Home › Forums › MGTOW Central › How to tell if you're being manipulated
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These are mainly pointers that I myself used and started to realize over the course of my progression to discovering MGTOW.
Basically let’s say you’re currently at “A” and you want to get to “B”, which could represent anything. This decision most likely doesn’t even involve her, or need her input at all, in fact, it would be rude for her to say anything about it.
Now most of the time, if not 100% of the time, I haven’t encountered a woman (and we are talking about the ones who think they are in a position of power over you, whether is mother, girlfriend, etc) who say, “Ok, agreed” or even simply “Ok”, or nothing at all, which would be fitting most of the time.
Anything this woman says will be an attempt to change your course of action. That is manipulation.
At the moment, I remember three types, 1. Shaming, 2. Questioning, and 3. Guilt Tripping
The main form I personally encountered was number 2, questioning, with a bit of 1 and 3 thrown in. But in order:
Shaming is pretty one of the more obvious…techniques I guess you could call them. Example: You casually mention “Hmmm. That looks pretty cool, I’ll save some money and get that” or, “I’m going to go here tomorrow”
Reaction: “What are you, fucking 12- you don’t need to buy that” or “What?! “We” have to go and do blah blah blah. “We” don’t have time for that! (because by we, she just means you), or “Wow, you’re SO stupid I can’t believe you want to do this!”
Women are very good at creating bullshit ineffective busy work, which ends up being complete waste of time, every time. But as long as YOU have to do it, they don’t care. However, if even a minute of their free time is used, “this takes too long” or “I hate having to clean up behind you all the time” etc.
The second on the list, questioning, is one of the manipulation methods that can be a bit more subtle. While shaming often has question type phrases, they are more or less statements disguised as questions. (I.E. instead of directly calling you a 12 year old, it is said “What are you, 12”?)
No, this method is used to make you second guess yourself, so it will seem that stopping whatever you wanted to do was your own idea. I’ve personally overheard women say “Haha it’s so cute- I just suggest a little thing to him, and this way he doesn’t feeeeel like I’m manipulating him, which he hates”
Example: You casually mention “Hmmm. That looks pretty cool, I’ll save some money and get that” or, “I’m going to go here tomorrow”
Reaction: “Oh but don’t you think you should wait for a bit” or “Didn’t you want to go here instead?” or “I thought you said you were going to do this- don’t you remember?”
You could almost mistake them for innocent helpful questions. However, I noticed this being done ALL THE TIME, and most of the time, if you care to take the effort, the questions are obvious red herrings, to deflect from what you were originally thinking about.
In fact, if confronted about this “Why do you always question me”, she will generally say “Oh I was just trying to help!”. If I had a quarter for every time I heard a women say that after doing something that was the complete opposite of helpful…
The third, guilt tripping, is sometimes used in tandem with number 2.
Example: You casually mention “Hmmm. That looks pretty cool, I’ll save some money and get that” or, “I’m going to go here tomorrow”
“But you said you were going to get me this” or “But I can’t do this or go here by myself” or “But I’m going to need help tomorrow”
It’s basically to make you feel guilty that you’re having a good time, or doing something you enjoy while she “struggles” or “has a bad time”. It’s used to try to make you think that the fact you’re enjoying yourself somehow has an effect on her, whether its “making her do all the work while you watch the game” or “Seeing her “struggle” with something and not helping her”.
A favorite behavior that my adoptive mother used to pull was to start “working” on bullshit busy work, and then if you glanced at her, would exclaim “Hey! You’re not just going to watch me work- I’m not your slave, get over here. It’s rude to watch people work”. Stupid, and very hypocritical since….that’s literally all she did.
I was sort of inspired to get this down because I notice a LOT of my friends, esp those newly married, whose wives or female “friends”, are manipulating them right in front of their faces, and they either don’t realize it, or they try and rationalize it “She’s just trying to help” or “Without her I’d forget a lot of things, she keeps me in check”, or some similar bull.
There’s probably a few mores aspects I missed but it’s to get the ball rolling.
I got seh-neh thousand for my last 30 memes. Great analysis of them putting you on the ropes. They change the focal point and add a question about the new focal point and 9/10 times I fall for it.
