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Did you hear he fucks black guys? He fucks black guys, and he wants you to know that.
Did you hear he fucks black guys? He fucks black guys, and he wants you to know that.

Wonkette is waiting with bated breath for Milo Yiannopoulos, that very edgy, non-PC “alt-right” white supremacist Breitbart homosexual who is jolly fond of penises of the African-American sort, to pen the autobiography for which he has just been given a $250,000 advance from a Simon & Schuster imprint, according to the Hollywood Reporter:

“I met with top execs at Simon & Schuster earlier in the year and spent half an hour trying to shock them with lewd jokes and outrageous opinions. I thought they were going to have me escorted from the building — but instead they offered me a wheelbarrow full of money,” Yiannopoulos told THR.

Oh, how exciting and groundbreaking it is to hear that a big book publisher might give a right-winger a book deal. It’s probably because he’s so controversial!

PAUSE POST, because we think we have just received an advance copy of the book, via a funny Twitter internet person. Milo does not have Twitter no more, because he’s a bad person, so he probably hasn’t seen this:

ellickson

Just kidding, that is a make-believe conversation between Milo and John Boehner and Ben Carson, based pretty much on exactly how Milo is.

Did you know Milo, the homosexual, is into black dick? He will tell you all about it in his new book, because we’re pretty sure every other chapter will be about that.

-
Beverly Hills surgeon explains at home fix for crepey skin around the arms, legs, and stomach.

Possible chapter titles:

  • If I’m So Racist, Then What Am I Sitting And Spinning On Right Now, SPOILER IT IS A BLACK DICK, BECAUSE THAT’S MY FAVORITE
  • I’m Burning This Rainbow Flag To Make A Real Point, For Sure, And Then I Will Go Do Activities With Black Dicks
  • Oh Look At Me, I Wroted A Controversial Breitbart Article About How Ladies Shouldn’t Be Allowed To Use Washing Machines Or Something, Oh Boy, My Schtick Has Not Gotten Tired Yet At All!
  • Let Me Do Some Original Poetry At You, That I Copied From The Liner Notes Of Tori Amos’s Boys For Pele Record
  • Know What’s Gross? Feminists And Gays And Fat People And Leslie Jones And All The Other Lady Ghostbusters Too
  • Know What’s Not Gross? My Daddy-Complex Obsession With Donald Trump, Whom I Call “Daddy.”
  • I Don’t Think Black Lives Matter, But I Think Black Dicks Matter, Because LET ME TELL YOU A SURPRISE ABOUT HOW I LOVE BLACK PENISES IN MY BOTTOM.

Wonkette simply can’t wait to never publish our review of this book, since we will not be reading it, on account of ZZZZZZZZZZ.

[The Hollywood Reporter]

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

  • arglebargle

    What’s long and black and full of seamen?
  • IOnlyLikeCats

    I have a wheelbarrow full of ideas for progressive superheroes but sure, HE gets the book deal. That’s fine. Also, I would be shocked if he actually gives the book an ending. That’s the most difficult part and I don’t think smashing your keys is going to cut it (not for a quarter of a million dollars, anyway).

  • Clyde Barrow

    It looks like Milo has got into Alex Jones’ male virility pills stash again, eating them up like the great Cornholio.

  • Rouge Skwerl!

    Not surprised he got the book. People bought Palin’s book, and I am sure Simon and Schister will fake not releasing the book so there can be plenty of outrage publicity.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      I know no one cares but half the people who buy this book won’t be able to read it. Also, how come that doesn’t happen with progressive stuff?

      • Rouge Skwerl!

        You don’t own a copy of Walter Mondale’s Favorite Government Policies?

        • IOnlyLikeCats

          I would if someone created an outrage campaign on Tumblr.

        • therblig

          i was waiting for the musical

      • JMP

        Plus we’ll probably get the usual right-wing foundations buying up multiple copies of the book to artificially get it on the New York Times bestseller list, and then giving those copies away for free along with various subscriptions.

        • Rouge Skwerl!

          It’s like you can see the future.

      • therblig

        they’re counting on a copious picture section

  • Blacktop Autumn

    This is gonna bring out the guys who shove Pepes up their ass when they Dutch rudder one another.

    • BrianW

      Dutch rudder? Well, thanks to you and Urban Dictionary, I learned something new today. No thanks to Milo though.

      • Tallmutha

        Unfortunately, you learn something new every day.

        • BrianW

          In this case, unfortunately is the correct word.

  • JMP
  • Crystalclear12

    Milo your 15 minutes are up. Next!

  • Mavenmaven

    Soon to be remaindered at Costco’s everywhere.

    • Unpresidented Ron

      Pulped and turned into copies of the WaPo.

    • theblackdog

      Soon to be remaindered at Costco’s Sam’s Clubs everywhere.

      FTFY for his actual target audience.

  • Blacktop Autumn

    In all seriousness, this dude is slime. His attack on a transwoman at one of his talks was outright abusive.

    • JMP

      His whole shtick is encouraging horrific abuse and harassment by his legion of vile followers; he first got notice during the GamgerGate terror campaign and just has continued with more of the same, accusing new targets of hate crimes so that his people then release their personal information, hack their phones and computers and try to destroy their lives with death and rape threats.

  • Unpresidented Ron

    I had heard that the book publishing industry was on shaky financial ground these days, and yet Simon & Schuster has a quarter-mill lying around in petty cash to pay for this waste of trees.

  • BadKitty904

    I’m queer as a three-dollar bill and this freek creeps ME the hell out.

