I felt I was dying inside, and I didn't understand why. I was 4 years into a committed, monogamous relationship. She seemed very trustworthy. Moral. We talked daily and saw each other daily. I knew some of her flaws, as she knew mine. We accepted them. We were, in middle age, each others greatest loves. Both of us had not dated much, and had been in long marriages previously. But we thought we had both got it right with each other.
So what was wrong? Why did I periodically threaten to leave, and she respond by telling me to get out? And of course the last time she didn't take me back (thankfully). What the heck happened?
It's not complicated at all, but it took a couple years and introspection and therapy to sort it out. I went into the relationship wanting LAS: love, attention, and support. Most of the time all I needed was love, with some attention and support. The proportion of each varied over time, but i definitely needed the love.
Of course, she needed the same things. But she needed more of each, love, attention and support, and she needed them constantly. Unconsciously I felt myself psychologically and emotionally drained, over a few years, but i didn't know why. Obviously, the love, attention and support that i had to supply her on a daily basis was much much greater than i was receiving in return.
As time went by, say, the last two years of our relationship, i was literally receiving nothing. It was my daily job to listen to her vent (i believe the terminology is "be her emotional tampon"), accompany her on her daily parental duties as her partner, and stay out of her way at home, so she could do her work, or rest.
Pretty fucked up, right? She was hot on the outside, but masculine in her personality. I was acting like her woman. The relationship started out completely the opposite, but without me changing much, she flipped the script. I was her doormat. I wouldn't have called myself that at the time
I was dying inside. I was criticized a lot, no surprise there. But this is the thing, the thing that once you realize it you know you've become a pussy prisoner--when you know that if you ask/insist/demand for some love attention and support--she will become angry, and tell you she's busy. Busy.
That is such a simple test: is she too busy for you? This applies for casual dating, and relationships of every commitment level. The whole point of a relationship is some degree of mutual love attention and support. If she's usually too busy, and in my case she was, your soul is going to evaporate and die. You become her unpaid personal assistant.
Worse yet, you pay her to be her personal assistant. I think many men get deceived into becoming personal assistants with a wallet. We're not stupid, but we are naive. We were lured into intense emotional and physical relationships with steamy sex and endless pledges of eternal love. And a couple of years later there is no sex. She's busy. And it is your job to do things for her.
And her job towards you? Nothing silly. After a few years the very idea, the very notion, that she should do something for you, with you, because she wants to, because she wants to spend time with you like she used to, well that is absurd. And if you press the matter and insist that she should be more attentive or supportive or loving, the gates of hell are opened as she unleashes her inner angry child, has a screaming tantrum, and tells you to grow up, be a man, and not be "needy." Ten minutes later she wants some money, and wants you to go with her to the store.
Are all women like that? I haven't met one who wasn't. I can spot them so much faster now. If I get their number and they are too busy on two consecutive occasions, I tell them directly that they will never hear from me again, given how busy they are.
It's fun to take back my masculine power. As you get older, and women lose their estrogen, and become more bitter, they really become a lot more masculine. And a weak man is just helpless as she makes sushi out of him. A man must always retain his power.
Giving up decision making, giving up relationship power to a woman, is like putting a four year old into the drivers seat of semi trailor and hoping she can stay on the road. Not going to end well.
ここには何もないようです