When men talk, the joy is that we are in the trenches, achieving a common goal. Not so with women, They Are Always holding ~60% of their thought on their strategy – where they want this conversation to go – unfortunately, they are quite skilled at this selfish outlook / vectoring, and we Must be on guard against it – always."It seems like there's times a body gets struck down so low, there ain't a power on earth that can ever bring him up again. Seems like something inside dies so he don't even want to get up again. But he does."
You can safely assume that any time you are dealing with a woman you are having continous attempts at manipulation occurring.
It’s just their nature.
Shun them as much as possible.All Women Meet The Clinical Definition of Psychosis.
Great analysis sir. I was especially susceptible to #3, to the point that ANY enjoyment on my part felt like an attack on “The family” or “The children”. It got so bad that at one point, even if I was 100% focused on “The family” I was still being guilt-tripped for “Trying to put HER in a bad light”.
And then, the fucking twisting of the knife:
You should go have some fun!
Get a hobby or something, you’re too serious.
You work too much, we should go out more.
Honey, I’m going out with Jimmy tomorrow.
Sure, go out, I’m sure the kids won’t miss you since you barely spend time with them because you’re always at work.
…… You get the idea.
Well, that shit has stopped.
Just say NO.The answer is NO. “I could but I won’t”.
I think you are basically fucked when you can no longer freely fart at will.
When they start with
‘I thought you said you were. . . . . . . . . .’
FYI –
They don’t even know what the fuck they think they are remembering, referencing or talking about.
At that point they are using a tactic to create a diversion and a distraction. While trying to throw a guy off balance.
It is because at the end of the day they are severely mentally fucked.
This sounds like far too many people I know, both men and women. Thanks for the list though. It makes it easier to spot the people I want to avoid.
Learn from the past, Control the present, and you will know the Future.
Boy some of those are hard to catch.
A MGTOW is a man who is not a woman's bitch!
That’s a nice break down.
I find anger to be a very good barometer for when there is manipulation.
If I feel angry, it usually means my boundaries have been crossed or someone is using some method of manipulation.
Anger, unlike what Liberalism teaches. Is very much a friend. It goes off, when someone transgresses.
Manipulation. Deception. These will all produce anger in a person who is on the receiving end.
“He who takes an eel by the tail, or a woman at her word, soon finds he holds nothing.”
If her lips are moving and it doesn’t feel good, you are being manipulated. Also bear in mind, if her lips are moving and it does feel good, it is probably still manipulation. Full stop.
I had a male try to manipulate me via 1 and 3 a few months ago. He tried shaming, insulting, and bullying me. After seeing he had no effect on me, he told me I was just like Hilary Clinton. I told him thanks for the compliment which really fucked with his head.
He cost me a several thousand dollars, because he could that’s why, and exactly what he told me to my face. I have some thug friends who do revenge beatings for extra income. They like me. I have a standing offer from them. I can get anyone’s ass beaten to a pulp or bones broken by pros for $50. I can, but I won’t. A wise man once told me just because you can do something does not mean you should do it.
I’ve actually got the law firmly on my side here. Once I consult another attorney to vet my plan of action confirming what the first attorney told me about this situation, I’m going to ram it right up his ass so hard, because I can that’s exactly what I’m going to tell him when I spring the trap on him at a time and place of my choosing. One of my friends who got divorced raped had his ex tell him the same thing as she was doing it. It’s still stuck in his craw 15 years later.
He basically can’t stand me being in the drivers seat in a certain situation and was getting back at me. In the end, I’ll extract my several thousand dollars plus attorney consultation fees from him off the back end. Mental illness runs in his family. He had two cousins once confined at our State’s premier nut house. He and his brother are both weird in different ways. He really shot someone I care about in the foot with his action. He did not fully cogitate on what I can legally do. The person who put me in control of this particular situation did it expressly on account of him for this very reason.
As for women, I pretty much assume anything one says or does is potential manipulation. I’ve watched women use me as a prop to manipulate other guys over the years.
Pussy is cheap. The blowback is what is expensive.
2 additional techniques I’ve seen…
Assuming the motherly role – This is where they will tell you that you can’t handle certain aspects of your life, because you’re a boy, but don’t worry, I’m a woman here to help you. You can’t cook, you can’t decorate your house, you can’t blah blah blah. So know they grant themselves full access to a part of your life.
I actually had this conversation with a woman after the 2nd date:
What are you having for dinner?
I’m having XXXXX.
That doesn’t sound like enough.
I think I’ve figured out how to feed myself by now.
I think you need to eat more.That was the last time I spoke with her.