    • Blacktop Autumn

      Yeah, don’t look up Blaire White either.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        Who?

        • Blacktop Autumn

          Keep it that way. The trans equivalent of Milo.

          • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

            Oh. I beginning to think I’m in the wrong business. Do you think there’s a market for self-loathing geeks who like gardening and birds?

          • Blacktop Autumn

            Probably.

            “Feminism is ruining gardening.”

            White bothers me more than Milo, though. She’s more dangerous since she argues against trans care and attacks non-passing transwomen.

          • WomanInTheResistance

            She sounds nice.

          • Blacktop Autumn

            Oh hell. Here’s part one of Zinnia Jones ripping her a new asshole on treating trans kids. This is as close as I’ll come to linking to her.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TUbiFH-8-DU&t=3s

          • WomanInTheResistance

            Thank you for this. Zinnia Jones is my new shero. And this was quite informative. I think my favorite line of hers is “Being a woman is not a tattoo.” I’m so stealing that, btw.

          • Blacktop Autumn

            Happy to oblige. :-D I found out about her on asktransgender on reddit of all places.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            That’s not terrifying.

        • clubseal

          The one who will get me if I lose my map in the forest?

  • MynameisBlarney

    Something, something, cuck.

  • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

    I guess he’s finally become someone important.

    • BadKitty904

      No, he’s finally conned someone into thinking he’s important.

  • h4rr4r

    Must be a very tiny wheelbarrow.
    A banded stack of hundreds, $10,000 is only about deck of cards thickness.

    • tomamitai

      Maybe he asked for it in singles for tipping at the strip club.

  • clubseal

    $250,000 to this hateful asshole, to write hateful, asshole things.
    Let that sink in. Or don’t, as it might be poisonous.

    • therblig

      ikr? i can do that – let me tell you about mother teresa, that gal was freeeeakay!

  • UncleTravelingMatt

    An autobiography of a 33 year-old who has never held elected office, served in the military, operated a business anyone has heard of, or played a role in anything of historical note? Seems like Wikipedia would more than adequately cover this, if not for its notability guidelines.

    • Rouge Skwerl!

      Yep, it’s basically a “why I am so great” screed.

      • MizzMazz
        • Unpresidented Ron

          My exact thought.

      • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

        So a big lie, then?

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Look at me! Look at me! I am now famous because I stood here yelling Look at me!

      • Teecha

        And/ or very badly written porn. With excruciatingly unsexy sex scenes.

        • Naytch

          “Say baby, put that pipe down and get my pipe up.” – Billo “wordsmith” O’Reilly

    • h4rr4r

      He is 33, not even halfway through life, what the hell does he have to write an autobiography about?

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I’m 20 and I could write an autobiography. But I’m not a racist middle class self-loathing white guy. So there’s that.

        • h4rr4r

          You could, but it would be much shorter than it should be.

          Why buy a book not even half done?

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            No, it wouldn’t. Just trust me, I have had a lifetime’s worth of events. Most of them bad. I would not write an autobiography.

          • h4rr4r

            So you think you won’t continue to have more of these events?
            Why is that?

            I hate to sound mean, but at 22 I am sure I was convinced of the same thing.

          • IOnlyLikeCats

            Well I certainly won’t have to live with a mother with borderline personality disorder or a child molester anymore or go to Job Corps or be in an Americorps program again, so yeah, I’m pretty those events over. Onward to newer and better things.

          • h4rr4r

            See, new stuff to write about!

          • Regret

            I hope you have a good life, but writing about good experiences can be autobiographical too!

      • Rex Thorne

        He may be more than half-way though his life. He’s a gay man who chooses to hang out with people who have an irrational hatred of gay people and engage in violent fantasies.

        • tomamitai

          Yeah, someone ought to tell him what happened to Ernst Röhm and his SA “lads” once der führer got the big corner office.

          • “I am shocked, SHOCKED, to find there was FAGGOTRY going on among my beloved Stormtroopers!” – Trump after they find Milo’s body

          • “It’s true what they say – every Hitler Youth has an SA man inside him” – Göring

      • clubseal

        clubseal LIBEL!!1!!

        • clubseal

          Well, in March, anyway.

      • tomamitai

        Well if he ever raised the dead or walked on water, that would be noteworthy.

    • Picabo

      Grifters gotta grift.

    • Tio_Doidinho

      Try to think of him as the Nazi Kardashian.

    • Tallmutha

      I understand that the book will, however, mention several BLACK DICKS.

  • Tallmutha

    Hmmm… think about egregious Nazoid cobag getting lots of money for setting his worthless thoughts in type?

    … Or WATCH OTTER PUPS?

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dA0kwaPNZ8k&feature=youtu.be

    • Unpresidented Ron

      I feel like this is a trick question.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Hell, I’d rather watch Otter Pops

        • Unpresidented Ron

          Mmm, Otter Pops…

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      Third option. Watch otter pups get lots of money.

  • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

    I buy a lot of S&S books in their Pocket Books imprint. This makes me feel dirty.

  • BadKitty904
  • Zippy W Pinhead

    • “President-elect Donald J. Trump. Mr. Trump has consistently cast doubt
      that the Russian government had anything to do with the hacking of the
      D.N.C. or other political institutions, saying American intelligence
      agencies could not be trusted and suggesting that the hacking could have
      been the work of a “400-pound guy” lying in his bed.”

