[Discussion] Meet new people?

fleebec · 8時間前

There's a website called Meetup.com where you could join local clubs and organizations based on your interests. I think that might help

swv123 · 7時間前

I was also in the same boat. I had a nine year relationship end. I was in a new location, 2,000 miles away from family, and no friends in the area. When we broke up all I had left was my work, which I didn't even enjoy. There's a hard truth that you'll find, life is unfair and pretty fucking hard. Sometimes, even when you do everything right you still lose. You'll need to make peace with it(when you find out how to do this, you've got a million dollar book deal waiting for you).

But to the task at hand, you need to meet people! For me meeting people was always incredibly awkward and hard. I took a three prong approach.

1) Am I someone I want to be friends with? When I was in a relationship, I put friendship with others on the back burner and my social skills deteriorated quickly. So I took strides to improve my likability and personality. I highly recommend reading and following the rules lined out in "How to win friends and influence people". It's a bit dated, but people haven't changed over the years. This will help you a lot in developing your social skills. I found that being positive with a clear effort and demonstration of self improvement drew people to me, and has enabled me to build new lasting friendships while improving my own environment and emotional health.

2) Put yourself in a situation to meet people. Why didn't I meet people/friends when I was married/dating? Because I invested my entire life in her I never went out and exposed myself to others, especially other single people. There's a lot of ways to do this. Hang out with your co-workers after work, hit up old classmates from school/university, go to the gym, pursue your hobbies. For me, I got to go outdoors way more often, hiking and walking, and I've meet people that share a common interest. Very easy way for you to break into the social scene.

3) Maintain and build on existing relationships. There's a saying that I love "If you can get the interview, you can get the job". The principle applies here. People you bump into, exchange names with, meet where ever; are all people that you can build meaningful relationships with. Your friends often have other friends, and it is a great way of extending your social network. Strengthening your existing relationships will give you opportunities to meet new people while giving you someone to share your adventure with.

Bonus, take advantage of technology. tinder, meetup, facebook, twitter, okcupid, match, etc... They're are tons of platforms designed for the purpose of meeting and connecting with people. Don't be afraid to use them. I never meet a girlfriend using tinder, but I've had some great dates and meet some nice people. Not every play will end up on the high light real, but you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Hope this helps you mate. TLDR; Put yourself out there, Work on improving your social skills, Build on connections, and Don't be afraid of rejection.

i_smart · 6時間前

Become a master at asking people questions. This is the most important thing a person should learn when trying to master interpersonal skills. There's tons of research and situation specific examples you can Google to help you out, but in general just try to keep the questions on a positive track (i.e. "Do you have any vacations coming up?", "What's the favorite place you've visited", "Why?", etc.).
Go to places, events, gatherings that you enjoy and practice asking people questions. Maybe join a sailing club if you live somewhere like Majorca, "Hi, how long have you been sailing for?".

Best of luck and I hope this helps!

Ialsodonthaveaname · 3時間前

Join couchsurfing.com and become a host.

I just traveled to a country I had never been before for 1 week and met up with 5 people total from the website. I stayed with 2 locals for a total of 5 days, hung out with 2 others, and met up with one more fellow traveler from a different country. I got to meet new people who also wanted to meet me and who have very different life experiences (age, culture, career, education, etc.) This makes for very interesting conversation and stories. I had a good time with each of them and a lot of really stimulating and interesting conversation, with my hosts especially. My first host and I even went on a hike and kayaking together- so one can share activities as well. I feel like I really have several friends now who I will keep in touch with for a long time, who I never would have met if not for this website. And lucky for you, you already live in a city well known enough that people travel to. That means you'll get more potential traffic flow from having a profile there and using the site.

Sylenda · 3時間前

I'm extremely shy too, but recently I made a friend. Also, I'm not a fan of big parties.

A woman was walking her dogs and I stopped, asking if I can pet them. I love dogs, but I can't keep them in the flat I'm renting. For a while now, I've been thinking about asking somebody if I can join them on the walks. It took me 10 minutes to ask if I can join her on the walks. She said yes and it's pretty fun, a good exercise and I'm socializing. The first few occasions were a bit awkward, but that's on me.

Of course, it's pure luck I met somebody so nice and it can be risky, but I thought I'll share this experience of mine. Even if it doesn't help you, it might help somebody else.

Vaenessa · 4時間前

I have made many of my friends through voluntary work. A lot of people do volunteer in order to meet people and when you are working together with someone towards a common goal you don't have to stress so much about 'making conversation '.

SuddenDickTornado · 2時間前

Since you are getting over a breakup, it is perfect time to learn something new. Join a salsa dance class or a painting class. You are bound to meet some interesting people there. Keep yourself occupied.

Check if you have bars which offer board games. Ask one of the groups if you can join them, you will meet some chilled out people.

