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"No one has died in history". Thus saith my very drunk girlfriend. (self.badhistory)

tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan が 投稿

My girlfriend was arguing with me about the Thirty Years' War, of which I know little and she knows less. However, when she made the title comment, despite our both being very drunk I knew immediately I was in r/badhistory territory.

People have, in the past prior to the last 20 years (R2!) died in history. For a prominent example, please refer to John F. Kennedy, who is in fact dead. So too is Dwight D. Eisenhower, whose grave I visited in Abilene, Kansas last summer and of whom all surviving records confirm his death.

My girlfriend was, however correct when I asked her what the Thirty Years' War was about. Despite the MORE correct answer being religious tensions in the Holy Roman Rmpire and the continuing rivalry between France and the Habsburg Monarchy, her reply of "The Thirty Years' War was about 30 years" was not, in fact, wrong. The Thirty Years' War lasted from May 23, 1618 to May 15, 1648, so about, not exactly, 30 years.

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[–]escape_goat 695 ポイント696 ポイント  (29子コメント)

I'm afraid she might be right, I mean, it's always the present when people die. Nobody's ever gone down in history and then died once they got there.

[–]vsxeRenaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike. 393 ポイント394 ポイント  (16子コメント)

Chronolinearist shill

[–]NewbornMuse 252 ポイント253 ポイント  (15子コメント)

Paid by Big Timekeeping, I see.

[–]Cavelcade 65 ポイント66 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I bet he believes the tenth century actually happened, smh.

[–]P-01SGod made men, but RSAF Enfield made them civilized. 46 ポイント47 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Well, the layperson would assume that between the 9th and 11th centuries was a "10th century".

[–]besturI don´t have anything witty to put here, sorry 60 ポイント61 ポイント  (1子コメント)

9/11th centuries were an inside job

Shipfire can't melt papyrus scrolls

[–]SuperAmberN7The Madsen MG ended the Great War 28 ポイント29 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Shipfire Greek fire can't melt papyrus scrolls

FTFY

[–]vsxeRenaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike. 80 ポイント81 ポイント  (4子コメント)

In fact, sending people back through history to die is the primary hunting method employed by the weeping angels, notable cases being Doctor Who spoiler that will break you heart unless it's already broken

[–]SuperAmberN7The Madsen MG ended the Great War 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Wow spoilers. River would be disappointed in you.

[–]vsxeRenaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike. 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (2子コメント)

True, true. Should spoiler-warn, perhaps. On the other hand it's a four-year-old episode of an immensely popular show, so I'm not very ashamed over my actions.

[–]SuperAmberN7The Madsen MG ended the Great War 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Age of the thing doesn't really matter unless it's some sort of classic like Romeo and Juliet where everyone knows it anyways.

[–]vsxeRenaissance merchants were beautiful and almost lifelike. 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I disagree heartily.

[–]StoryWonkerCaesar was assassinated on the Yikes of March 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Are they the people who build those big clocks at railway stations?

[–]NewbornMuse 18 ポイント19 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just like Big Pharma are the people who make huge costumes and such in the form of pills, yes.

[–]P-01SGod made men, but RSAF Enfield made them civilized. 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, I think those are communists.

[–]IRidePigs 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I feel like I'm missing a reference

[–]bobloblawrmsLouis XIV, King of the Sun, gave the people food and artillery 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (1子コメント)

No, that's Mussolini.

[–]PM_ME_SALTY_TEARS 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wasn't he the one who used herbs for train fuel?

[–]jb4427Roosevelt was literally Kennedy 28 ポイント29 ポイント  (6子コメント)

What about people who go missing and whose bodies don't get found until later?

[–]khalifabinali 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (4子コメント)

U always wondered if there was an instance w ere someone goes missing and is then legally declared dead but they show up alive

[–]jb4427Roosevelt was literally Kennedy 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No they're dead but you find them a while after they're dead, so they were died in the past before the present

[–]blasto_blastocyst 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's being born again I think.

