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CCW and relationships (self.CCW)

worrywart0923 が 投稿

My SO wants to get a CCW this year and I'm fine with him having the permit. We have also stored guns in a lock box and I'm fine with them in the house or locked in the car and actually enjoy shooting ranges and have been quite a few times.

I'm not against guns, but I'm against him carrying one with him all the time. He already carries a knife and I'm also fine with that. There are just so many ways and possible accidents I can envision happening and where we live, the chance of him actually needing it are very slim.

I'm also fine with him occasionally bringing the gun if we are going somewhere where it is more likely that it might be needed, but feel like him carrying it with him on a dinner date with me or to the grocery store is unnecessary. I brought it up to him and it sounds like it might be a big problem between us.

I know this is a subreddit where it's hard to see my side, since it's irrational. I'm not worried about him handling it safety, I just think it's unnecessary and bringing a small chance of danger into a situation where it's not needed. I'm not sure what I want out of this post, but have any of you dealt with this? Was there a compromise that worked for you? Do you have any advice?

EDIT: Throwaway

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[–]Rudy2008 54 ポイント55 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Forgive me for using this old line, but..."better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it." Just the other day for instance, a police officer was being beaten to death by a gentleman on the highway. A passerby, who happened to be a conceal and carry individual, saved the police officer's life. If that gentleman was going to dinner with his wife, and didn't carry it because she thought he shouldn't or wouldn't need it, that police officer would surely be dead. Choosing to conceal and carry is a lifestyle choice. I'm just now at the point where I have to make this decision. Do I want to embrace the idea of carrying all the time, or would it be better if I did not carry at all.

[–]CaptainCiph3rCZ 75B/Glock 19 IWB 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Gentleman

Beating a police officer to death.

Pick one.

[–]TinyAsianGlocksMexican Carry Hi-Point brand Glock .40 cal 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Specifying race generally gets you banned on Reddit, unless they're white.

[–]CaptainCiph3rCZ 75B/Glock 19 IWB 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Then "Perp, suspect, dickhead, BG, asshole, worthless trash, ungrateful bitch." would work well.

[–]HugeThirdLeg 70 ポイント71 ポイント  (23子コメント)

Unfortunately, bad guys don't give us a forewarning before attacking. I believe you'll be getting a lot of the same response here, "be safe and always carry."

[–]love2fap[Glock29SF/Glock19/S&W 5903] GA 48 ポイント49 ポイント  (22子コメント)

Do you wear a seatbelt when in a vehicle? Oh you do, are you hoping to get in a car crash, that's crazy!

What do you mean you keep a fire extinguisher in your home, are you hoping there's going to be a fire??

Edit-meant to reply to Rudy2008. Oops.

[–]jondoneGA 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (21子コメント)

To further clarify.

I'm not against guns, but I'm against him carrying one with him all the time... the chance of him actually needing it are very slim... but feel like him carrying it with him on a dinner date with me or to the grocery store is unnecessary...

To use the seatbelt analogy, I don't think it's unnecessary to wear a seatbelt just because the chances of me getting into a car accident are slim. But when people say "they don't play for the odds, they play for the stakes," this is what they mean.

  1. The odds of me getting into a car accident (or needing to use my firearm) are slim.

  2. If that slim event happens, the stakes of that event are that I could possibly lose my life (because I didn't wear a seatbelt/carry my gun that day).

  3. Because I don't know ahead of time/get to choose whether or not I will be in a car accident/need my gun in a self-defense encounter, it makes sense to just be prepared and wear my seatbelt/carry my gun every day.

From this logical standpoint, it's not "unnecessary" to carry a gun everyday just as it's not "unnecessary" to wear a seatbelt every time you enter a car. It's just a precaution.

[–]worrywart0923[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (20子コメント)

I understand that but I feel seatbelts are strictly preventative and can't cause harm to others- I could argue that they are different- but I understand the odds vs stakes bit better now- thank you

[–]ghostfox1_gfaqs 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Guns don't just go off either. Yes, they can cause harm, but the overwhelming majority of legal gun owners never harm anyone.

[–]abrumlev 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (17子コメント)

I don't understand... Do you think a gun is going to go off hurting people without warning? It existing in someone's holster or in a safe or in a car doesn't change the nature of a gun

[–]worrywart0923[S] -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (16子コメント)

My fear is that bringing a gun into an otherwise weapon less conflict is worse and higher risk than the chances of needing one for protection in the city we live in

[–]plaid_tartanSC lots weather dependent 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (1子コメント)

He doesn't get to choose if the other guy has a gun, just himself.

[–]sirchewi3TX G19 Gen4/Raptor/AIWB 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well said.

[–]glockazine 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Consider this: I stopped a woman from being beaten on a sidewalk by her abusive boyfriend. No "weapons" were being used except for his closed fist. The fastest way for me to stop this man from hurting her more was to draw my firearm. I could have beaten the guy, I had 50-60 lbs on him. But I chose to defuse with a stronger weapon for my safety. Just an example. I never thought I'd have to come out of the holster, but I did, right in front of my parents house after dinner at 730pm.

Edit: if safety is an issue, make him commit to having a holster that covers the trigger guard and holds the weapon firmly. If the gun is hidden and the trigger is covered, there is no chance of the gun going off.

[–]sonic432 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No one should ever draw until the situation has escalated to the point where you perceive your own life or the life of someone else is in danger. In an otherwise harmless situation, nobody should know that you/ your husband have a weapon.

[–]jondoneGA 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Sorry in advance for the long response.

I think I understand where you're coming from, but to reiterate what many of us are saying here, I think you might be missing the point about concealed carrying.

  1. We as concealed carriers go out of our way to avoid EVERY fight and conflict. We train and have the mindset of de-escalating and avoiding any situation that might force us to draw our firearms.

  2. If the gun does come out, it's because something else has already happened that's introduced the threat of deadly force and forced us to consider a deadly force response. We don't just draw guns cause someone cut in front of us in line at the gas station, we draw guns cause an armed robber is at the gas station waving a gun around threatening to kill someone. That's a serious situation that requires a serious response (not necessarily drawing a gun, escape and avoidance might be possible options).

  3. If you trust your SO to not needlessly escalate fights when he's not carrying a firearm, then there should be no difference when he is carrying a firearm. Firearms don't have magical powers that force people to start fights they normally wouldn't. If anything, firearms make people more likely to avoid fights because they know they have a greater responsibility placed on them.

bringing a gun into an otherwise weapon less conflict

As a concealed carrier, there are no conflicts, weaponless or otherwise, there's always de-escalation and avoidance.

