It must suck to be a feminist and find sexism in EVERY TINY THING.

Have y’all heard of the new movie “Passengers,” starring Chris Pratt and Jennifer Lawrence? It comes out this week, and the critic reviews are starting to trickle out. I’m actually looking forward to it. It looks like a fun action/romance/sci-fi flick that I will probably enjoy. Plus, anything with Chris Pratt has to be a good time.

But not according to Kristy Puchko, a writer for Comic Book Resources who reviewed the film. See, Kristy has a problem with one of the main plot points of the story. Namely that when Pratt’s character, Jim Preston, wakes up out of his prolonged space-sleep and finds himself alone on this ginormous space station, he doesn’t want to be by himself, with only robot-Martin-Michael-Sheen for company. So, after learning about one of his fellow passengers from the ship’s files, Aurora (played by Jennifer Lawrence), and effectively falling in love with her, he decides to wake her up so he could at least have some company on the decades-long trip they’re taking.

Rather than taking this as a sweet romance in the middle of a harrowing space-survival story, Kristy decides that, as a progressive feminist, Jim is super-gross and awful for condemning Aurora to his same fate. He should have just committed suicide and done us all a favor!

No, I’m serious. That’s basically what’s in her review –

Then Jim spots a beautiful woman in a pod, and instead of filling his days with escape attempts or thoughts of suicide, he begins to obsess over her.

Because HEAVEN FORBID a guy all alone in space think about something more pleasant than how lonely he is and how he’s going to die alone, surrounded by people who are still in their deep cryogenic sleep.

Come on – if you were in the same situation, wouldn’t you try to do something about it? But that’s not okay. Not according to feminism and not if you’re a man. You’re just supposed to take your crappy situation and deal with it. Because any kind of action you could take might offend some feminist’s delicate sensibilities. She might complain about you on her Tumblr page. She might say that you’re … what did you say, Kristy?

It’s not that I have no sympathy for Jim’s dilemma and pain. But the moment he breaks Aurora from her hibernation, the film crosses a line it refuses to fully acknowledge, and so the romance is not fun, but FUBAR. This is not the premise of a love story: Boy sees girl. Boy becomes obsessed with girl from afar, decides he loves her, decides they are made for each other, she just doesn’t know it yet. Guy rips the girl out of her life, abducts her to live with him in a bunker she can’t escape.

This is cyberstalking, and then kidnapping. “Passengers” abruptly becomes a horror movie, but hopes you’ll be so caught up in the beauty of its sci-fi visuals and gorgeous stars — who repeatedly engage in make-out sessions and off-camera sex — to notice.

Wow. Kristy must be sooooo fun at the neighborhood movie night.

I’ll bet you anything that if the roles were reversed – if Jennifer Lawrence’s character was obsessing over Chris Pratt and she eventually pulled him out of his sleeping pod – feminists everywhere would be swooning over the fact that a “strong, independent woman” took what she wanted without any questions. Shoot, if Chris Pratt had picked a dude to obsess over, they’d call it a triumphant message for the LGBTQ set.

But no. Because it’s a good looking guy falling for a good looking lady, it’s sexism. Another feminist blowhard crawled under a rock and found the EEEEEEEVIL patriarchy lurking beneath. (Also, the fact that Pratt’s character is described as a “blue-collar” guy and Lawrence’s character is a journalist from New York City probably didn’t help the film in Kristy’s estimation. You know all those working class dudes are going to come kidnap beautiful-yet-high-maintenance career women from the big city!)

Congratulations, you just embarrassed the snot out of yourself and your moronic agenda. Again.

Is it any wonder that we don’t take feminism seriously? When they’re looking for something sinister in a freaking science-fiction movie, you know they’re just looking for a reason to stay relevant. Why do you think they find all these stupid crap to be offended by all the time?

The fact that a chick like Kristy Puchko hated this movie only makes me want to see it even more.