[–]BridgeruCylon Holocaust Denier 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Happened to this guy, but technically it was fraud. IIRC there's only one instance of actual "I don't know who I am" amnesia in the world, so most people who go missing are either victims of foul play or misadventure, or are trying to get off the grid for whatever reason.

[–]ciderczarZapruder's vacation slides 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Alexander Selkirk is likely the most famous case of this, though I don't know if he was formally declared dead. He was certainly left for dead and spent 4 years alone.

[–]TheDarkLordOfViacomLincoln did nothing wrong. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Jesus isn't real it's a historical FACT.

[–]Squiggly_V999.M41 was written by the lictors 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Wow that's such a biased answer. Have you even watched the documentary Command and Conquer: Red Alert?

[–]Ludendorff 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Some of them do but we just don't hear about them anymore because they are dead in history.

[–]craniumonempty 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

They can't die in the present though since they died in the past.

[–]_OldBay 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Drunk philosophy

[–]TheDarkLordOfViacomLincoln did nothing wrong. 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No one has ever done anything in the past. They only do things in the present. So what the hell are we doing here studying the past?

[–]EdledhronMozart was a metalhead 209 ポイント210 ポイント  (18子コメント)

At least you didn't cite Elvis Presley as an example of someone dying, otherwise we would've needed a post for that bad history.

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 197 ポイント198 ポイント  (17子コメント)

Or 6 million Jews, naturally. They're all hiding with Elvis by the grace of Volcano (blessedbehisname).

[–]aruraljuror 95 ポイント96 ポイント  (14子コメント)

we all know Elvis is kicking it with Tupac and Harambe on a desert island somewhere

[–]general_tictac 36 ポイント37 ポイント  (11子コメント)

Y'know, I never got that. Why would they go and live on a desert island? You're at sea for months, you finally see an island and then it's just sand with six cactuses (cactii?) There's literally no improvement, only now you're on sand instead of water.

[–]aruraljuror 67 ポイント68 ポイント  (8子コメント)

Uninhabited island are sometimes also called "deserted islands" or "desert islands". In the latter, the adjective "desert" connotes not desert climate conditions, but a "desolate and sparsely occupied or unoccupied". The word "desert" has been "formerly applied more widely to any wild, uninhabited region, including forest-land", and it is this archaic meaning that appears in the phrase "desert island".[1] Similarly, the term "deserted island" does not imply that the island was previously inhabited and later deserted.[2][1]

[–]strghtflush 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (4子コメント)

While I appreciate your zeal to teach, given the nature of the thread I think you got Whoosh'd, son.

[–]diyorgasms 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well I learned something I wouldn't have otherwise made the effort to investigate.

[–]matts2 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Or it was a double whoosh. Given the nature of this sub and this thread utter pedantic behavior is appropriate.

[–]Townsend_HarrisDred Scott was literally the Battle of Stalingrad. 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (1子コメント)

So since it's a double woosh we can call it a victory?

[–]matts2 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I can call just about anything a victory.

[–]matts2 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (2子コメント)

That had better not be a quote from the Wikipedia.

[–]aruraljuror 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (1子コメント)

it absolutely is. although in my defense i took way too much benadryl last night and don't even remember making that post.

[–]blasto_blastocyst 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Let's hope there's no dead hooker in the trunk.

[–]smaug13 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well, cacti are both a source of food and fresh water, so that is a big improvement. Also less chance of drowning when something goes wrong. You can make a fire to call for help. You can now make sandcastles. The list goes on.

[–]khalifabinali 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Have you not played Minecraft?

[–]PermanentTempAccount 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (1子コメント)

nonono

Tupac and Biggie are alive and they're gay married

[–]ofsinopeAttila did nothing wrong 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Captain of MH370 officiated the ceremony. Bigfoot was the ringbearer and Jimmy Hoffa was the best man.

[–]SuperAmberN7The Madsen MG ended the Great War 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Along with the Hawaiian dreadnoughts while they wait for the posthuman Renaissance .

[–]TheFeanorianKing 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Yup. They settled the Delta Quadrant and they're waiting for Voyager to arrive.