EDIT: If you could give us an example of a conflict or situation, maybe that would help clarify so we can answer more specifically?

[–]worrywart0923[S] -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (4子コメント)

What if someone attacks him from behind and manages to get his holster off or the gun out- I know that's unlikely but it's possible- then the other guy has a gun

[–]DrBrownPhdOH 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (2子コメント)

  1. If he is carrying concealed, the attacker has no way of knowing that he has a firearm unless and until he pulls it out.
  2. You should never allow someone to get behind you and so close to you in a dangerous situation. Maintain your distance.

Here is my 2 cents: you should go to a CCW class with him. That will probably help you alleviate your fears.

[–]worrywart0923[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I mentioned your comment about the course and he offered to pay for me to take the class with him so we can discuss that but thanks for the suggestion and reply

[–]jondoneGA 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thanks for the specific example. I'll try to answer best I can.

  1. If properly concealed carrying, then the entire point is that nobody knows your SO has a gun. For example, if this started as some asshole insulting people in a bar, the proper response is to just de-escalate and walk away, thus avoiding a physical confrontation in the first place. Nobody knows he has a gun, and it's not an issue. If that doesn't work, we get to part 2...

  2. The bigger piece of this goes to training. I personally think every concealed carrier should go through real training, not just how to hit a paper target. Unfortunately quality training classes can sometimes be pricey, but they're worth every penny in my opinion cause they could someday help save your life. Specifically to this example, training in weapons retention, having empty-handed skills, and situational awareness would prevent/resolve this scenario. I suspect that with quality training, your worries about your SO carrying might go away.

Hope this helps.

[–]bigbossman90OH (P250 .45c)(Alien Gear) 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Higher risk? For what?

And just because there are no weapons doesn't mean deadly force isn't necessary to defend oneself.

[–]golemsheppard2NH 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I can see you viewpoint on the matter. What I would add is that just because you have a firearm concealed on you, doesn't mean that you have to draw it. If some drunk stumbled out of a bar and shoved me, I wouldn't draw my firearm. I would just attempt to walk away and respond with fisticuffs only if they physically prevented me from doing so.

[–]Hygrocybe 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If your guy's responsible, it's not like he's going to go pulling his weapon whenever he's arguing with somebody.

[–]BrianPurkissTX 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

A CDC study showed that people who are attacked are less likely to be harmed when they defend themselves with a firearm than without.

Firearms neutralize the situation in favor of the self defender with a firearm the vast majority of the time - and the firearm is rarely fired in the defensive encounter.

All pure statistics backed up by many studies over and over.

[–]HugeThirdLeg 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's why it's our duty to properly train for situations that may occur.

[–]Randomsilliness 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If he took a CCW class, he knows not to draw his gun in a weaponless conflict unless he fears for his life or the life of others.

I'm a single chick, I carry mine most everywhere. But there are times I cant.

I don't carry it in hopes I have to use it. I carry it bc I want to and pray I never have to. But if the situation arises, I'd rather have my gun than be helpless. Or see someone else helpless.

[–]getpokedPA 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What in particular are you worried will happen while he is carrying concealed?

[–]FrankenarcherTN 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I think something that might be beneficial to you is to learn all you can about guns and the safety mechanisms built into them (specifically the model your SO has). Almost all modern firearms have internal blocking mechanisms to keep the firearm from discharging unless the trigger is physically pulled. The outliers to this being some high end competition guns that I doubt your SO plans on carrying.

Also, good holsters all have a good, hard form fitted trigger guard that prevents the trigger from being pulled accidentally while holstered.

Assuming you are worried most about accidental discharges, this should help you get some peace of mind. If you are worried about the conduct of your SO while armed, you should be looking for a new person.

I am writing this while reclining on my couch with my own gun on my hip. I carry all the time because I don't know, and can't control what others will do. I do my best to be prepared and hope to never have to draw my gun on another human.

Thats how I see it, and I really hope that you guys can work this out. Cheers.

[–]worrywart0923[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Yeah accidental discharges aren't something that I'm really worried about because I have looked into the safety that goes behind the design of the guns- it's more it being taken by the attacker and in turn making the situation worse- I understand that risk is low with the right training but so is the risk of not carrying and it comes down to the risk id rather be exposed too

[–]byzantinedavidLCR 357/Kahr CW9 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So... you'd rather have your SO and you threatened by an attacker and be at the mercy of whatever weapon they brought because they might take your SO's gun instead...?

Think that one through.

[–]FrankenarcherTN 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Lets think about that logic. What you are afraid of is not him being a danger in a already safe place (ex: your first post about the store, or going out for a bite...etc), you are worried about him in an instance where the gun is needed for his and your safety.

This is going to boil down to a philosophical question of whether or not you want him armed in a situation where his or your life is threatened. If your answer is that you don't want him armed in those situations, then you honestly need to tell him that you don't want him to carry ever. Especially if you are, to quote you, "going somewhere where it is more likely that it might be needed".

If your answer is that you would rather him be armed in those (god forbid) life threatening situations, then you need to find ways to get past your fear of him being disarmed by an attacker, and then be ok with him carrying everywhere. Things that might help you with this fear include learning about good concealment (so that baddies don't know he is packing), developing good situational awareness so that dangerous encounters can be avoided before they start, and encouraging him to train his ass off so that if the need arises, he will be equal to the danger.

Another option would be for you to take a concealed carry class yourself. I feel that even if you don't want to carry, it can give you some insight into what carrying is all about. You may even like it and decide that you would like to carry as well so that you and your SO can watch out for each other.

I don't personally believe that it is my place to convince you of anything. You are free to have your opinions just as I am free to have mine. Though I do greatly appreciate your willingness to come to a community such as ours looking for other points of view. I hope this helps.

[–]BrianPurkissTX 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Having the gun being taken by the attacker is a valid concern. Where is your data though? I study this stuff and I can think of only three instances of the gun being turned on the attacker, and two of them were because the carrier carried the firearm very poorly and the third because the defender used very poor technique and didn't carry it chambered.

There are literally thousands of legal firearm involved self defense per DAY. Where's the data to show that they are such a major risk of being turned on the attacker?

What about cops? If guns were so dangerous for the people carrying them, why would cops carry them?

The data shows the opposite of your concerns.

[–]cosmos7CA 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I really like that you came to a subreddit where you know your opinion will be challenged. That's an awesome attitude to take and is the embodiment of one of my favorite West Wing quotes - "If you're dumb, surround yourself with smart people. If you're smart, surround yourself with smart people who disagree with you."