      Donnie doesn’t know enough about computers (or anything, for that matter) to actually do this, and he’s probably not QUITE 400 pounds… So that being the case, who is the 400 pound guy in Donnie’s bed?

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        I think Chris Christie can be ruled out for now.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        Chris Christie?

    • tomamitai

      I just hope the secret sanctions they talk about hurt Putin and his pals, ’cause the public ones are lame as fuck and purely symbolic.

  • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

    It is such a comfort to learn all the men we straight ladies have sex with can’t even BE misogynistic bastards, because they have sex with us. So, if that’s the case, we must be bringing all the rape, abuse, murder and injustices too numerous to list on ourselves.

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Quit reading the footnotes!

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      And clearly bisexuals can’t hurt anybody.

    • Resistance Engineer Red Bird

      The corollary to that rule is that we, straight women, can’t possibly hate men either.

      • SpideySenser

        Kinda like an oxymoron or conundrum. Go figure!

    • JMP

      It’s an actual defense we see a lot from the woman-hating crowd; “I can’t be misogynist because my wife (or sometimes mother or daughter) is a woman!”, which seems to be the sexist version of “Some of my best friends are black!”.

      • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

        “I can’t hate women because I vote blue” is fucking rampant as well.

        • starfanglednut

          God yes, saw a lot of that in the primaries.

          • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

            I see it right here on Wonkette a lot. Disappointing and hurtful.

  • MynameisBlarney

    This is similar to literotica story that I couldn’t finish because, dumb.

    • XtremeFeministRodeoQueen MLG

      I’m not a fan of burning books, but maybe some helpful black gentlemen could fuck this book to death or something?

  • BadKitty904

    I assume his next opus – The Darker the Barry – will be co-authored by Sara Palin?

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Great. You mentioned her name. Now she’s gonna pop up and say something.

      • BadKitty904

        When does she not?

    • Tio_Doidinho

      ICWYDT.

      • BadKitty904

        *bows*

        (‘Sides, in their heart of what would be their hearts, you KNOW it’s what really think about)

  • exinkwretch

    This young men has struck an impressive, uh, blow, for equal rights by proving that gay men CAN be racist, insufferable pricks just like God’s chosen people, straight white men.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    Fun publishing fact: Threshold Publishing was founded in 2006 by…

    …wait for it…

    Mary Matalin.

    Yet another wingnut welfare outlet publishing book furniture. Not too surprised.

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      Sure to make the NY Times bestseller lit as soon as some RW billionaire buys it in bulk to give out to the rubes

      • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

        As I said above, he’ll end up buying up most of the copies himself.

        • Zippy W Pinhead

          won’t be him- some billionaire will do it for him

          • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

            Hard to say… at a dollar a pop, he could buy up quite a few himself.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      At least they perform a service. Those landfills aren’t gonna fill themselves ye know.

  • BadKitty904

    Finally, a worse love story than Twilight…

    • clubseal

      Kate and Leopold libels!!1

  • Daisy

    $250,000 to write a book directed at an audience that can barely read, and would turn on him in a split second given half a chance? Really? And I’m facing the prospect of going into debt because I need, at minimum, a Master’s degree to get decent work within my field. But this hoofwanking bunglecunt gets a book deal.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      See my comment below. Seriously I have almost an entire multiverse of diverse superhero characters but w/e.

      • Daisy

        It’s so frustrating!

    • clubseal

      Just start being an asshole who targets one or more groups with hate and 2. Profit!

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I have worked for too long on my brain to throw it out now.

    • BadKitty904

      The fact that he conned S&S into buy this tripe and the fact that S&S was stupid enough to fall for said con doesn’t mean anyone’s going to actually buy or read said tripe.

    • mailman27

      You are growing up before our eyes. Best to you in all your endeavors.

  • Tio_Doidinho

    I’d be willing to bet that his fascination with black menz begins and ends with the dick.

    He seems like the type.

  • Bitter Scribe

    I’m old enough to remember when Simon & Schuster was a respectable publisher.

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      I blame Schuster. Or Simon. Fuck, I don’t care.

      • mailman27

        James Taylor is involved somehow.

    • Tallmutha

      Are there any respectable publishers anymore? Murdoch owns HarperCollins.

  • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

    It sounds to me like another moron who will be buying up most of the copies of his own book.

    And what’s with the bleach blonde hair? Is he auditioning for fox infotainment?

    • Blacktop Autumn

      Jen Richards gets it right on this douche.

      https://twitter.com/SmartAssJen/status/791070436864000002

    • Lefty Frizzell

      He thinks it looks both Aryan and fucking suave.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        He’s batting 0-for-2, then.

    • Regret

      He wants to be Boris Johnson or Geert Wilders.
      The consistent hair issues are a very weird and scary link between all these nationalist assholes.

      • FlownOver

        I thought he’d be angling for the Gretchen Carlson role.

  • theblackdog

    This sounds like a great reason to vote with our wallets and not buy this book or any other books from Simon and Schuster

    • Claire

      According to their Facebook page, the Chicago Review of Books has banhammered the entire publishing house for all of 2017.

      • theblackdog

        I heard that. I was reading a thread on how that banhammer is more likely going to hurt PoC authors who are trying to get their names out there than it is going to hurt Milo or S&S :-/

  • Lefty Frizzell

    Is “Trumpkins who can read and are OK with gays” a really big market?

    • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

      Don’t forget “Passive Aggressive gifts to people you really don’t like”

      • Good_Gawd_Yall

        I am SO gonna buy a copy of this for my brother. Thanks!