TheJniac · 7時間前

Surely there must be quieter places? You might have to look for them, but I find it unlikely that even a Spanish party town is devoid of nice, quiet places.

sousourada · 3時間前

I have sort of the same problem. I never was a social person. I was always shy and this combined with social anxiety made it extremely hard for me to make some friends. I had a few friends in school but upon graduation they cut me out. So, I would very much want to know how do you meet people casually and become friends with them?

Jay2214 · 2時間前

Find a hobby or go somewhere you think like minded people will be and just remember 10 seconds of confidence can change your life I went from shy with no friends to 4 life long friends that I know will have my back, and all it took was 10 seconds of confidence.

62hawthorne · 4時間前

Meeting new people and building friendships as an adult can be tough, but it's better than the alternative. Things happen slowly, so be patient with yourself as you go along. Look for events or causes in your community that you're interested in. Give something new a try if you can't think of anything. Take a class of some sort--that can give you a chance to talk with other folks.
There has to be something outside of the partying scene if you look for it. It's easiest to notice the night clubs because they're bright and flashy, but I'm willing to bet there are other options out there. You can't be the only person not interested in that stuff there.

PigBenis007 · 3時間前

I'm not a dude who surrounds himself with lots and lots of friends. I need my space. Wife is the same way. Having said that, golf was the way I met lots of new friends.

It's always a 4 some at a busy golf course and they randomly add you to a group if you go alone. It's one way to met lots of interesting new folk. Some good and some bad.

Hookedongutes · 3時間前

This is going to sound weird, but I honestly met a ton of new friends on tinder.

Coworkers are a good source too. Finding hobbies. Start a Hobby, you'll meet people who have the same interests!

johnjohn650 · 2時間前

Find something you enjoy doing that's social. I got into swing dancing because it's fun, good exercise and really easy to meet people (especially of the opposite gender). It takes a second to learn the basics, but once you get a foundation, people are laid back and just dance to have fun.

kachell · 1時間前

Hola at me if you need a friend, and I mean it.

IRPancake · 1時間前

You seem to be handling the breakup well, which is definitely a good thing.

I'm not the club type either, I prefer a dart board, pool table, a couple pitchers of beer and being a jackass with friends and random people. There are others like you.

The easiest way to break into that scene will be to drag a friend along. Get decent at a few bar games and start challenging people for fun. Losers buy shots.

That can be a little intimidating at first for some too though. Break out of your shell, have conversations with random people at the store, or while pumping gas. They don't need to be deep, meaningful soul connections, just bullshit about the weather or their car, or clothes, or whatever. Guess what? You'll probably never see these people again, these are practice humans.

Next thing you know you'll be able to strike up a conversation with someone you actually see yourself being friends with, and go from there.

cosmo777711 · 1時間前

You are in Spain... you should look into getting involved in something like Folkmoncao. We went (from Canada) in 2015 and still are in contact with our guides and people from other groups. Each dance group (there were 10 groups from around the world) gets assigned two guides, they came with us everywhere, you meet a ton of people and have a ton of fun..

myronn132 · 1時間前

Maybe it's time to move to a place more suited to your tastes?

smooperton · 12分前

Volunteer! It doesn't matter what you're volunteering for. You'll meet a lot of genuinely nice people!

Miraaju · 3時間前

I would say, buy a gym card, go and gym hard meet good people there!

Also good for your health!

HappyLittleTrees17 · 4時間前

What are some of your hobbies and things you like to do? You could always join clubs/organizations that focus on your interests. That will be a good starting point for meeting people that you know share at least one interest with you and it would give you something to talk about right off the bat.

dogememes420 · 3時間前

Coffee shops.

icecreamcloudpants · 3時間前

I don't know if you have these in Spain, but I met my husband at a dog park. I was there with my dog and he was there with his. The dogs started playing and it's rude if you don't chat with the other owner ... it's a great way to meet people. Try it :)

GingerJacob36 · 3時間前

Do you like sports? Playing ultimate frisbee and rugby introduces me to a group of people anywhere I go.

I'd imagine that the same thing exists for hobbies so maybe search the area for hobby groups and join one!

wareotie · 2時間前

Spaniard here. I never met someone in the nightclub, bad idea in my opinion. Too much noise to meet someone. All the friends I have met them in the school, university, local shops, coffee shops. Even at the beach or working. I met my best friend borrowing a calculator in Calculus: D

My advice: hobbies. In my case is very easy. I'm very shy but role-playing and comics, makes me talk with strangers in local shops. Play MTG allowed me to meet awesome people. But that's my case.