From a personal perspective I carry because I believe it's important. I don't consider myself a tacti-cool person, but I carry a knife and flashlight with me every because I actually use them every day. I don't expect (and certainly hope not) to have ever use my CCW, but I like the idea of at least having the potential to be able to defend myself and my family should the need ever arise.

My wife, much like you, was not initially in favor of the idea. Down right against in fact - "I don't want you carrying when you're out with me". That morphed into reluctant acceptance when I started carrying in earnest while we were driving across country. Since then I tend to carry concealed wherever I'm legally permitted to do so, and her view now is more one of indifference since it doesn't really affect her. She knows I am safe with the weapon, and while doesn't show any interest in carrying herself is at least content to let it be.

[–]worrywart0923[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thanks for your reply- and I honestly think starting in small doses might help me be able to accept it- I posted this earlier but my fear Is the risk that comes with bringing a gun into a situation where there wasn't one. I know that risk is small but if the attacker gets his hands on the weapon my boyfriend is Now in a much more dangerous position for his safety (and mine if I'm there) I'm not scared of him misusing the gun or misfires but those aren't the only risks. I also feel the chance of needing one is smaller then the chance that it would make a situation worse. I brought this up to my bf and he is going to research stastitics and talk to some people he knows that do carry and we can discuss it further

[–]byzantinedavidLCR 357/Kahr CW9 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What about him bringing a gun into a situation where there WAS already one?

While both scenarios are unlikely, it is far more likely that any scenario in which your boyfriend would draw his weapon already involves an armed attacker.

[–]billy_balllickerOH 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (2子コメント)

the chance of him actually needing it are very slim

As they should be. You don't carry because of the odds, you carry because of the stakes. If you think you need to be armed going into a situation, you've made MANY mistakes leading up to that point. If I were ever in a situation where I think I might need to use my firearm, the first thing I'm worried about is getting the fuck out of there. Every time I put my holster on I can honestly say I'm 99.9999% sure that its gonna do nothing put press up on my hip a little and get some more lint on the gun I'll have to clean off later.

[–]Daneth 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Of all the people in this thread saying roughly the same thing, I like your version of it better because of this line:

If you think you need to be armed going into a situation, you've made MANY mistakes leading up to that point.

This is the way that I tend to explain myself to those who tell me to leave my gun at home other than times that I think I'll actually need it. If you expect me to voluntarily go someplace that I think I'll need a gun ... yeah I'm staying home.

[–]CampingGeek21WA, G26Gen4 AIWB, G19Gen4 AIWB, G17Gen4 AIWB 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If you expect me to voluntarily go someplace that I think I'll need a gun ... yeah I'm staying home

Too fucking right. i'm not in this game to seek out danger or to shoot someone. fuck that shit. I'm in this game because i don't want my family or myself to be injured/killed knowing MAYBE i could have done something about it.

[–]BlammetXds 9mm 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (2子コメント)

ok so my wife was pretty much in the same mindset as you (she still is a little bit). I can see where you are coming from but as others have said bad people dont prewarn you that they are going to "attack". If you are really concerned about him doing it safely I would suggest he go get training from a reputable trainer.

[–]worrywart0923[S] 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thank you- I feel like my situation isn't uncommon and I know he will be safe with them- I've seen how he handles guns and I'm not worried about that- sound and like it's something I might not like but something I might end up being thankful for later...

[–]BrianPurkissTX 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It is better to have it and not need it than it is to need it and not have it.

If you ever encounter a scary situation, you'll be glad he has it. Statistically you won't - but as others have said, we're playing the stakes not the odds.

[–]9mmninjamonkey 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just remember, he brings the gun on a date so he can protect you. Not saying you need it, but it's one of the main reasons people carry. Protecting their loved ones.

[–]UCM17 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Unfortunately many people with the same point of view as yourself only change their minds when they are put in a situation that they wish they had a gun and don't. Sometimes those like yourself get to go home after these situations. They go out and purchase a handgun the very next day and learn how to safely use and carry. But sometimes, people like yourself don't get the chance to change their minds or do any of those things because they're dead.

[–]LiveStrong2005 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (6子コメント)

I admire you coming here to post this knowing many will be on the side of your boyfriend, so I will be nice and hope all others will as well.

No good guy knows when a gun will be needed to protect themselves and their loved ones. Bad guys are everywhere unfortunately; schools, churches, malls, etc. What if you both were getting in your car and some bad guy wants to carjack you. It doesn't matter how good your neighborhood is. Back in high school, my girlfriend's friend got carjacked in my girlfriends driveway, and she lives in a very safe neighborhood.

Do you fear your boyfriend? Do you think he will use the handgun against you or other innocent persons? If not, then why would you be afraid of a good guy (your boyfriend) with a gun? Do you realize that CCW holders must have a clean background? Most amazing, CCW holders are more law-abiding than police officers! Yes, there is a study that proves this. And all CCWers I know, myself in particular, are on our absolute best behavior, both while we are carrying and ever since I got my CCW. This means walking away from non-life threatening arguments. This means driving the speed limit. This means not drinking when carrying.

A knife in the hands of a bad guy kills; a knife in the hands of a surgeon saves lives. A gun in the hand of a bad guy kills; a gun in the hands of a good guy (police officer, CCW holder) saves. The gun is not "evil" in itself, despite what the liberal media wants you to believe. CCW and other gun owners save lives everyday, but the media doesn't report it. Read the NRA's column "Armed Citizen" (https://www.nraila.org/gun-laws/armed-citizen/). Remember the only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.

[–]worrywart0923[S] 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Thank you for your long reply, I showed my bf this post to help lead our discussion (our third about this topic) and I think I was better able to explain where I was coming from, rational or not, we haven't come to an agreement but we haven't given ultimatums or anything of that nature- I think I will continue looking through this sub and try and keep an open mind movingly forward

[–]OmniaMorsPPQ M2, Alien Gear IWB 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (4子コメント)

I am on the other side of this, my gf isn't a fan of guns and I carry when I can.

Correct me if I am wrong but it seems like your issue is with accidents? That was my gf issue too. It wasn't that she thought i was dangerous but that the risk of an accident is greater than the risk of being attacked.

There are a few ways to go after this. My favorite is to show how well the rig works. Holster the UNLOADED but cocked gun. Have him do jumping jacks, roll around, etc. When he's done check to see if the gun is still loaded. This should help show that accidents are hard to come by.

That being said your SO is not off the hook here. They better be using a reliable firearm, a quality holster, and practice ever goddamn safety rule.

