My Christmas gift was... a break up

MadeForSunnyDaze · 9時間前

Girl, you get to go into this new year and become whoever you want to be. It was selfish of him, and thank heavens he's in your past. Take the time you need to heal, and then be okay with being alone. When you become okay with being wholly independently and perfectly you, that's when someone else might walk into your life. Be kind to yourself <3 good luck!

aloveablebunny · 10時間前

What a selfish move on his behalf. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this during the holidays.

Rest. Eat. Take care of yourself. You'll have bad days and you'll have better days while healing. If you have a way to avoid him at work, try to do so. If not, simply be cordial and nothing more. If it were me, I would not speak to nor acknowledge him unless I had to for some reason.

Take all the time in the world you need to heal. Soon you will likely be able to look at this as an opportunity to enjoy spending time by yourself, doing things you couldn't while in this relationship. Look into a new hobby perhaps, something to keep your mind busy or to distract you when the sadness overwhelms you.

For me, it took roughly 11 months to feel fully healed from being dumped by my ex. Lots of ups and downs... but just keep moving forward.

Big hugs, you will get through this ❤

suzi_generous · 5時間前

No, your Christmas gift is never having to deal with this selfish user again.

Somewhat relevant story: I tried to stay friends with an ex I dated for several years, thinking that maybe we could work things out eventually. He started down talking women. "All they want is someone who makes a lot of money. Yakety, yakety." I reminded him I started dating him when he was a student working a part-time job. "Oh, not you." Then he started insulting women in general again later on in the same conversation. I interrupted him with "thank you." "For what," he asked very sarcastically. "For closure. Not everybody gets it and it's usually not this clear." I was done ever considering him as a bf and done with him as a friend shortly thereafter.

It sucks that he treated you so poorly, but at least you never have to think back on this and wonder if you could have worked this out or maybe if you did something differently. He was an asshole before; you just didn't see it. He is an asshole for using you for sex when he knew he was going to break up. He's likely going to stay an asshole for the rest of his life. You deserve someone who will respect you and you would never have that while you were dating him.

Clutch_85 · 5時間前

There's a quote from Bojack Horseman that I always remember. "It get's easier.....it gets easier, but you have to do it everyday."

In the show's sense it was about jogging, but it's an interesting metaphor on life's problems. Keeping persistent and things will get easier day by day, but you have to keep at it. I am sorry you had to deal with such a jackass. You deserve better, don't let anyone deny you that moving forward =)

sugaffulaffunS · 7時間前

Wtf he had sex knowing he was there to break up with you? I'd feel disgusting too!

I'm sorry. That's shitty. I hope he feels shitty. And that you feel better soon.

cuntymckfuckoff · 5時間前

Oh gross. It's small comfort to say that you're better off without the kind of douchebag who would do that, but that's all I can think of to say... Seriously who shows up to bang you then breaks up? Especially bad because you work together. I'm going to suggest a full frontal facade: FAKE IT. Look awesome every day. Smile at everyone. Be slightly flirtatious with dudes. DO NOT LET HIM SEE YOU SHAKEN.

Then go home and crack open a box of wine and cry if you need to. But he was gross, and he doesn't deserve to see your grief. You don't have to verbally lie about it; if coworkers knew you were together, and ask about it, you should say "I don't discuss private matters," but in this case I would fully recommend a public facade and a private personal process.

bahlagnah · 6時間前

Hey! Same thing happened to me, on Valentine's Day. It really, absolutely, 100% sucks. Take it easy, for however long you need. And please know that there's a stranger out there that's hoping the very best for you!

texascheeseman · 3時間前

My wife dropped the bomb on me similarly. New Year's Day, the day after my birthday, as we got home from my best friend's wedding, just dumped the shitty on me. One day at a time, one foot in front of the other, take time to heal, don't let the fucker back in to your life, if/when he "changes his mind".

Hoary · 7時間前

If he does that to you, you're better without him.

