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Previous Next Up Topic Discussion / Miscellaneous Discussion / I injected 2cc of Vodka into each testicle
- - By happousai Date 2003-09-05 21:10
Disclaimer: You probably shouldn't try this yourself, unless you're really desperate. I was driven to do this out of a need to suppress my testosterone in an irrevocable way. I had been taking Evanesce before, but my mother found the pills and made me stop, and the testosterone returned. If I can destroy my testicles, then no one can make my testosterone return like that.

Three hours ago, I injected 2cc of Vodka (40% alcohol) into each testicle in an attempt to kill them.

I used a 25g 3cc syringe. I poured the Vodka into a small glass, then filled the syringe slightly over 2cc, then pushed the plunger expelling the excess (along with the air; supposedly, injecting air into the body is dangerous and can cause a heart attack) back into the glass.

I poured a bit of rubbing alcohol onto a cotton ball, and swabbed the right side of my scrotum.

With my left hand, I held my right testicle close to the scrotum. I held the syringe in my right hand, pressing it to the scrotum. I felt a slight prick, seeing a small depression in the skin forming at the tip of the needle. I slowly pushed the syringe into my testicle. The needle was sharp, like needles typically are, so all I felt as it went in was the initial prick (the depression in the skin eased up as the needle pierced through) and a sensation as if my testicles were being lightly squeezed.

I pulled back on the plunger a bit to make sure that no blood came out (which would indicate that I had hit a blood vessel). As I pushed the plunger in, the testicle-squeezing sensation increased, so I pushed it in slower and took maybe half a minute to inject the entire 2cc. For some unexpected reason, doing this felt erotic, and I wished that a close female friend was the one doing the injecting. When I finished injecting it, I withdrew the syringe and felt my testicle. It was now hard, presumably stretched by the fluid I injected.

I repeated the same process on the left testicle. This time, the needle took longer to pierce through the skin. The testicle squeezing sensation was also more painful as I injected the fluid, and I had to go slower. Other than that, it was the same.

I went online briefly to tell a close friend that I had finished the procedure. My testicles kept feeling as if someone was constantly squeezing them and it hurt, so I took acetaminophen and went to lie down. Three hours later, it didn't hurt as much anymore, so here I am typing this. Judging from my previous experiences with pain, I think it wouldn't have really hurt had I taken a strong prescription-only painkiller.

Now, from what I've been told about the Vodka injection method, one injection may not be enough to kill the testicles; I may need two or three. I hope the later injections aren't as painful as this one was, perhaps due to the testicular tissue being partially dead. Or maybe I can find a bit of prescription painkiller that I should still have a few pills left over of from when I was in the hospital last year.
Parent - - By SaraG Date 2003-09-05 21:29

> Disclaimer: You probably shouldn't try this
> yourself, unless you're really desperate. I was
> driven to do this out of a need to suppress my
> testosterone in an irrevocable way. I had been
> taking Evanesce before, but my mother found the
> pills and made me stop, and the testosterone
> returned. If I can destroy my testicles, then no
> one can make my testosterone return like that.
>
> Three hours ago, I injected 2cc of Vodka (40%
> alcohol) into each testicle in an attempt to kill
> them.


If you're young enough that your mother can "make you stop" taking Evanesce, you probably shouldn't be playing around with vodka, let alone syringes and needles. This does sound really desperate, desperate enough that you should be talking this through with a psychiatrist, who might be able to make your mother see reason. Do you really think she'd rather you mutilated yourself than take Evanesce?

If you succeed in literally killing the testicular tissue, you'll have to go to the hospital because necrotic (dead, decaying) internal tissue leads to serious, usually fatal, infection.

Please see a doctor about this, please. -- SaraG
Parent - - By happousai Date 2003-09-05 21:40

> If you're young enough that your mother can "make you stop" taking Evanesce, you probably shouldn't be playing around with vodka, let alone syringes and needles.


I'm 21, legal to drink, even. It's just that I chose to continue living with my parents.

> If you succeed in literally killing the testicular tissue, you'll have to go to the hospital because necrotic (dead, decaying) internal tissue leads to serious, usually fatal, infection.


