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HUMORHas beauty preferences? Doesn't like you in potentially unsafe and compromising situations alone? ASSHOLE! (scontent.fsnc1-2.fna.fbcdn.net)

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[–]HappyLollie 17 ポイント18 ポイント  (3子コメント)

I love this! I have friends like this because I no longer go out all the time or want to go to clubs with them so my SO must be controlling or not trust me when it's just that we're not 18 anymore clubs now bore me and why would I want to go out with you when all I'll be doing wishing I was at home! They're always the same ones moaning about there's 'no good men' out there too.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (2子コメント)

Agreed lol. Add in the fact when someone says "Want to go out this Friday??" what I actually hear is "Want to be completely exhausted Saturday and wake up with a headache and an empty wallet?" .....no, no thank you.

What kills me in this comic is that it says "can't go to the clubs without him", not "can't go to the clubs end of story"! I mean I wouldn't be opposed to the latter either but the former is SOOO reasonable! Think about what kind of environment that is - one, why bother with the temptation? two, even if you're really not going to be tempted...why risk all the other negative consequences other people can bring on you through no fault of your own simply because you were alone in that kind of an environment? Yeesh.

Honestly I feel nervous when I go out without R. My brother works in a club so we had a heavy streak where we went a lot to see him when he first started, and I would never have gone without him. I don't feel like I can enjoy myself (because I'm worried about the other people taking advantage of me in some way), whereas when he's with my I feel completely safe. A few times we went out with my girlfriends for a "girls night out" (woo!) and R sat in the corner and enjoyed a few beers and kept to himself (which he's completely content doing lol) and my friends and I all danced it up, and I knew I had a guardian if anyone tried any funny business! Plus R is a big guy so if guys tried to dance with us, just gesturing toward him was a really effective repellent haha.

Now it's been a while since we've gone, and I'm okay with it being a long while longer lol...but when we go I always know I'm in for a far better time having him with me! If you don't feel like that about your SO...it's probably not him that's the problem lol.

[–]HappyLollie 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Exactly I enjoy having my SO with me so much more, like you and R he's tagged along a few girls night outs and been happy enough drinking in the corner letting me and the girls enjoy the night also having your own personal bodyguard is great, there's been a few times he's had to step in with some creep that can't seem to understand 'I have a boyfriend, I'm not interested' but once they take a look at J they no longer want an argument plus I get to go home with my man happy! There's also been times I've gone for nights out without him and all he asks is that I call him when I get there and when I'm about to leave and always send pictures of the taxi number plate if I'm getting into one he's more concerned with my safety more than anything else.

Nightclubs in general aren't made for people in relationships they're for single young people to mix and let go of their inhibitions by getting drunk, alcohol and attractive people lead to things that wouldn't ordinarily happen actually happening! I've witnessed it from my own friends too I'll never forget the time I practically had to drag one of my best friends off this guy she was kissing I had to remind her Fiancé you know the one who's at home with the baby and how much she'll regret it if she doesn't stop now, she thanked me the next day for being there and stopping it from going any further and I know she was pretty wasted but damn I still think you own it to your SO if you love and respect him to conduct yourself properly and not making yourself so susceptible to making such irrational decisions.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

all he asks is that I call him when I get there and when I'm about to leave and always send pictures of the taxi number plate if I'm getting into one he's more concerned with my safety more than anything else.

This is such a great idea! Like in general for anyone, I'm completely stealing it.

I'll never forget the time I practically had to drag one of my best friends off this guy she was kissing I had to remind her Fiancé you know the one who's at home with the baby and how much she'll regret it if she doesn't stop now, she thanked me the next day for being there and stopping it from going any further

UGH! See this is what happens when you intoxicate yourself and put yourself in compromising positions!!!!! I'm not even going to demonize your friend because once you're in the environment it's all the right makings to derail anyone. It's kind of like how I say "willpower isn't saying 'no' to the Cheetos in your kitchen cabinet; willpower is saying 'no' to buying the Cheetos." Same thing, you don't resist temptation once you're in the club alone........you don't go to the club alone in the first place.