I know. My Christmas hasn't been far off. I caught my boyfriend cheating on me at 4am on Christmas Eve. I wanted to stay and work through it, then didn't think I could and broke down because I had already been suicidal and dropping hints to him trying to tell him, and then decided I did still want to try to make it work. Fast forward to now, a week later. He's been treating me weird and in general like I'm an obligation or a burden. I looked through his phone just an hour ago. He has been going on dates with the woman I think he cheated on me with (I didn't see her, she ran off) and going on dates with his ex from high school. And there's pictures of a couple other women on his phone. He's been getting snapchats from at least the two women he's been dating. Active tinder messages off and on through pretty much the whole time we've been dating. We've dated three years and been living together for two. And if you ask him, he "stopped caring" because he thought I was cheating two months back and he has "trust issues". Except I wasn't cheating even slightly. I'm just able to have friends without being romantically interested in them and able to keep it in my god damn pants and I'm not a functioning alcoholic like you are.

/u/Jadded-Fruit-Swapper, You're better off without someone like that. Way better off. And boy did this turn into a rant of my own. And he knows my reddit name. So if you see this, Riley, you may actually be the biggest piece of shit I've ever met.

YeOleHumptyDance · 2時間前

Sounds like you came out on the winning end because you are no longer dating that twobit antfarm dickhole.

texascheeseman · 3時間前

Your ex is the disgusting one.

illjustmakeone · 7時間前

Yep, I'm a guy... I gotta say that's shitty. You were wronged by him. Definately not OK, but I think he just put it off as long as possible. Which also included the somewhat typical " I didn't see you in however long sex" and etc. What a little coward move regardless he's gotta know that not having sex would have been more respectfull.
Definately a little mental distraction and self service will make you feel a little better. Spa day if you're able to, showers every day etc. Sounds dumb, but keep a good healthy diet if you can / treadmill / gym if you're physically able. Many times part of the reason I'll continue to feel like crap is because I didn't shower right after work and ate crap food and it was just a down spiral.. Now's a good time to keep yourself out of a mental wallow but there's nothing wrong with Pajamas and ice cream or heels and drinks with a friend / whatever to just get it off your chest. Get a good cry out, let it out when you're comfortable. Then like others said, just take time and hang out with yourself. Look up whatever things you used to be interested in, whatever. You'll overcome the sadness. Remember, he didn't change your "forever ", just your "for now". This is a great time actually because most of the places you go will be filled with people looking to make changes in their life so you'll have plenty of supporting environments, and you're already days ahead of them on the new path. You have your own place, a job, a car, your own life, and you seem to have your shit together. You're already a catch worth having. You got this.

CentrifugalChicken · 1時間前

Just discretely drop the fact at work that he's a selfish lover that cries after orgasm, which is about twelve seconds after he starts.

JetpackJasmine6 · 4時間前

First of all, I'm so sorry. I'm sure you're hurting so much right now, but please know it gets better, and when this (crappy) door was shut in your life, I promise another (incredible) door has been opened for you!!!

When I went through an awful breakup in college, a few things that really helped me were to rearrange my room (and change up my comforter, sheets, etc), and completely change my hair (like brown -> platinum!). Sounds funny, but changing two things like that just helped me cope with other changes going on that were out of my control!

I wish you well, and I hope you find the comfort and strength you need. You got this, girl!!!! Much love.

Trixenstuff · 3時間前

Wow. He sounds like a keeper.. On the bright side, now you not only know how much of a douche he really is, but now no longer have to deal with him, at least not in the same way. You'll eventually get over him and trust me, you'll find someone better. From the sounds of it, it won't be that hard..

tekdj · 3時間前

what. a. dick.

sorry, he is a tool... that is one of the shittiest ways i have heard of yet!!!

so in work, if you don't need to talk to him don't... perhaps tell your manager that you are going to be strictly professional with him from now on, and that your aren't dating (if they knew that is)

for you... exercise, yoga, meditation, walking dogs, getting into an interesting podcast/webcasts, the gym, meet new people by starting new hobbies!!!

you can do it, you are better than him, and can soon be over him!!!

good luck, always available if you have questions!!!

Thundercat81 · 2時間前

I know how you feel. At the beginning of december my wife of 11 years decided that she had infact been living a lie and was gay. This was obviously news to me and came as a huge surprise. Not exactly the same situation but the end of a relationship is always hard

VanceThrash · 5時間前

What an asshole

Aeroengineermst · 5時間前

I keep typing a reply to this about a similar experience I had with a man that I thought was surely the center of my universe but it ends up at least ten paragraphs long every time. So I'm going to be blunt and to the point and it may not help now. I know that there were no words to make me feel better after it happened.