    • Zippy W Pinhead

      They love Milo for the same reason they love Sleepy Ben- tokenism…

  • Wild Cat

    The publishing industry, along with our other ‘media,’ can use a very heavy boycott too.

    A library card can be a great, basic asset to send a message. Or buy second-hand books.

    • IOnlyLikeCats

      Anyone who doesn’t know http://www.thriftbooks.com/, you do now. (And you are welcome.)

    • Unpresidented Ron

      My new-book-buying budget is very tiny, so I save it for WONDERFUL books. For the merely great I have a library card. For the ‘want to read and probably keep’ there’s used book stores. For the out-of-copyright there’s gutenberg.org.
      It’s a pretty good time in history to be a reader.

  • Resistance Fighter Callyson

    Who?

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Mohel Yabbadabbadoupolis.

  • BadKitty904

    Future Wonkette Book Review: “Upon publication, I wasted no time in reading this book.“

    • MynameisBlarney

      “Milo’s book wasn’t even good for toilet paper.”

  • jodyleek

    Uh, who’s gonna buy this book? The Bible banging fundies? The white straight blue collar dudes who have all kinds of economic insecurities? Black dudes? No self respecting gay man will touch it. Who is gonna buy this book? Don’t you need an audience for this? How big is the self loathing homosexual contingent?

    • Blacktop Autumn

      I don’t think his followers are much into buying books either. That’s not even an insult, but they’re more about video games and reading stuff online.

      • Spotts1701, Resistance Pilot

        One person may buy it, scan it, and then trade it around on a file-sharing site.

        • Blacktop Autumn

          That is extremely likely to happen, honestly.

        • Tallmutha

          The thought of anyone going to that much trouble so others can read it is funny and sad.

        • Regret

          Really? I always assumed those ignoring rules about copyright were leaning more towards communism than fascism.

    • UncleTravelingMatt

      Breitbart will buy a bunch, some foundation will buy a bunch. Boom. Bestseller. That’s how they roll.

      • Zippy W Pinhead

        yup- welcome to act one of the wingnut welfare circuit. Write a book, have some foundation buy them all and pass them out to the rubes, then make even more money on the promotional tour where you talk about how well the book is selling. Act two is permanent membership in the MSM pundit for hire rolodex- because you’re now a famous published author

        • Bub the Hoohah! loving Zombie

          Wheels on the grift-bus go round & round…

        • tomamitai

          Well now we know who’s going to be on the Maher show next season. The only question is will he sit on the panel or do the one-on-one interview right after the monologue?

        • starfanglednut

          “Write” a “book”

        • FlownOver

          Next up on the CNN Clown-Go-Round.

    • Wild Cat

      “How big is the self loathing homosexual contingent?”

      Uhm, it’s 90% of the gop neo-nazi party.

      Read Alberto Moravia’s “The Conformist.”

    • MynameisBlarney

      It’s a very, VERY niche fetish crowd.

  • MizzMazz

    I learned the hard way that just because someone looks like a punk, hippie, Earth-Momma, vegan, Beatnik, flamer, artistic, sensitive poet, guitarist, drummer, bassist, painter, gardener, chef, furniture maker, teacher, biker…
    DOES NOT MEAN THEY ARE GOOD PEOPLE!

    • Scrofula

      Corollary: pale, blondish-haired, pointy-nosed, scrawny-shouldered, spare-tired, short, irritable, sarcastic, frequently down and anxious, unemployed basement-dwelling, internet-commenting, T-shirt & jort-wearing, single, smoking and occasional binge-drinking monsters are the nicest, most awesome sexual partners you could ever have.

      • MizzMazz

        You just named some of my best friends.

        • Scrofula

          [blushes and runs away]

          • MizzMazz

            Aw, don’t run away. I don’t bite. Hard. Unless you like that sort of thing ;).

  • DerrickWildcat

    The, DeploraBall is gonna be a hoot.

    • Blacktop Autumn

      If they don’t kill each other first.

      • IOnlyLikeCats

        I mean, that would be a hoot for others.

    • MynameisBlarney

      I doubt Milo’s gonna many black dudes there.

      • BadKitty904

        Unless he wants a drink or directions to the ladies room.

    • MizzMazz

      Wouldn’t it be fun to be there in an Invisibility Cloak? Plus an upfist for your avatar – I love Bubbles and his love for his kitties.

  • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

    This one will end up in the dollar basket at Walmart within minutes of it’s release.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      I somehow doubt this. One Million* Moms will have something to say about it. But they will be sure to read it cover to cover before they do.

      *more like 47

  • Are they printing the first run with “REDUCED! $1” as a part of the jacket artwork, ’cause that would save them some money in the long run…

    • tomamitai

      Or just send them to the stores with the covers already ripped off.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        ‘Destroy Before Reading’

  • Thiazin Red

    What was that aggressively unfunny British sketch comedy where one of the recurring characters was a super obnoxious gay guy who spent all his time trying to be shocking?

    This guy is like a real life version of that guy, but somehow even more obnoxious.

    • tomamitai

      What was that aggressively unfunny British sketch comedy where one of the recurring characters was a super obnoxious gay guy who spent all his time trying to be shocking?

      The House of Lords?

    • Regret

      I think I know which you mean, but I think the point of his sketches was his absolute inability to realistically portray a gay man.
      The Brits are very much into self-deprecating humor, it can be a bit hard to spot as a non-Brit.

      *Edit for spelling.

    • Incoming Ham

      Kenny Everett?