There are several US patents of methods to castrate mammals by injection into the testicles. It involves injecting either 1cc of 88% dl-lactic acid, 2cc of 40% alcohol such as Vodka, or a commercial product such as ChemCast(tm) into each testicle. Then the testicle dies and is reabsorbed by the body, and no further intervention is required.
Parent - - By babedude Date 2003-09-05 22:11
WOW!!!
             
          K.C.
Parent - By babedude Date 2003-09-05 22:13
STOPPIT!!!
     
    K.C.
Parent - By maryannk Date 2003-09-05 22:27
Hi Hap!

You sound rational enough to deal with the health consequences.
If the testicular tissue turns black and painful...this is an unhealthy
sign.  If you experience fever you should get medical attention at
once as a toxic infection may be entering your blood stream.

I knew of an TG person who was framed for drug making and
intent to distribute.  He tried to kill his testicles by cuttting off
the blood supply.  The constricted testicle became necrotic
turning black.  It would have been more humane to remove
the testicle, but instead the Prison doc lossened the bind
sending this poison throughout his body!  Welcome to Prison!
Frank experienced  high fevers and became very ill.  He  recovered
however and is in his 9th year of a 10 year sentence for making
drugs in his mothers' basement?? I do not think you.  Things went
very bad for him from the initial Federal Narcotic Bust in the middle
of the night...they lead him away in Bra and Panties. 

Take care!

Maryann
Parent - - By SaraG Date 2003-09-07 16:22

>> If you're young enough that your mother can "make
>> you stop" taking Evanesce, you probably shouldn't
>> be playing around with vodka, let alone syringes
>> and needles.
>
> I'm 21, legal to drink, even. It's just that I
> chose to continue living with my parents.


I'll say it again: if  you're young enough -- and this has nothing to do with how long ago you were born -- that your mother can make you stop taking Evanesce, you probably shouldn't be playing around with vodka and needles. Don't you think your mother would make you stop doing that, too, if she found out?

At 21, you have a choice of whether to live with your parents. They have a choice of whether to throw you out because you might not want to follow their orders on how to live your life. Do you really think your parents want you injecting vodka, a risky procedure at best, in preference to taking Evanesce? Would you really rather live with them than respond to a fundamental need that is more safely met by taking Evanesce?

I do think you need to talk this over with a transgender specialist, whether social worker or psychiatrist.

>> If you succeed in literally killing the testicular
>> tissue, you'll have to go to the hospital because
>> necrotic (dead, decaying) internal tissue leads to
>> serious, usually fatal, infection.
>
> There are several US patents of methods to castrate
> mammals by injection into the testicles. It
> involves injecting either 1cc of 88% dl-lactic
> acid, 2cc of 40% alcohol such as Vodka, or a
> commercial product such as ChemCast(tm) into each
> testicle. Then the testicle dies and is reabsorbed
> by the body, and no further intervention is
> required.


Fine, you may succeed in killing your testicles and even survive the process. You'll still need to take something for hormone replacement, and your mother will still try to make you stop. THE PROBLEM WILL STILL BE THERE. I hope you are able to deal with it then.

-- SaraG
Parent - By Dakota Lynn Date 2003-09-07 22:52
Happousai sweetie, SaraG is right if you succeed in killing your testicles and come out the other side with out doing yourself any other harm. We as humans need some form of hormones in our sytem be it testosterone or estrogen. So you will need to take some form of hormone for the rest of your life. And this means that you will have to take a stand against you mother and her wishes at some point anyway. You are an Adult it is your choice when and how you do this. But this isn't the best way for you to get your way with your mother about this.

Daks
Parent - - By happousai Date 2003-09-07 22:55

> I'll say it again: if  you're young enough -- and
> this has nothing to do with how long ago you were
> born -- that your mother can make you stop taking
> Evanesce, you probably shouldn't be playing around
> with vodka and needles. Don't you think your mother
> would make you stop doing that, too, if she found
> out?