I'm reading your post exactly one year after the person that I loved left me broken and lost...and I'm perfectly and undoubtedly okay. Sometimes, I felt like I'd be upset forever and spend the rest of my life crying but now I'm happy. I even look back on the relationship fondly. Things get so much better and now I have countless memories to prove that I'm living a full and happy life. I wouldn't trade the experience for anything or change a single thing even though it hurt me so bad.

Try not to look back and regret your actions but look forward to where they can take you. The past is set in stone, however, the future is yours to write. I wish you the best of luck. Stay optimistic and take care of yourself. Happy new year.

Nimesor · 2時間前

I had the break-up-directly-after-sex as well this year, so you get all the internet hugs! I felt horrendous afterwards too, but don't let him spoil your view on sex/your personal space - he was the one that really screwed up here, not you, and you're not worthless/disgusting because he used you. He's the disgusting one because who honestly does that to another person?! It really was a gift to you - can you imagine living your life with a man that could do that to you and use you that way? Imagine finding out when you're married, or sharing a home, or after having children! This is a blessing in disguise, trust me!

To get over it, I blocked him on everything going so I'd have no horrible reminders of him. I watched cathartic movies for a good old cry such as 500 Days of Summer and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I let myself cry openly even if it felt stupid because you're grieving a relationship, and it's healthy to get it all out. I bought myself an amazing dress that I looked good in to remind myself that I'm attractive. I reached out to all my friends, I leant on others for help (which I would never normally have done), I made sure I got out of the house. I did self-care things such as painting my nails and having spa days at home. I aggressively sorted my shit out and got rid of anything that reminded me of him. I played violent video games. I cooked myself my favourite food. When I was ready, I found myself a nice FWB and reclaimed my sex life to prove to myself that sex wasn't forever ruined by the experience. I honestly couldn't even bear the thought of someone touching me after that last time, but I'm happier now than I've been in a long time.

I know that you're working with him, which sucks. But the best revenge is living well, and once you've given yourself some time to feel really shitty about this and grieve, you can work on being a happier, better self. He's unlikely to learn from this experience; you, however, will grow into a stronger and better person. Just do the small things that make you happy, and really take care of yourself, and it'll all fall into place.

Miss_AmericanPie · 1時間前

First of all, what an asshole!!!! It sounds like you handled the initial breakup pretty well and exactly how you should have. Go into work acting like you aren't even bothered, go out and buy yourself a cute work outfit for your first day back. Being single is more fun than you realize.. hang in there gf!

ClockworkMinds18 · 1時間前

I'm pretty much in the same situation. It's not exact, but similar. Only mine has apparently been leading me on for a couple weeks. Got a message at 230 in the morning saying he thought of me as a friend and no longer loved me. It sucks. 2017 is a new year, new people. You are more than welcome to come talk if you want.

ismellcatpee123 · 1時間前

At work, try your damn hardest to act like it does NOT affect you. If you have to go to the bathroom for a cry, by all means do it. But around him, work your hardest to act like its no big deal. Because not only will he feel worthless, over time, it will be no big deal for you. You will get through it and move forward. Everyone always thinks they won't but they do. :)

Tindale · 1時間前

When he had sex with you knowing he was going to break up with you, he showed himself to be a disgusting human being. It doesn't feel like it now, but you dodged a bullet. HUgs.

joss29 · 2時間前

I'm a guy and I came back home just to see my gf for Christmas. She broke up with me instead

Jr00mer · 3時間前

Dude here, never shit where you eat. That's gonna be an awkward situation when you go back to work.

Rob_Anton · 2時間前

I'm sorry for your pain, and he sounds like a pretty stupid guy, but in reality he merely freed you of him, perhaps doing you a favour in the long run. Take it as a lesson and strengthen yourself. You'll be fine :) Good luck!

zaraths · 2時間前

With any kind of grief, whether that be bereavement or break ups, there is only one way that i know of to heal more quickly.

The trick is not to try and diminish your existing memories of the person, but to make the rest of your life so big that those memories become less overwhelming relative to it. So we are talking new hobbies, new friends just new experiences in general. You'll probably have to force yourself to find motivation at a point in your life when you feel like lying in bed and wallowing in misery. But it's worth it. i promise.