    • FlownOver

      Prime Minister’s Question Time, David Cameron Edition?

  • Anna Rompage

    Does anyone else see the irony of a publishing house that was founded by two jews, publishing a book from a flaming gay jackass, that will be marketed to the white nationalist alt-right movement?

  • Courser

    I used to have a female acquaintance kind of like Milo. She was extremely tedious apparently she was the only white woman to experience the wonder that is the Black Dick. That was in the 90’s and it’s still fucking tedious. No idea what happened with that chick, I couldn’t lose her fast enough.

    Also too, I don’t think fetishizing black bodies, or ANY BODIES is cool. It’s creepy and gross.

    • clubseal

      Well there goes my idea for a Norwegian foot museum.

      • Courser

        Well I’m Norwegian. You can have my feet when I’m done with them, k?

      • mailman27

        Don’t leave us pining for the fjoot.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        I thought Norway was metric?

        • clubseal

          As all civilized nations should be.

    • alpacapunchbowl

      Ugh, I had a dorm mate in college who would only date black guys. And only if they had a shaved head. And she referred to them as “boys”. Grown-ass men, mind you. She seemed completely unaware that her fetishization of black men was incredibly creepy and TOTALLY FUCKING RACIST.
      Her last name was Braun. I called her Eva behind her back.

      • Shan

        Holy shit.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Agreed. One should only fetishize superheroes in superhero costumes.
      https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/15f8badb9abdf4a14b9458d960e0cac2d239e3a43f22dbe8ba8772ed1ce92909.gif

      • Edith Prickly

        O Captain my Captain….<3

      • Courser

        Superheros are awesome :::swoon at Captain Merka::: and I think we should all enjoy looking at pretty people. But fetishizing bits of bodies in general is creepy.

  • AngryKatie

    Topically adjacent: Owen Ellickson tweeted a fantastic fictional take through the election that included Trump tormenting Christie (including renaming him Hole, and making him live under the sink), and Ann Coulter battling a dark god of some kind.
    https://storify.com/michaeljweigel/trump-ryan-a-twitter-saga

    On Topic: I pray that karma exists, because if it does, it will come for Milo one day, and it will be beautiful.

    • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

      He deserves to get lost in the karma forest and have the karma tree fall on him.

      If the karma tree falls on him in the karma forest and no one is around, does it make a sound?

      • Unpresidented Ron

        Who cares?

        • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

          The definitive answer.

      • AngryKatie

        I think it laughs and laughs and laughs

      • BigBoppa pour la résistance

        Yes. It sounds like one hand clapping.

      • mailman27

        I don’t know, but it keeps circling back.

      • JustDon’tSayDittos

        Yes. It says, “Gotcha, motherfucker!”

        • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

          That’s why I say hey man, nice shot… what a good shot, man.

          • JustDon’tSayDittos

            Thanks a lot. Now that riff is my new earworm…

          • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

            It’s nothing compared to the frickin’ x-mas carols that were forced into my ears for the past 3 months. I was damn near going to stick sharpened pencils into my ears.

  • SpideySenser

    “This Is Not a Novel To Be Tossed Aside Lightly. It Should Be Thrown with Great Force.”**
    allegedly by Dorothy Parker

  • Vincent Ricola

    LOL. Milo Suckabunchagus is about to find out what happens to alt-right edgy shock rebels when their chosen white supremacist faction takes office and there’s no one left to rail after anymore.

    Get that money and black dick while you can cuz it’s gonna all dry up in about 6 months when raging against liberals becomes a dead art in the face of the orange apocalypse.

    TLDR; No1gonnacurr in a year, Milo.

    • MizzMazz

      Not to mention the whole edgy shock thing gets worn out. Just ask Rush and Hannity.

      • Courser

        It was boring the first time I heard it. Size queens are so yesterday.

  • beavertank

    Funny thing, most misogynists insist they love poon, and yet…

    • Scrofula

      They just harpoon the poon, they don’t love the labia. Or woo the woman.

      • Tallmutha

        Much less court the clit.

      • Wild Cat

        They hate poon because that have no taste for Tang.

    • Ezio Auditore

      Most racists insist they can have sex with people of another race but that doesn’t mean they aren’t racist (see: Thomas Jefferson)

      • Wild Cat

        See every other NYC Black-murdering cop.

      • UnsaltedSinner

        To quote Al Franken imitating Strom Thurmond: “The peckah knows no bigotry!”

  • Mr. Blobfish

    There is no god.

    • Scrofula

      SPOILER ALERT!

    • arglebargle

      No, but there very well may be a Beelzebub.

      • Incoming Ham

        He’s here somewhere.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          When my work is being done for me, I just stay out of the way.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      We already knew that.

  • Did you know Milo, the homosexual, is into black dick? He will tell you all about it in his new book, because we’re pretty sure every other chapter will be about that.

    Of course Milo is into black dicks – the bigger the better. What better way to satisfy his ginormous orifice power bottom cravings? The greedy little bitch.

  • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

    He’s following Ann Cuntler’s business model?

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      Needs more anorexia.

    • La Cieca

      And hairstyling tips.

      • arglebargle

        Just the tips?

      • Jerry Noneofyourbizz

        Explains Miss Clairol’s uptick in recent sales.

    • FlownOver

      Hmmm… has anyone ever seen them together?

  • diogenez

    I’ve met a few Milos over the years. They were usually republican frat boys at some point in their lives.

  • Gorillionaire

    I bet Ann Coulter really wishes she had just gone ahead and came out as a man now.

