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Jokes

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Welcome to /r/Jokes!
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  • Offensive jokes are fine as long as they are still jokes. We do make exceptions for extremely racist jokes
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These are jokes. Some of them are old, and as such reflect the tone of the times. Some of them are new, and just as offensive. Unless it's spam, it stays.
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submitted by LifeIsHellaGay
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the entrance:
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!"
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
The 1st floor sign reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and The sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and The sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
all 124 comments
[–]Natchil 413 points414 points415 points  (16 children)
Can someone make a website with this concept so I can show it my gf and look how far she goes?
[–]Lord-Benjimus 103 points104 points105 points  (0 children)
For science!
[–]plansoftheuniverse 30 points31 points32 points  (3 children)
!RemindMe one week
[–]dsfsfdsflsdfjksd 21 points22 points23 points  (1 child)
this shouldn't take more than an hour to make
if people give me some images representing each floor, i can make it.
[–]plansoftheuniverse 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
!RemindMe one hour
[–]5678DH45E17MM36DD 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
Me too thanks
[–]Sam-Gunn 23 points24 points25 points  (0 children)
"Well, she's already past floors 1 & 2... Sorry about that, but I guess you're just not what she wanted..."
[–]Whateveritwantstobe 9 points10 points11 points  (5 children)
I'm on it. Halfway done.
[–]2001anapplepie 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
Just leaving it here so i know to check back soon enough
[–]The-Best-Snail 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
RemindMe! 24 hours
[–]Badsuns7 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
!RemindMe 24 hours
[–]ReluctantHistorian [score hidden]  (0 children)
RemindMe! 24 hours
[–]paksa 11 points12 points13 points  (0 children)
Okay
[–]RaidRover[🍰] 0 points1 point2 points  (1 child)
RemindMe! 5 days
[–]anonymonsterss [score hidden]  (0 children)
WHERES REMINDME BOT SO IT CAN STOP THIS SPAM?
[–]Kermicon [score hidden]  (0 children)
!RemindMe 1 day
[–]randomuser8765 334 points335 points336 points  (25 children)
You left out the second part - the wife store across the street in which no man has ever visited higher than the second floor.
 
Also, did I mention this is a repost?
[–]DontBanMeBro8121 158 points159 points160 points  (7 children)
Floor 1: these women aren't ugly
Floor 2: these women aren't ugly and suck cock
[–]road-rash3000 55 points56 points57 points  (0 children)
Sold!
[–]anooblol 29 points30 points31 points  (3 children)
There's a 3rd floor actually. It goes:
  • Good looking
  • Love to have sex
  • Will cook a home cooked meal every night.
[–]top_roped_up 15 points16 points17 points  (1 child)
I cook better than most, i'll stick with floor 2
[–]plata_o_plomo 5 points6 points7 points  (0 children)
Smart choice. Don't get too greedy.
[–]DeeDeeInDC [score hidden]  (0 children)
4th floor - anal.
[–]Sam-Gunn 3 points4 points5 points  (1 child)
Which floor contains the woman who are decently pretty AND put out?
[–]DontBanMeBro8121 7 points8 points9 points  (0 children)
They're on floor 2, you just have to shop around a bit.
[–]cogenix 50 points51 points52 points  (1 child)
Well, it's an achievement - typically they'd stop at the basement.
[–]AlAkir1 11 points12 points13 points  (0 children)
You mean the germans.
[–]nickoliver86 17 points18 points19 points  (13 children)
This is a crucial part of the punchline left out by OP. Thanks for adding!
[–]beenthereonce2 24 points25 points26 points  (12 children)
Also, how could it be a brand-new store and have had 31,456,012 customers?
[–]gregedit 33 points34 points35 points  (0 children)
The queue was long, they had to sleep in tents for weeks.
[–]tesfalcon 8 points9 points10 points  (8 children)
It's NYC (pop 10 million) plus visitors (10 million daily). If it was advertised well it could hit 31 million in less than a month ep since it's a one-way in & out revolving door.