[–]tobbinatorFrancisco Franco, Caudillo de /r/Badhistory[M] 388 ポイント389 ポイント  (40子コメント)

Sources?

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 506 ポイント507 ポイント  (33子コメント)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death

[–]Toukai 427 ポイント428 ポイント  (25子コメント)

I don't know, that's Wikipedia. Anyone could've edited it to match their agenda.

[–]taylororo 255 ポイント256 ポイント  (20子コメント)

Rumors of Death have been greatly exaggerated.

[–]Chosen_ChaosPutin was appointed by the Mongol Hordes 62 ポイント63 ポイント  (7子コメント)

I ASSURE YOU THAT I DO EXIST, AND THAT I COME FOR EVERYONE.

[–]JamoJustReddit 98 ポイント99 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I ᴀssᴜʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴅᴏ ᴇxɪsᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ I ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ғᴏʀ ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ.

you got his voice wrong

[–]Chosen_ChaosPutin was appointed by the Mongol Hordes 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I wasn't sure how to do small caps

[–]P-01SGod made men, but RSAF Enfield made them civilized. 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Mostly wizards and cats though?

[–]Chosen_ChaosPutin was appointed by the Mongol Hordes 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Nᴏ, ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴏɴᴇ. Mᴏsᴛ ᴘᴇᴏᴘʟᴇ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ sᴇᴇ ᴍᴇ, ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜ - ɪᴛ's ᴏɴʟʏ ᴡɪᴢᴀʀᴅs, ᴡɪᴛᴄʜᴇs ᴀɴᴅ ᴄᴀᴛs ᴡʜᴏ ᴄᴀɴ.

[–]taylororo 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (1子コメント)

SANTA?

[–]Chosen_ChaosPutin was appointed by the Mongol Hordes 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Tʜᴇʀᴇ ᴡᴀs ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ ᴛɪᴍᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ I ᴡᴀs ғᴏʀᴄᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ᴛᴀᴋᴇ ᴏɴ ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴏʟᴇ ᴏғ ᴛʜᴇ Hᴏɢғᴀᴛʜᴇʀ ɪɴ ᴏʀᴅᴇʀ ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴇ Dɪsᴄ ғʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ Aᴜᴅɪᴛᴏʀs, sᴏ... Hᴏ Hᴏ Hᴏ.

[–]theaquaticgiraffeRommel loved puppies. Do you hate puppies? 65 ポイント66 ポイント  (7子コメント)

GOOD point.

[–]Muzer0 47 ポイント48 ポイント  (6子コメント)

We are ALL dead on this blessed day :)

[–]Mech528 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Speak for yourself

[–]HimalayanFluke 43 ポイント44 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I am ALL dead on this blessed day

[–]atomfullereneHistory before 1837 is a fabrication of the Victorians 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (0子コメント)

SQUEAK

[–]Deadringer14 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ah yes, "Death", we have dismissed that claim

[–]Gnath0 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Always look on the bright side of life/death.

[–]pseudopsud 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Whistle-whistle whistle-whistle-whistle-whistle-whistle-whistle

[–]yoshiKUncultured savage since 476 AD 43 ポイント44 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Well, Clarks's Wilhelm II seems to support the claim of at least one death in history (p. 332), furthermore that he just devotes one paragraph to the event seems to indicate that the death of the subject of a biography is a somewhat understood event in the context of the genre.

C. Clark, Wilhelm II. 4th edition, Pantheon 2009 (German translation)

[–]Toukai 55 ポイント56 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah, in 2009, almost 70 years after Wilhelm's supposed "death". How about CONTEMPORARY sources? That was probably added later by Hades worshipers or something.

[–]atomicthumbs 35 ポイント36 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Death is a social construct.

[–]ZombieHoratioAlger 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

[citation needed]

[–]FenrirrgrVIII bVIII mVIII bvt I already VIII 43 ポイント44 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Can I get some peer reviewed journals? Wikipedia is not a source you charlatan. Honestly it's fuckers like you that make the rest of us look bad.