For example, when I carry I accept the mindset that I am always wrong. Cut me off? Cool. Call me a faggot? Cool. Your SO needs to realize that from now on every argument can be a gun fight.

Another example, be conscious of your gun. Like when going to the bathroom he needs to be aware of where the gun is and that nothing is near the trigger.

[–]D45_B053 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My favorite is to show how well the rig works. Holster the UNLOADED but cocked gun. Have him do jumping jacks, roll around, etc. When he's done check to see if the gun is still loaded

I think you meant to write "cocked"...

[–]worrywart0923[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

ITs more I feel the risk is higher bringing a weapon into a situation where there isn't one is more dangerous and more likely than needing one in a situation where there is one already- if the gun was taken/grabbed/dropped it makes the situation a lot worse for everyone involved

[–]xgunnyx504 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well the point is he also shouldn't be introducing a firearms into a situation where it's not needed. The people involved in said situation shouldn't even know he has a gun or ever did if he's concealed properly. And i wont say never but i've not heard of any CCW holders ever dropping their gun or getting it taken in a tussle.

[–]OmniaMorsPPQ M2, Alien Gear IWB 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So first of all, you're being reasonable here. There are situations where a gun is bad like if someone cuts you in line in the grocery.

I will, however, ask you to reconsider the second half, that the only time its useful is if the attacker has a gun. Imagine you're a mugger, are you going to pick on an easy target or a hard one?

If someone were to mug you, they'd do what they can to win. They'd bring numbers, knives, bats, etc. To get an edge. And a gun is going to be the best way to survive.

There's a cliche in the gun community, god made man, Samuel colt made them equal. Nothing else exists that will put a victim and their attacker on equal terms especially when the attacker is doing what they can to get an advantage.

If you're concerned about your SO knowing when to or not-to use his gun, consider self defense classes. Its a good compromise between your reasonable concern for escalation and his reasonable concern for self defense.

[–]icarrysig 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I suppose you only ask him to wear his seatbelt if he is going to drive on a dangerous road, too.

[–]JustinMcSlappy 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

The knife is a tool for cutting things, not a defensive weapon in the slightest. I don't think it should be part of this discussion.

My pistol is a tool. It's not a toy, it's not to scare people and it doesn't make me feel safe. It's a tool to prevent me or my family from getting killed.

If that tool does it's job one time in the next 50ish years of my life, I'll be thankful for every day I carried it.

[–]Stan_Lees_Ghost 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This. I have enough knife training to know that pulling out my clippy pocket liner lock in anger is just as likely to get me injured as the attacker. I have and carry a small fixed blade for the job, and even more than my pistol it's the tool I hope never requires use.

[–]VA_CHPNoVA — PPS M1 @ 11:00 or Shoulder Holster 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You are OK with him carrying a knife for self-defense but have you ever seen the results of a knife flight? Ever heard the axiom, don't bring a knife to a gunfight?

According to FBI stats in 70% of self-defense gun use no shots are fired, likely because the assailant was armed with a knife or other non-gun weapon.

[–]Ryry541 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If he keeps it in a good holster and isn't one to pick fights, there's nothing unsafe about carrying a gun everyday.

Keep calm and carry on.

[–]zoobiezoob 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If he isn't pushing you into carrying firearms I don't see why he should consider your sensibilities at all in this situation. This isn't a question of what color the drapes should be or where to eat out or how many kids to have. This is you undermining your man's ability to protect himself and his loved ones with weak modern squeamishness. Give him the support he needs to be the man you love.

[–]budekai 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"of him actually needing it are very slim."

But the chance still exists in his mind, so its justified logically to him. What exactly are you looking for us to tell you? Advice on how to talk to him?

"There are just so many ways and possible accidents I can envision happening" such as?

[–]Muaythai9 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

As others have said, you don't carry a firearm because you expect to face a threat. You carry one because if the day comes that you do need it, not having it could mean your death. Fire extinguishers and seat belts aren't necessary most of the time either, then one day they are. I suggest learning about the firearm he plans to carry and specifically the safety mechanism involved in it before the two of you discuss it.

[–]pewsaremymuseG43 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I had a skeptical girl before this became a lifestyle. Not as much as this, but she wasn't sure about it. First of all, the gun isn't just gonna go off. Secondly, the risk of danger is exactly the same with or without the gun, like others are saying, you're not gonna get a warning. The risk of danger is the same with or without a seatbelt. Might crash, might not. But wouldn't you rather have it on if you're going to anyway?

I'm not trying to demean you, but people like you change their tune extremely quick when confronted with the first REAL scenario of life threatening danger.

Once my girl saw how my pieces disappear on me, and they aren't seen or heard from ever in public, and how I can run and jump and frolic all I want without anything moving, firing, or even shifting - she backed off.

Truly, I think you're allowing too much of the stigma of what you think you know a gun is to cloud the fact that when he puts that thing in a good holster, with a good belt, it's no different than the things he has in his pockets. You're elevating a gun to like.. a sentient level. Like it's gonna jump out and cause problems. The media archetype of the "gun" is how you see it. Or at least that's what I'm getting from this. Most people around here see it as a tool, or "force multiplier" with situational awareness and other non lethal tactics being your preliminary to any kind of lethal force.

Finally, "already carries a knife."

The only kind of people who feel like a knife is "already" enough to rest your life upon are the kind of people who think fights happen like movies. You have to be the kind of person who presumes outcomes if you place your life in the hands of a pocket knife, and I personally think that's objectively illogical, and biased from square one - if not already completely irrelevant.

Edit: One last thing. There are "many accidents you can envision happening." In all of your expertise, what EXACTLY are those? I say it this way because I'm going to posit that you're not in any kind of valid position to be against him carrying, because it definitely sounds like you're not knowledgeable about this thing you're apparently adamantly against.

[–]Jacqyn 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I would like to ask something. You state you are NOT afraid of how he handles the weapon but are still afraid of the danger it brings. My question is what danger? Most contemporary firearms have sufficient safeties such as manuals safeties, drop safeties, trigger safeties. Where exactly does the danger come into play? Once you get to the root of that fear I think you can have a more valuable discussion. :)

[–]Out_numbered_3to1[🍰] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sounds like your husband like most of us feel that having a firearm is a tool to have to protect his & your life if the case ever arises. As other people have said you never know when a bag guy will be there. You probably put your seat belt on to run to the grocery store less than a mile away. You don't go well I just going to the neighborhood store it's a mile away. It's not like I am going on the freeway. No you buckle up why? Because the teen driver on his cellphone blows through the stop sign and can hit you. You have smoke detectors in your house. Why? It's not like your going to set your house on fire. But God forbid that something gets left on over several hours starts a fire in the middle of the night. These things may or may not happen ever in your life. But you will put your seat belt on and you will change the stupid fire detector battery when it starts chirping at 2am when the battery dies.