[–]ethan101010 10 points11 points12 points  (5 children)
You're counting men too
[–]ronaIdreagan 7 points8 points9 points  (2 children)
Ok 2 months.
[–]Vismungcg 13 points14 points15 points  (1 child)
Why are we discussing the logistics of a real life husband store?
[–]sedsimplea 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Yes.
[–]elevenears 0 points1 point2 points  (1 child)
ARE YOU ASSUMING THEIR SEXUALITY BRUH
[–]vrtego 3 points4 points5 points  (1 child)
Each person is allowed only one visit.
And I question the math that puts all 10m annual visitors in the same month.
[–]cgeiman0 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
It may be a new store but it doesn't mean it's the first store
[–]imregrettingthis 1 point2 points3 points  (1 child)
Local opening. National numbers.
[–]beenthereonce2 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
Wow, never expected so much in-depth analysis of an off-the-cuff comment.
[–]MortyDazzler 12 points13 points14 points  (0 children)
At the wife store across the street, all the men wandered in thinking it was a coffee shop and assumed the barista was flirting with them when she asked for their name.
[–]emanresol 90 points91 points92 points  (1 child)
I, too, received this joke recently in an email forwarded by an elderly relative.

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Comments, continued...

[–]BanTheSpeech 68 points69 points70 points  (8 children)
Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak with children
[–]SkyZo222 25 points26 points27 points  (3 children)
Floor 6 - These men love jobs, have kids, help with the drop-dead, have a gorgeous housework streak and look romantic
[–]_casual_redditor_ 8 points9 points10 points  (0 children)
This made me lol more than the joke. I don't know why
[–]NukeML 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I want to help with the drop-dead too, where do I sign up?
[–]fistkick18 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
These men love gorgeous, have drop-dead, help with the jobs, have kids, and look housework streak.
[–]fourpuns 35 points36 points37 points  (2 children)
Priests can't marry...
[–]Albatraous 9 points10 points11 points  (1 child)
Which is why a number of them screw children
[–]fourpuns 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
He gets the joke!
[–]nocitiesto[🍰] comment score below threshold-9 points-8 points-7 points  (0 children)
can't believe you found a way to make this OLD joke nice and not misogynistic. good on ya! :)
[–]bc0203 27 points28 points29 points  (2 children)
I was seriously expecting the guys on level five or six to be gay.
[–]nxsky 8 points9 points10 points  (0 children)
Also missing the part where they erase her memory ala MiB because 30 million women couldn't possibly keep a secret.
[–]Twibils 28 points29 points30 points  (10 children)
...Secret Floor 7 holds a speed dating for lesbian relationships
[–]Sam-Gunn 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
No, that's actually floor #6, once women realize the perfect man doesn't exist, and they then wish to live a lifestyle where they can wear comfortable shoes.
[–]DontBanMeBro8121 5 points6 points7 points  (8 children)
And a one-way mirror for dudes to watch and fap
[–]TechnicallyUhNah 5 points6 points7 points  (7 children)
Do you think people fuck on speed dates?
[–]TheBoni 13 points14 points15 points  (0 children)
Well, not for very long...
[–]TomTheHermit 4 points5 points6 points  (5 children)
You haven't met my sister-in-law. She'll hop on any dick if she thinks she might score a free meal afterwards.
[–]mykhola 11 points12 points13 points  (0 children)
So uh... your sister-in-law have a phone number?
[–]LevelSevenLaserLotus 5 points6 points7 points  (0 children)
Hey its me ur sister in law
What's my phone number again?
[–]DontBanMeBro8121 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
U got any pics?
[–]AngelsHaveTheBlueBox 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Is your sister-in-law Meredith from The Office?
[–]slickricflair 12 points13 points14 points  (3 children)
This would only work for the first customer. After that, everyone would know to stop at the 5th floor.
[–]Drowlord101 22 points23 points24 points  (2 children)
Because women are good communicators?