[–]Tera_GX 44 ポイント45 ポイント  (1子コメント)

People die when they are killed

TIL

[–]Townsend_HarrisDred Scott was literally the Battle of Stalingrad. 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

But iF. you. aRe. Died. hoW.can.it.KiLl.?.

[–]Peli-kan 35 ポイント36 ポイント  (0子コメント)

wikipedia is not a source. Please fix your citation and resubmit next week for partial credit.

[–]forwardmarsh 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's the hardest I've laughed today

[–]KerbalrocketryYTAn angry Martin Luther nailed 95 theocrats to a church door 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

wikipedia is not a reliable source. Do you have any primary sources?

[–]nilhaus 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Looks like Big-Casket got to you

[–]Dios5 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Do YOU personally know anyone who has died? Checkmate.

[–]bobloblawrmsLouis XIV, King of the Sun, gave the people food and artillery 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (0子コメント)

http://www.theonion.com/article/world-death-rate-holding-steady-at-100-percent-1670

[–]pseudopsud 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Sauces?

[–]ThoushaltbemockedSuffrage brought about the World Wars 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hot tobasco.

[–]Atimo3Texas' independence was over states rights 87 ポイント88 ポイント  (10子コメント)

So... is your girlfriend single?

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 137 ポイント138 ポイント  (9子コメント)

Did the Holocaust actually real?

[–]hussard_de_la_mortSanta Ana killed David Bowie 106 ポイント107 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hate to break it to you, but your girlfriend is a hoax perpetuated by the Illuminati Space Lizards.

[–]Norphesius 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (1子コメント)

The Rumor Come Out: Does Bruno Mars Is Gay?

[–]ofsinopeAttila did nothing wrong 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Has this ever been posted on /r/copypasta?

[–]drvondoctor 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (2子コメント)

there is no moon

[–]princeimrahilThe Manga Carta is Better Than the Anime Constitution 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

There is a space station.

[–]newappealVisigoth apologist 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No, you fool. The ISS is a hoax. It's actually a very tiny moon.

[–]Imperium_Dragon 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (2子コメント)

No, Dresden way worse than Auschwitz, 1,000,000 civilian casualties!!!

[–]N7111 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

1,000,000

Jewish tricks mein komrade. The death toll was closer to 88,000,000.

[–][deleted] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I know this because Kurt Vonnegut told me.

[–]Exarch_Of_Haumea 81 ポイント82 ポイント  (8子コメント)

Perhaps she meant the same No One that famously hurt Polyphemus?

Given that he was alive during the Trojan War, it's a reasonable bet to say that Odysseus is dead.

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 50 ポイント51 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Unfortunately I have no R5 for that claim. Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence, though.

[–]free-improvisation 20 ポイント21 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Obligatory relevant xkcd

[–]xkcd_transcriber 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Image

Mobile

Title: Gnome Ann

Title-text: In the words of Andrew Johnson, if I am to be shot at, I want Gnome Ann to be in the way of the bullet.

Comic Explanation

Stats: This comic has been referenced 37 times, representing 0.0308% of referenced xkcds.

xkcd.com | xkcd sub | Problems/Bugs? | Statistics | Stop Replying | Delete

[–]lestrigone 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (0子コメント)

v. Alighieri D., Divine Comedy: Inferno, Canto XXVI.

[–]BridgeruCylon Holocaust Denier 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Perhaps she meant the same No One that famously hurt Polyphemus?

Well, lookee here, Jimmy-Bob! Looks like one of 'em big fancy city hestoreeans fell into our side o' the swamp. And looks like 'e's one o' dem "Classeecal Heestoreaans" who want to impose dem city big thoughts o' Homer in dis 'ere swamp. Well, I'm sorry Big Mister Heestoreean but 'ere in dis 'ere local beyeaux we follow de allegorical teachings o' Kung-Fu-Sus and 'de Fi' Classeecs. Now, you get yer Epic Sigh-kel an' ge' out. In de words o' de Mastah: Et does no' ma''er 'ow slowly ye go as long as ye de net stop. Dat's both useful in general life, son, and today cuz ol' Leeroy 'ere's gonna be watching yer Antiquity ass wi' his rifle ol' Betsy-May.