    • doktorzoom

      While it’s not in the official rules, we don’t do “Ann Coulter is a dude” jokes here, because they’re insulting to trans people. The entire premise of the joke is that there’s something wrong or shameful about being trans, and that is not OK here. Also, I’d have assumed you’d been here long enough to know better.

      As for the eight people who upvoted this comment, please get it through your heads: We don’t do “Ann Coulter is a dude” jokes. And we don’t encourage them.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • Cogswell Happy Ne… nevermind

    This is one of the very few book burnings I can condone.

    • JustDon’tSayDittos

      Even on a ‘Spare the Air’ day.

    • BearGHAZI

      That’s unethical.
      With a book like Milo’s you visit your local library/book store, open to random page, take a dump, close and return to shelf.

      • James Yakura

        I’m from your local library. I’ve come to revoke your card with extreme prejudice.

        • BearGHAZI

          You don’t need a library card to poop in ’em, luckily

  • Unpresidented Ron

    Milo, sweetie? Why don’t you just buy one of these https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/71vHuqY2cpL._SX522_.jpg and go fuck yourself?

    • As the power bottom that Milo is, it’s not as fun to dominate an inanimate object as it is a real human being.

    • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

      Funny, doesn’t look like a chainsaw. Where’s the switch?

      • Shan

        Switch, hell. That thing probably needs a pull cord to start it.

      • Unpresidented Ron

        Around the back. Or so I am told.

  • JayGoldenBeach

    Either Simon and Schuster has a cynical sense of humour re: tax write-offs or they are counting on the RNC to buy thousands of copies to be given away at CPAC.

  • Meanie-meanie, tickle a person

    Oh Boy, My Schtick Has Not Gotten Tired Yet At All!

    Well, if you spend your life catching black weenie, your schtick doesn’t get much of a workout, now does it?

  • Nasty Girl Brianna

    I’m thinking Milo, Queen of the Nazi Love Camp.

    • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

      If that’s not a porno, it should be.

  • Mr. Blobfish

    Each chapter will be 140 characters long.

    • La Cieca

      And all 140 characters will be black men with large penises.

      • FlownOver

        And no taste in partners.

    • sgt. jmk of the résistance

      And it will still manage to be a snooze.

  • ResistanceFighterCaptainHowdy

    Jesus, now I can’t suck black dicks anymore. Thanks, Wonkette.

  • puredog

    If you could have ramped this post up just a tad, I could have used it to sleep all the way until 2020, but no. Thanks, Hurst!

  • anon_the_great

    Sorry, but un-fuck that fag.

  • Me not sure

    What this guy could use is some sort of new ego deflation technology. The whole world is looking to you Elon Musk. ..No, wait … I guess we probably should look elsewhere.

  • anon_the_great

    Oh, and triple un-fuck Simon & Schuster.

    • Me not sure

      The publishing business must be truly dying.

  • Ωbjectifier

    Gay and likes black guys. Worst nazi evar!

    • Carpe Vagenda

      No, just the most forthcoming.

  • Teecha

    Hahahahahahahahaha!

    This mewling fule is the reason I finally gave up on having contact with a former colleague on the faceplace. I forgave the witterings of a migrant worker and person who had changed citizenship going on about how brexit would be a good thing for a country with which s/he had no connection. I forgave the ramblings about how great the book written and self published was about the amazingness of a former UK/US leadership combo was for the world. The final straw was when former colleague said- I think that Milo has some interesting things to say.
    Well, that’s fine, anyone can think that, whatevs, but then s/he began to lecture my stoopid vacant lady vagina brain on how Britain First (illiterate UK neo-nazi cocksplats) are bad, but br**tba*rt (illiterate US neo-nazis) are NOTHING LIKE EACH OTHER AS LONG AS YOU IGNORE THEIR FASCISM. That was when I gave up and went block and delete.

    My faceplace is now solely populated by nice, interesting people I know and care for in RL, and not one of them is a fucking fascist fuckwit

    • anon_the_great

      That sounds like a boring faceplace.

      Balkanism is the 1st step to Authoritarianism

      • Teecha

        I quite like the balkans. Been a few times on hols.

        I don’t need neo-nazis smearing their shit around my social spaces. I wouldn’t give them the time of day in RL, I choose to maintain my standards on t’internet.

    • MeerkatsRMammals

      How does one just “ignore their Fascism”? I don’t think that’s something anyone should ignore…

      • Teecha

        Well, I suppose the pov was that BF are fascists. But s/he liked br**tb*rt and didn’t want to identify as a fascist, so they are definitely different types of hatefilled websites.
        I spent very many fruitless hours arguing with former colleague, and i never managed to exert any influence.

  • BearGHAZI

    I’ll NEVER read that shit but looking forward to the Wonkette review

  • ResistanceFictionista blondeiq

    Cannot wait to see the Amazon tags on this thing. “Self-loathing LGBTQ Fiction” “Misogynist Fiction,” “Asshole Memoirs”…

    • BigBoppa pour la résistance

      What is the Dewy Decimal code for Big Black Dick?

      • Mehmeisterjr

        822.33 T7-8a?

    • clubseal

      Asshole Memoirs could be the title of a fiction novel about sentient toilets.

      • Regret

        You, sir, win one internet.

    • Edith Prickly

      Thanks for the reminder, I will be sure to review this anti-masterpiece once it’s up on Amazon (that is, if Miss Milo actually turns in a manuscript. I don’t think he’ll be able to find a ghostwriter that’s masochistic enough to put up with him.)