Of course she would. However, she's out of town for a while, so she had no way of stopping me, or even finding out that I injected vodka into my testicles. Assuming this was successful in destroying my testicles, there is nothing she can do later that would reverse that, whereas with Evanesce, she can reverse its effects simply by making me stop taking it.

> Do you
> really think your parents want you injecting vodka,
> a risky procedure at best, in preference to taking
> Evanesce?


No. They wouldn't want me to do either.

> Would you really rather live with them
> than respond to a fundamental need that is more
> safely met by taking Evanesce?


In general, I get along great with my parents. Possibly more so than the average person my age, judging by how many of them opt to move out. Other than the gender thing, I can't think of anything I've wanted to do that my parents disapproved of, and they are content to let me live and eat for free in their home.

> I do think you need to talk this over with a
> transgender specialist, whether social worker or
> psychiatrist.


I'm not sure if that's necessary anymore, considering I may have already achieved my goal. I'm not interested in transitioning fully to female; I only wanted to eliminate the negative effects of testosterone from my body. Actually, I may want a penectomy as well in the future since the darn thing gets in my way a lot, but it may not be that annoying if I succeed in eliminating the testosterone, resulting in less erections.

> Fine, you may succeed in killing your testicles and
> even survive the process. You'll still need to take
> something for hormone replacement, and your mother
> will still try to make you stop. THE PROBLEM WILL
> STILL BE THERE. I hope you are able to deal with it
> then.


Yes, I am aware of that. I actually ordered a new supply of Evanesce earlier this week, since everyone is out of town. I am taking it every day, and hopefully I can hide it better this time.
Parent - - By maryannk Date 2003-09-08 01:45
Here is a lighter upbeat side to this "self-medication".
Apparently, Hap, you deceided against children..that
you have no desire to produce offspring and be a Daddy.
Well hats off to you!  Many men father kids that are really
unfit and immature to do a good job.  An excellent example
is my 32 year old step-son, who just stepped out on the
porch for a smoke.  Yep he lives and eat here for free as
he with a lot of help from his asshole father has  screwed
up his life.  He has two drunk driving convictions ( could have
been 22 convictions) and one failed marriage..he tried marrying
a woman near his mother age with seven kids!  Now life has been
rough on him....having a Peter Pan for a father and a TG step-father
who escapes into petticoats and crinolines.  No I did not father
any kids...I did not get an instructional manual on how to use the
equipment.    Oh by the way, I also helped raise a step-daughter
who is 30, married and produced a beautiful baby girl..1 year old.
By moving back to live with us, Christy received a 4 year college
at our expense.  The boy came back to live with his "sick" step-father
after he burned out the landlady's house!

Now back to you...therapy, counseling...please seek it out before you
turn 32, living at home, and become a clone of my step-son!  That should
frighten you...it does me!

Hugs,

Maryann
Parent - - By happousai Date 2003-09-09 02:28

> Apparently, Hap, you deceided against children..that
> you have no desire to produce offspring and be a Daddy.


Yes, I have no intention of having children or being a father; that would involve indenturing myself to another for 18 or more years, which is not what I like to do.

> Now back to you...therapy, counseling...please seek it out before you
> turn 32, living at home, and become a clone of my step-son!  That should
> frighten you...it does me!


I fail to see the connection between myself and your step-son; from what you say, I think that the only thing I have in common with him is that I live with my parents. However, I don't smoke, I only drink occasionally and in moderation, and I don't drive (I use public transportation).
Parent - By maryannk Date 2003-09-09 18:18
Hap,

Sorry about that one.  Your are correct the analogy is over-stretched.
All my posts on that night were on the bearish side....venting off
some frustration.  All that aside,  you should make the best of being 21.
You may be in denial about being transsexual.  Get lucky and get
the right treatment now.  Many older Tg people here including myself
would willing give both left and right nuts to have another chance
to transition at any earlier age.  My original kudos that did not
come out right, was to not sulk around for 10 years then deceide
that you want to Transition to a woman.

What would'nt we give to have another chance at your age?
Good bye Farm, Grandmom, Mom, Apple Pie, the Flag signed
by Pres. Bush, fast wheels, fast babes.....