At least 'e weren't no damn Analytic Phelosopher dat can' see der beau-tay in de worl' around 'im, 'righ' Jimmy-Bob? Hyup!

[–]Tsorovar 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah, his bastard son killed him with a stingray. The bastard son then married Odysseus' wife.

[–]TheDarkLordOfViacomLincoln did nothing wrong. 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That bastard!

[–]JFVarletThe Phantom Time Hypothesis never happened. Wait, what..... 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Perhaps she meant the same No One that famously hurt Polyphemus?

Polyphemus injured by the Faceless Men of Braavos confirmed.

[–]P-nill 176 ポイント177 ポイント  (11子コメント)

This is the best post in this sub. Are you still drunk?

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 215 ポイント216 ポイント  (3子コメント)

We are!!!!

[–]Quierochurros 37 ポイント38 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Sorry. It's good, but it's not better than the Buffy the weather debunker post.

[–]KingToasty 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (4子コメント)

You may be pedantic, but you will NEVER be "Rebuttal to Incorrect Weather in Buffy Episode" pedantic.

[–]Quierochurros 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (2子コメント)

No doubt. I've never seen someone embrace pedantry so fully.

[–]Townsend_HarrisDred Scott was literally the Battle of Stalingrad. 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well...there was the one dedicated scholar who fact checked the debunking of the weather on Buffy.

[–]SuperAmberN7The Madsen MG ended the Great War 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Idk there was that post about incorrect pens in a show.

[–]Artea13Quouaboo 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Its a close second though

[–]jfp13992Victor did nothing wrong! 57 ポイント58 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Highest quality shitpost on reddit, right here.

[–][deleted] 33 ポイント34 ポイント  (0子コメント)

If there's one sub where I would actually welcome more shitposting, it'd be this one.

[–]ofsinopeAttila did nothing wrong 41 ポイント42 ポイント  (13子コメント)

For a prominent example, please refer to John F. Kennedy, who is in fact dead. So too is Dwight D. Eisenhower, whose grave I visited in Abilene, Kansas last summer and of whom all surviving records confirm his death.

These people could definitely have faked their deaths.

Some people were born so long ago, though, that they statistically HAVE to be dead. Aristotle, for example.

On the other hand nobody can be really sure anybody has died unless we have an eyewitness. Happily, I've never seen a person die, but I did see my dog catch a rabbit the other day.

So I can personally attest that at least one rabbit has definitely died. Sorry for R2 violation.

[–]tobbinatorFrancisco Franco, Caudillo de /r/Badhistory 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (1子コメント)

So I can personally attest that at least one rabbit has definitely died. Sorry for R2 violation.

R2 and personal anecdotes aren't acceptable sources.

[–]ofsinopeAttila did nothing wrong 40 ポイント41 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Excuse me but "Personal Knowledge in the field" is explicitly listed in the sidebar as a valid source. And this did happen in a field behind my house, so it qualifies.

[–]lestrigone 39 ポイント40 ポイント  (8子コメント)

Aristotle, for example.

Actually, logically, Aristotle has no need to be dead; it was actually Socrates that was demostrated to be mortal.

[–]SCHROEDINGERS_UTERUSHistory: Drunk guys fighting with sticks until 1800 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (7子コメント)

But Socrates is just a story Plato made up. Can someone who was never alive in the first place really be dead?

[–]lestrigone 27 ポイント28 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Yes, as proved by the fact that Jesus, whose whole existence is challenged by this 3000-words blog post, never even resurrected, as that's scientifically impossible, and therefore, kept being dead. Source: R. A. Theist, Regressive Leftism in Theist Historicism, Objective Press, p. 329-345.

[–]KaligraphicDracula did nothing wrong 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Counterpoint: That is not dead which can eternal lie / and with strange eons, even death may die. It is entirely possible that Jesus, who religious accounts say ascended to heaven, may, in fact, be trapped in a state somewhere between life and death, appearing to his followers in psychic manifestation. This is supported both by the believers' continued experience of Jesus and the claim that he "will come again" - clearly referring to his continued attempts to escape from his condition.