      • alpacapunchbowl

        Eh, Cheeto Hitler did…

  • UnsaltedSinner

    And Milo writes poems
    And burns his gay flags
    They say you were something in those formative years
    Hold onto the money
    As fast as you can
    Well, still
    Pretty good year

    Milo Yiannopoulos, The Collected Poems That Are Totally by Me and No One Else and Did I Mention I love Black Dicks?

    • Gwennie_G

      “Pretty Good Year” is the Tori Amos song title that least describes 2016. “Putting the Damage On” might be the one that best describes it.

  • The Librarian

    Shouldn’t someone be posting a funny “alt-write” meme about now? Did I miss it?

  • Hardly Ideal

    Good lord, Milo. In case you didn’t get the memo, WE. DON’T. CARE.

  • Fifth-and-a-Half Element

    Not too disparage my gay bottom brothers but everytime I see this turdtwaffle all I can think of is…

    https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/70a4414de4a5f5a59e67058076c798ff6cc5bd307d38dd76405614d62f325118.gif

  • natoslug

    I’ll finish Milo’s book right after I’ve read my first missive from DildoBoat McGee or whatever his name is from Project Veritrash. Pen me in for an afternoon in 2370 or so.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      Oh, I doubt you’ll finish.

  • alpacapunchbowl

    I hadn’t heard about the Tori Amos thing. I was a huge Tori fan back in the day (still a fan, just not quite so…completist, let’s say). I have to imagine she was not pleased.

    • Gwennie_G

      I’m just surprised he’s familiar with Tori’s music. Vainglorious hateful jackasses are not her usual demographic.

  • MeerkatsRMammals

    He was banned from Twitter for crying out loud! He’s a troll of the largest kind. Sometimes I even think he’s trolling with the “black dicks” thing & he’s actually a blonde chasing hetero. Anyone remember on Seinfeld when Bryan Cranston was the dentist who converted to Judaism for the jokes? That’s what this Milo guy reminds me of. Sad that Simon & Schuster gave him another platform to spread his horrible world view.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      To be fair, it will be issued under their new “Carl Palladino” imprint.

  • Christine790

    “If at first you don’t succeed (because your work is terrible), play the victim. EVERYONE GETS HATE MAIL FFS,” Yiannopoulos tweeted.

    “Ghostbusters is doing so badly they’ve deployed @Lesdoggg to play the victim on Twitter. Very sad!” Yiannopoulos posted, followed by tweets that read: “Barely literate. America needs better schools!” and “rejected by yet another black dude.”

    The above is what Milo wrote about Leslie and got kicked off twitter. How is what he said any more or less racist that what the title of this article is? Should Evan Hurst be kicked off the internet now? Give me a break. His book will be a national best seller

    • resistance_fighter_rosenbomb

      Oh yeah, it was that *tweet* that got him kicked off of twitter, pfft. It couldn’t be the fact that he encouraged his flying monkey brigade to harass Leslie Jones.

      Also, how is Evan’s title racist exactly?

      • mancityRed6

        because he’s using Milo’s own words?

        • HorseChestnut

          Directly quoting someone, in appropriate context, is the worst thing you can do to them. So mean.

      • Christine790

        Where is the encouragement that Milo gave to his followers to attack Leslie? I’ve never seen anything where he was directing attacks at her. He was trolling her with the above

        Evan’s title is not racist. But people are accusing Milo of “racist” tweets against Leslie that got him kicked off. Salon for example

        http://www.salon.com/2016/12/29/alt-rich-obnoxious-breitbart-editor-milo-yiannopoulos-scores-huge-book-advance/

        • Resistance Fighter MausFeet

          Sure, he has no responsibility for those he’s collected as his ‘followers’ taking action based on things he says over and over again. His entire schtick is being hateful and laughing at other people for having a reaction to it. And if he’s not at all racist in his little heart but still behaves the way he does, the actions trump the words. I can say I don’t believe in hitting people, but if I hit someone they’re still going to feel it.

          You cannot possibly be so naive as to truly think he’s not pointing less stable people at people of color, women, other gays, and liberals with the idea that they deserve to be harassed in order to raise his own profile and create a cult of personality around him. Though… you are spending your own time defending this man online, so perhaps I give you too much credit.

        • JMP

          Fuck that shit. Of course he that evil little fuckface knew that his deplorable neo-Nazi followers would go harass Jones because he insulted her, the claim that he’s somehow not responsible is such transparent bullshit from a liar. But then that’s to be expected from someone so lacking in honesty or morals as defend that fucking monster!

          And you may not have noticed, but Milo has a long history of encouraging horrific abuse and harassment from his followers, as well as being super-racist and super-misogynist; he even supported the anti-woman terrorist group GamerGate which used similar tactics to try and destroy the lives of many different women for thoughtcrime, all in pursuit of the goal of suppressing free speech and intimidating anyone from discussing misogyny in video games.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      1) Milo was thrown off twitter for engaging in and promoting abusive behavior, not racism.

      2) Under the circumstances, I’d imagine that he’d prefer his defense to be at least somewhat grammatically correct. It’s “How is what he wrote any more racist than the title of this post?”

      and also

      3) Strictly speaking, it’s not actually racist to say that someone has sex with black men if, in fact, he frequently points out as part of his political self-justification that he has sex with black men.

      • Christine790

        How are the above posts abusive? And how was he promoting it? Do you have any tweets of Milo’s where he directed his followers to attack Leslie?