If you like other things, like biking, look for local groups. We are very friendly :)

Harmless_kitty · 2時間前

dude I had the same problem for the longest time. Then I started taking classes at the local community college, and now I have a bunch of friends and I make more each semester. I take stuff like art and drama, because I get along with people who have common interests. It's not that hard, you just gotta break that initial silence, and give someone a compliment and then BS something about the weather, or the class... continue every week for a few months... BAM you got a friend.

jedcorp · 2時間前

All good .. I know what you mean though I'm a extravert introvert .. but really if you speak English and Spanish , just walk around these tourist havens .. people will talk to you after a small comment in a similar language

TheGreat8M8 · 2時間前

As someone who usually hates "nightclubs": there are many different types of clubs. Some I visited were a combination of bar and club where you could dance but also sit down with your friends to relax etc. It doesn't have to be the "dance 10 hours without break" one. :)

Autico · 1時間前

Whenever I get to a point in my life (usually after moving cities) and feel like I've lost touch with my friend group I get a bar job. Most of the time I'll end up doing weekends. Sometimes I'll go full time.

I find it to be a sort of extreme exercise in socialisation. I've seen shy people start in bar work and turn into some of the most confident people I know. All of the situations you would usually choose to run from, you can't. You are forced to talk to people.

Now that's part 1 (combating shyness)

Part 2 is actually making friends. You can immerse yourself in a cities night life industry very easily. Once you know the bar staff you can walk into a venue with complete confidence. After that it's a numbers game. It wouldn't be crazy to come into contact with 700 people and talk with 300 in a one night of busy bar work.

I find these two things combined so useful. Whenever I can see a friend starting to get lonely I pitch bar work to them. Obviously this is anecdotal, but from my sample size of 4 it's done wonders.

The most important part of it for me is that after taking the job the rest is sorted. You don't need to maintain motivation like with a hobby or a club and put yourself out there. You just do your job, the rest falls into place.

Most importantly find a good venue to work at. A friendly (not fake) manager is a great start. You say you don't like nightclubs? Fuck nightclubs, find a good relaxed local bar.

asusinakazoo · 1時間前

First of all.. Sorry to read that happen to you.

I recommend finding a hobby or doing something you really love. You'll make awesome friends. I've always wanted to be a Professional Wrestler and now I'm training at a school. Thanks to the sport I've made many friends that kind of are like me.

Forget about the ones who wronged you or put you down. You should worry about those who still keep you company not the ones who left.

theceruleankid · 1時間前

Hobbies man. Hobbies. At 27 i've finally started to do this.

viktorbigballz · 1時間前

Lol everybody has such lame advice. Listen guy. You got any foreigners by you? Strike up conversation with foreigners. Since you both have different cultures there's no pressure to try to fit in what you would think is "normal". Chances are they want to make friends too.

King-Spartan · 1時間前

Im in the same situation sorta, best thing to do if find things you like and do them! Whether its alone or with people.

danrual · 58分前

volunteering. not tyat i do

jurgenklope · 54分前

"Meet new people, make new friends. Tie that knot. That's how you do the Scarn." - Michael J Scarn

erm_what_ · 37分前

I find there are two types of people, and saying it sounds kind of harsh.

There are the people you really get along with and will love spending time with (type A), and there are the people that know these people (type B). Some people are both (type A&B).

Some people are extroverts and will have a huge network of friends around them, and will quickly welcome you into their group and introduce you around (type B). That's how you meet the type A people.

So how do you meet type B people? Go do something (a random activity) where you can have a conversation, say hi to people, and they'll probably do most of the rest of the work. Ideally do something you've never done before because if you want to meet new people you have to go to new places and do new things.

I started climbing a while ago, and now it's a great way to meet people. There's always a group of climbers in every city and they're some of the nicest people I've ever met. Find your thing, and if the first one doesn't work then give it another go (you tried it once for a reason), if you persist and it still doesn't work then try something else. Guaranteed there are more hobbies than you can imagine and each one has a huge community around it.

xixi2 · 23分前

Don't go to a nightclub. Don't go to a bar. Go somewhere that interests you. For me, this meant I joined a running club. Most socially outgoing thing I have done for YEARS, and I'm still not close with most of the members. But as a result my social network has expanded a lot.

Mouikis · 20分前

Take up a martial art like BJJ or do mma classes. Find a decent gym. Everyone is super friendly and helps you out. Nobody smashes you as they were at your level once. It's great fitness and I think it's easy to get on with people since your so physical with them it kind of removes the awkwardness from the get go.

Gowge · 18分前

Are you from Magaluf by any chance?

benraddatz · 16分前

Go to church! Lots of church's have small community groups that are more fun and less churchy

andrewdare · 4分前

Sounds like your at a paridise for young people try to drop the shyness you have nothing to be shy about and party on

Red-Porch · 2時間前

I notice no matter what happens in forums where people ask for friends and to meet new people, nobody in the comments actually wants to make friends with them. Making friends is for other people. They'll say a bunch of cliches about what to read (avoiding new people) or how to change behavior (avoiding new people) or doing something online (avoiding real people) yet, not want to meet them. Go to the bar, not be afraid.

Nomadic_Plague · 1時間前

Go to bars, don't be a puss. Your story is exactly what happened to me a few years after high school lost the gf and everything. Work hard make $ and be social and it'll all fall into place.

ImWorkinOnPositivity · 44分前

Download tinder. Get tested. Fuck a few people. Get aids. Die.

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