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Human faeces has washed up on beaches of Australia making them unfit to swim (theage.com.au)

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[–]Civilized_Scholar 80 ポイント81 ポイント  (16子コメント)

The Environment Protection Authority says last Thursday's heavy rains swept faecal matter from roads and waterways into city beaches.

Is it an Aussie thing to take a shit on the road? What the hell?

[–]Buck-Nasty 78 ポイント79 ポイント  (5子コメント)

Is it an Aussie thing to take a shit on the road?

Yes. Many Aussies migrate to Canada to become ski instructors and they have to be trained not to drop trou to deuce in the middle of the ski run in front of the children.

[–]WhenSnowDies 26 ポイント27 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I don't know if this is true but I'm going to upvote you for sake of starting rumors against the crown.

[–]HeathenCyclist 22 ポイント23 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Dr Boxshall said the types of animal faeces in the bay changed depending on where the flooding occurred, but could include dog, bird, cat, cow, horse and human faeces. He added that often human faeces made its way into the water from leaking port-a-loos.

[–]Marc013 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

When Sewage treatment plants get massive amounts of rain in a short period, like they did last week, the waste bypasses the treatment process and just goes straight out into a nearby river or drain rather than flooding the facility. When the drains are over capacity, roads are designed to act as secondary waterways to hold the water until it can re-enter the drains.

[–]ready999 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Maybe they are talking about the sewage system..which might be beside the road

[–]noble-random 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It's the drop poo. When a tourist is minding his own business in Australia, poo will drop towards his head, but usually misses it and just falls to the ground because the tourist is a moving target. Unlike, drop bears, poo is not sentient, so it doesn't know how to adjust for the target's movement.

You never hear about tourists who were just sitting there instead of moving about and got drop poo fall on their heads. That's because drop bears get them first.

[–]JuanRifle 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

That explains why they have so many shitty laws.

[–]TheRealDonaldDrumpf 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

What the hell?

Whoa, take your bigoted views some place else; Aussies have a vibrant and rich culture and this is no place to shit all over it.

[–]Tinnedsoap 43 ポイント44 ポイント  (2子コメント)

It's no wonder that the reef's dead. Aussies shat all over it.

[–]freshjiive 52 ポイント53 ポイント  (18子コメント)

ITT: A bunch of Aussie words that I don't understand. Kilda? Werribee? Jobbies? The fuck.

[–]TheGreatMalagan 47 ポイント48 ポイント  (12子コメント)

Jobbies are the tree-like (technically a type of Bush) plants on which jobs grow. They are not native to Australia.

[–]ready999 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Who names these things?

[–]CthulhuFhtagnngathF 21 ポイント22 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Jobbos

[–]dtdroid 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

What's a jobbo?

[–]nagrom7 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Someone who names Jobbies. Try to keep up.

[–]myredditlogintoo 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Aussies wearing sunnies and thongs, munching on snags with a billy still on the barbie. Oh, and playing a wobbleboard.

[–]JustAnotherLibertard 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Billy on the barbie? that's a strange way to smoke your weed.

[–]Neglectful_Stranger -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

The Enola Gay was too far north, apparently.

[–]heeuman 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

billy bong.

[–]SerfaBoy 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Good thing I brought my cannon and helmet!

[–]1111111 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

TIL money does indeed grow on trees

[–]TheAnonymousProxy 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Yeah, but its in dollarydoos.

[–]nagrom7 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

And it's not worth shit online.

[–]Hoodafakizit 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Would you prefer we use the term "brown-eyed mullet"?

[–]Paxx0 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

"Kilda" refers to St. Kilda, a suburb in the south of the city of Melbourne, same with Werribee, it's a suburb in the outer west.

[–]redditallstupidcunts 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Was going to use me new budgie smuggler and thongs but the beach is full of jobbies. Hope the shark biscuits notice, poor cobbers.

[–]Yan-chan 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Well I wouldn't poo in the loo if I was Australian either

[–]Migwelion 15 ポイント16 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Melbourne beaches not the whole of Australia.

This happens every year there is a heavy rain. The bay is a big basin that Melbourne and Geelong's creeks, canals and rivers empty to. There is only a narrow opening to the sea so it collects until the rain stops and the crap churns out.

I can't bring myself to swim at the city beaches. I always imagine a flotilla of used syringes being washed out of St Kilda gutters, into the canal, and onto Elwood beach.

[–]nagrom7 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I sure hope it's not the whole of Australia, it's a big fucking place, that'd be a lot of shit.

[–]InboundJDAM 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Faeces? There's nothing illegal about getting shitfaced.

[–]Doreamus 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (1子コメント)

My mum watched a turd float by her off at Kilda on the 60s. Nothing new. Sydney is worse for it. Melb has werribee.

[–]PSteak 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I love how this story has been an enduring part of your family lore for five decades, passed through generations.

[–]FictionalNameWasTake 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Underrated comment

[–]sweepminja 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (3子コメント)

This use to happen all the time in Key West Florida. The homeless constantly crapped on the beach.

[–]alloowishus 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

And let's not even talk about India...

[–]Marc013 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Ah, exotic India, where, when faced with a smelly sewage problem, rather than building infrastructure, a whole cooking style was created to make their poo smell nicer. With the money saved they can afford giant statues in the bay. I blame Western culture. /s

[–]sleepless_indian 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You cannot unknow this.

