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Dead bedroom (self.askMRP)

BrazilRedPill が 投稿

37 years old, lawyer, 3 digits a year ($), tall, good looking, reasonable fit, married for 5 years, daughter 2 years old, alpha for as long as I am aware. English is not my primary language so sorry for any mistakes when writing.

Wife 35 years, big pharma propagandist, makes as much money as me, short, she is a 7, I am an 8.

Problems: Dead bedroom and equal money making.

Before we had a child we used to fuck like rabbits. Since my daughter was born my wife became a bitch. She wanted to give privilege to her family and put my family in second place. In her words, "when the kids come, it is usual that the couple stays a lot more in touch with the mothers family". I fought with that and won shit tests from hell. I had a bad time but won. Sex, however, was almost non existent.

When my daughter was 1 year she had encephalitis. Worst time of my life. Daughter almost died but recovered exceptionally. She is, however, late on talking skills.

I am a very good father. Change diapers, feed, put her to sleep, when wife is not there. Play with kid every day.

Wife has a job that envolves a lot of night activities, like 5 times a month. She has reunions, meetings, dinners, and during that time I stay, alone, with the daughter, providing everything she needs. I don't like these events and do that for the wife and believe I deserve recognition and sex for doing so. Once a year the wife stays out of the country for 10 days and I stay with the daughter. Again, I believe I deserve recognition/sex for that.

The thing is, since the daughter was born, we have sex 2~4 times a month. I would like to have 2~4 times a week.

She makes as much money as me, but acts like if she makes more and is the provider of the house. I had to show her my finances and what I pay in the house in order for her to realize how much money I put inside our house (we don't mix bank accounts). It is clear to me that since she makes as much money as me she feels like she is totally independent. Our house is way better than she could buy by herself, and way better than her colleagues', but she just can't see it. And it is payed; we have no debts at all.

Divorce is hard because I want full contact with my daughter, at least until I feel she is full recovered and has catch up with kids her age.

I have little sex and a wife that feels like she put more money in the house than me; what can I do?

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[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Read the page on briffaults law on the main sub. Your wife doesn't owe you sex for taking care of your daughter or providing for your family. It's 2016 man, women can fuck whoever they want whenever they want. Your job is to become a man women want to fuck. Right now you're not, at least not on your wife's eyes.

Also never say this again...

"I believe I deserve recognition and sex for that"

It's pretty fuckin lame man.

Read the side bar and get your head out of your wife's ass. You sound like you would be sad if she left you tonight, and that has to change.

[–]BrazilRedPill[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thanks. I could fuck a lot of girls if I wanted. I avoid them by being a nice guy, husband and father. I hoped that had value, but I understand now that it doesn't per se.

I will check your reading tips.

[–]KyfhoMyoba 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You should also read up on Dread Game. A woman wants what other women want. Make sure your wife sees other women want you.

[–]redearththeory 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (4子コメント)

believe I deserve recognition and sex for doing so

Sex only comes from being attractive. Recognition only comes from being awesome. The physical act of taking care of your child is something a nanny will do for minimum wage. Be an awesome dad because you own your family and love your kids. Lift, read the sidebar, do the work.

[–]BrazilRedPill[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (3子コメント)

Thanks. That was something I didn't think. Yes, it is a minimum wage job in her head. I fell like it is priceless, because I am the father taking care of my daughter, but I understand now her thinking of it like zero value.

[–]sexyshoulderdevil75% Liquid Sarcasm 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (0子コメント)

It has value. But it's not something you can trade in for sex. You being a great dad will contribute to raising a good daughter. Which is the right thing to do. Linking taking care of your daughter to getting to fuck your wife is no beuno.

[–]redearththeory 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Imagine if your wife was like 170 kgs, had a face like Nick Nolte got her haircut like a man, was always bitching at you, and then was like "You owe me sex because I take care of your kid, come here and get on top of me." And you were like "Ew, no, jesus." That's basically what you're doing to her. The people who told you that she would always be happy to have sex with you because you were married, lied to you.

