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When you have a goal in your life, you have to become obsessed with it. Study it. Try different angles of the same problem.

You want to have sex but can't? You are doing something wrong, change your approach.

You want money but can't get it? You are doing something wrong, change your approach.

Becoming obsessed with productive goals is the secret to being happy. This is what men are build for, doing things, mastering things.

Don't ever forget that.

However there are some smart and stupid ways to go about actually achieving your goals and balancing your life, so here's what you need to know.

Experts define goal setting as the act of selecting a target or objective you wish to achieve. Fair enough. That definition makes sense, but I think there is a much more useful way to think about setting goals.

It’s easy to sit around and think what we could do or what we’d like to do. It is an entirely different thing to accept the tradeoffs that come with our goals. Everybody wants a gold medal. Few people want to train like an Olympian.

This brings us to our first key insight. Goal setting is not only about choosing the rewards you want to enjoy, but also the costs you are willing to pay.

What is Goal Setting?

Experts define goal setting as the act of selecting a target or objective you wish to achieve. Fair enough. That definition makes sense, but I think there is a much more useful way to think about setting goals.

Most goal setting exercises start with an overpaid consultant standing by a whiteboard and asking something like, “What does success look like to you? In very specific terms, what do you want to achieve?”

If we are serious about achieving our goals, however, we should start with a much different question. Rather than considering what kind of success we want, we should ask, “What kind of pain do I want?”

This is a strategy I learned from Mark Manson. What Mark has realized is that having a goal is the easy part. Who wouldn’t want to write a best-selling book or lose weight or earn more money? Everybody wants to achieve these goals.

The real challenge is not determining if you want the result, but if you are willing to accept the sacrifices required to achieve your goal.* Do you want the lifestyle that comes with your quest? Do you want the boring and ugly process that comes before the exciting and glamorous outcome?

It’s easy to sit around and think what we could do or what we’d like to do. It is an entirely different thing to accept the tradeoffs that come with our goals. Everybody wants a gold medal. Few people want to train like an Olympian.

This brings us to our first key insight. Goal setting is not only about choosing the rewards you want to enjoy, but also the costs you are willing to pay.

Rudders and Oars

Imagine a small row boat. Your goals are like the rudder on the boat. They set the direction and determine where you go. If you commit to one goal, then the rudder stays put and you continue moving forward. If you flip-flop between goals, then the rudder moves all around and it is easy to find yourself rowing in circles.

However, there is another part of the boat that is even more important than the rudder: The oars. If the rudder is your goal, then the oars are your process for achieving it. While the rudder determines your direction, it is the oars that determine your progress.

This metaphor of the rudder and the oars helps clarify the difference between systems and goals. It is an important distinction that shows up everywhere in life.

• If you’re a coach, your goal is to win a championship. Your system is what your team does at practice each day.
• If you’re a writer, your goal is to write a book. Your system is the writing schedule that you follow each week.
• If you’re a runner, your goal is to run a marathon. Your system is your training schedule for the month.
• If you’re an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a million dollar business. Your system is your sales and marketing process.

Goals are useful for setting the direction. Systems are great for actually making progress. In fact, the primary benefit of having a goal is that it tells you what sort of system you need to put in place. However, the system itself is what actually achieved the results.

This brings us to our second key insight. Goals determine your direction. Systems determine your progress. You’ll never get anywhere just by holding the rudder. You have to row.

Before we talk about how to get started, let’s pause for just a second. If you’re enjoying this article on goal setting, then you’ll probably find my other writing on performance and human behavior useful. Each week, I share self-improvement tips based on proven scientific research through my free email newsletter.

How to Set Goals You’ll Actually Follow

Alright, now that we’ve discussed the tradeoffs and systems that come with goals, let’s talk about how to set goals you’ll actually follow.

There are three basic strategies I like to use when goal setting. Let’s talk about each one now.

Eliminate Your Goals

Psychologists have a concept they refer to as “goal competition.”

Goal competition says that one of the greatest barriers to achieving your goals is the other goals you have. In other words, your goals are competing with one another for your time and attention. Whenever you chase a new goal, you have to pull focus and energy from your other pursuits. This is basically The Four Burners Theory in action. When you turn one burner up, you have to turn others down.

Now, there is good news. One of the fastest ways to make progress on your goals is to simply press pause on less important things and focus on one goal at a time. Sometimes you just need to reorganize your priorities a little bit and suddenly progress comes much more quickly because you are now fully committed to a goal that was only getting moderate attention previously.

This is an important insight. Typically, when we fail to reach our goals, we think something was wrong with our goal or our approach. Experts tell us, “You need to think bigger! Pick a dream that is so big it will motivate you every day.” Or we tell ourselves, “If only I had more hours in the day!”

These excuses cloud the bigger issue. What often looks like a problem of goal setting is actually a problem of goal selection. What we really need is not bigger goals, but better focus. You need to choose one thing and ruthlessly eliminate everything else. In the words of Seth Godin, “You don’t need more time, you just need to decide.”

Stack Your Goals

Research has shown that you are 2x to 3x more likely to stick to your goals if you make a specific plan for when, where, and how you will perform the behavior. For example, in one study scientists asked people to fill out this sentence: “During the next week, I will partake in at least 20 minutes of vigorous exercise on [DAY] at [TIME OF DAY] at/in [PLACE].”

Here are some examples:

• Meditation: After I brew my morning coffee, I will meditate for one minute.
• Pushups: Before I take my morning shower, I will do 10 pushups.
• Flossing: After I set my toothbrush down, I will floss my teeth.
• Gratitude: Before I eat dinner, I will say one thing I am grateful for that day.
• Networking: After I return from my lunch break, I will send one email to someone I want to meet.

How to Achieve Your Goals Consistently

Effective goal setting requires consideration of the system that surrounds you. Too often, we set the right goals inside the wrong system. If you’re fighting your system each day to make progress, then it’s going to be really hard to make consistent progress.

There are all kinds of hidden forces that make our goals easier or harder to achieve. You need to align your environment with your ambitions if you wish to make progress for the long-run. Let’s discuss some practical strategies for doing just that.

How to Align Your Environment With Your Goals

Although most of us have the freedom to make a wide range of choices at any given moment, we often make decisions based on the environment we find ourselves in. For example, if I wanted to do so, I could drink a beer as I write this guide. However, I am currently sitting at my desk with a glass of water next to me. There are no beers in sight. Although I possess the capability to get up, walk to my car, drive to the store, and buy a beer, I probably won’t because I am surrounded by easier alternatives. In this case, taking a sip of water is the default decision, the easy decision.

How to Measure Your Goals

Another key to making long-term progress on your goals is measurement. The human mind loves to receive feedback. One of the most motivating things we can experience is evidence of our progress. This is why measurement is so critical for effective goal setting. By measuring your results, you get insight on whether or not you are making progress.

The things we measure are the things we improve. It is only through numbers and clear tracking that we have any idea if we are getting better or worse. Here are a few of the measurable goals I’ve implemented:

• When I measured how many pushups I did, I got stronger.
• When I tracked my reading habit of 20 pages per day, I read more books.
• When I recorded my values, I began living with more integrity.

The trick is to realise that counting, measuring, and tracking is not about the result. Measure to discover, to find out, to understand. Measure to see if you are showing up. Measure to see if you’re actually spending time on the things that are important to you.

Key Points:

• The goal is not the goal? - Yes, the journey is the important part, focus on what you're doing now and be open to change.
• Use goals as a decision and a direction to go in but don't commit to only that, you must be open enough so that when opportunities come along you can grab them.
• Focus on one goal at a time. Align your habits to work synergistically in alignment with your goal.