And she uses emotional manipulation. I was sick my entire life and thanks to my own intelligence i somewhat recovered from that, although im not healthy. Doctors almost killed me. I lost my 20s to this. Im normally quite intelligent but this disease makes you feel dumb as fuck with the fatigue and brain fog.

Then my mum was like yeah fuck it you don't study anymore, we dont support you its useless. Because the disease is full of controversy and a political thing, its hard to get anything for it. You don't get anything unless you fight like a moron for years and it's probably going to kill you too so its not worth it. The worst part is you look healthy, youre just fatigued as shit and your brain doesnt work properly and you have strange enviromental allergies - lyme disease.

Now in my 30s i see there is not much of a future ahead. At least at the moment i have no FUCKING idead what to do. I feel like im not recovered enough but i spin all day what to do with my life. Finding a place to live here is like a miracle especially with my hyper allergies. To make the hyper allergies go away i would have to try some therapy which i cant afford at the moment. And even if, there is a chance that it could make me worse for a long time.

My mum just spams me to get on welfare and she does it in a way that makes me puke. The thing with welfare here in germany is, its very very hard to get out of this. When i tell her that i wanna think about my future and dont make stupid decisions she doesn't care she just wants me on it so im "away" as im "30 now" - yeah thank you bitch i invested 12 years of my life to get this far. Women don't understand men and truely we are disposable to women.

It's like her life plan for me. When i askd her whats my future with this crap she was like "i dont know but you get free money" and thats not the whole story of welfare in germany. Its much more complicated than that. The story is very long and i can't put it all together but its as red pill as it gets. You truely start to feel that she just wants you "off" so she doesn't have to support you anymore. Excuse me most people in their 30s have to move back to their parents if they get this because it ruins their life and their careers its that serious. Its almost impossible if not deadly if you have to support youself. I did extreme things to get this far. Things others would have never done and i never got ANY credit for it. But she doesnt take it seriously, dad neither. But they want me to take their "advice" and i get a bad bad feeling when i listen to them. She doesn't really give a shit about my future anymore and is very close minded.

Its not easy to find purpose after this. In fact its very hard. At the moment i feel lost and i admit it. With the clearer mind and head its amazing to see how good i became at guitar and singing even with my huge handicap. Im happy to help any mGTOW with this lyme disease shit as im very educated in it.

I never had time to think about it, i was way too sick. I did however have and still have an awesome rock n roll band that is highly regarded. Music was the only thing i could do because its only two hours and even then i was often so out of it but im talented enough that it still works out.

I still have a lot of work to do and i never know how far i can get. This disease is like a divorce in a way. You have to pay so much stuff out of pocket and there is NO way around it. And thats all she cares about. You know im not an asshole so i sold a lot of my gear, equipment to finance things which i need for this disease. But thats still not enough. Shes 100% unempathic, does not give me credit for what i went through and is like YEAH SON GET ON THE FUCKING WELFARE AND ALL IS FINE. We all know this is bullshit. Shes insane. Germany is a very privilidged country and most people in my age just waste their time on campus with whatever bullshit course. I know thats not the best either. But you get what im saying is i lived the TRUTH of this and i never got any respect or anything. Its like telling a cancer survivor SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO WORK ALREADY but its too early.

I dont wanna make decisions which others "force" on me. It would be totally different if she was empathic or would have supported me emotionally. Last time she talked about it she cryed and i felt it in my gut that she tries to manipulate me with crocodile tears. Shame and guilt are their weapons. She doesn't understand that i need time to find out what im good at, i actually have some ideas but i have to be really careful because i almost lost my life in the university when i pushed so hard to "work" that it almost killed me. When you experience that once, you know health is anything you have. She and my dad could have learned so much from this but they chose to close their eyes and be ignorant about it.