Inspired by a comment in the Herrera Twitter Q&A thread.
It's stupid but I spent too much time on it not to post it
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Dan (feat. De Gea)
/u/joll3
My feet's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got on the pitch at all
The morning rain soaks in my shirt, and I can't pass at all
And even if I could it'll all be shit, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
[x2]
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Dear Ander, I tweeted you, but you still ain't textin'
I left my twitter, my facebook and my snapchat at the bottom
I sent two tweets back in autumn
You must not've got 'em
There probably was a problem with the servers or somethin'
Sometimes I scribble usernames too sloppy when I jot 'em
But anyways, fuck it, what's been up, man?
How's your daughter?
My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm 'bout to be a father
If I have a daughter, guess what I'ma call her?
I'ma name her Danie
I read about your friend Ronnie too, I'm chuffed
I had a friend win a trophy over some bitch who didn't beat him
I know you probably hear this every day
But I'm your biggest fan
I even watched the matches that you played for Real, fam
I got a room full of your posters and your pictures, man
I like the shit you did with Bilbao too, that shit was phat
Anyways, I hope you get this, man, hit me back
Just to chat, truly yours, your biggest fan, this is Dan
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My feet's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got on the pitch at all
The morning rain soaks in my shirt, and I can't pass at all
And even if I could it'll all be shit, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
.
Dear Ander, you still ain't tweeted or snapped
I hope you have a chance
I ain't mad, I just think it's fucked up you don't answer fans
If you didn't want to talk to me outside the stadium
You didn't have to
But you could've signed an autograph for Matthew
That's my little brother, man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blisterin' cold for you
For four hours, and you just said ¡No!
That's pretty shitty, man, you're like his fucking idol
He wants to be just like you, man, he likes you more than I do
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like being lied to
Remember when we met in Dover?
You said if I'd tweet you, you would tweet back
See, I'm just like you in a way; I never beat my father neither
He used to always dribble past me and score a screamer
I can relate to how you're playing in your games
So when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
‘Cause I don't really got shit else
So that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of your name across the chest
Sometimes I even tackle myself to see how bad it feels
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real
And I respect you ‘cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous ‘cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you, Ander, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin' up
You gotta call me, man
I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose, sincerely yours, Dan
P.S. We should be together too
.
My feet's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got on the pitch at all
The morning rain soaks in my shirt, and I can't pass at all
And even if I could it'll all be shit, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
.
Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good-to-Tweet-or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last snap I ever send your ass
It's been six hours and still no word – I don't deserve it?
I know you got my last two tweets
I wrote the usernames on 'em perfect
So this is my snap I'm sending you, I hope you hear it
I'm in the car right now, I'm doing 90 on the motorway
Hey, Ander, I drank a fifth of whiskey, you dare me to drive?
You know the song by Phil Collins
"In the Air of the Night" about that guy who could've saved that other guy from drownin'
But didn't, then Phil saw it all, then at a show he found him?
That's kinda how this is
You could've rescued me from injury
Now it's too late, I'm on a thousand painkillers now, I'm drowsy
And all I wanted was a lousy tweet or a snap
I hope you know I ripped all of your pictures off the wall
I loved you, Ander, we could've played together – think about it!
You ruined it now, I hope you can't play
And you feel bad about it
And when you feel bad
I hope you can't play and you scream about it
I hope all fans scream at you
And you can't perform without them
See, Ander--calm down, bitch! I'm tryin' to steer
Hey, Ander, that's my girlfriend screamin' at the stream
But I didn't stop her, I just riled her up, see, I ain't like you
‘Cause if she sees you fail she'll suffer more
And then she'll hate you too
Well, gotta go, the match is almost at the end now
Oh shit, I forgot, I still need to send this shit out
.
My feet's gone cold, I'm wondering why I got on the pitch at all
The morning rain soaks in my shirt, and I can't pass at all
And even if I could it'll all be shit, but your picture on my wall
It reminds me that it's not so bad, it's not so bad
.
Dear, Dan, I meant to tweet you sooner, but I just been busy
You said your girlfriend's pregnant now. How far along is she?
Look, I'm really flattered you would call your daughter that
And here's an autograph for your brother
I wrote it on a shirt, chap
I'm sorry I didn't see you at the stadium, I must've missed you
Don't think I did that shit intentionally just to diss you
But what's this shit you said about you like to tackle yourself too? I was just taking the piss, fam
Come on, how fucked up is you?
You got some issues, Dan, I think you need to improve tacklin'
To help your ass from bouncin' off the ground
When you get down some
And what's this shit about us meant to be together?
That type of shit'll make me not want to sign your shirt ever
I really think you and your girlfriend need each other
Or maybe you just need to treat her better
I hope you get to read your twitter
I just hope it reaches you in time
Before you hurt yourself, I think that you'll be doing just fine
If you relax a little, I'm glad I inspire you
But Dan, why are you so mad?
Try to understand that I do want you as a fan
I just don't want you to do some crazy shit; I seen this one shit on the news a couple weeks ago that made me sick
Some dude was drunk and drove his car to Stamford bridge
And had his girlfriend also drunk
And she was pregnant with his kid
And in the car they found a snap
But they didn't say who it was to
Come to think about it, his name was... it was you, damn
[–]parton90Football, bloody hell! 1 ポイント2 ポイント3 ポイント (0子コメント)