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Other - Satire5.1 internal patch notes leaked! (i.imgur.com)

SuriakaOK I logged in last night but I still quit I swear on me mum が 投稿

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[–]Cratoh 91 ポイント92 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I don't know about you guys but the Linkin Park line was gold

[–]saintofhate 30 ポイント31 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Look, I'd slap on black cores so fast if that was a thing.

[–]Moose_Mafia 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Both my Jugg and Sniper have been rocking a Black-Green crystal since the very first Rakghoul event. I'd still keep them slotted in if this happened.

[–]Udesi 41 ポイント42 ポイント  (0子コメント)

activates lightsaber* I tried so hard and got so far but in the end it doesn't even matter(8)

[–]llo0ollo0oll 124 ポイント125 ポイント  (3子コメント)

This is because we are worried that our core audience will get scared by things they can't see. Like new group content.

brutal

[–]merovejec<All Gear No Idea> Progenitor/TRE 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That one was grand!! :D

[–]Callum84492 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (10子コメント)

Take away my raids! Take away my fun! BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT LAUNCHING THROUGH ORIGIN!!!!

[–]Seripithus<Barsen'thor Buddies> | The Harbinger | twitch.tv/rothmar 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (9子コメント)

🎶 Take my love, take my gear,

Take me where I cannot raid.

I don't care, the game's still free,

You can't take Star Wars from me. 🎶

[–]Darth_WickedLASCIATE OGNI SPERANZA, VOI CH'ENTRATE 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Must. Resist. The Urge. To See. Firefly. For The Million Time.

[–]Dirtykick 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The good news is that Half Life 3 team is working on new Firefly season.

[–]FictionalBreger 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do not resist. Watch it. Two by two, hands of blue.

[–]Callum84492 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

10/10 best tune

[–]BreeteAd Victoriam! Oh wait, wrong Sub 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I never watched Firefly but i can recognize the song... WHY?!

[–]I_give_karma_to_menSolaron 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

The lack of rhyme between the first and second lines is painful.

[–]Seripithus<Barsen'thor Buddies> | The Harbinger | twitch.tv/rothmar 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Listen buddy, I didn't claim to be a bard.

[–]Royal3304 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Be sure to check out the Bard's college in Solitude.

[–]I_give_karma_to_menSolaron 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Now there's a class that would've been amusing in SWTOR.

[–]RaulenAndroviusThe Shadowlands | Ettis Legacy 32 ポイント33 ポイント  (0子コメント)

UPDATE: All NPC in all locations either throw snowballs at you or randomly explode and give you the Rakghoul Virus.

I loved this. The Origin launcher line nearly made me leave the room. Thank you!

[–]Igor_MVPs 46 ポイント47 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My fav part "Are our metrics just voices in Taits head?"

[–]sbadley 29 ポイント30 ポイント  (1子コメント)

All operations have been removed from the game. Our metrics told us that 0.01% of the population plays them, so naturally they were the first thing to go to help people download, install and start their Epic Single Player Story Experience™ a bit faster.

Priceless ... pure genius! Though I would be remiss were I to not suggest adding the "Wall of Crazy" becoming the "Wall of Lazy" somewhere in there. We really need to keep this at the top of the threads list.

[–]merovejec<All Gear No Idea> Progenitor/TRE 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sad part is we are slowly getting there :D

[–]TheeEmperorLaimdonian Kressh | Crime and Chaos | The Shadowlands 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Rise of the Knights OF the fallen shadow OF the eternal throne? This is getting ridiculous

[–]Blze001Pew pew 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Personally, I can't wait to play ROTKOTFSOTET.

[–]ricojes 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Is the 6-months consecutive subscriber reward a Revan companion?

[–]Blze001Pew pew 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Yes, but only if you start a new character and get them to GC 300 during that six month period.

[–]SuriakaOK I logged in last night but I still quit I swear on me mum[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No.

[–]I_give_karma_to_menSolaron 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

In each class.

[–]Dink2 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Bioware, if you're listening, RNG gear needs to go away.

[–]llo0ollo0oll 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (6子コメント)

People keep telling them that, but metrics show that 100% of players are currently gearing through Galactic Command. As usual there is a disconnect between what players say they want, and how they play. If all players are using GC, this must be the best system, and Bioware will continue to develop it for the pleasure of all remaining player.