You get to choose now, the aspects of yourself that you want to develop. No compromise.

Breaking up with someone is never easy and in his defence, he told you in person, he waited until after christmas, and as far as we know he didn't do anything cowardly like cheat. Kinda ruined things by sleeping with you beforehand though. That's weak, and evidence that you're better of with someone who's made of sterner stuff, if you can see it that way. if ever he comes crawling back remember that.

grimlock1001 · 1時間前

Took me longer than it should have to get over my ex who broke up with me before our wedding, but the best thing I can say is keep your mind occupied, face the emotions you need to face and know life goes on

GandalfTheyGay · 1時間前

What a shitty person. The way he handled that tells me you are better off without him. Do what you need to take your mind off him then just know that a man that selfish isn't worth your time.

Work may be awkward for a bit but it'll pass with time.

pookei_ · 1時間前

So this might be a really long comment and I'm sorry for that. Tl;dr- went through something similar and thought I'll never be happy again but obviously I was wrong and now I'm doing just fine and OP will too.

I'm so sorry you had to go through this. I can completely relate because I was in a relationship with my (now ex) boyfriend for two years and our anniversary fell on the 25th of December. He decided to dump me the very next day after our 2-year anniversary. As it turns out, he had been planning this for a while and decided that it'd be nice to break up with me the day after Christmas.

It's been three years since the break up and some days I definitely felt like that day was cursed for me because life just sucked after that for the longest time. At the risk of sounding pathetic, to this day I sometimes feel like things have just gone downhill for me since that day, but I know that isn't true.

You will get through this. Give yourself plenty of time to rest and heal but make sure you don't find yourself stuck wallowing in your sadness for too long. If you have a strong support system in any form, be it friends, family, whatever, lean on them for all the help you can get. If not, then this is just a chance for you to realise how strong you really are. I truly believe if someone like me could get through stuff like this and come out fairly okay on the other side, anyone else can and do much better than I did.

Don't obsess too much over why stuff didn't work out and don't doubt yourself even for a second. You are absolutely great as a person and sometimes stuff just happens that you have no control over. Spend time doing things you like and finding new things you like and just reconnect with yourself. It really helps with the whole healing process. Take time out each day to do nothing but laugh. Doesn't matter what you do or how you do it as long as it makes you laugh in some capacity. This is best done in the morning when you start your day because it can really help set the tone for each day. Take care and feel free to PM me if you ever feel like just talking to someone or anything like that.

miikaadigs · 56分前

What an absolute monster! Around 6 years ago I was dumped by a guy who told me, "I dont love you anymore, I haven't for the past few months, I only really kept you around for the sex". I was devastated. I lost my mind a little bit. What helped me the most was finding a hobby and keeping busy. I learned how to knit (not very well) and I knitted like crazy and watched tons of movies. Pride and Prejudice, Casablanca, Clueless. There's no one magic thing you can do or say to make you feel better. It takes time and patience. Keep your head high, and please ignore him to the best of your ability at work. Don't let him come talk to you, to 'check on you', don't let him see you sad. It will take time but you can do it. I believe in you!

soeob · 48分前

My ex did something similar. Thankfully not around the holidays (I'm so sorry).

We were both away at college and came home for the weekend to be together and do fun Fall things. We spent the whole day together and he seemed extra cuddly and sweet. We napped together and snuggled and it was wonderful.

Then out of the blue: "I'm not sure I've ever loved you."

I was pissed. It became very clear that he'd been consulting our mutual friends for months and he'd been wanting to dump me for half our relationship but I just "did so much for him" that it was "inconvenient." Within 30 minutes I'd forced him and all of his stuff out of the house.

Maybe this is just me and my situation, but I feel like it's easier to get over someone when they're such and inconsiderate dick.

If you want to talk, PM me! I suggest a good friend, a good bottle of wine and Legally Blonde. Worked for me. After about a month of moping and another two months of realizing I dodged a bullet, I met the guy I'm marrying.