Being married is about compromising. You are worried about more chance of an accident or maybe even making the wrong choice. I don't know what state you live in or what their requirements are for training. Most CCW classes are just the basic. So you can say I will agree to this but I would like you to take a couple of other classes or courses. Dealing with carrying conceal or with self protection with a firearm. Ask if he would take a class once a year or every other year to learn more skills or refresh what he learned before. Plus go to a range and actually practice once a month.

[–]flextov 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You suggest that your position is irrational. Instead of wondering how to compromise to satisfy irrationality, you should be resisting irrationality.

[–]PreemptiveShaming 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I avoided this argument by not disclosing that I was getting my CHL to my wife. It took nearly a year for her to notice I carried, the growing number of holsters in my holster drawer gave me away. In my opinion I rationalized not disclosing upfront as I was taking a security precaution to protect her and my daughter, the less they knew the less they could potentially be alarmed.

[–]bossolineIL Kimber Compact 1911 | CrossBreed SuperTuck 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My wife and I went through almost exactly the same thing. It was a problem. We talked about it and I made it clear that I didn't appreciate having the terms of my carry dictated to me when none of the issues came up before application. I asked her what her concerns were (safety) and I went through every element of my setup (good belt, holsters, lock boxes, handling, etc). Now she knows that I take all reasonable measures to ensure safety and she does not dictate when and where I can and cannot carry. No further issues and, honestly, she doesn't think about it much anymore.

it's hard to see my side, since it's irrational

Why are you trying to force an argument that is admittedly irrational? I mean, I understand your fears, but they should have been talked out before he applied for his permit. If he's obeying the law and the rules for safe handling, I'm not sure what more you could reasonably ask. Just because you feel a certain way doesn't mean that you should act on it.

You guys need to communicate. CCW is one of those things that crosses that individual/family decision line, so the question is: what's reasonable. It has risks, which he has an obligation to minimize, but if you agreed to him carrying, you accepted them. If you have concerns that you expect to limit his actions, you need to be able to clearly articulate and back them up. "Carry only when you need it" types of arguments aren't a reasonable basis to ask him to change, IMO. Ultimately, this might be a major issue for one or both of you.

If he's like a lot of us, he carries to protect himself, you, and other loved ones. It's possible that he's upset because he's feeling like you're taking that ability away from him. He might feel like you don't trust him. He may be feeling a little controlled. It sounds like you guys need to have an honest conversation that gets at the feelings that underlie your reactions, not the reactions themselves.

[–]samsonkeane 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

but feel like him carrying it with him on a dinner date with me or to the grocery store is unnecessary

I guess my question is: why is it a problem then? He is not making you carry it, it is concealed so he's not putting you in any danger. So in the worst case, its unnecessary, but places no burden on you, so why is it a problem if he carries it?

There are just so many ways and possible accidents I can envision happening and where we live

Are you concerned he will drop it and it will go off? I'm not sure what you mean.

I just think it's unnecessary and bringing a small chance of danger into a situation where it's not needed

Do you think he is the kind of person who will escalate a confrontational situation? Because that is a problem of its own, whether you have a gun or not.

[–]Jessie_James 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I carry every day, and my wife never really understood why.

I carry because I've had several times when I could have been killed or injured or whatever. One was when I was driving up to a 7-11 and a cop car cut me off. Turns out there was an active shooter in the store. Had I not missed that green light one block back, I'd have been in there. Unarmed.

Another was when I was walking to my car at my apartment. Some guy popped up and shoved a shotgun in my face. I will always remember that feeling - the feeling of your life draining out of your body and that I was going to die right then and there. I hope you never experience it.

But back to my wife. She never understood why I carried a gun everywhere.

One night she and I were walking out from dinner at a restaurant in a large, well lit mall, where hundreds of people are all time time. As we were walking to our car, I noticed 3-4 guys following us. Short story, we got to the car, I told her to get in and lock the doors, and I got behind my car and got my hand on my gun. I will always remember what happened next. One guy put his arms out to stop his buddies. They all stopped jabbering. They quickly turned around and jogged away. If they had not been looking for trouble, they would have never thought anything of my actions - it was like I was getting my car keys. We analyized the situation and I am 100% sure something was going down.

They were there to rob us, steal our car, rape my wife ... who knows. All I know was that if I didn't have a gun, I might not be telling you the same story. Four against two isn't fair.

I can also tell you the day my wife decided she needed to carry as well. Just ask.

There are just so many ways and possible accidents I can envision happening

How? I have been carrying for almost 12 years now. Every day, even at home, around the kids. I've never had an accident. Guns don't just go off.

and where we live, the chance of him actually needing it are very slim.

Crime happens everywhere, to everyone. If you are lucky, he will never need to use it. If you are not lucky, you will wish you had a way to proect yourself.

We wear seatbelts every day because no one can predict what will happen. We wash our food because we never know if it may cause sickness. We get medical treatment because we never know if this "bug" may kill us.

Use everything in your power to protect your life.

[–]CampingGeek21WA, G26Gen4 AIWB, G19Gen4 AIWB, G17Gen4 AIWB 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You acknowledge your fear as illogical so that's good. Guns are dangerous, there's no doubt. That's why we carry them honestly.

BUT they're also not 'magic'. They're machines, plain and simple. they don't 'go off for no reason'. They go off when the trigger is pulled. Get a good holster and a quality firearm and no force in the world will discharge that weapon short of pulling the trigger inside the holster with the 'force' or some other hokey religion/parlor tricks.

Another user mentioned wearing an empty but cocked firearm in a good holster and do a bunch of crazy stuff. That is a fantastic idea/experiment to make you feel better.

There are just so many ways and possible accidents I can envision happening

I don't like the word 'accident'. It implies no one is to blame. if a gun goes off when it's not 'supposed to' that wasn't an accident. that was negligence. If you trust your SO to handle a firearm safely. then you have to trust there won't be any accidents.

[–]golemsheppard2NH 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Right off the bat I would like to say thank you for coming to us an initiating a rational dialogue on the matter. I know that there are a lot of people who are opposed to civilians regularly carrying firearms, but unlike you, they often are not willing to explore the opposing viewpoint. So, I applaud you for that.