[–]littleeggwyfEarly 30s, Married, 9 years total 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (1子コメント)

Guy friends, as opposed to acquaintances, are something I would always feel weird about. Friends are people you bond emotionally with and it just seems like a bad idea where cheating is a big risk.

And clubs are where people go to hook up and drink. I used to love to dance, but i'm not going to go alone and most club dancing now seems to be just guys grinding on you. It's not a good sign if you really want that environment if you're with someone.

It's like people don't get that tempting yourself is a bad idea :(

Edit - I realise the above sounds like i expect myself to cheat or something, and nothing could be further from the truth. But if you have a fight with your husband, do you really want a confidante to be someone who might take the opportunity to fuel your resentment and encourage you to get emotionally closer to them? It's just an unnecessary risk, and I think generally having orbiters is bad for a relationship.

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Guy friends, as opposed to acquaintances, are something I would always feel weird about. Friends are people you bond emotionally with and it just seems like a bad idea where cheating is a big risk.

Preaching to the choir, sister. I think there are some exceptions but I wrote this post about why, on the whole, it's not a good idea to engage in that sort of inter-gender dynamic.

I realize the above sounds like i expect myself to cheat or something, and nothing could be further from the truth. I don't think it sounds like that at all. People are not infallible and no matter how many times you say "it would never happen to me", the only way to be sure it never happens is to not introduce the compromising situation in the first place!

But if you have a fight with your husband, do you really want a confidante to be someone who might take the opportunity to fuel your resentment and encourage you to get emotionally closer to them?

This is a huge deal to me when girls do this. I have a friend who is naturally pretty RP and she did confide in another man about some relationship struggles. My other (RP) friend and I called her out - respectfully - and said "hey you don't have to listen to us but here is why you may want to not do what you just did..." and she had this big ol' facepalm "HOLY MOLY YOU GUYS ARE SO CORRECT" type moment. She's a bit younger though so it was an understandable thing she didn't consider, and immediately amended her behaviour and told her SO and apologized for disrespecting their bond, and assured she would never put herself in that kind of situation again. Pretty commendable behaviour IMO, to actually accept when you're in the wrong, learn, apologize without excused, and move on constructively.

It's just an unnecessary risk, and I think generally having orbiters is bad for a relationship.

It is, I think I mentioned it in the post I linked above....but it absolutely cheapens your SO's affection. It's diluting. Don't go there; your SO should be the only source of validation and affection, etc.

[–]HardRockB 4 ポイント5 ポイント  (1子コメント)

I think it's totally fine if your SO has beauty preferences or doesn't want you to out to clubs/parties without him. But YOU have to be okay with that. Accept that these are his preferences.

I have had too many friends who aren't happy with this and complain constantly about how poorly their SO treats them. Either learn to accept your SO for who he is or dump him and find someone more compatible!

[–]BellaScarletta[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I think it's totally fine if your SO has beauty preferences or doesn't want you to out to clubs/parties without him. But YOU have to be okay with that. Accept that these are his preferences.

I wouldn't put those on the same level (not that you're necessarily trying to) because hair length is a genuine preference. Going to clubs/etc has a lot more to do with safety and appropriate behaviour.

But yes that being said, very true. For example, my boyfriend prefers short hair (I literally hate him for it). We've had good natured back-and-forths on it (where I may have used good natured phrases like "THAT MAKES NO SENSE WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU" hahaha). But seriously, he doesn't like long hair.

I've been in the process of growing my hair out for quite a while now, so I'm pouting plenty at the idea of cutting it. But I've had it both ways and neither really means too much to me either way. Even he has told me it's not a huge deal and if my long hair makes me happy to keep it, but now it's in my head that sooner or later I'll have to make a change. What a jerk lol.

I have had too many friends who aren't happy with this and complain constantly about how poorly their SO treats them. Either learn to accept your SO for who he is or dump him and find someone more compatible!

Totally! If that's going to be on your deal-breaker list...go ahead and put it there, just know that you're severely (and for superficial reasons) limiting your dating pool. That's directly counter-productive to everything just described in this thread...but go for it, just don't put it on your man.