I am beginning to wonder if i will die foreveralone. I'm in my 20s. My face is a 6/10, maybe some will say it is 5, but there is no way anyone would rate it less than 5. So i am at least average. in high school, i had girls on my own level or higher flirt with me and want to be with me. i was too shy at that time to respond, and i thought i had my whole life ahead of me in regards to dating so i didn't sweat it.

however, i noticed that as girls go from high school to college, their taste changes: they no longer want the "cute" guy, rather, they want a wide bodied badboy. naturally, this was bad news for me, as i am skinny. i am not skinny in a lanky/bony way, i just have a thin/small build. so i am skinny in a "cute/small" way, not in a bony/skeleton way. also, my height is average so that is not an issue. every day i see short, ugly, bald, fat guys with decent looking girlfriends, yet i cannot attract the attention of any girl over 18 who is more than a 3/10, even though i am superior to those guys in all aspects, with the sole exception of being skinnier. another thing that happens when girls enter college is that they start to get 10x as much male attention due to being around so many/new guys. they also start to go clubbing, which also exponentially increased the male attention they get. to conclude: at any point in my life, the only girls interested in me were those who had not been in college yet (or the rare ones who are in their first semester and are still in high school mentality or they are very studious so they don't go out and don't live on campus).

obviously i can't go out with girls under 18, which leaves me with one choice currently: 18 year old girls who are in the last year of high school, in the summer before college, or the rare category of 1st semester college girls that i just mentioned. obviously, it is almost impossible to find such a girl. i can't go around asking girls "are you 18 and in high school or in the summer before college, or if you are college, you don't live on campus and never go out and are very studious?" so i really don't know how to get a girlfriend. plus, every year my age is going up so i already am/soon going to be too old for 18 year olds to consider me.

So i thought maybe i should try a dating site. i already used common sense to know that my chances would be extremely low on dating sites, and i further researched the internet, which was consistent with my hypothesis. however, i thought that maybe i could exploit the number game to my advantage: i thought maybe out of every 100 girls, 1 would give me a chance. boy was i wrong. i tried both okcupid and plentyoffish. i had the most kickass okcupid profile, and i got replies back from girls even without posting a picture. that's how witty and kickass my profile and first message was to them. i have game: at least online. i know what to say to girls. i am a very intelligent guy, and i believe that if you are intelligent you can pick up anything if you want to. so i definitely know how to stand out from other guys and get a girls attention. this is also why on omegle i can charm almost every single girl i chat to. i talked to many on kik. i show them my face pic and it was good enough for them. we continued talking after that. some fell in love with me. but most did not live anywhere near me, so it was useless. i found a few who lived near me, but of course thanks to my luck, those were the ones who i was simply not attracted to at all. they were 3/10. back to okcupid: however, ultimately, it is 2% what you say/do, and 98% how you were born in terms of physical attractiveness. once i showed my pic to these girls, they either didn't respond, or they felt guilty and came up with excuses. for example, because i acted confident and borderline cocky, they said i was too cocky (yet that cockiness definitely turned them on initially when they playfully and invitingly messaged me..). And I was not always cocky, so don't think that the cockiness was the legitimate reason for them cutting off contact. I know how to read people, just trust my intelligence on this one. mind you, these girls were uglier than the girls who flirted with me in high school. these girls were below my level, yet they have so many options online that they simply did not feel the need to give me a chance.

that was okcupid. i also tried plentyoffish. now, anyone who knows anything about plentyoffish knows that the majority of girls there are trash. however, again, i thought even if 1 out of 100 wasn't, it would be worth the search. again, i was wrong. i messaged 10 girls. only half viewed my profile. i got 1 response, from an 18 year old girl who was still in high school. she was 5/10, slightly chubby. she said i was really cute. but we had a few exchanges afterward and she kept ignoring the part of my messages about meeting up. i also gave her an option to talk on snapchat or kik to get to know one another better, but again she ignored that part. then she suddenly deleted her profile. that leads me to believe either she was there to get compliments (she wasn't really interested in dating anyone), or she found an alpha stud and it was too tempting for her to pass it up compared to my "cuteness." none of the other girls responded. just to experiment, i even messaged 2 really ugly girls, like 3/10s. they both saw my profile and neither responded. i still did not want to give up, so i kept searching plentyoffish. i went through 41 pages of girls 18-25. each page has 15 girls. that means i saw 615 girls. based on my experiences with the ones i previous messaged, i used logical analyses to conclude that not ONE would end up dating me. of those 615, they were either so unattractive to me that i did not find a point being with them (3/10 or lower), they were average or good looking which means that they get 50+ messages from alpha studs daily so they would never give me a reply, so i tried to look at those girls somewhere in the middle, i tried to look for the 4/10s. however, strangely, i could not find ANY. well i did find like 4-5, but their profile immediately raised red flags: they were crazy or stuck up, or it was obviously they were looking for a rich guy to fund their plate and plane. if 1 girl out of 615 would work, then there would be a 0.2% rate of eligible girls. however, it is even less than that. i know that if i spent 8 hours a day for the next year, i might be able to get a date, but that is not feasible. so it is only logical to stop wasting time on this method and find an alternative method.