Try to get a diagnosis on your deeper problems.

Hugs.

Maryann
Parent - By Luce Date 2007-09-28 13:28

> If you succeed in literally killing the testicular
> tissue, you'll have to go to the hospital because
> necrotic (dead, decaying) internal tissue leads to
> serious, usually fatal, infection.


That's not likely in this case Sara. Necrotic tissue is usually the result of a severely decreased blood supply to an area, and to put it simply, the tissue would starve and suffocate to death as with the example by Maryanne where a TG person attempted to kill his testicles by binding them to cut off the blood supply. THAT WILL KILL YOU. Think septicemia (Blood poisening).

Love,
  Luce
Parent - - By rexxlang Date 2003-09-06 01:46
I could never do anything like that, no matter how desperate I felt. In spite of what you say, I feel that you are playing with fire and you could end up with life threatening consequences.

My advice to you is to get back on Evanesce. Have them shipped to a close friend or rent a P.O. box. Or tell your mother that you'll pick up the mail every day. That's how I do it, I pick up the mail all the time so I have complete control over it.

Then, find a real good hiding place that your mother won't find. When I was taking breast enlargement herbs, I would hide them in the basement between the ceiling supports. No one ever found them there. It's a bit inconvenient but better than what you are doing!

You sound intelligent. Think of ways to outwit your mother :-)
Parent - - By rexxlang Date 2003-09-06 23:25
A few comments on my previous post:

In regards to picking up the mail - I don't know whether or not you get mail delivered to your home so what I suggested may not be an option. Where I live, we do not have home mail delivery. We have what are called 'superboxes' which are basically P.O. boxes on the street which handle groups of 10 - 20 houses. Each house has a separate box number and their own keys. In my case, I have the only key to this box so I have complete control over it.

In regards to outwitting your mother - I don't normally promote this type of activity because we all respect our mothers (don't we?) but when you are in stealth mode, sometimes you have to resort to activity which you may not normally condone or practice in order to keep the status quo. Personally, I prefer a little bit of sneaking around than sticking needles into my balls :-(
Parent - By Katie Date 2003-09-13 17:38

> In regards to outwitting your mother - I don't
> normally promote this type of activity because we
> all respect our mothers (don't we?) but when you
> are in stealth mode, sometimes you have to resort
> to activity which you may not normally condone or
> practice in order to keep the status quo.


Rexxlang,

I can say that I lost alot of my respect for my mother when I found out that she had been sneaking around in my room when I wasn't home looking for anything out of the ordinary, especially since as far as I can remember I don't believe that I gave her any reason to suspect me of anything...

But as for the Mail issue fortunately Dianna packages our orders quite discreetly and I was able to get away with my parents finding them in the mail box for a couple of months,
then I got myself a PO Box at the Post office and I was surprised at how little it really cost me,
I believe it was around $28 for six months, and I am definitely the only one with a key to that (besides the Post Office)
and although I only rent the smallest size they have when I get a package instead of having to pick it up at the counter I just find a key to one of the larger boxes lying in my small box and I can pick up my package at any time, which works quite well for me since I am out and about at odd hours anyways...
Parent - - By Katie Date 2003-09-13 17:25

> Disclaimer: You probably shouldn't try this
> yourself, unless you're really desperate. I was
> driven to do this out of a need to suppress my
> testosterone in an irrevocable way. I had been
> taking Evanesce before, but my mother found the
> pills and made me stop, and the testosterone
> returned. If I can destroy my testicles, then no
> one can make my testosterone return like that.


Hap,

While I can understand your wanting to stop Testosterone permanently,
This is not exactly the safest route or the wisest,
But I'm not going to go into all of that since I'm sure that you are already aware of that,

But I will suggest an approach that has worked for me (for the most part) so far...
before I left my parents house the last time my mother would go into my room snooping around through my stuff,
and she found my stash of clothes and took them away and confronted me with them a few days later,
I rufused to dicuss the issue with her so she told me that it was either dicuss it or move out,
Needless to say I chose at that time to move out, But a few years later she approached me about the idea of moving back in to Help them out on money,
We negotiated rent and when I moved back in I immediately put a locking doorknob on my Bedroom door and I keep it locked most of the time,
Primarily to keep her from walking in to take a look around again...
While the idea of me keeping my room locked up was not popular with my parents at first they have grown accustomed to it,
Needless to say I keep my E & F locked in my room and I'm very carefull about disposal of the empty bottles....