Comparisons – Really, this is form of guilt but worth pointing out I think. Instead of just telling you what she wants, she’ll tell you what her friends have. The idea is to get you to think that she deserves what everyone else is getting. My ex wife would do this all the time, particularly on behavior.
I’d really like it if you slept with me instead of falling asleep with the kid every night.
My friend Sally does that with her kids. She’s such a good mother.This is usually followed by some sort of question about my manhood.
Actions have consequences
You can safely assume that any time you are dealing with a woman you are having continous attempts at manipulation occurring.
It’s just their nature.This is pretty much the position I hold now whenever I’m having contact with women. When dealing with my lil cupcake, I always ask myself, “Is there any reason that I MUST talk to her about_____________ ?” More and more, I just do what I WANT, and then she can’t attempt to manipulate, just bitch after the fact, which I’m getting better and better at ignoring/blocking out. I say to myself, “Oh Sweety, you’re upset, mad, pissed ETC., and I care WHY ?” NFG…… The beauty of the walking divorce.
If her lips are moving and it doesn’t feel good, you are being manipulated. Also bear in mind, if her lips are moving and it does feel good, it is probably still manipulation.
Those two sentences are easy to remember and completely sum it up.
When you strive to achieve what you think will be better, there is no satisfaction because all you have is the current moment. Even if you achieve your goal, satisfaction will elude you because this moment leads to the next moment, which leads to the next moment and you are dissatisfied right now, the future will arrive as an extension of your current dissatisfaction. You are dissatisfied whenever you think that something else in the future will be “it,” and what you have or where you are isn’t “it.” --- Ariel and Shya Kane
Make it obvious you don’t give a shit about them and you are enjoying the fact that you don’t. Also pretend to be unable to understand anything unless it is expressed in literal terms. That will force them to come to your level and come down from their women-bullshit talk ivory tower.
Women win so long as we are forced to play their hinting bullshit in conversation.
one instance that stands out pretty well of my ex cunt doing this was when i wanted to by a weight set. I used to be pretty serious about weight training for sports but stopped for a long time after having kids. I went and bought my own bumper plate set and squat stand so i could start doing olympic weightlifting. i would say every tactic brought up was used.
at the time i was the only one earning money, the bills were paid and the kids were fed and cared for. i literally wanted this one thing for years and yet i was selfish, irresponsible etc etc. if my time, attention and money was being spent on anything outside of that cunt’s interest, it was no good to her. my initial investment was a tiny fraction of the thousands of dollars i spent supporting that bitch and maintaining our relationship but even such a scrap for myself was too great.
Great analysis sir. I was especially susceptible to #3, to the point that ANY enjoyment on my part felt like an attack on “The family” or “The children”. It got so bad that at one point, even if I was 100% focused on “The family” I was still being guilt-tripped for “Trying to put HER in a bad light”.
And then, the fucking twisting of the knife:
You should go have some fun!
Get a hobby or something, you’re too serious.
You work too much, we should go out more.
Honey, I’m going out with Jimmy tomorrow.
Sure, go out, I’m sure the kids won’t miss you since you barely spend time with them because you’re always at work.
…… You get the idea.
Well, that shit has stopped.
Just say NO.They will ALWAYS say the opposite of what would help you or put you in a good light.
When they start with
‘I thought you said you were. . . . . . . . . .’
FYI –
They don’t even know what the fuck they think they are remembering, referencing or talking about.
At that point they are using a tactic to create a diversion and a distraction. While trying to throw a guy off balance.
It is because at the end of the day they are severely mentally fucked.
And with this one, if you say, “Well I changed my mind”, they’ll say something like, “You need to stop being so indecisive”, which is ironic, coming from them.
Adjusting your course of action based on new pertinent info is not being indecisive.
If you’re driving, and you start to merge into the right hand lane, but you realize there is a car there, aborting the maneuver and doing something else, like staying in your lane is not being indecisive. Simple logic for us, rabbit chase for them.
Boy some of those are hard to catch.
Very, especially when you’re taught to believe everything they say.
2 additional techniques I’ve seen…
Assuming the motherly role – This is where they will tell you that you can’t handle certain aspects of your life, because you’re a boy, but don’t worry, I’m a woman here to help you. You can’t cook, you can’t decorate your house, you can’t blah blah blah. So know they grant themselves full access to a part of your life.