[–]NukeML 22 points23 points24 points  (1 child)
I bet they'd intentionally not tell their friends, just so they don't get what she couldn't
[–]cgeiman0 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
Sounds about right. I can't be married and happy so they won't either
[–]PounceFTW 3 points4 points5 points  (0 children)
Do they have a return policy?
[–]Sk8erBoi95 8 points9 points10 points  (24 children)
Ignoring the implication that there are men on all 6 floors, and thus the anyone in the woman's situation would check out all 6 floors, not a bad joke.
[–]shith_lard 27 points28 points29 points  (21 children)
Except smart ones would think about the
""You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a particular floor or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down except to exit the building!""
part, understand that there may be drawbacks to going up higher.
[–]Sk8erBoi95 6 points7 points8 points  (15 children)
Drawbacks like the product being of higher value? And technically the 6th floor product value is lower than all the others, since there is nothing, which does not follow the listed rules. But then again, it's a joke, no need to continue to over think it more than we already have
[–]DontBanMeBro8121 2 points3 points4 points  (3 children)
The 6th floor gives you enlightenment
[–]watchwhalen 1 point2 points3 points  (2 children)
6th floor is also cheaper than a wedding thus saving you more money than you were spending had you actually chosen a husband. Short term speaking 6th floor has most monetary value as all other floors will essentially cost money.
[–]Fixerguy 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
The real LPT is always in the comments!
[–]plata_o_plomo 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
But all those cats are going to be expected since to feed.
[–]shith_lard 13 points14 points15 points  (9 children)
how can you overthink and still miss everything.
[–]Sk8erBoi95 comment score below threshold-6 points-5 points-4 points  (8 children)
Oh I didn't miss your point, I'm just stating that if the store adhered to the rules posted, e.g. that every floor contains product (men) of higher value than the preceeding floor, there would be even better men on the 6th floor, and thus you can't really fault the woman for going up one more.
[–]Super_Saiyan_BobRoss 15 points16 points17 points  (0 children)
The value is in the lesson =p
[–]Lonely_Astro_Viking 4 points5 points6 points  (3 children)
It doesn't say that every floor has to have men or product. It just says that as you go up the floor the product gets increased value.
[–]DefiantLemur 4 points5 points6 points  (2 children)
Except for the 6th floor doesn't have any product
[–]Jockey79 6 points7 points8 points  (0 children)
It has wisdom, that's very valuable. Not even the world's leaders can afford it - just look at them, not a drop of wisdom anywhere.
;)
[–]WartyComb39498 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Yes you can. Value means price. This means that the drawback is that it is more expensive, yet the women kept going higher and higher knowing she could never go back.
[–]Plasmadraco -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
The real downside should have been that the men on the 6th floor were basically perfect but the price was unachievably high, but that would have been too predictable
[–]MechanicalEngineEar 1 point2 points3 points  (4 children)
So the smart ones would carefully read the sign, trust it, and be aware of the subtle warning, yet also anticipate that the sign is also lying about the value of the product increasing each floor?
If that is the case, why would they trust it at all, who knows what other parts it is lying about other than the value. What if there is no exit upstairs and as soon as you enter the building you can never leave and you die!?
This joke is stupid because it implies women are stupid for being smart enough to work through a simple optimization problem.
What if the 6th floor was honest about its claims and has guys just as good as the 5th floor but they also had near limitless fortunes? Then it would be the women who stopped on lower floors who are the idiots since the sign clearly stated value increased with higher floors.
[–]The70sUsername 0 points1 point2 points  (3 children)
That's my problem with this joke. Anyone would go to the 6th floor. Replace 'husbands' with anything and 'women' with anyone and it'll play out the same. If it clearly says go up, things get better, why wouldn't you?
[–]DeeDeeInDC [score hidden]  (2 children)
Because of the implications of "you can only enter once and you can't backtrack". What part of that doesn't sound like a lesson may be learned here to you? There should be sirens in your head going off. It's like the genie in the lamp. You can make three wishes but the more fantastic you go, the higher the odd something will go awry.