What I am trying to say here is perhaps you should consider the idea of a lock, that way there is no chance that your mother could find your stash,
and you could just explain it as wanting your privacy...
Parent - - By happousai Date 2003-09-13 20:36

> she found my stash of clothes and took them away


She found your "stash of clothes" and took them away? I don't understand... Were they girls' clothes?
Parent - - By Katie Date 2003-09-14 13:58
sorry guess I should have been a little more clear there
but yes, they were girls' clothes
Parent - By maryannk Date 2003-09-14 21:36
Katie,

These recent posts from the younger members here
make me reflect on my youthful struggles.  We are
all here for mutal support and knowing the true age
of the poster helps everyone to advise and reflect.

One of the biggest hurdles to surmount is shame.
Shame is dumped on you like a Gatorade Bath when
society catches you doing something out of line with
its moral/gender dictates.  Women are liberated, men
are not.  Women can openly wear mens' clothing..often
with approval.  Caustic and burning shame greets men
who cross the line into femininty.  But one can liberate
oneself and rise above the noise.

"You wear girls' clothing??".... is never far away..can
happen to me at any time despite doing it daily for
20 years.  In developing your femme personna, you
emerge as a person that looks good in female sportswear,
it becomes your image, it becomes expected.  People
need not ask you embarassing questions, when it is
clearly obvious what you are  doing.  When they do,
you must be strong enough to boldly and truthfully
answer them.  You can create your own liberation.
When asked about my pants size.  I answer size 12
and enjoy the puzzled and confused faces.

Sure it is risky...and in other posts i have told you how
I have paid the price.

But I surmise the current issues of most people here
are in the lingerie area instead of outer sportsware.
Yes, one does this in stealth..and it is never a good
idea to advertise this fact.  However when I must visit doctors,
hospitals, X-ray & lab tests, I wear plain white Vanity
Fair lingerie and do some "Outreach and Education".
Hey life is too short to embrace the barbs of shame.

Hugs,

Maryann

Parent - By maryannk Date 2003-09-14 20:46
Katie,

This is Outstanding!..surely a "silent victory" for you.  All  you
young "guys" should be aware that living at home in your 20"s
still entitles you to respect and privacy.  I took a high school
teaching job when I was 25 at the great salary of $7200/yr !!
Impoverished...I returned to living with parents...at the cost
of my mental health.  I taught my kid sister in the adjoining
bedroom!  In 1980 at the age of 31, I finally got my own place...
and by pure coincidence also lost my virginity.

Hugs,

Maryann
Parent - - By may19th2001 Date 2007-09-28 07:37
I am also now 24 just turned 24 did this as well at 18 so I would say wish you the best and wish people would be more supportive of things we do rather than dis us after the fact.
Parent - By Luce Date 2007-09-28 13:32

>  I am also now 24 just turned 24 did this as well
> at 18 so I would say wish you the best and wish
> people would be more supportive of things we do
> rather than dis us after the fact.


Did it work? I'm very curious! I've never heard of this before. (Not that I'm condoning it. Many complications can occur. Severe infection being one of them).

Love,
Luce
Parent - By Luce Date 2007-09-28 13:18

> Three hours ago, I injected 2cc of Vodka (40%
> alcohol) into each testicle in an attempt to kill
> them.


WOW!!! You've really GOT BALLS to do that!! :)

> (along with the air; supposedly, injecting air into
> the body is dangerous and can cause a heart attack)


 
Not so. That's a myth. The oxygen would quickly get absorbed into the bloodstream before it could be dangerous. You'd have to inject way more that a full syringe of air to be an acute problem.

Love,
  Luce
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