[–]KyfhoMyoba 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

In point of fact, care giving by her mate is the lowest priority for a woman. (She's better suited for that) Her top priorities are the alpha traits (the genetic ones, as well as the behavioral ones: Outcome independence, dominance) followed by the beta trait, i.e., provisioning. On a side note, when a woman makes 60% or more of the household income (when she starts to out earn her hubby by 50% or more) divorce is an 80% probability - if she can provision herself, what does she need schlubby hubby for? Better to live on her own and go to the club for some alpha cock once a month or so (during ovulation).

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You have a bad case of sunk cost fallacy. You believe that for all you've been through that your wife owes it to you. Your wife on the other hand is indifferent from the trauma. It's in her nature and now you've realized it.

Here's the thing, shit like choreplay (taking care of the house), baby sitting, and providing don't generate tingles. Alpha fucks, beta bucks is real my friend.

So here's what I read when you say this:

37 years old, lawyer, 3 digits a year ($), tall, good looking, reasonable fit

Dad bod who thinks he's the shit because he has a job that's sort of prestigious.

Wife 35 years, big pharma propagandist, makes as much money as me, short, she is a 7, I am an 8. Problems: Dead bedroom and equal money making.

I'm an 8 (really a 6), she's a 7 (really a 5) who works as a pill whore, so she's used to beta-chump-orbiters validating her post wall entitled queen syndrome.

Instead of resting on your laurels, you need to be a man of action. First step, get control of the finances. I don't give a fuck that she makes as much as you, and trust me it's not the real problem. Do you have a retirement plan? Do you pay all the bills? With two six figure incomes you should be well on your way to early retirement. You should be in charge of setting up fuck you money. Don't make partner at your firm? Fuck you, I'm setting up my own firm. She gets fired for not pushing enough blue pills? Fuck you I'll find another job. No matter how much money you both make, you need to be in charge of the future because she won't do it.

Reasonably fit? Fuck you, you're bullshitting yourself if you think that. That's sort of like, a little pregnant. You either are, or you aren't. At 37, you should be shying away from cardio and focusing on lifting heavy. Muscle mass improved testosterone production will help for the coming golden age.

So get out there and become a man she wants to fuck. Lift, read and lead. In the end, someone will fuck you.

[–]FistFullOfBitches 11 ポイント12 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Sex will not come from logic (discussing finances or mortgage costs). Sex will not come from obligation ("I feel I deserve it for chores and taking care of daughter"). Sex will come from attraction to you. You have to become attractive in your behaviour to her. Right now you are trying to plead and argue your way into sex, which is NOT attractive at all. You are creating a "covert contract" - read the sidebar book "No More Mr Nice Guy" for more explanation.

[–]BrazilRedPill[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Thanks for your input in attractive in my behavior to her. I will check.

[–]Aaren_Augustine 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

This should be your first priority. Aside from lifting heavy. Sidebar material is training wheels for MRP newbies; its there to get you back up and running far faster than you can do by yourself

I deserve recognition and sex for doing so.

You deserve nothing. Get that through your head. This has nothing to do with what you think you deserve. That line of thinking is what got you a dead bedroom in the first place.

[–]man_in_the_world 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

during that time I stay, alone, with the daughter, providing everything she needs. I don't like these events and do that for the wife and believe I deserve recognition and sex for doing so.

I stay with the daughter. Again, I believe I deserve recognition/sex for that.

Our house is way better than she could buy by herself ... but she just can't see it.

Welcome to MRP, Mr. BetaBux!

alpha for as long as I am aware.

Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Sorry Mr. BetaBux. You're not alpha and probably never were. But you've come to the right place. MRP can help you help yourself, but you have to do the work.

Read the sidebar, start doing the work, and STFU (Shut The Fuck Up), both to her and to us, about what you think you deserve from your wife until you do.

Get started now, and good luck!

[–]470_2_700_nm 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (2子コメント)

I am very sorry that your daughter had to go through encephalitis and that she is delayed with speech. I have a 5 year old who is just beginning to use words. This is in very start contrast with the other two siblings who are very articulate. Your time with your daughter is invaluable, make sure you cherish and value it. Do what you can to get her into speech therapy as soon as possible. You are a good man.