i have been going to the gym. however, my build is so small naturally that i can never be big or buff. at most i can be "only slightly skinny." unless i take steroids or i drink 10 mass gainers a day, which will end up killing me prematurely or sending me to the hospital. so again, no feasible options. i figured out that some girls will give me a chance if i get less skinny (yet not buff), however, these girls would only give the slightly skinny guy a chance if they get to know him a little first. this is because they tolerate his skinniness: if you want them, you have to charm them, and to charm them, you need time/you need to be around them for a bit. basically you need to get them in an environment in which being a muscular alpha cannot give you an advantage. therefore, online dating/clubs/cold approaching will not work, because all of those are 100% dependent on immediate raw physical attractiveness aka a wide bodied badboy. there is no way a girl will give the tolerable skinny guy a chance in those environments when she has 50+ muscular badboys hitting on her daily in the same environment. however, i am out of undergrad now, so I don't have access to these girls anymore. i already went to this volunteering event with lots of girl, but just my luck: my volunteer group has 0 datable girls. they are either 30 years older than me, obese, or extremely unattractive. there is one but she is like 5 years older than me so there's that. i basically wasted my entire time with that volunteer thing now. so how can i just join volunteer commitments only to end up disappointed like that. i don't have an unlimited amount of time. i cant make this a full time job. so really, according to basic math and logic, i know there ARE girls out there that i want that are willing to give me a chance, but they are like 1 in 100, and unless i win the lottery so i can afford to make it my fulltime job and spend over 80 hours a week and committing my life 100% outside eating and sleeping to finding her, then i will either never find her, or it will take 10-20 years to stumble across her. and even if that happens, i will probably be so desperate to keep her (because i know if she leaves me i will be lonely for another 10-20 years) that i will turn her off and she will leave me.

also, i noticed that being a popular guy who is the alpha in your social circle will get you girls. however, i don't really interact with anyone, because most humans don't stimulate me. plus, i already spent those years chilling with friends and going out: i don't really crave it anymore, i want a girlfriend. plus, my old friends all have girlfriends now, and what do guys talk about when together? girls. so that just makes me feel shittier. so i don't really hang out with friends any more. also, when you're a skinny guy, you cannot possibly be the alpha of your group, so again, it is not feasible for me to pursue this option. back then, i never got bullied, but my friends would jokingly push me around sometimes because i had less mass. they did it as a joke, so i couldn't do it back because i had less mass, but at the same time, i got mad, but i couldn't show it, because then i would just fall out with them because they did it just as a joke, and they all did it. if i punched one in the face, they would all side against me and say what are you doing bro, he was just joking, and then they would fall out with me. so again, this path was never an option for me.

i am an intelligent guy, so i know by the time i hit 30ish i will have a good job with good income, and will be able to get a girlfriend due to my income, but every day is a struggle until then, and the struggle is so much that it is getting in the way of me studying in school, so i don't even know if i can actually get that good job/income with the way things are going. every day is a struggle. it is extremely hard to focus on a demanding school program when being deprived of your natural needs. can a doctor operate without food in his system? yes, i know that i can fuck a 3/10, but i don't want that to be my first. i know myself: i wont enjoy it. same case with escort. anyways even if all ends up well and i do get that job/income that will give me a gf, by that time she will be a used up slut with a milage of 50+ badboy dicks in all of her orifices. what really is the value or having such a girlfriend? do you think i will have my children come out of such an orifice? fuck that shit, its disgusting. that's like having your baby daughter raped by a douchebag badboy. anyone who has children with a whore is fucking disgusting. i know i wont enjoy spending time with her, i will just fuck her as roughly as i can like the cumbucket whore she is. every day more and more normal/good girls are turning into thirsty sluts thanks to modern culture and technology such as dating apps. it is a mistake to give women sexual freedom to the point that they have it today. it is simply not good for society overall. there was a reason why patriarchy was invented and kept in place for so long. i am not blaming women, maybe us men would also upset the balance of society if we had 9/10 and 10/10 girls throwing themselves at us all day, but the bottom line is that this system is not working. nobody is happy. even girls who had hookups with 9/10 and 10/10 guys are not ultimately happy because they want a relationship, and those guys just pump and dump them. even those 9/10 and 10/10 guys are probably not happy because they also want to settle down one day, and they know that their gf will be a used up slut thanks to this system. and for obvious reasons this system is not good for the average looking male. so overall, this system is not efficient and is not working: it is getting worse every day. right now at least some parts of tradition are kept alive by at least some people, but this is diminishing daily. i think in 5-10 years there will be some kind of backlash revolution against this phenomenon. it is not sustainable. but all i can say is that until then, the future is not going to be bright.

i know typing this post will achieve nothing, and i should be studying instead, but i simply feel like shit today and don't have the mental energy to study so at least i can get this off my chest which again will not do anything but i don't even know what else to do so whatever.