I would like to emphasize that regrettably, we don't really get advanced warning in life as to when we might need a firearm. You have to understand that in a criminal encounter, the criminal is the actor in that scenario. They pick the time, place, location, and victim in that encounter. As a law abiding citizen, we are only the reactor. We only have control over how prepared we are to respond to that unexpected confrontation.

The second issue to address is that there aren't really "safe" and "unsafe" locations in life. My wife used to have the viewpoint that you have articulated. She used to tell me that I didn't need to carry a firearm if we were just running a few errands or getting ice cream at Friendly's. She also used to tell me that crimes only happen to "poor people in bad neighborhoods". I will certainly posit that there are crime riddled neighborhoods that it would be intelligent to avoid, however I would also put forth the notion that even outside of those neighborhoods, the chance of a defensive encounter doesn't drop to zero.

My wife didn't really agree with me, but she would keep her dissent to herself and accepted that I was going to carry anyways. Now before I go further, I would like to emphasize that I, presumably like your SO and like everyone else in this subreddit, don't have a hero complex and am not actively looking for an encounter. I dont sit on my couch at night hoping that someone will break in or drive to work hoping that some thug will try to carjack me. I just want to peacefully live my life and make sure that my family is safe. Other than one day (after I graduate physician assistant school) having happy healthy children, nothing would make me happier than never being in the position where I have to point a firearm at another person. However, I accept that just because I don't want to find myself in the position where I have to defend myself, doesn't mean that I won't.

One day a few summers ago, my wife and I spontaneously decided to go to the movies. At the time, we were living in a small municipality that felt more like a village that hadnt progressed beyond the 1970s. The movie theater was literally right around the block from us. We decided to see some matinee of what honestly cant even remember. We had some time to kill and decided to walk 90 seconds the other direction to a small convenience store to buy some boxed candy. I made some small talk with the clerk, she was a nursing student who was struggling to get enough hours to cover her rent and I was giving her contact info for colleagues of mine who were looking to hire mental health workers at the hospital where I worked. My wife was carrying on a side conversation with me at the same time about what the preferable candies would be for whatever movie we were seeing. About three minutes into this sleepy afternoon in this trite town, we heard shouting coming from outside. Two men were arguing with another two men over pricing for their heroin transaction. All involved parties pulled knives and started lunging at one another and anything nearby. I planted my foot in the door to hold it shut and unholstered my handgun that I had concealed under an untucked dress shirt and held it down by my leg in case anyone attempted to force their way into the store and remove the witnesses of the murders that they were attempting. My wife kind of laughed it off afterwards, but I lost a lot of sleep over that incident to be honest with you. Had any of them tried to rush into that market and harm myself, my wife, or the clerk, I know that I would have used my firearm to stop them without hesitation.

After that incident, my wife accepted the fact that bad guys can do bad things in any location, not just the "bad neighborhoods". She now sees that I carry whenever I go out and about not because I am expecting conflict, but because I acknowledge that much like when we go hiking, you can only utilize those tools that you brought with you. If you trip while hiking and gash your knee but didnt think to pack a first aid kit because you weren't expecting to gash your knee, then you are SOL. Some idea with carrying a firearm.

I see your side from this conflict with your SO. Its not uncommon for partner's to have anxiety and apprehension about their partner carrying firearms. The advice that I can give you is from what worked with my wife and I. We went to the range together and I showed her how everything worked. I showed her how the safety functioned. I showed her how the firearm could not fire unless the trigger was pulled in a certain way (had to be precisely straight to the posterior, not at an angle if it snagged on clothing). I showed her how the firearm would only discharge if the safety on the grip was depressed, which would only happy if it was in my hands. I showed her how the trigger could not be articulated while it was holstered as the trigger guard completely covered it with a rigid and durable polymer. I showed her all of this and then in a supervised environment, with proper eye and ear protection, I showed her how to use it. I also invited her to try and make it "go off by itself" which was a big concern of hers. She tried to shoot it while holstered, yet nothing happened. She tried to "accidentally" shoot it by dropping it, yet nothing happened. She tried every conceivable way to induce an "it just went off by itself" event, only to slowly appreciate the fact that firearms don't work that way.

So my suggestion is that the two of you should go to the range together. Shoot some .22s and his carry piece. Learn how it functions. Let him show you how it cant just magically go off by itself. People fear things that they don't understand and firearms are no different. If nothing else, (A) it will be a show of good faith by you to try to embrace his hobby and (B) it gives you more of an informed understanding of the matter being discussed.

Best of luck to you and your SO and on an unrelated note, Valentines Day is about a month away. Make your reservations now.

[–]photoshopmattdamon 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's ok honey, don't wear your seatbelt. We won't be going on the highway today.

You don't need to lock the door, nobody will try to come in while we're home.

The firefighters decided not to put any water in their trucks today since it's raining.

See what it I'm getting at?

[–]CatsMakeGoodSnacks 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I find talking to my spouse instead of internet strangers fixes my problems at home.

Ex: I like butt sex but she doesn't.

I said, honey I need more butt sex? She said ok I'll think about it.

[–]roolthemall 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I can sympathize with the way you feel, I think like that as well, but... If/When something should ever happen where the weapon is needed, you want it. It can literally happen anywhere unfortunately.

[–]Cleffer.45 XDS[🍰] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'd rather have it and not need it then need it and not have it. Regret is preventable.

[–]Dunwin 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

OP, what is it that you fear happening to deem it an unnecessary risk? The gun won't go off on it's own in a good holster and you've said that you trust your SO's safety handling the weapon so it's not that you think he'll have a negligent discharge and obviously you don't think he'll use it unnecessarily.

It does absolutely no harm to anyone as long as it's never drawn until needed regardless if you're in a scary neighborhood (where you're ok with it) versus a dinner date. You are just letting the comfort/false sense of security of nicer areas sway your logic.

When people say "do you really have to carry a weapon to _____, why would you need it there?" The most apparent answer to me is, there may have been people in Aurora, CO going to see a movie who thought it was unecessary or people attending church in Charleston, SC or all the way back in 1984 going to McDonalds in San Diego, CA. Nasty heinous disgusting acts of evil can happen anywhere at anytime, there is no wrong place to carry a weapon (except where you legally can't, although that's where most mass shootings seem to happen).

I should mention that my post and everyone elses here I'm sure is assuming that your SO practices the rules of gun safety, carries it in a proper holster, and won't ever draw the weapon unless it's use it to save a life.