[–]The70sUsername [score hidden]  (1 child)
Sirens would be going off if perhaps a person was giving me these instructions with a certain inflection in their voice. If I'm just standing at a building reading a sign, I'm gonna take it pretty literally. Why would a building be teaching me a life lesson?
[–]DeeDeeInDC [score hidden]  (0 children)
Do you take every sign you read literally? Probably not. When you have a green light without an arrow on a left hand turn you probably don't hit the gas and go, you wait until you can go. If you read the sign and don't question what it says, you're the imbecile. If you do and choose not to go in, you were right to question it. The business language used in selling products is always sneaky and designed to sell you a product, regardless of if it does the job you need it to do, or does it well. You should know that by now. Gillette razors, "the best a man can get!" But no, they are not. Do you need a million more examples? It's called advertising.
[–]Drowlord101 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I'd prefer that floor six has impossible standards and it is out of stock (or possibly never had any) rather than a self-righteous sign.
[–]IDontReadReplies3 -5 points-4 points-3 points  (0 children)
That's ok it also ignore's the fact most of the woman would be unemployed over weight and constantly nag and complain.
[–]Snakumoto 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
Saw that one coming
[–]era252 1 point2 points3 points  (1 child)
Anyone else curious why the setup specifies New York City? This store's location seems irrelevant.
[–]plata_o_plomo 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
"Because New York City is The City, the only city."
/s
[–]ktsb 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
I don't even think there are that many people in ny
[–]Pencil_ 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
This one reminds me of "The ladder of success"
[–]derfmai 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
There used to be a brothel in Munich with this concept. The most expensive and best looking girls were on the sixth floor 1st floor were the older less luxurious gals. Etc. etc.
[–]WeirdCatEars 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Joke's on the store I don't need no husbands, I have my wife.
[–]Fireproofspider 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Who the fuck would stop at any floor when there is a clear upwards progression and the expectation that the store wants to sell you something.
[–]AgoraiosBum [score hidden]  (0 children)
But if no one is buying husbands, how is the store going to stay in business? Seems like a bad business model.
[–]RPolbro 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
Rip
[–]metagloria 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
"Drop-dead Good Looking"
[–]EvilK0ala 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
7th floor is a glass ceiling made from bulletproof fireproof (insert dangerous noun here)-proof plexiglass. So ha.
[–]disgruntledwhale comment score below threshold-16 points-15 points-14 points  (1 child)
Hehe, I liked the sexist part.
[–]watchwhalen 2 points3 points4 points  (0 children)
It appears you have offended people. +1
[–]Runefall comment score below threshold-11 points-10 points-9 points  (1 child)
How does it mean that they are impossible to please? They were pleased - there was just more in store for them.
[–]DabTurtle 1 point2 points3 points  (0 children)
I found the woman
[–]loureedfromthegrave comment score below threshold-9 points-8 points-7 points  (5 children)
Always nice when jokes point out double standards. Seems so many women want equality, but still need a utility husband with a fancy job and nice material things. Funny how guys don't give a fuck about that and are considered the shallow gender.
[–]TechnicallyUhNah 7 points8 points9 points  (0 children)
Yeah, this joke isn't really hard hitting political commentary. It's just a grandpa joke.
[–]LevelSevenLaserLotus 1 point2 points3 points  (1 child)
You missed the point of the joke by a mile. Also, many guys give several fucks about those things.
Source: Am guy. Give at least 3 fucks.
[–]loureedfromthegrave -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
yea, guys can also be tools
[–]DoctorRabidBadger -1 points0 points1 point  (1 child)
Some joke online said something about women so it must be true.
[–]loureedfromthegrave 0 points1 point2 points  (0 children)
oh man here come the internet defenders
[–]SirNate2 -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
Repost
[–]bushlight1313 -1 points0 points1 point  (0 children)
Mormon here: so if youre a guy and work at the store, does that enter you into a never ending paradox of marriage? Sign me up.
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