Now, never mind all that virtue. It means fuck all to your wife. You may think it should, let me tell you BrasilRedPill, you've got it wrong. "If I do this then she will do that to my dick" is a fuckup of epic proportions, and men all over the world engage is this thought process. It's a covert contract, and it's the wrong way to approach your life.

Take 4 months where you dedicate most of your free time to you. Lift, read the MRP sidebar, and look inward.

[–]Doormat_Dad 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

So so so true Listen to all this advice man

[–]KyfhoMyoba 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Desire cannot be negotiated. Your lawyer skills are worthless here.

[–]Tiway22 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do you lift bro? All the money in the world wont mean much to your LTR if you're fat and have no muscles.

Chicks want to bang buff, fun dudes. Just like we want to bang slim, fit, fun chicks.

Be the man she wants to fuck, or she will find another one.

As others have said, you don't "deserve" sex for anything. Really read up on covert contracts, and never negotiate for sex.

[–]nastynickdr 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Until you quit thinking you "deserve this because you did xxx" you are fucked my man. You dont deserve anything, its up to you to GET what you want. Read the sidebar. And get out of her frame. No, you cant make her "see" things. You do you. What you can do is improve yourself, put in the work, read the sidebar and man up. MMSLP is a must read for you.

[–]Doormat_Dad 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

One of the biggest things I have had to learn is "be attractive". It's very hard when you are butt hurt and rationialising -and demanding sex with wife is completely a waste of time. Look after your daughter for yourself -not to trade for sex! Take time and go to the gym. Lift and over time you will get it. Something will change in you. You will become more attractive and confident.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Equal money making equal bills paid.

Fatherhood is not a job to be weighed for sex. It's obligatory. Periof. Do the best job you can.

She doesn't appreciate you because you don't command respect. As in your family gets to see the child too.

Grow a set

[–]BobbyPeru 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Who makes more money doesn't have anything to do with it. My wife makes way more than me currently but I get sex whenever and wherever I want. You have to put in the work though:

Read all of the side bar, lift

[–]JDRoedell 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Do you have hobbies? When she's in town go do your hobbies. Have one or two you do outside the house. Have one you can do at home too ( that way you can get busy at home if you, as your own man, don't feel like leaving the house.). Initiate when she's home. If she denies you, happily go do one of your hobbies.

[–]ReddJive 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

what can I do?

Roll up your sleeves. Stop wringing your hands.

[–]SepeanRed Beret 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

alpha for as long as I am aware

You probably are alpha in the hierarchy of men. But the hierarchy of men is orthogonal to what women find attractive. This is not "leader of the pack" alpha behavior that women seek. Powerful CEOs and politicians are often dead bedroomed while the bottom of the rung minimum wage earner can be very alpha just because he lifts and don't give a fuck about what anyone thinks of him.

Read this and see the video: https://therationalmale.com/2011/10/20/alpha/

That guy is uber alpha. He's got what you don't. I don't know if your wife used sex to hook you until you got hooked by your love for your child, or if you lost your alpha after becoming a father, but you're not getting enough sex because you're not enough like that guy.

This thing we've been told and conditioned ourselves to believe about what being a "real man" is, so much of it is utter bullshit and the opposite of what women want. It's like their shit tests became a meme and we didn't catch the irony.

Stop thinking about money, stop thinking about your role as a father. None of that turns her on.

What you need is to grow a pair of balls and a spine; what we call frame. That, and looking good, will get you sex.

Now hit the sidebar.

[–]DarkAges1 -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Have you read BluePillProfessors book, "Saving a Low Sex Marriage?" You simply must read and follow the book to the letter. It is designed for exactly your situation.

[–]BrazilRedPill[S] 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thanks, I will check his book.

[–]KyfhoMyoba -1 ポイント0 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Once a year the wife stays out of the country for 10 days and I stay with the daughter.

I've said this before, and I'll say it again:

A woman travelling alone is an excuse to have a UN conference in her vagina.

There is a DNA test for panties you can get for about $50. Think about it. your bedroom is dead. That doesn't mean that hers is.