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submitted by katash
It's been 4 weeks since I've discovered that My gf whom is 37 with 2 children has been sexting her ex since the beginning of the Xmas season. I've been reluctant on bringing it up until the holidays were over and the time has come to spill the beans but I just can't bring myself to it. Our 1 year anniversary is next month too!
I wasn't snooping when I found the messages... Her Apple devices throughout the house are all linked to her iPhone. So all of her conversations are just out there. She's not very tech savvy and as far as I can tell has no idea that I know about those linked devices, I'm not sure if she even knows!... I'm an android guy and have avoided iPhone and iPad for a long time..so I'm harmless to her.
I needed to use her 8yro daughters iPad to sign out of YouTube because I was sick of seeing kids content on my front page from recently watched lists on my phone... So I got on, I signed out, backed up to the home screen and there was a text msg banner that popped up from some guys name... I opened the message and BEHOLD! it's dick and titty pics!
There were a few things that she said that were coming from her emotionally, Like "I miss you", "you give me butterflies when we pass each other" ..."i regret dumping you"... Stuff like that.... :(
She's a nurse and he's an engaged surgeon... I'm not sure how long they were dating for but I do know it's been a couple years that they've been apart. Not sure if they've gotten physical since then.
I'm so bottled up!
tl;dr Should I just pack my bags and leave on good terms without saying a word about what I read? Or confront her about it and leave?
all 48 comments
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[–]Vlad_Yemerashev 72 points73 points74 points  (4 children)
Whatever you do, you will probably end up breaking up anyway. If she took your relationship seriously, she would not be sexting her ex. If you left, where would you go? Just curious.
Anyway, there is no need to leave on good terms with her with what she has done imo. Feel free to confront her about it.
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[–]ElectraUnderTheSea 62 points63 points64 points  (6 children)
Prepare everything to leave, and the day you are ready to go just let her know you are leaving and the reason why. Take screenshots of the stuff you saw in case she tries to deny it. Then leave and never look back.
I'd really consider telling the fiancée of her ex.
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[–][deleted]  (1 child)
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    Comments, continued...

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    [–]unhappymedium 29 points30 points31 points  (7 children)
    Collect the evidence, give it to his fiancée and then dump her.
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    [–]katash[S] 16 points17 points18 points  (6 children)
    Not a bad idea actually
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    [–]TheJesusOfMyDay 10 points11 points12 points  (0 children)
    It's the best idea actually. Please tell her before she marries the guy.
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    [–][deleted]  (4 children)
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      [–][deleted]  (3 children)
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        [–]tossawaytrash13579 25 points26 points27 points  (2 children)
        Holding back response to things like this for reason of "occasion" will do more harm than good. Wait long enough, and people all too easily lose the will to confront altogether.
        These things are best done promptly.
        It is one thing to be sexting strangers, acquaintances, when in a committed relationship. That is bad enough. To be doing it with an ex? Alarm bells are ringing to the point of being deafening.
        Deal with it now. You have been with her not quite a year. Let that go before it becomes more. Anniversaries are irrelevant, occasions are irrelevant. The only relevant fact here is that your girlfriend is exhibiting unfaithfulness AND YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING.
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        [–]katash[S] 7 points8 points9 points  (1 child)
        Thank you... Nailed it with that last paragraph.
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        [–]Sweet_T9000 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
        Tell the fiance of the other guy, and make sure to get yourself tested for STD's.
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        [–]OUT_OUT_0UT 15 points16 points17 points  (0 children)
        Get an STD test and don't sleep with her ever again. Just keep looking for another place and leave when you find one.
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        [–]Booeybaby420 14 points15 points16 points  (0 children)
        Dude a single mom that's not willing to be faithful to the guy who's helping raise her children AND she's doing this shit less than a year in? Fuck that, end it
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        [–]oshawaguy 20 points21 points22 points  (3 children)
        Are we saying that her 8yo can see what you saw?
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        [–]katash[S] 19 points20 points21 points  (1 child)
        The daughter is really witty and bright and is fully capable of finding those unsecured messages. It's hard to tell if she would actually open the app though. She seems to respect her moms privacy and I'm sure is uninterested anyway. However, I took screenshots, got them to my email then deleted them and then disabled banner notifications. I will mention where and how I found them.
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        [–]Lady_Stardust- 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
        This was my first thought too!
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        [–]readyforwine 8 points9 points10 points  (3 children)
        she is cheating on you, and you care about a 1 yr anniversary?
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        [–]katash[S] 6 points7 points8 points  (1 child)
        I don't care now.
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        [–]readyforwine 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
        so you left her then? do what is best for you, and that is, in most cases, to leave without letting them have the last word.
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        [–]MisterKnightly 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
        This, right here. Anniversaries are for loving relationships.
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        [–]RogueKitteh 9 points10 points11 points  (0 children)
        She's a cheater with no respect for you or the life you've built together. I'd copy all the evidence and send it to his fiance. She deserves to know she's about to marry human garbage. Leave her.
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        [–]inc_mplete 4 points5 points6 points  (0 children)
        ew get out of this Grey's Anatomy bullshit reality.... Don't even celebrate 1 year and just get out of there!
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        [–]stevev10 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
        On the anniversary can her ass with nice card saying I know about (insert name here) and I'm telling his fiancé too..
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        [–]Dkmistry23 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
        Do you live with her? Is the house in your name? If you are too pathetic to bring yourself to break up with her, get everything of yours that you care about somewhere safe or at a friend's house, send the screenshots of the convo to yourself, print them and leave them somewhere she can find them while she is at work. If the house is in your name, write "consider this your formal eviction notice" on it. If it is in her name, or you don't live with her, do the same and instead write something about breaking up. In both cases, block her number and social media and avoid her at all costs.
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        [–]IHaarlem 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
        Screenshot, save, and print everything, and put the printouts in an anniversary card.
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        [–]Domwifey comment score below threshold-8 points-7 points-6 points  (5 children)
        I think you would have left immediately if you had strong convictions on this behavior. You need to address it with her and make your decisions based on her reaction. Does she agree to stop and seem genuinely sorry? Does she lie and try to protect the other person? Are you otherwise having relationship or intimacy issues that would give her reason to look elsewhere?
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        [–]wildempty 7 points8 points9 points  (1 child)
        Make your decision based on your desire to continue dating a cheater/liar, NOT on her reaction. Her reaction is beside the point and probably wont be genuine either. Its one thing to admit to cheating right after it happens, its another thing to be caught. She was caught. Its only been 1 year. Its not worth it man. Ghost her. She doesn't love you like you thought she did.
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        [–]katash[S] 8 points9 points10 points  (0 children)
        I'm pretty much going to live by this quote here: "I'm not upset that you lied to me, I'm upset that from now on I can't believe you." -Friedrich Nietzsche
        Friedrich Nietzsche
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        [–]katash[S] 3 points4 points5 points  (2 children)
        I did have some adverse side effects to Wellbutrin for seasonal depression, when I came off of it...i was practically asexual for 4 weeks. But that shouldn't be an excuse for her to go find someone else for validation or to boost her ego. A real partner to me would have worked it out and been supportive, I am capable of giving pleasure without having the desire to. We had a talk about that but apparently that isn't enough.
        Currently I'm side effect free and have gotten my crazy sex drive back!!!
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        [–]throwawayliteral 4 points5 points6 points  (1 child)
        You seem like a nice guy. I'm sorry you are going through this ** hugs**
        And there is a nice girl out there who will enjoy your crazy sex drive :-)
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        [–]katash[S] 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
        Thanks :)
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