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Jesus ton ouranon wgah'nagl fhtagn

[–]P-01SGod made men, but RSAF Enfield made them civilized. 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (1子コメント)

They say that Jesus will devour the faithful first—as reward for their worship.

[–]KaligraphicDracula did nothing wrong 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Just as his faithful devour Jesus - body and blood - in turn.

[–]RepoRogueJootron 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Counter point: that which is dead may never die. Drowned God confirming OP's girlfriend's theory.

[–]lesspoppedthaneverit's not about slaaaaavery 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Socrates=Drowned God confirmed

[–]mujeresliebres 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Socrates = Euron = Daario

[–]Emergency_WardSir Mixalot did nothing wrong 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You need to wait 20 years to report that death on this sub, son.

[–]matts2 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'd welcome your proof that Aristotle existed.

[–]Outside_Lander 24 ポイント25 ポイント  (6子コメント)

So.. Does this mean we all drink?

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 28 ポイント29 ポイント  (5子コメント)

If you want. I recommend Sam Adams Porch Rocker and cheap wine (me) or a 6 pack of Best Damn Root Beer and leftover Fireball from last weekend (her).

[–]RhythmsaDancerAs for the rest, Carthage must be destroyed. 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (4子コメント)

Sam Adams

I'm workin' on three.

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 23 ポイント24 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I love summer mainly because of the Porch Rocker. And my gf likes to wear dresses, and I like to see her in them. And beaches.

[–]withoutamartyr 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't have sources, but I hear it's hard to have intercourse over four sets of corsets.

[–]Aifendragon 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Those redcoats don't want it with me...

[–]tsehable 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do those redcoats, in fact, not want it with you?

[–]Low_quality_dic_pics 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (4子コメント)

They say people die two times, the first is death, the second is when people forget about you. She might be on to something....

[–]KaligraphicDracula did nothing wrong 30 ポイント31 ポイント  (3子コメント)

The third death is when you're resurrected and then hunted for sport by space aliens.

[–]lestrigone 16 ポイント17 ポイント  (2子コメント)

The fourth death is when they reboot your movie into a mediocre cashgrab.

[–]Tolnipagan pirate from the coasts of Bulgaria 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

The fifth death is when you resurrect to end all life on Earth.

[–]lestrigone 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Isn't that the seventh seal?

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Funny, last night I told her it was 50/50 I got banned for making this post or it got highly upvoted. Guess that was a good gamble.

So if anybody's wondering, if you're lucky enough to get buffalo sausage, put some in an omelette! Hangover severely reduced as a result.

[–]UnoriginalRhetoric 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Are you still drunk?

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 46 ポイント47 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Drunker now as a matter of fact.

[–]Kattzalosthe romans won because the greeks were gay 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

hey op you're pretty cool you know

[–]newappealVisigoth apologist 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'm going to hazard a guess that your evening was more entertaining than mine.

[–]LaszloK 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well they say you don't really die until your name is forgotten to time so by that standard anyone recorded by history lives on. So I guess you could say nobody in history has died...

[–]bbqwino 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (0子コメント)

John F. Kennedy died 2002 of a Heart Attack fighting with Elvis against a Egyptian Mummy. Saw it in a Documentary.

[–]djk1518 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (3子コメント)

what...?

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 107 ポイント108 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Was I unclear?

[–]dimmidice 12 ポイント13 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yes.

[–]HyenaDandyThe Comic Relief SS 25 ポイント26 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Girlfriend said that people didn't die in the history. OP provided some notable examples countering this claim, demonstrating that almost everyone in history died eventually.

OP then provided additional information indicating that the girlfriend's secondary claim, that the length of the 30 Years War was approximately 30 years, was accurate.

[–][deleted] 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

GUYS HITLER IS ALIVE WE HAVE TO STOP HIM

[–]starbucks_red_cup 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (2子コメント)

That respawn lag is horrendous, I hope they fix it in the next patch.

