...Whether you are worth divorcing.

When I look at the people I know who've gotten married in the past twenty years, you see patterns develop.

1) I know three guys who are single, right in middle age. One of them went into early retirement (fixed income). One of them is self-employed (he set up a shell corporation, so it isn't his business to lose). One of them went his own way and gone monk. Good income, good assets, and most of all, good asset management (Assets all in trusts. Names on titles and deeds are always someone else, or they rent. Retirements all in long term IRAs or wealth funds with severe penalties for early withdrawal). Two out of the three are begging their steadies to marry; they'll have none of it. Why? Because marrying these folks won't get her hooks into anything. They are worth marrying, but they aren't worth divorcing. Don't get me wrong; these love the sex, but they are content just living with them.

2) I know a dozen guys who are divorced, late thirties to forties. One divorced twice. Good incomes, but they can't ever get the girls they are seeing to marry. It's because the income is half of what they are making, and the expenses are double (he's still paying for his last marriage). It doesn't matter that half of these guys are still able to get a new home; the women won't touch 'em. Are they worth marrying? Even with the cash flow problems, these guys do better than average. But they just aren't worth divorcing, because there's not much left to take.

3) I know about a dozen guys in their late 20's early 30's with mortgages and bills up the wazoo, mostly education loans (law school, MBAs, Med school) and high-priced real estate (they had to move where the action is). They invested in good property, mind you, but it's a pretty penny. They have nice cars, usually leased or buy every five years or so. Good suits, and good income. But no woman seems to stick around after a month, because everything that's coming in is going out. Are they worth marrying? These folks are on track to make big bank, so I'd think some woman would want to get in on that action. But they just aren't worth divorcing, probably because the women would owe more money than they would make.

4) I know a lot of guys who are getting by, but not admirably so. Some money in the bank, but not a lot. They rent, not buy. They live comfortably, and they have girlfriends, but they bolt as soon as the pop the question. But it makes sense, given that there's no assets there for her to dip into for a legal fund if and when she wants to pull the trigger. No potential for divorce? No potential for marriage.

5) I know one guy who is a divorce and probate expert at a law firm. Mid-40's (I think). Chicks don't even try, probably because they know they'll come out the losing end.

6) The chumps I know who got married all had several things going (or not going) for them. First, their name was either on the mortgage, on the deed, or jointly with her (don't ever go jointly, bros). There was equity in the house. Also, they had hefty retirements, CDs, money markets, and assets that could be liquidated easily without needing to bust up a trust. They were corporate workers and bureaucrats; steady paychecks and career tracks (not intermittent work). Those are the guys that can, and do, get married, probably because there's so much she can grab out of them.

So what's the moral of the story? You can play with the women, but unless you are an easy mark, they aren't going to marry you if they have a choice.