CherylCarolCherlene · 37分前

My rejectors have been my redirectors. I got horribly turned down by someone I really liked. To distract myself from my sadness, i decided to accept a dinner invitation from some guy I had not really taken notice of coz I was focused on the guy I wanted. Dinner went well with the random dude. At the end if the date, he kissed me: major sparks. By the end of the week we were in love and calling each other soul mate. Now we are trying to work out how to arrange our lives together. This idiot who dumped you has done you a favor (though he could have done it better ). When you see where you were really headed, you'll feel grateful towards this moron. <3 sorry he's such a rude fucker.

janeaustengonewild · 37分前

You deserve to be treated better. Sometimes we forget or get lax. We settle. Make excuses. All it takes is for something like this to happen to wake us up. If the significant other in your life doesn't make you feel special, doesn't make YOU feel goods about yourself then you aren't getting the best you deserve. I went through exactly what you describe. Within 12 months I met the man that I married. Met at work. Despite both of us stating we had come off a bad relationship and weren't looking to get serious. Now = 25 years happily married.

Advice: don't look back. Don't revisit ( even if he begs).

PuppieWayne · 32分前

Forget him.. it's now almost NYE.. go and have fun. He is not in your life anymore and do not waste any more time. Best advise I gave myself, you are only alive for a very short time.. do not waste a sec of your life on someone who does not deserve your love. Guarantee you, when you move on and be happy with yourself.. he will come begging in 2 months..

OOoo, and don't stay at home.. go OUT.. go to the park, enjoy life.. there's beauty out there and this break up is a VERY VERY VERY small thing in the greater scheme of things called 'your life'.

cr0ft · 31分前

Yeah, that's garbage. He should have sat you down the day he arrived and ended it if that is what he felt he had to do. Nothing wrong with breaking up if you realize it's not working, no matter how much it may hurt at the time, but the way he did it was crap. Selfish as well as cowardly.

Someone else will come along, but there's no sense in rushing into anything. Focus on yourself and on finding a balance and peace again. In a way, I suppose it's somewhat of a blessing that his shitty behavior capped the relationship - at least now you have fewer illusions to grieve for.

liraelskye · 1分前

Smile and take it as a blessing. Take care of yourself, first and foremost. If you need to go see your doctor or a therapist, do it. Get a hair cut, or your nails done, something nice and relaxing.

It may suck and you may feel gross (that's okay) but you aren't. It's awful what he did and having been in a similar situation, I can tell you that the other side without him is awesome.

You got this, just take it one day at a time.

BirdonaLog · 2時間前

Just a suggestion; your work place may have employment policies about this and if you have a HR dept they may be able to support you; by ensuring you aren't made to feel uncomfortable etc.

DerEwigeKatzendame · 2時間前

That 'one last sex before I break up with you' thing is so annoying.

Put hemp oil on your face, eat oat meal with fruit once a day, and hit the gym. You can probably do better anyway.

I'm clueless about heart stuff, though. Any advice I give would have you festering for seven years.

puzzlecluster · 2時間前

What a prick

ILoveToiletpaper · 2時間前

How can one treat someone else like that?

the_kun · 6時間前

It's mind-boggling the lack of communication theses guys have and when they do say something it's crazy. You're better off without this immature guy.

milliet · 6時間前

I'd tell his mother. But obviously the most important thing is that you work on moving on. Set yourself an achievable new year's resolution that'll make you feel good about yourself- take up a new hobby like yoga or watercolours or guitar, and look forward to your new improved life without his disgusting ass.

bluebear47 · 2時間前

Not defending him - totally cowardly move by this douchebag. But just for clarity, many guys don't know how to do a breakup and go on autopilot. They keep doing what they have gotten used to doing because their brains are disengaged. Fear does that. He may not have been thinking, "I'm gonna get me some before it's over." At least consider the possibility that the sex was him trying to figure out how he was going to break the news and retreating to his cowardly comfort zone. Again, NOT defending him. But the OP shouldn't necessarily feel used. This sorry excuse for a man just didn't know what else to do. Seems like any rational person would have sat down with his significant other at the kitchen table and had a frank conversation. Ah, but there's the rub. A scared and conflicted guy is not a rational person. I'm just saying his douchebaggery may not have been malicious. Just moronic. We guys have been known, on occasion, to be morons.

I_saw_a_bird_once · 2時間前

At least you got something

sflaurin · 1時間前

Never date at work


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