Me [24F] with my SO [26M] of 1 year. His meme-obsession is harming our relationship.

hisperfectlittleslut · 1時間前

You've brought it up to him. He doesn't agree with you. Either learn to live with it (since it really doesn't effect you in any way), or decide if it's a dealbreaker. I think you're being pretty silly. This isn't negatively effecting his life or yours. Why make such a big weird deal out of it?

nastydance · 1時間前

Just because YOU think something is childish doesn't mean other people do. It's pretty condescending to say he should be "doing something more productive" with HIS time. Ever heard the expression "people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones"? Is there anything you do that is time wasting?

I think you might have some control issues. You should look into it.

weirdstrangers44 · 1時間前

I mean... you say he's able to still converse, be active, and do enough work at his job to still have a job. I'm not sure I see that much of an issue here.

I mean is it really as constant as you say? Like you're trying to initiate sex and he puts a finger up and tells you to hold on because he's checking the meme game for today? Or is he totally ignoring you in favor of these memes?

Because it doesn't sound like it. So I think you should ease up. Or don't. But if you don't, I'd say a breakup is inevitable.

ktnbc · 45分前

I don't think his meme habit is harming your relationship. But your attitude towards his habit is. From all your comments you seem to look down on memes and other internet use you don't agree with as beneath you.

acekingqueenjack · 23分前

If you don't respect this man, why bother being with him?

Your entire post has a 'holier than thou' attitude towards your SO. His hobby wastes time compared to yours, his work ethic isn't as good as yours, he doesn't work as hard as you do. This is what other redditors have been saying, and its feeding contempt.

No wonder he's been spending less time communicating with you! He needs more time to wind down and escape it. It doesn't matter if his hobbies are pubic hair counting or studying the stock market; you have little say in how he manages his mental health.

galaxystarsmoon · 1時間前

People here are right in that most of your post is childish and immature, however him browsing the internet while you're in a conversation or at dinner is rude. I don't know why our current generation seems to think this is okay to do but being present is really important in those kinds of situations. Even if you're responding, sitting there scrolling through your phone tells the other person that whatever you're doing with them isn't enough to keep them interested.

I would approach him about being more present. Don't attack his browsing of memes, call them childish or comment on what he posts on Facebook. You're not his mother and he's an adult. But if you feel uncomfortable with him constantly doing it while you're talking or eating dinner, say that. Ask that he puts the phone down for a few minutes.

laserchaser · 1時間前

I'm not a big fan of most memes either, but I can't imagine you don't "waste" a lot of your down time scrolling through Facebook or watching TV or something equally unproductive. That's ok! We all need mindless down time!

So...it's not about the memes themselves, unless they just annoy you to the point where it's a dealbreaker. But there are also things you mention where his meme browsing actually affects your interactions so...have you asked him to stop sending them to you so often because you're not a fan? Or asked him to put the phone down when you're having a conversation in person? He seems to think you're fine with those things now, so let him know you're not.

In other words, if he were, say, reading a book and zoning out of a conversation with you, or reading it out loud even though you don't like it, you'd be asking him to knock it off too. Focus on the behavior, not the content.

opheliamireille · 1時間前

The only thing I see here that would concern me, personally, in my own relationship is that when you're trying to have a conversation with him, he's splitting his attention between you and the phone. Doesn't matter whether it's memes or TV or a really good book, he should be capable of occasionally putting The Hobby down and focusing on you. Is it a constant thing? Like, every day, all the time, no matter what?

As far as this being his hobby in a general sense, yeah, I think you need to back off. My husband has some hobbies that I wouldn't be caught dead participating in, but that's fine. He's allowed to have his own interests, as am I. I'm mildly obsessed with onomastics (basically, baby names) and while I know my husband doesn't get it AT ALL, if he ever tried to shame me for my interest in it or insinuate that it's a waste of time/ridiculous/childish, we'd have big problems.

stink3rbelle · 1時間前

Sometimes, during the day when he's at work, I'll get a text from him with a screenshot of a meme he thinks is funny. And I'm kind of concerned because he's supposed to be working and he's sending me a meme? Or if we're hanging out at night and I'm talking to him, he'll respond but I'll notice that he's on instagram browsing one of those stupid meme accounts. I don't see why he can't just talk to me without also looking at memes. He'll also share memes on facebook sometimes which I think is kind of embarrassing for someone his age but I don't really say anything, I just ignore it and don't 'like' it. It's just sort of juvenile though, in my opinion.

