Hello, since this sub is what sparked my interest in the subject I figured it would be the right place to turn for help.

About me, married late 30s suburban dad. My wife is wonderful but generally vanilla in bed.

After years of me bringing up fantasies she finally decided to indulge me.

Essentially I instigated a fantasy of having sex with a close male friend. He is a close friend, also married with kids.

Initially things were great. We both were enjoying the fantasy, and it was hot.

Until things started to get weird. She basically was trying to initiate an emotional relationship with him.

He is a stay at home dad, and often home and free.

She was stopping by during bike rides, texting and constantly trying to establish some sort of relationship/dialogue.

I felt this was odd, as it wasn't planned between us and then carried out. Many times it never even made it to fantasy land.

The last few things that really got to me were:

She told me she was going to start walking with him. Again it wasn't a plan amongst us that would fuel the fire, it was more like I am doing whatever I want here.

Lastly he tried to invite her out to a pumpkin patch with our kids.

When she checked with me on this, I was pretty much turned off at this point and said I would rather you not go.

So what happens next is confusing. She declined him via text, while he begged her to attend.

Later she deleted things so I couldn't read it. After having a few drinks that same night she sent a text saying "I am in". So basically she was negating my feelings, and I was pissed.

There are more twists and turns here. Hard to put all this on paper.

Just wondering if you guys think I am being overly sensitive?

We didn't have ground rules. But how does being sneaky and trying to be emotional with someone else equate to satisfying your spouse?

You should always have rules..... That's a big thing. It also seems like she doesn't understand that this is for both of yall and not just her. In my opinion it's wrong for her to go behind your back basically and if she's hiding messages that's also a bad sign.

I know, totally should have set rules on this. No idea it would escalate this fast. Yes, feel like she went behind my back. Feel like I can never trust her again. Sucks

Thanks man

Hey man, sorry to read that you are going through this; ground rules are definitely key. To confirm, she did hook up with him? or have you both just fantasize about it?

If he participated, does his wife know? Since he is a close friend, did you set any expectations with him?

You may be overreacting. I was guilty of doing that early on when we first started. Establish some ground rules. BTW not a good idea to cajole a married guy into fucking your wife.

No. You are not being overly sensitive tell her they are done or you are done - with her. I love reading about the HW lifestyle and from what i know about my Wife I'd never do it, she would become emotionally involved. So it is, and will remain in the Fantasy stage for us. Another point, i never understood the 'fucking my friend' shit. IF I was to indulge in this (I wont but thought about it a lot!!!) I'd probably find a 'dildo with legs' on SLS and basically let her fuck him with hardly any talking. I'd also only do MFM with me there.

I did, trust me on that one. She has cut off all ties and tells me if he sends any text at all.

Now I'm sitting here wondering if I can stay with her. Crazy thought over something so small. But it's compounding.

I should probably listen to the other comment about letting go and letting her own her problems or whatever.

Idk, sucks because we have kids and they can tell there is something wrong.

Yes, it seems to me that you're overreacting/being overly sensitive. Maybe try talking to her about the issues that are bothering you and see if you can come to a compromise or a way to move forward where you feel a bit more secure. The thing is you have to be honest with her and you should at least entertain the idea of believing what she tells you.