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It is over (self.polyamory)

confusedgal1bb が 投稿

I don't know what I was thinking. I just wanted to vent out. I didn't know she was on reddit. She read my post and reacted badly to it. She wanted to talk to me at first and now he called me and told me our relationship has taken an irreparable toll on her and their marriage. He was crying not for me but for her because she is having a breakdown because of some things I wrote in the post.

I am just numb. It is over and now I really have no one.

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[–]IWankYouWonkrelationship anarchist 9 ポイント10 ポイント  (2子コメント)

So you haven't spoken to her? I wouldn't believe a single word he says. Guaranteed he's been caught out in lies, and that's what blew up.

[–]nyvz 0 ポイント1 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Seriously, talk to her, not him.

[–]thedarkestbeer 13 ポイント14 ポイント  (2子コメント)

You didn't do anything wrong by asking for help. If this guy was being up-front and honest with both of you, she wouldn't be surprised by what you said. My guess is that she had no idea that he was telling you he didn't love her anymore. He's doing damage control for his own terrible, hurtful decisions, and I'm so sorry that he took that out on you.

[–]confusedgal1bb[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (1子コメント)

It hurts and it hurts even more that I hurt her. I was so blind to everything. I had him and nothing else mattered. There are so many things I wish I could have done differently

[–]thedarkestbeer 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Aw, love. I get it. You'll do things differently the next time.

[–]emeraldead 7 ポイント8 ポイント  (1子コメント)

You have yourself and an honest open start. I am sure you are devastated but this all but confirms he was not being above the level on the situation. Let yourself grieve and heal honorably.

[–]confusedgal1bb[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Thank you, I can't believe I have been so blind

[–]curiouserpassenger 6 ポイント7 ポイント  (10子コメント)

Honestly, I'm glad to hear this. There were so many unhealthy attitudes, misperceptions about relationships, red flags...I can't even imagine a scenario where that worked out in a way that made you happy.

I really have no one.

That's first thing you have to get over. You don't have a very unreliable boyfriend, but there must be someone you can talk to, a friend, family member, and if not, that should be a TOP priority to make at least one friend by the end of this year.

[–]thedarkestbeer 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (1子コメント)

The year is coming quickly to a close, and it can take time to build the kind of friendships where you can cry on each other's shoulders. At least, take some steps in that direction. Go to a meet-up, ask a friendly acquaintance out to lunch, sign up for a volunteer shift, send a friendly message to someone you went to school with, whatever.

[–]confusedgal1bb[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (0子コメント)

I will try reconnecting to old friends, thank you

[–]confusedgal1bb[S] 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (7子コメント)

Thank you, I have isolated quite a few people with this relationship. After reading some comments, I can understand how wrong I have handled some things and intended or not I have hurt his wife. Thank you for the advice.

[–]curiouserpassenger 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (6子コメント)

Eh, don't beat yourself up. As the "wife" in that dynamic, I would take much more responsibility as part of the established couple. You probably did hurt her FEELINGS, but she's hurt you, too. And please don't bother reaching out to her to confirm the story; if she was a good person she would have already talked to you and worked with you to make you feel alright. Talking to her could well open yourself up to more emotional and verbal abuse.

Reconnecting with old friends is a great idea!

[–]emeraldead 10 ポイント11 ポイント  (1子コメント)

A grieving wife has no obligation to reach out to a mistress, let alone provide comfort.

[–]curiouserpassenger -5 ポイント-4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

No, grieving wives suck.

[–]noseshimself 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

if she was a good person she would have already talked to you and worked with you to make you feel alright.

Why on earth shouid that happen?

[–]confusedgal1bb[S] 1 ポイント2 ポイント  (2子コメント)

She has made a post, a couple actually and I am so ashamed. She didn't even bother to change my name and conveniently left hers out. God I feel so stuck. I am taking off work. I cannot handle her today.

[–]emeraldead 3 ポイント4 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You conveniently left out quite a lot of things from your side as well. Take the day off.

[–]curiouserpassenger 2 ポイント3 ポイント  (0子コメント)

Oh, God, seriously!?! I'm sorry, but try to remove yourself from that petty drama. Please

[–]polytossaway81 5 ポイント6 ポイント  (0子コメント)

You don't have no one... We're all here supporting you and the are far better men in the world than the supposed man you found in him.

Nothing we say will help right now, but we're still here for you. Hang in there... It'll get better. Promise.