        • Carpe Vagenda

          You’re adorable when you’re trying to be subtle about moving the goalposts because you lose.

        • Ricky Gay

          Milo aint gonna fuck you. Deal with it.

        • Biel_ze_Bubba

          Do you have proof that THIS is the post that got his gaping ass tossed off of Twitter?

      • Hendrik Vanderstijn

        Making jokes about a celebrity is abusive.

        Calling for white genocide and saying that haiti massacre of whites is a good thing is a-ok!

        • Carpe Vagenda

          If you say so. Although you’re still wrong.

          • JMP

            He’s trying to refer to the latest target of the two-minute hate whose life the far right has decided to ruin for the commission of thoughcrime; in this case, an obscure academic who the pieces of shit are trying to get fired for mocking white supremacists. But it’s confusing as most people have no fucking clue what these racist fuckheads are talking about.

            http://www.lawyersgunsmoneyblog.com/2016/12/george-ciccariello-maher

        • JMP

          Considering that the evil little racist piece of shit was not “making jokes” about a celebrity but encouraging his legions of deplorable followers to try to ruin her life with horrific harassment, similar to that done by the terrorist campaign GamerGate which he encouraged, yes of course that was abusive.

          No one has ever called for “white genocide”, that’s just a stupid term used by racists for interracial relationships who think that having more multiracial babies instead of the good thing it is is somehow horrible. Plus the Hatian revolution was against slave owners, you forget to mention; of course that was a good thing, just as it would have been amazingly great if the slaves in the American South had managed to rise up and give the slave owners what they deserved, that’s pretty fucking undeniable.

        • doktorzoom

          You seem nice.

          No, Banhammered, that’s what I meant. You seem banhammered.

          — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

          • Biel_ze_Bubba

            Dang – I was hoping this one would stick around for a bit.

    • Vagenda and Tiara

      You know who the REAL racist here is?

      • Ricky Gay

        Milo’s ass?

        • Vagenda and Tiara

          Lulz! I was going for “Wonkette” but I like “Milo’s ass” muuuuch better.

      • JMP

        The racist-apologist troll with the private profile!

    • JMP

      Yes, that’s what the evil little creep said in directing his vile little hate mob to try and destroy Leslie Jones’ life with releasing her personal information, hacking and death threats before FINALLY getting the kicking off Twitter he deserves. It’s similar to what he did in supporting the misogynist terrorism campaign GamerGate. Sadly his actions still haven’t lead that evil little Nazi piece of shit to getting sent where he belongs, in prison.

    • doktorzoom

      Tiresome troll is tiresome, banhammered.

      — Dok Zoom, Yr Friendly Neighborhood Comments Moderator

  • Carpe Vagenda

    Les Moonves strikes again (CBS owns S&S)

  • Jgb979

    As an act of morality: it’s another sulfuric eruption that is now the cesspit from hell that is 2016 right wing political discourse. It should be immediately burned along with the entire damn internet.

    As a money making scheme: I can see it. I guess the Neo nazis will overlook the ghey if you’re racist enough.

    • Carpe Vagenda

      I think you’re looking too deep. I think the Breitbart trolls are just really happy to know that somewhere overhead, mom is offended.

    • Mehmeisterjr

      Until you run out of Röhm.

  • Jean-Marc in Canada
  • Paperless Tiger

    What? A conflicted conservative? The dickens you say!

  • Stulexington

    He uses black people for sexual gratification guys!! No one has ever hated someone they have sex with, or a group of people they have sex with!

    • Douglas White

      Agree! I never understood why everyone thought slave owning southerners were racist, when all the sex they had with their black slaves absolutely proved 100% completely that they loved blacks. Silly liberals!

  • Vagenda and Tiara

    Gee, I wonder who is audience is going to be? Most Conservatives don’t want to read about some queer getting a dick up his butt, and most Libtards don’t care. So basically his audience is filthy pig bottoms who are also conservative. His audience will probably be about 15,000 people.

  • gaybymml96

    “I met with top execs at Simon & Schuster earlier in the year and spent half an hour trying to shock them with lewd jokes and outrageous opinions. I thought they were going to have me escorted from the building — but instead they offered me a wheelbarrow full of money,” Yiannopoulos told THR.

    If anything – this must be a clarion call for Wonket to publish a book of dickjokes.

  • Ted Belmont

    So how much of that 250k is going to pay Milo’s ghostwriters, and how much will go directly up his nose? I’m thinking 25/75 at best.

    • Beowoof14

      i don’t know I think some is going for Hookers.

  • ryp

    He isn’t even the creepiest gay Trump fan, that would be Peter Theil.

  • Bryan Beecroft

    This bloke makes the case for Exactly One More, er, Celebrity takenfromustoosoon.

  • bookish

    Milo is maturing in spite of himself. I see hints of Al Gore in his jawline. Squeee!

  • MVP556

    How does it feel to have Milo living rent-free in your heads?

    • bookish

      I’ll let you know when it happens.

    • Biel_ze_Bubba

      Rent-free? Aren’t you charging him?
      Do what I do, and make sure he leaves as soon as you stop reading about him.

  • bgal

    Milo manipulates the meaning of feminism so he can gain points with straight men by enforcing the idea that they should all be desired – like he needs to be. He’s such an ass.

  • Serai 1
  • Sister Artemis

    Oh, Evan… can you not do an artsty fartsy sort of review, maybe along the lines of a sloshed Peggy Noonington thing? You just know we’d eat that right up! (so to speak….)

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