[–]CampingGeek21WA, G26Gen4 AIWB, G19Gen4 AIWB, G17Gen4 AIWB 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

or nightclubs in Florida....

[–]BrianPurkissTX 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Think about it this way. Cops all over the US carry guns all day every day. Millions of conceal carriers carry their guns every day.

If guns were such a high risk, we would hear about epidemics of cops shooting themselves.

They aren't as dangerous as the media says they are.

Shit happens. Shit happens anywhere at any time, even in the "good parts" of town. And when shit happens, cops are about 12 minutes away, assuming you can even get to your phone.

You never know when you'll need your firearm, just like you never know when you'll need your seatbelt - yet people wear their seat belts all the time, even short trips.

Crime doesn't always happen in a dark alley on the bad side of town. Crime will happen in the middle of the day at a mall on the good side of town.

[–]CampingGeek21WA, G26Gen4 AIWB, G19Gen4 AIWB, G17Gen4 AIWB 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

'when seconds matter, the cops are only minutes away'

[–]mmos35Glock 43 Incog AIWB 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My question as I sit at this restaurant bar (not drinking) with a loaded weapon is why is it unnecessary? What danger does it pose?

I had a girlfriend that didn't last long, but she was scared of guns and took it out on me, while my chief concern was keeping her safe. I think the compromise needs to come solely from you on this one. Advice coming from a single guy...

[–]dox_doxon 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm not worried about him handling it safety, I just think it's unnecessary and bringing a small chance of danger into a situation where it's not needed. I'm not sure what I want out of this post, but have any of you dealt with this?

The idea of wielding a weapon becomes much more attractive when you survive a situation that scares the everloving shit outta you, or you see an example of the evil that can come from one man's (or woman's) hands. I do not think you've truly had such an experience. The sum of it is bad men use guns, and some of these men think nothing of your life or indeed the same perspective that you have - that human life is so precious you should avoid anything that can take it away, such as a firearm. It's not necessarily a bad perception, but those who did not live by the sword have died from it just the same. So many, so very many of those one would deem 'helpless' or 'innocent'.

Those of us who are empathetic and honorable seek to step between that violent ending, and prevent it from occurring. It is not a simple thing; we cannot become the enemy. We cannot raise our weapons to someone in anger, or hate, or play or boredom, we can do so only in fear of our life, or the lives of our loved ones. It is a terrible thing to kill, but at times a necessity in this place we find ourselves. We are the warriors, and within our ranks you will find no discrimination for appearance, sex, attribute or creed.

Your husband is a warrior, and I hazard you are one he will protect. Recognize this, and know that perhaps you are a warrior, too. Perhaps not. It is your decision, as your husband's weaponry is his. If he has your true confidence, then what you fear is the weapon itself, or what it symbolizes to you.

Know that among the sum of our public knowledge, many warriors have decided the best way to survive against an attacker with a gun, as well as stop an attacker with a gun from hurting or killing innocents, is to employ our own gun and attempt to stop the attacker. A knife or a hand-held weapon can be grossly ineffective against an attacker, or multiple attackers, especially if they have firearms.

Once distance is introduced, one begins to understand how not having a firearm gives two options to the besieged warrior: hide or retreat. Neither may be advisable, or even possible in the situation, and this is often true when you hear about mass-murders involving guns through the media. If you get foxed or boxed in a hole against a man (or woman) with a ready weapon who doesn't share the same respect for the sanctity of life, they kill you. That's the end of your earthly ride as You, and I understand there's a great deal of consternation about what comes next. One thing's for sure, most people don't come back.

[–]Dafierces_Roommate 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Concealed carry isn't inherently dangerous. Perfect practices may not prevent accidents entirely, but "best practices" will ensure that any accident will have minimal consequence. Best practice is achieved through years of dedicated study of the safety systems, good postures, careful training, and selection of quality accessories and ammo.

  • A proper carry pistol won't go off by accident unless the trigger is pulled.

  • A proper holster will keep the trigger from being pulled accidentally in any circumstance.

  • Proper ammunition will not go off from exposure to heat or severe vibrations, unless the primer is hit very hard by a firing pin.

  • Best practices will ensure that these safety systems stay in place until a person makes a decision to fire.

If you trust your man with deadly force, then do your best to encourage him to adopt safe practices, and encourage him to buy quality gear to ensure your safety and his.

[–]DrYIMBY 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Your side is NOT irrational. It sounds like you are making reasonable risk assessments. Handling a firearm day in and day out has inherent risk. Whether you decide to carry 24/7 or not, the differences in risk between carrying or not are measured in fractions of a percent based on unforeseeable circumstances and unknowable odds. It is possible that the right choice is not to carry all the time, but you won't find that opinion looking in this sub. You want advice? Measure up your man and decide if he has the temperament to carry safely. I'm thinking that there are two types of people in the world...those that can carry safely all the time, and those that shouldn't carry at all.

[–]SelousX 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's much easier to be proficient with a firearm than a knife. and a Marine friend of mine once told me if you're in a knife fight, there's no 'break-even': someone's going to the hospital, and someone's going into a body bag. I don't count on knives for protection.

I can't predict the future, and where and when a concealed firearm is needed is always in the future. I just know my children, friends, family and I have all been worth the inconvenience of schlepping around a concealed firearm wherever my day takes me for about 25 years. Yes, that includes home carry, because not everyone out there has your best interests at heart. Regardless, be well.

[–]FullFiguredRhino 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I know this is a subreddit where it's hard to see my side, since it's irrational.

You said it yourself, your view is irrational.

[–]Aerial_Screw 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

There is always at least one firearm in every location and situation I find myself in. It's my responsibility to make sure that at least one of them is mine.

You should feel good knowing that your SO is willing to carry a firearm to protect you at all costs.

[–]popelton17AZ M&P Shield 9mm, IWB 7:00 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I honestly feel that carrying a forearm reduces danger for me all the time. I know that it will never just go off on its own and I'm cautious and smart about how I handle my gun. Having it on me honestly makes me more polite and avoidant of confrontation as much as possible. I carry pretty much every day where it's legal and my girlfriend is comfortable with it.

I honestly think it's more dangerous to carry a knife for self defense purposes than a gun. In regards to "when it's not needed", that's a tough thing because any situation could suddenly become one when it's needed. I honestly was never serious about carrying a weapon on me until I started working 911 services and realized that the only thing keeping all the horrible things I see from happening to me is chance. No one expects to suddenly be a victim, but they can always be ready to prevent it.

[–]Henniferlopez87 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My advice to you both is get more training. I have a gun near me at all times. No one feels uncomfortable because they trust my training. Go with him and actually do the training also. You'll trust him more with carrying and if something were to happen you could pick up where most people couldn't.