You've tried really hard here to make this into a legitimate problem, but you only have the right to care about one of those things, and it isn't memes being "juvenile." If he is absent or semi-absent when you two are hanging out, you can ask him to put down his phone. If you don't put yours down, too, expect to get laughed out of the building. But people are allowed to take breaks at work, and there's nothing embarrassing about sharing funny things on facebook. Memes aren't going anywhere. There's nothing "juvenile" about getting joy from something. Furthermore, the immature thing is to try to pick and choose certain interests or media to make yourself seem mature. George Takei shares memes all the time, and he is both wise and quite mature. Quit trying to kill your joy, or your boyfriend's, to seem "mature."

Rosa917 · 1時間前

aw man, I love sending and receiving memes. What's the big deal? memes are funny.....

TheMortarGuy · 1時間前

If you boyfriend told you one of your favorite things to do to pass the time was childish and they resented you for it... What would your response be?

You need to leave this poor man alone, all you are doing is being judgy, self centered. And condescending towards him and it's going to tank your relationship.

And before you even start thinking this, it's not memes that ruined your relationship. It's your judgmental attitude.

dawnoffayt · 1時間前

I'm 25, and my girlfriend is also 25. We both browse things casually like this, my girlfriend sends me memes ocassionally and i'll send her stupid shit while i'm at work so maybe i'm qualified to answer this. I browse reddit pretty often and she browses pinterest/instragram. It sounds like it's not the memes as much as just you dislike that he's not serious enough all the time, or maybe thinking forward instead of being a top memer. Difference in personality, but this is pretty harmless, don't take a man's memes.

edit: Just to clarify, I do talk politics with my girlfriend on occasion like you mentioned in another comment, as she does too, sometimes it'll be brought up and the other just shrugs and browses their phone (probably memes.) so that just isn't a time to talk politics for them, just a way to relax.

goma23 · 59分前

If you want to be with him you need to accept that it's his hobby. It may be childish to you but it's fine for him. The only problem I can see here is that he browses the memes while talking with you, which is disrespectful. Ask him to look at memes when he has time for himself and not to use his phone when he's talking with you. Just don't make it about the memes but about your feelings. The facebook thing and what he does in his work - you just have to deal with.

Edit: spelling

mirababy · 21分前

Yes, you are being too critical. Although I understand where you're coming from, I don't think his memeing seems to be affecting his role as a functioning member of society or anything. He loves memes, you can't really change that about him.

Though I would be pissed if my partner was browsing his phone while I'm trying to have a good conversation with him.

daria--morgendorffer · 27分前

I don't really get why his interest in memes is an issue. I'm 26 and my husband is 30 and we look at memes and send them to each other. Sure, we could be using those 30 seconds to be more productive, but who cares? Why would we want to? It's fun to look at stupid stuff sometimes. Not every second of every day needs to be spent being productive and doing adult stuff. Sometimes you just want to relax and look at some dumb pictures.

flutterpulse · 16分前

My SO spends a lot of time on Imgur. Sometimes it's mildly irritating when we're having a conversation and he's also scrolling through the app, but the few times I've outright asked him to put down his phone and chat or cuddle me, he has. He doesn't strike me as obsessed, so I treat it as an occasional annoyance instead of a legitimate problem. I'm sure I have habits that irk him at times as well. But if overall the relationship is healthy and loving, I wouldn't worry about it.

BurnYourFlag · 1時間前

Look he probably misses you during the day and memes are his way of communicating. He may feel hurt you dont appreciate his effort. Maybe text him back a meme or two. Or you could every time he sends a meme engage him in serious conversation. Or use negative reinforcement to break the meme habit he sends you a meme, oh no I forgot to get those chips you like. He dont send a meme all day give him a blowjob.

throwawaytoventtoday · 33分前

Op I used to have a similar problem with my ex husband.

It wasn't memes it was ESPN.com and sports news, and all his multiple fantasy sports teams. His nose was constantly in his phone or ipad on this stuff in all his free time. I don't particularly care for or follow sports but it was his hobby. The problem wasn't sports but his insistance on ignoring me, and everyone around him for sports.

So if you feel like your boyfriend is spending too much time looking at memes and checking out then you need to address it with him. But don't call it childish. Come at it from the angle of you want to spend more time with him.

Good luck!

relationships

☰ Related subreddits

調停者