[–]hearshm 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Golden. That is exactly the level of 'Metrics' understanding BWA has.

[–]4armmara 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

for the pleasure of all remaining player.

for the pleasure of the remaining player.

FTFY.

[–]8-Bit-Gamer 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

for the pleasure of the remaining player. The Chosen One.

FTFY.

[–]4armmara 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

for the pleasure of the remaining player. The Chosen One. The Outlander.

FTFYTFTFM

[–]McDouggal 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Has not finished story on any characters

I gear through Heroic drops.

[–]merovejec<All Gear No Idea> Progenitor/TRE 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

ROFL

[–]NordicCrotchGoblin<Strictly For My Jawas> 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"All cosmetic armor sets that are not from cartel pack have been removed from the game to re-appear in our next cartel pack."

Brutal honesty right there.

[–]derptwo 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't whether to laugh or cry on how true all this is....

[–]LumberjStellaartois - Jedi Covenent 35 ポイント36 ポイント  (6子コメント)

This was funny.

Too bad it's getting so many downvotes :(

[–]Darth_WickedLASCIATE OGNI SPERANZA, VOI CH'ENTRATE 32 ポイント33 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Truth hurts, I guess. For better or worse.

[–]SuriakaOK I logged in last night but I still quit I swear on me mum[S] 41 ポイント42 ポイント  (4子コメント)

We knew it would be at least a little controversial the moment we started working on it. It was too hard to not rip into GC and make fun of the new gamesystems.

Maybe it actually is dumb and a waste of our time. That doesn't matter, we love making them. We got more fun out making this than trying to play the game and grinding GC. I enjoyed it and as long as at least one line made someone laugh, it's worth posting.

There's no material that would be particularly funny to anyone who isn't burned out right now. We basically did the opposite of what BioWare did and made jaded old players the core audience.

[–]RedBountyHunterUnsubscribed and uninstalled. 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

We basically did the opposite of what BioWare did and made jaded old players the core audience.

Priceless. Also sadly very true, loving the "patch notes", truly made me smile so, thanks.

[–]menofhorror 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Don't let trolls discourage you. The message you convey with this is true so keep going. :)

[–]rakaurElan Morin | Begeren Colony 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I had a lot of fun with mine but it started as a joke between my GM and me. Yours is much better thought out.

[–]sbadley 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The controversy doesn't lie in the parody pushing buttons. The controversy lies not only in how many buttons it pushed, but in how many more buttons it could have pushed but didn't.

[–]N7_Jord 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (1子コメント)

God, this was such an enjoyable read.

At the same time it makes me want to drink myself to death, knowing just how much Bioware have butchered this game. While I've enjoyed the story, a current canon SW MMO with actual MMO aspects can't come quick enough.

Just kidding, we don't actually play the game

This got me good.

[–]merovejec<All Gear No Idea> Progenitor/TRE 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think the best one was the "scared of what they cant see, like new group content" :D

[–]Seripithus<Barsen'thor Buddies> | The Harbinger | twitch.tv/rothmar 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm already calling it now, this is going to win the award for Best Post of 2017 for this subreddit, and it will be well deserved because this was amazing, funny, and sad all at the same time.

[–]Kiido 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So this is what they meant by "Make SWTOR Great Again"...

[–]FireJadeHarbinger 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I like the name of the patch, personally.

[–]tieberion 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I laughed my ass off.

[–]lbcadden3 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Gonna suck when this is actually the patch notes

[–]merovejec<All Gear No Idea> Progenitor/TRE 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thats what everyone is afraid off :)

[–]SuriakaOK I logged in last night but I still quit I swear on me mum[S] 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Continuing from where I left off in my last post!

Bonus: Here's a video for illustrative purposes.

[–]sbadley 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

El perfecto ... love how the "sound" breaks at the end and keeps playing through to black (pun intended) even after the lighsaber is sheathed. I would ask if this was a known bug in pre-5.1 testing except that there hasn't been much pre-anything testing since April of last year. Maybe it was Alderaan lag?

[–]SithyCeia 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

all these shots

[–]IceSt0rrm 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Very salty but good for a laugh.