You never know when something is going to happen so it's best to be prepared for it rather than surprised and a victim. Anyone who has been involved in a self defense scenario be it a home invasion or out on the streets will tell you it happens very fast.

I refuse to be a victim.

[–]triplehelix013 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If the gun remains in the holster it does not add a "small chance of danger" as you state. Unfortunately we don't get to dictate "where it's not needed" until after it was needed. Your SO may need the firearm anywhere he or the two of you go.

If your SO is the kind to frequently pull it out of his holster and handle it or show it to people this is a problem. If it remains in its holster from the time you leave your residence to return (unless neede for defense obviously) then I believe your concern is misplaced.

Think about why you are comfortable with him carrying when you are in a bad area of town and not comfortable with him carrying in a nicer part of town. What is the difference, your perception of likelihood of being attacked? The chances of an accident happening with a functional (cleaned and regularly inspected) firearm in a sturdy holster is lower than the likelihood of defending yourself in public (my opinion, note that both are non-zero chances). The chances of an accident are increased if the firearm is being handled, which in a CCW scenario should only be when drawing because you have encountered one of those defending yourself in public scenarios.

What I am trying to get at is thinking about why you are not comfortable with him carrying all the time. Is it because of a concern of the firearm having an unintentional discharge, or because your SO if likely to handle it frequently resulting in a chance for a negligent discharge. If it is the first then I suggest you do some reading or watching (Here is a glock cutaway video demonstrating the firing pin can not fire without the trigger depressed) about how modern handguns internal safety's work. If it is the second, then you need to communicate to your SO that if he wants to carry a firearm concealed you will comfortable with him doing so if it does not leave the holster unless necessary. He should have this mindset already and if he doesn't then he needs to come to terms with it for your blessing.

Most of us in this sub want you to be comfortable with the idea of your SO carrying. In order for you to do that you really have to dig into the the idea of why you aren't comfortable with him carrying all the time and then addressing that reason. The reason may be your mindset about firearms, the firearm itself, your SO's behavior when he has a firearm in his possession, etc. It will probably not be easy to admit what the real reason is without some soul searching, but I recommend you do it and talk openly with your SO about it.

Good luck.

[–]ericcris10senUS | Glock 19 | IWB Raw Dog Tactical Holster | 3:00 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"the chance of him actually needing it are very slim." And what happens if that very small chance of something happening HAPPENS? Because YOU didn't want him to carry because YOU feel it's unnecessary, now you or him or both of you could be seriously hurt or killed or maybe someone else that he could have stopped.

Let me ask you something. Has ANYTHING bad ever happened when he carried? Has the gun gone off accidentally? Has ANYTHING bad EVER happened with him carrying his gun? No? Then your slim chance of him ever needing to use it is as slim as an accident happening. There are people on here who have been carrying a firearm their entire life and have never had an accident.

Yes, your view on him carrying IS irrational. No horrible accident has happened with him carrying and yet you're telling him you don't want to have him carry something that allows him to protect his family.

My advice? Get over it.

[–]tommyB413 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think you can have more confidence in everyday carry. Tucked in a holster, the only handling of the weapon is when it needs to be drawn (hopefully never), or you're disarming once you get home.

I have an inside the waistband holster, it sits very firm where i can run, jump, and probably be upside down without it coming out. The holster's trigger guard gives confidence that it won't accidentally go off too.

it looks like this: https://www.taguagunleather.com/image/data/SOFT_001.jpg

[–]Woodani 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It seams to me like she may me of the opinion that her SO would be of the personality type to draw the gun before it is needed. I believe that in most cases carrying at all times is the right answer here. But certain people who are not in good control of their emotions may not be the best people to have a gun on them at all times. If he's the kind of guy who would draw a gun on someone who, lets say, cuts him off in traffic. Then he doesn't need to be carrying that gun. Carrying a weapon comes with the responsibility of not using it when it's not needed as much as using it when it is.

[–]nobpGlock26Gen3 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

talk to him about it. I talked to my girlfriend about it. She said she never wants to own a gun or carry, but she'd go shooting with me if I want. I am very safe with my gun. are you worried about him escalating a situation that doesn't need a gun? What exactly are you worried about. What is your issue with him bringing his gun on a dinner date or to the store? If we have the answers to those questions then we can answer.

[–]backdoor_nobaby 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Everybody's opinion varies, but here is mine. My weapon is an emergency, life saving device. I think of it much like a seatbelt or airbag. I hope I never have to rely on my cars restraint system to save my life or that of my passenger, however if a situation arises that could result is serious bodily injury or death I will be glad I fatten my seatbelt everyday.

Please be open minded and realize that a CCW is only there to save his or your life. It's not to be a hero, it's not to be a cowboy. Most responsible people that carry you will never know about.

[–]escrimadragon 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My wife has an issue with me carrying too, so I'll frame some thoughts to you the way I have her. --While it's true there can be inherent danger in carrying a firearm, simply carrying a gun on/about my person does not make me more of a danger to myself than a bad guy wielding a weapon capable of deadly force with apparent intent to use it on me or an innocent bystander. --My first objective if such a situation occurs is to GET OUT, not reach for my gun. The gun is for an inescapable situation than can only be solved by its use. --I have shot A LOT and done IDPA competitions to become proficient in the use and handling of my concealed carry piece in order to handle it as safely as possible, particularly in a life or death situation. --I acknowledge I am not a cop, army ranger, or any sort of hero, but I'd rather have the tools available to fight back if possible --I also am not a fire fighter, but I keep a fire extinguisher in my kitchen and know how to put out various types of fires.

Let me know if you have any further thoughts or questions about the issue in light of my situation being similar to yours.

[–]physical_kid -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I would not even date someone who was against me carrying a gun.

[–]Stan_Lees_Ghost 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Fine, but that's not a constructive reply to the situation OP is posting in good faith.

[–]pewsaremymuseG43 -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't like that this is starting the downvote train already. I think this is valid to say.

I know it's not advice, but it's the exact same perspective she holds from the opposite side, no? Having a problem with SO carrying a gun vs. SO having a problem with her controlling his carry rights?

Maybe it'd be good for her to understand this sentence, and how it applies to this situation, and that it's a valid thought.

[–]Ed_KelGlock 19 Gen 4 T.Rex Sidecar Appendix Rig -2 ポイント-1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'll put this as eloquently as I can. If my wife had a problem with me carrying, she wouldn't be my wife.