I actually had this conversation with a woman after the 2nd date:
What are you having for dinner?
I’m having XXXXX.
That doesn’t sound like enough.
I think I’ve figured out how to feed myself by now.
I think you need to eat more.That was the last time I spoke with her.
Comparisons – Really, this is form of guilt but worth pointing out I think. Instead of just telling you what she wants, she’ll tell you what her friends have. The idea is to get you to think that she deserves what everyone else is getting. My ex wife would do this all the time, particularly on behavior.
I’d really like it if you slept with me instead of falling asleep with the kid every night.
My friend Sally does that with her kids. She’s such a good mother.This is usually followed by some sort of question about my manhood.
I forgot about the mothering and comparison technique- very common ones as well.
I remember I was shooting a commercial, and we three guys had planned the whole thing out, from filming to script to audio management to what we were going to wear on camera. So we finishing shooting everything, and my mother in particular saw the finished product and said “You didn’t have a female in the clothing department did you?”.
I said, being slightly annoyed, “We are running a business that makes more in a month than some people make in a year – we don’t need one”.
She got the point, and flew into a rage about how “people are going to think you’re GAY, stop being so immature, etc”.
And comparisons are a BIG one, that’s what one of my former blue pill acquaintances kept getting hung up on, saying “I need to try harder to make her happy”, and I’d say, “No matter what you do, she will NEVER be satisfied”. He then said, “Well, since you don’t have a girlfriend, you wouldn’t know”.
I’ve got an upcoming story about what she did to HIM LOL.
one instance that stands out pretty well of my ex cunt doing this was when i wanted to by a weight set. I used to be pretty serious about weight training for sports but stopped for a long time after having kids. I went and bought my own bumper plate set and squat stand so i could start doing olympic weightlifting. i would say every tactic brought up was used.
at the time i was the only one earning money, the bills were paid and the kids were fed and cared for. i literally wanted this one thing for years and yet i was selfish, irresponsible etc etc. if my time, attention and money was being spent on anything outside of that cunt’s interest, it was no good to her. my initial investment was a tiny fraction of the thousands of dollars i spent supporting that bitch and maintaining our relationship but even such a scrap for myself was too great.
Which is proof that women think that the man they have is supposed to be their slave, bending to their every whim.
WTF? Slaves aren’t supposed to dare think about enjoying themselves! Get back to work!
I got seh-neh thousand for my last 30 memes. yeh – I’m afraid I got to the point in my relationship where I didn’t bother telling the spouse I was about to make any large financial decision.
I was the main breadwinner, by far the more financially responsible, however any purchase was always questioned.
Fuck that.
[female] don’t you think you should..
[female] Didn’t you want to…
…. and don’t forget “I thought you would ______________ “
I hear them and I see red because I know I’m dealing with a sociopath / control freak who thinks I’m not hip to their jive. Male or female doesn’t matter either.
Fortunately, nobody is easier to manipulate than a manipulator, so very often when I spot that crap, I will simply tell them to rephrase.
“Didn’t you want to __________ ?”
“Rephrase that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you want me to do something, you’re going to have to ASK me to do it and finish with a “please” instead of trying to get me to do what YOU want me to do – while trying to make it look like MY idea. So rephrase it.”
“LOL. OK. Can we __________ ? “
“That’s better. And No.”
[female] don’t you think you should..
“Rephrase that.”
[female] “I thought you would ______________ “.
This one is the worst because she imagines you should do something and then projects it unto you, and then has a problem because you didn’t do that thing.
That’s not even manipulation anymore. It’s insane.
You can have a lot of fun with these idiots.If you keep doing what you've always done... you're gonna keep getting what you always got.Fortunately, nobody is easier to manipulate than a manipulator, so very often when I spot that crap, I will simply tell them to rephrase.
“Didn’t you want to __________ ?”
“Rephrase that.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you want me to do something, you’re going to have to ASK me to do it and finish with a “please” instead of trying to get me to do what YOU want me to do – while trying to make it look like MY idea. So rephrase it.”
“LOL. OK. Can we __________ ? “
“That’s better. And No.”That’s gold. Force people to tell you what they want.
This has been discussed a bit lately, but the reverse is true. Practice telling people and thinking about what you want and don’t want. That is the ultimate defense against manipulation. It trumps everything, because it’s the truth.
If you were a gentleman, you’d buy me a drink.
I don’t want to buy you a drink.Actions have consequences
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