[–]rattatatouilleHOLLYWOOD DUAL-WIELD! DRINK! 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

One guy did it in 3 days though

[–]oscar666kta420swagCensorship of video games is why Rome fell 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

People have, in the past prior to the last 20 years died in history.

Source? Sounds like original research.

[–]ReallyBadAtSpellingVesuvius was an inside job 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

[–]ElenTheMellonLESBO PHYSICS 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

My girlfriend was, however correct when I asked her what the Thirty Years' War was about. Despite the MORE correct answer being religious tensions in the Holy Roman Rmpire and the continuing rivalry between France and the Habsburg Monarchy, her reply of "The Thirty Years' War was about 30 years" was not, in fact, wrong. The Thirty Years' War lasted from May 23, 1618 to May 15, 1648, so about, not exactly, 30 years.

I laughed a hearty, hearty laugh, OP.

[–]SnapshillBotPassing Turing Tests since 1956[🍰] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

There is no war in Ceuta.

Snapshots:

  1. This Post - 1, 2, 3, 4

  2. r/badhistory - Error, 1, Error

I am a bot. (Info / Contact)

[–]causticacrostic 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

wow good catch

[–]Craznor 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

She might be right if I just rename one of Saturn's moons History.

[–]Carjunkie599 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

God I love this Sub.

[–]frawks24 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Were you still drunk when you wrote this post?

[–]jb4427Roosevelt was literally Kennedy 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I have been to Lyndon Johnson's grave as well as Elvis's. I'm not totally convinced though.

[–]AugenisThe King Basileus of the Grand Ducal Principality of Lithuania 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Maybe she's just a follower of the Last Thursday theory.

[–]teuastWhite people stole all of their technology from proud PoC 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I like you two.

[–][deleted] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That's it, pack this subreddit up. We've accomplished our mission.

[–]PlainTrain 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Well, duh. History is pretty easy. Now I wouldn't be surprised if a Quantum Mechanics course has killed people.

Or at least cats.

[–]ElenTheMellonLESBO PHYSICS 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Now I wouldn't be surprised if a Quantum Mechanics course has killed people.

Can confirm. I died last semester.

[–]TheCreepero 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I love drunk arguments about history. I once had an intense debate with a italian bloke about Mussolini and whether or not he is comparable to Hitler or Stalin. Was interesting.

[–]shnebThe pyramids were already there when the Egyptians arrived 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

The fuck is this sub anymore?

[–]CataphractoiBending cat rays with Alhazen. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

As far as I can tell, drunk.

[–]sarina00123 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Hate to break it to match their agenda.

[–]Imperium_Dragon 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I'll have to disagree with you. I need sources, dammit!

[–]bloo0123 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

But Socrates is just a follower of the bullet.

[–]SnugglerificHe who has command of the pasta, has command of everything. 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

At the end of your life, you're lucky if you die. Think about it.

[–]georgeguy007"Wigs lead to world domination" - Jared Diamon 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

At first I wondered why we approved this. But then I noticed the high quality of this shitpost. Amazing.

[–]fluffykerfuffle1 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

ohhhh and it is your cake day today!! happy cake day christmas style!!

[–]tom_the_tankerliterally ogedai khan[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thank you! If you can believe it she's the one that got me on Reddit. It's not all white dudes, there's at least one booze-loving white chick on here. (PS: as of the 22nd we are now engaged!)

[–]jehillaFacts are eurocentric 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This is a bunch of Eurocentric bullshit! Ever heard of reincarnation?! No one really dies, they just change physical form. Check your privilege and drag your ass of your male chauvinistic asshole and stop using "facts" as a domination technique against women!

[–]aykcak 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't think this really deserves a post here. It's a drunk person telling drunk things. That well is literally endless and filled with insanity

[–]Gunlord500 -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

i would gild you if i had gold

[–]The740Rommel was more honorable than Grove and Earnshaw 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (1子コメント)

You shall not crucify Organized Pedantry on a cross of Reddit gold!

[–]ElenTheMellonLESBO PHYSICS 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I prefer my Reddit bimetallic.

If you must use gold, however, at least make sure it's specie and not bullion.