrician guidelines are 'food before one is for fun'. It's about getting them used to new foods and avoiding allergy formation. Babies shouldn't get a majority of their calories from food till age of one.

But yeah she's a jerk.

[–]Cbrantford 39 ポイント40 ポイント  (2子コメント)

"Food before one is just for fun" is an unsubstantiated statement and is not in any real guidelines that I've read. Our pediatrician wanted them eating lots of foods rich in iron and zinc starting at 6 months at the latest. This father should have the right to feed his child healthy whole foods of his choosing and it seems like the mother is playing games with the child's relationship with the father.

[–]tercereroOne girl preschooler 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think "food before one..." is something parents tell each other to keep from getting stressed when it appears baby isn't getting enough calories from solids. As long as baby is still nursing or taking formula, they are getting nutrients. Docs will test for iron deficiencies and will recommend supplements or more food as needed, at least mine did.

[–]Cbrantford 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

For sure. And the recommendations are a moving target and modified as more research comes out. I was more responding to the "current pediatrician guidelines" statement. I agree that people shouldn't stress about a baby that's slower to take to solid food, but this mother is withholding food from a baby who according to OP wants to eat. That's infuriating.

[–]also_HIM 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

'food before one is for fun'. It's about ... avoiding allergy formation.

Well, that's totally contradictory, isn't it?

[–]NycLegalHelp[S] 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (2子コメント)

thanks - this is all good to know, in terms of where her argument will stand in the future.

[–][削除されました]  (1子コメント)

[removed]

    [–]Tymanthius5 kids. For Rent.[M] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    Your comment has been removed for:

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    [–]DirtyPiss 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

    current pediatrician guidelines are 'food before one is for fun'

    Cite your sources. Your claim is directly at odds with the largest pediatrics program in the world, the American Academy of Pediatrics.

    ​Introduce solid foods around 6 months of age

    substantial number of families introduce complementary solid foods around 3-4 months

    ​Compared with those not fed solids at 4 months of age, infants with such early introduction of complementary foods were more likely to have discontinued breastfeeding by 6 months of age and to have reported intakes of sugary or fatty foods at the 12-month data point

    [–]PandoraWraith 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    As well as the WHO. Just to provide another source.

    [–]fishwithoutaporpoise -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    It's possible that your son's mother wants to prevent you from feeding solids because she wants to control the introduction of new foods and monitor for allergic reactions. If she's a first time mom this would be even more likely. She may be introducing only one food at a time. She may have a schedule she wants to follow. She may be concerned that you will feed him packaged foods. For example, a lot of parents decide to wait until 9 months to try meat or combined ingredient foods.

    Try asking the boy's mother (go through a lawyer if you have to) to provide a list of solid foods that he is permitted to eat when he's with you. Ask for an updated list every time he comes to visit.

    I realize there's a lot of water already under the bridge but it will benefit your son in the long run if you can use this as an opportunity to improve the co-parenting dynamic.

    [–]Dulceniaa -4 ポイント-3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

    The baby is 6 months old, you two have about 18 years ahead of you in which you need to coparent and do what is best for this child! Pick your battles! Does when to feed the baby solid food really need to be a big court battle?

    She is not denying him nutrition! You two need to grow up and start putting that baby first and your pettiness last! I feel so sorry for your child!