[–]redmedguy 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (4子コメント)

We had flash flooding here a couple of days ago. Naturally, as the drains cope with the flooding, it goes straight into the Port Phillip Bay. Every time we have very heavy rain and flash flooding, the water quality in the Port Phillip Bay takes a dive, no pun intended.

So I guess what I'm saying is, it's a pretty normal side effect of flooding.

[–]LucarioBoricua 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Combined sewer system? (handles both wastewater and rainfall water).

[–]redmedguy 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I believe so. Here's a page that explains it.

[–]LucarioBoricua 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Those systems are no longer built anew in wealthy countries, but many exist from the days prior to those regulatory changes and it's typically extremely expensive to replace them.

[–]redmedguy 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I believe the sewer system was originally designed and built in the late 1890s, and has since been worked on and gradually updated as the years have passed. They cater to the city's needs easily, why would we need to replace them?

[–]Cucksunited 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Poo in the blue.

[–]xspacess 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

cruise lines emptying shit from holding tanks

[–]Makdranon 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Come to Australia. Swim in jobbies!

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              [–]EightRoundsRapid[M] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Please refer to the sidebar:

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              [–]EightRoundsRapid[M] -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

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              [–]Misshapen_Melon 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Poomerang!

              [–]JoffSides 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Australians, plz use the designated shitting beaches to avoid this in the future.

              [–]UnexpectedDrunkFrog 8 ポイント9 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              What a shitty situation💩

              [–]Wwmm25 14 ポイント15 ポイント  (6子コメント)

              But if Australia was 3rd world and non-white we know how the comments in this thread would be.

              [–]bamboomodel 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (2子コメント)

              replace australia with india and watch the latent racism erupt.

              [–]Cairnsian 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (1子コメント)

              ROOOAR INDIAN SHITTING IN STREETS HAR HAR HAR

              [–]Dial_A_Dragon 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

              Everyone would making fun of the country? Like what's currently happening in this thread?

              [–]dad_no_im_sorry 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              how?

              [–]sfacets 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              It is well known that Australian faeces require sandy dry climates in order to be able to swim.

              [–]autotldr 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 80%. (I'm a bot)

              After the waters on the Bellarine Peninsula were deemed safe for swimming on Sunday, overnight rainfall saw warnings upgraded, with swimmers urged to be cautious about bathing at beaches between Geelong and Queenscliff.

              By Monday, the water quality at 21 out of 36 Melbourne beaches was ranked as "Poor", meaning the public should avoid coming into contact with the water.

              The EPA predicts the water will be slightly better at most beaches on Tuesday, raising the rating of the water's condition at most beaches to "Fair", which means its quality is good enough for recreational activities but could be affected by rainfall, particularly if the beach is close to a stormwater outlet.

              Extended Summary | FAQ | Theory | Feedback | Top keywords: water#1 quality#2 beaches#3 EPA#4 report#5

              [–]Kronos_Selai 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

              People know that the ocean is full of shit, right?

              [–]Washuchan 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Well the fish don't get out when they need to go to the toilet...

              [–]toolatetocare 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Yeah I mean it's not like there's thousands of other stuff in the water surrounding Australia that would kill you.

              [–]guessishouldjoin 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Aqua turd, aqua turd, aqua turd

              [–]ReturnoftheNipples 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Isn't that a shitty situation....

              [–]kingpen_1 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              free fertilizer!

              [–]Makejokesillegal 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              How the fuck do they end up in Australia? Who do the faces belong to?

              I have a horrible image of some poor gang violence victims from. Mexico just washing up in Australia somehow

              [–]NicoRosbot 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Oh lol I was just at Elwood beach a couple of days ago rip

              [–]saddat 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              These are called unpresidential tweets

              [–]cornbaked 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              DAE first read that as "faces"?

              [–]Subpar_Mario 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

              I read that as faces washing up and got really concerned for a minute.

              [–]dtdroid 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Ah, it was just shit washing up shore. Thank God.

              [–]Littobubbo 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (5子コメント)

              Faeces?

              [–]Emerald_Triangle 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

              I think it's a typo and OP meant faces.

              [–]Littobubbo 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              oh .. i was starting to think aussies spell it like that cuz thats how it sounds like when they say it

              [–]securitywyrm 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              But are llamas native to Australia?

              [–]Dial_A_Dragon 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

              Australia uses ye olde English, though it isn't really common anymore. Encyclopaedia and archaeology for example.

              [–]foul_ol_ron 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Not to mention we've kept the letter U employed, as in colour.

              [–]Cairnsian -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              This is due to the amount of greenies that live in central Melbourne. This phenomenon mainly originates from the tens of thousands of hipster cafes scattered throughout the city. So much shit flows out of their sewers when they talk, it overflows onto the street and when it rains it is washed into the Yarra river. Henceforth the shit ends up on the beach where it's consumed by gullible uni students whereby a new greenie is born, subsequently continuing the annual cycle of uni student --> shit spewing greenie.

              [–]ShootinWilly -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              Faeces? MTV News travels fast.

              [–]wrldnwsmdrfggts -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

              I read that as "Human faces has washed up on beaches...". Was like WTF. Dyslexia not even once...