[–]ca3ru5Cap'n Mal-Kai | The Dawnsinger Legacy | Jedi Covenant 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The line about launching the client thru Origin...

Is it better to use the standalone launcher? I use it thru Origin...Is it a joke about a launcher launching a launcher?

[–]Terentas_StrogElder Harbinger From The Progenitor 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Harenz, someone dared to question your rule!

[–]bogey2230Shadowlands 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good work

I laughed, hard

[–]MaxwellHunter 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This whole thing was incredible

[–]cydon1999 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (5子コメント)

While I understand this is a joke it should really not be tagged as patch notes in the flair...its just misleading regardless of intent.

[–]Drak019 35 ポイント36 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I believe this is actually what happened with 5.0, someone didn't label the joke patch notes clearly and bioware mistakenly added them to the game.

[–]SuriakaOK I logged in last night but I still quit I swear on me mum[S] 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Would use the joke flair if I could, but only the mods can use it :(

Edit: Mods delivered, no worries!

[–]preferred-til-newops 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Question is are these funny patch notes more of a joke than the real patch notes we get these days :P

[–]sbadley 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (0子コメント)

...its just misleading regardless of intent.

You mean like KotFE and KotET being marketed as MMO expansions?

[–]ictoacu 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

SHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSH!!!!!

[–]menofhorror 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I am a big fan of yours now.

[–]swtor-stuff 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And here I thought patch notes were haphazardly pulled together on the day of their release.

[–]maledictt 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I laughed, top marks.

[–]Banthaboy 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That was classic. ROFL

[–]LorhinJedi Covenant | <Fortitude> 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Freaking genius.

[–]Lazer84 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

awesome work

[–]Ardibanan 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The game update needs a new name. Shadow rise of the fallen knight throne

[–]SeumasDoyle 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Grear job, gud lulz.

[–]serj_diff 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Only 5% chance for the NPC to turn into HK-55 ?! :-\

[–]merovejec<All Gear No Idea> Progenitor/TRE 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Very nice mate, very nice and sooooooo fcking true!!

[–]illgot 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

half joke, sad truth.

[–]JakeMac96 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I thought this was legit until i read the bit about operations.

[–]SweGuy00 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

lights lightsaber "CRAWLING IN MY SKIIIIIIIIN, THESE WOUNDS THEY NOT HEE-AAAAL"

[–]Kcirrot 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Lol, love the title.

[–]ehkodiak 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Did you know the bit I thought was the absolutely worst was "Launcher must be run through Origin"

[–]OMG-Again 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

why did they removed raids. i'm a solo player focusing on pve. why they not make am accsessable with our new horde of companions, so i can make a full raid only with them to avoid ninja looting ,)

and why i cant perform all stances from dps, healing to tank and give my companions a fixed stance ???

and why in the hell they still not introduced the RNG slot machine, wich can only be paid with CC to get CCs ?

[–]a_LeksiProg/Tre 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

She already resubbed.

[–]Rizlib 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hhahahahaha!

[–]Castern 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

omg so much truth.

[–]Rock38 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I loved "your expression was priceless" line! Thanks for the chortle.

[–]ReibornPeace is a lie, There is only Passion. 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

this need * drop mic * at the end.

priceless.

[–]AmphionValentine 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

As a Prog player I understood all the player references. Pure comedy gold. Have my upvote, sir.

[–]BritishWookiee<Nerfherders With Attitude> @TRE 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Damnit, I'm at work. Military filters ban imgur :/

[–]SuriakaOK I logged in last night but I still quit I swear on me mum[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Are there any hosting sites that aren't banned?

[–]Dirtykick 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This was amazing :D

[–]GodMustBeAFK 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I've put up with the constant Assassin nerfs, but if they took away stealth, I would quit.

[–]marrvalin 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Sadly I wouldn't be surprised one bit if these changes went into effect immediately. UGH. Can this game sink any lower?

[–]Monsieur-Anana -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That title though!

[–]Offspring 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I like the joke, but I just want to let you know that there's no way that we can have SWTOR only launch inside of Origin. It's also the reason why if you DO launch SWTOR from Origin, Origin In Game won't work. That was a bug that I was too ignorant about to mention a few times here in the office and we fixed it.

[–]Subversus_swtor -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Shots fired at zuretsa? Didn't he sell his account?